DBZ Short stories
by eggamagga
Summary: Fun, entertaining DBZ fics! Double update! What's with Vegeta latety? And I have a request for bad grammer! I don't own DBZ.
1. Infinity Plus One

                "I will not let you get away with this Cell," The full blooded Saiyan yelled, "You've killed to many innocent people!" 

                "Well, Goku," The villian called, "What are you going to do about it!  I am far better then you, and there is no way you can surpass me! Face it, it's all over!"  The andriod began to laugh, the horrable laugh that comes from confidence and evil.  It pissed Goku off.

                "Ka..."

                "Oh please, I know that you won't be able to hurt me, you're just wasting your energy."

                "Me..."

                "If you are really that urgent for death, I will help you out.  Kame..."

                "ha..."

                "Ha..."

                "Me..."

                "Me..."

                "HA!!!!!"  Both blasts of pure light intersected eachother, crashing and stopping at the others unyielding power. 

                "That's good Goku," Cell remarked," but I've got somathing to show you.  Super-kamehameHA!!!!!"

                "NO!!!" Goku yelled, his blast being overtaken, "I will not let you win!  Mondo-kamehameHA!!!" Cells blast was stopped and pressed back.

                "Gigantic-kamehameHA!!!" Cell retorted.

                "Super-de-duper-kamehameHA!!!!" Goku replied.

                At this point, a brilliant idea crossed Cell's mind, "Kamehameha times infinity!"

                Cell's blast begain to overwhelm Goku, pressing the beam back to the point where it was almost touching him.

                "This is so intense!" Gohan yelled.

                "This is so stupid," Vegeta rolled his eye's.

                Goku struggled against the powerful beam and played his trump card, the only thing he could do, "kamehameha times infinity PLUS ONE!!!!"

                Cell's beam began to retreat, pressed back by Goku's, odly, more powerful blast.

                "But this can't be," Cell yelled, "Nothing is greater then infinity!"

                "Actually, there can be numbers greater."  Continueing with the kameblahblah blast with one hand, Goku pulled out a full sized chalk board with the other, "See here we have infinity, lets call it "X"because you can't really write out infinity. Now, we know that X=X, or itself, but, what if we added one to one side?"  At this point the blast was nearing Cell, and even while he was fighting it off, he still payed close attention to the allgebra lesson. "So we have X=X1.  Now, according to the additive property, X=X1 is equal toX-X=1.  So the X's cancel out, and we are left with just 1, so we can properly conclude, XX1."

                At this point the entire battlefield is silent, save for the two beams colliding.

                "I knew it," Gohan said, bewildered, "My dad's a freaking genius!"

                The blast seconds from overtaking Cell, the monster began to panic, then came up with a brilliant answer, but it was to late.  Many swear that as Cell was detroyed, his voice could be heard echoing off the canyons, "Infinity times infinity....."

                Vegeta stood on the field alone.  Cell was gone, and Kakarrot and his friend's had left.  He was staring at the spot Kakarrot and Cell had there final showdown. 

                "I don't believe it, he has surpassed me in every way now.  First it was in strength, then it was in the transformations to super-saiyan. Now, in algebra..." 


	2. Vegeta VS Bowflex

Saiyans surviving on earth.  
  
Vegeta's bowflex  
  
The final punch was thrown, and Vegeta left the gravity room in a huff. "No matter how much I train it never seems to be enough," he thought, "Kakarrot is always one step ahead of me, I need an edge that will defeat him."  
  
The saiyan prince grabbed some chicken out of the fridge (enough to settle his saiyan appatiet) and flicked on the TV while he rested between training sessions.  
  
"Oh but johny, I'll miss you." "Nah," He responded and changed the channel.  
  
"Opps, did I do that?" NO!  
  
"ABCDEFG" ARRGGGGG  
  
"This machine is designed to give you absolute strength." Huh?  
  
Vegeta suddenly paid rapt attention to the screen, even to a point, that he didn't think about the chicken for two whole seconds. "That's right, Bowflew is the worlds most perfect training apparatice, and will take you to the next level of fitness. All you have to do is spend twenty minutes a day, three times a week and you will get any results you want."  
  
Vegeta let out an evil grin.  
  
Three weeks later, it arrived. After a small comotion about the assembly (Vegeta almost blew it to hell) The bowflex stood ready. With it's back rods and padding, grey matalic surface shining, Vegeta stood proud over his new toy. "well, here it goes, this will most likely be the toughest training session of my life if it works."  
  
He spent a few minutes stretching and warming up, staring at the machine the whole time. It sat there taunting him, daring him to try it. Vegeta felt himself break into a cold sweat. This thing looked like it was going to kill him, it was mocking him, he could hear its small voice talking to him, placing missgivings in his mind, "Look at the proud prince, he is no match for me, I will kill the small man."  
  
Vegeta stopped warming up and stared at the machine, fear crowding it's way onto every feature of his face. Sweat dripped down his face, his heart rate increased, and his breathing grew ragged. "This is it, he thought, I am going to die! There is no escape, there is..."  
  
"Hey Vegeta," Bulma nearly scared the shit out of him. "Ooooo, a Bowflex! I've heard about these, but I've never tryed one, do you mind?"  
  
Before he could stop his beloved from getting on the murderous machine, Bulma sat down and grabbed the two handles and pulled.  
  
"Nooooooooo!!!!" Vegeta yelled, jumping foreward to save his wife.  
  
Bulma pulled back on the handles... then let then down again in a controled manner, pulled them again, curled her arms, then put the handles down.  
  
"Not bad," she said, "but it seems a bit sissyfied." She walked out of the room.  
  
Vegeta felt the vien in his forehead pop out, he was furious! This damn machine!!!!!! I'll blast it too hell!!!!!!!!  
  
*outside the room*  
There was a loud yell and the tell tale signs of a powerup, and light started flashing from under the door.  
  
"Mom," Trunks started, "Whats wrong with Dad?"  
  
"I don't know, Trunks, I think he's just working out and giving that machine all he has." 


	3. Goten defeats the most vile villian

"Hold my hand, Goten." Chichi ordered.  
  
The young Chibi did as he was told with inner protest that he was not a little kid anymore. After all, just last month he was half responsable for stalling Majin Buu long enough for Gohan to arrive, but he kept his mouth silent, for it was unwise to anger his mother. This would have been easier then usual, because the wife of Goku was now having to look after THREE hungry saiyans.  
  
Chichi grabbed a cart and looked down on it in discust. With a relativly small cart it would take several loads for the shopping to be done. Goten surpressed a smile at the thought of his mother cooking up enough food for a small village, then having to wash the dishes while yelling at Goku to help, and telling Gohan to get to his studies. As for Goten himself? He got to go out and play. Ah, youth had major advantages.  
  
They made thier first stop at the deli. Chichi looked at the line, sighed and walked up to a strang device, which she took something out of. She moved on, but Goten remained by the small device. "Please take a ticket" it read.  
  
Goten looked around to see who the thing was talking to. He was the only one around. So he climbed up on the counter and grabbed a ticket. After clambering back down, he saw printed in bold numbers, "39".  
  
"That's strange," he thought, casting a curious lok at the machine. He saw it was still telling him to take a ticket. Again, making sure it was he to whom the machine spoke, he clambered up and pulled out a new one. "40".  
  
Behind the transfixed chibi, Chichi began her order and the temporarily shocked clerks scrambled around to complete the large order. They didn't even notice Goten.  
  
He obeyed the machine once more and pulled out another number, "41", and started to get angry with the machine.  
  
"So this is your game, pull innocent people in and make them take tickets the rest of there lives. I cannot allow this, you Evil Ticket Machine of Doom!"  
  
With this though Goten transformed into the legendary warrior of the saiyan race and, with his hands to fast to see, began pulling out tickets by the fist full. However, no one paid any attention to the crazed kid as several forklifts came out with meat to comply with Chichi's order.  
  
"You have to run out of numbers at some point you villian!" He though, shoving the tickets into his orange gi, "I will take them all from you, and you will never make innocents suffer! Your crime spree is over!"  
  
"Goten!" His mother called, not even looking at her son, "Let's go, the king wants his food."  
  
Goten discretly shoved the last handfull of tickets into his gi, which was full of the numbers.  
  
They walked away (Chichi commenting something about him filling out his clothes to much and diet) as the pimply faced teenager called over the intercom, "#39?"  
  
"#39" one women complained, "I have number 7594!"  
  
"I'm sorry ma'am, but I have to serve everyone else first. Number 39?" 


	4. Juice

Vegeta's eyes shot open as he awoke. He sat up and noticed a bump in the bed beside him.  
  
"Woman!" He yelled at the lump, "I'm hungry and demand juice for breakfast."  
  
The lump, which was very articulate for a lump, responded in word's that would send this fic's ratings through the roof.  
  
Whoa, The Prince thought, she's in one heck of a mood, better not push it.  
  
The lump finished it's run and ended it with something to the affect of, "make it yourself."  
  
"Fine, I will," Vegeta stormed out and into the kitchen.  
  
He looked around the large cooking area, trying to find a start for his breakfast. He had no idea what he was doing. The saiyan prince had never cooked in his life. He spotted some round orange fruits in a ceiling basket and took them down. He then proceeded to stare at them for several minutes. He probed at it with his ki, nothing. He punched near it and made some threatening gestures, still nothing.  
  
"At least I know it's not alive," Vegeta concluded.  
  
He picked up a...thing, and turned it around. There was a small, green, protrution in the skin.  
  
This must be a stopper to keep the juice in, he thought.  
  
Digging his finger nails in he plucked out the green plug and upended the fruit over a glass. Nothing happened.  
  
He stared into the hole that he had created. No juice, just some weird meaty substance that made his fingers sticky. He discarded this fruit, it was obviously a dud.  
  
He picked up another one. Maybe these things were like eggs, the real stuff held in the inside. He ripped it open. A little juice got on his hands, but not in the glass.  
  
He set this one down and thought it over. I had to apply slight pressure in order to open it, and that got me some juice. Maybe if I squeeze it...  
  
Picking up another of the strange, juice hording things, Vegeta held it in his palm, and using Saiyan, intense gravity trained muscles, squeezed the fruit with all he had.  
  
Juice flew everywhere.  
  
Vegeta stood there for a full minute, eye's closed in discust, sticky juice dripping down his skin and soaking into his clothes. The only sound was the splattering of falled juice. The mangled fruit was crunched in his hand, allowing the last, few, pathetic drops to fall into the near empty glass.  
  
There was a pop of displaced air and Goku appeared in the kitchen. He stared at Vegeta, wondering why the prince was soaked and not moving. Goku took a carefull step.  
  
"Uh.. Vege-whoa!" The Saiyan stepped in the middle of a puddle and fell on his back.  
  
"Whoa, Vegeta," He said, "What happened? It smells like orange juice in here. As a matter of fact.. yum! It is Orange juice! Ya know, this reminds me of a time Goten and I..."  
  
The prince had still not moved, but the babbling Third class warrior got to him, and it was one more thing then he could stand.  
  
He lanched himself at Kakarrot, "DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!"  
  
After Goku was beaten to a pulp and sent packing, (He he he) Vegeta looked at the small amount of juice collected in the glass. Good enough, he sneared.  
  
Now, the Prince wanted omlets. He pulled out several eggs and studied them.  
  
Now which ones have cheeze and which ones have vegetables. 


	5. Gohan Sees Videl

Gohan meets Videl  
  
Gohan sat down at Orange Star high and laid eye's upon his Future wife, his first reaction went something like this:  
  
She was perfect. Almost. She had hair the color of Videl Satans hair, and it looked just like hers too! It fell down to her shoulders, reminding me of snakes tounges, although it wasn't red. And it didn't slide into her head and stick back out again making a "hissing" noise, like a broken down car.  
  
She had wide eye's, like the eye's on cartoon submerien parascopes, the white of the eye's criss-crossed with veins like a city map with red lights, although not traffic lights, because they turn green. and no one honked horns inside her eye's. They were the color of Picoloo's gi after it really needed to be washed.  
  
He nose was like a nail shoved into a wall to hang a painting, but with the painting taken down, so it was just.. there.  
  
Her mouth opened into the obiss of Hell where demons cringed at the sound of her voice. They beg to be released, but she clamps down on them with teeth the color of mucuse covered pearls.  
  
Her body was lith and flexable like a willow in a hurrican, and she moved with all the grace of a gut shot cow.  
  
Her breasts were like two...large..sacks of fat attatched to her chest.  
  
Her hands were a delicate kind, the kind that moved through the air quickly, as they were now....  
  
...Huh?  
  
The hand connected to Gohans cheek and he fell back off his chair.  
  
"Why are you staring at me, you pervert!"  
  
"Uhh, I was just noticing you eye's, which remind me of....."  
  
Oh, boy. It's a wonder Gohan got her in the end. (Anyone else currious why I haven't had a girlfriend in years?) But the smooth talking always works.  
  
Don't worry, I like Videl, I think she's cool, and I'm not a Videl hater. I just needed an easy target with Gohan, and, well, there she is!  
  
Hey, I know most people like the longer stories, but how do you guy's like these short comidies? Review and let me know! I'd like to hear from all of you! 


	6. The Other Hand

Gohans other arm  
  
"HA!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Gohan released the famous kamehameha attack at Cell, only having one arm available to him, but still holding the monster at bay. The powerful beams collided and formed a gigantic sphere of pure power that could destroy the planet.  
  
"Gohan!" The dead boy's father called out, "Use all your power, destroy this beast and don't worry about the planet, it can be revived!"  
  
"Gohan!" Cell yelled, "I can feel you slipping boy, you're not as powerful as you once thought! I will desrtoy the planet and it will all be you're fault!"  
  
Gohan struggled as Cells beam grew more powerfull, pushing his back.  
  
"Damn it! I'm all out of power!" Gohan yelled, breaking the sacred oath never to swear in English. (He he)  
  
Cell smirked, "This is the end for you all!"  
  
Gohan looked up and then let out a smirk of his own, "Got ya!"  
  
"What?!?"  
  
"Hey Cell! What do you think of this!" The beam was pressed towards Cell, stopping within inches of him. "Hey! How about this!" Gohan lifted his other arm.  
  
"What! That arm is out of comission! How can you use it?"  
  
"Jackass," He said, "Do you really think you could hurt my arm? If it is so damaged, how come I can do this?"  
  
Gohan promptly gave Cell the middle finger.  
  
"You insulant fool!" Cell yelled out.  
  
"Oh, oh! I know!" Using the light from the two beams, Gohan made his spare hands shadow itno a doggy. Cell looked confused. "Not familiar with dogs huh? How 'bout this one?" The Eiffil tower apeard on the ground. "No huh? Okay. How bout this one?" The shadow turned into a very good impression of Vegeta.  
  
"Wow," Vegeta said, "He's good!"  
  
"Oh Oh!! I know! Here's a good one!" The shadow turned into a being with a rediculously large head, and a very small, scawney, body.  
  
"Who's that?" Cell asked, even though he was on the verge of death.  
  
"It's Cell!!!" Gohan exclaimed.  
  
"Gohan! Get serious!" A voice floated down from the heavens.  
  
"Yes mom." Gohan said, looking slightly abashed.  
  
"Hey!" and indignant Goku yelled, "I'm the one who's supposed to motivate him!"  
  
"Goku! You'd better shut up! Just for that, when you come back to Earth, you will have no food for a year!"  
  
"Yes, chichi. Geez, with her around, I might not want to come back to Earth after all." (THAT explains his desition later on.)  
  
"Umm, Guy's?" Gohan asked, "Can I finish him off know, we're both kinda bored here."  
  
"Sure Gohan," They both said.  
  
The rest is history.  
  
On a side note. PLEASE READ  
  
Mail  
  
Welcome earthlings. I am the Prince of all Saiyans, Vegeta. To keep my woman from gripping to me, I am doing a civil service to you all. If you send me e-mails, I will choose to answer some. My e-mail is reality@gwi.net If you have any pathetic questions, ask them.  
  
I want to do something different. Send me some e-mails, ask away! Let's see where this goes! Even if you just ask what I had for breakfast, I don't care! "Vegeta" will answer all the ones he deams worthy. I will try to do one a week, and if you don't want to e-mail, just review, and I'll answer those, too 


	7. Why he smirks

"This is it, Kakkarrot! You are now mine!"  
  
"Vegeta! Don't!" Begged a beaten Kakkarrot, "I've saved everyone so many times, I've done so much!"  
  
"And you will do one more thing!" Vegeta yelled, "Die!"  
  
With that, The Prince of all Saiyans blasted the third class warrior into oblivion.  
  
"Hahahahahahahahahahaha!" Vegeta laughed, enjoying the victory in the fullest.  
  
"Hey, Vegeta! What's up!" An oblivious Mr. Satan said, walking through the mist.  
  
"This!" Vegeta disintergrated the "World Champ".  
  
"Buu's friend!" The fat monster yelled, "What you do to friend!"  
  
"Same thing I'm going to do to you fat boy!" Bang! Fat Buu is gone!  
  
"And you!" Vegeta continued, blasting Cell.  
  
"You, too!" He fired a beam that consumed Freiza.  
  
"I'll enjoy this most of all!" He yelled out as he vaporized George W Bush.  
  
"Picacho this!" Picacho is sent to the next dimention.  
  
"I don't know the way to Seasame Street, but I know the way to Hell!" Big bird, Earnie, and Oscar are caught in the next beam.  
  
Bulma walked into her lab late at night and looked down on the sleeping form. Vegeta was snug under the blankets and had a smirk on his face.  
  
"That guy, so cute when he's asleep." Bulma thought, "And that smile! I wonder what he's dreaming of that makes him smile so."  
  
Ahh, Vegeta, My favorite Charature. Don't forget to send Vegeta e- mails at Reality@gwi.net! He will answer a few chosen one's each week, so make them creative! 


	8. Starbucks, eat your heart out!

Caffinated!  
  
Chichi awoke to the sound of the boys scavaging for breakfast in the kitchen. She hadn't slept very well, and the noise wasn't helping. She wasn't mad at the boy's, but she was going to need a little help this morning. She dawned a bathrobe and moved into the small kitchen where three saiyans sat, stuffing themselves with food that wasn't even cooked.  
  
"Morning mom!" Gohan and Goten chimed simutanously.  
  
"Morning sunshine!" Goku exclaimed to his wife.  
  
"mrnin gys" She mumbled, then took out a large can and scooped some coffee out. The machine pipped while the saiyans watched. The Chichi poared a hot cup of the cafe and sipped it absently.  
  
"Umm," Goku started, "What's that deer?"  
  
"It's called coffee dear, it's gives me energy enough to deal with you guys."  
  
At this she left the room.  
  
The saiyans stayed, staring transfixed at the large can she had scooped the black poweder out of.  
  
"Hey, Gohan! I dare you to eat some!" Goku nudged his son and pointed at the grounds.  
  
"Sure! I'll let you know what it's like!"  
  
The foolish Saiyan grabbed a handful then shoved it in his mouth.  
  
"It's a tad bitter, but other then that, not bad!" Gohan reported.  
  
"Really! Let me have some!" Goku grabbed a handful of his own, and Goten snuck in his own.  
  
"What are you morrons doing?" A gravily voice stated from the doorway.  
  
"Oh hey Vegeta!" Goku called to him, "We're trying this stuff that Chichi has, it's really not bad, you should try some!"  
  
Determined that Kakkarrot should not have pleasure that he shouldn't, Vegeta grabbed his own handfull and sucked it down.  
  
"That stuff is bitter then hell!" He yelled, "Yet, I want more!"  
  
At this, the saiyans began to scarf down the coffee grinds, each one swallowing handfuls at a time.  
  
Goku sat back and liked his fingers of the remains. "Not bad, I don't feel the energy boost Chichi was talking about, but it still t..."  
  
At this point, all four males around the table sat bolt upright. On every face, one eye shot open while the other closed slightly, four mouths hung open, lips still sealed.  
  
"Ireallydon'tseewhatthebigdealisdoyouGohan?Thiscoffeestuffisjustabitterpowde r!HeyVegeta,let'sgospar!ican'trememberthelasttimewespared,Ithinkitwillbefun! "  
  
"Hey,Goten!" Gohan said trailing his words after his fathers, "Let'sgowatch,I'llevenraceyouthere!"  
  
With that, four Saiyans climbed jerkingly to there feet and speed walked to the door. All four tryed to fit through at once and the unfortunate wall gave out on either side.  
  
They flew to there favorite sparring place at speeds that were faster then even a super saiyan could go and all stood on the ground, twitching.  
  
Goku started things off by assuming a spazing combat stance.  
  
"kame-kame-kame-kame-kame-kame-kame-kame-kame-" He stuttered, "ha-ha- ha-ha-ha-ha" His voice emerged as a laugh, even though it finished off Gotens famous attack.  
  
The beam shot straight towards Vegeta, then took a sharp left, followed by a right, a small loop de loop, then split up into five beams that smashed into a mountain.  
  
Vegeta unnessesarily dodged and held his arms in front of him, "F-f-f- f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-finallllll Flahssssssshhhhhhhh!"  
  
The blast shot out about five feet, then nose dived into the ground.  
  
All four saiyans laughed and all stopped, as if on cue, and sighed.  
  
"I wish we had some more coffee," Goku said.  
  
At once the sky turned dark and Shenron appeared. "Sure!" He said, and bags of coffee appeared around the saiyans.  
  
*The Lookout*  
  
"Uh-oh!" Dende said.  
  
*Back to the caffine force!*  
  
The saiyans eye's were all large, even for an anime! Gotens were twitching, and he held onto the last bag, growling as anyone came to close, shoving fistfulls into his mouth.  
  
This lasted for hours, the saiayns obliterating the island they were on, and continuing to fight, laugh, yell, and make bets who could blast the most fish out of the water.  
  
Then it happened.  
  
Gohan got hit a second before the others. He hadn't been this tired since fighting Cell. He just managed to find a place to land before the caffine crash hit him head on. The others landed beside him and fell down into a stupper.  
  
Suddenly a bag of coffee beans appeared beside Vegeta's head.  
  
"Are you nuts!" Picollo yelled at Dende, who had a bag of popcorn and a lounge chair set up at the end of the lokout.  
  
"What! They didn't tear up the planet to bad! And I'm not done with the popcorn yet!"  
  
"Well, fine. I'll allow you this as long as you share the popcorn."  
  
"Deal!"  
  
Back down there.  
  
"Hey, Kakarrot," Vegeta said, "Ready for round two!"  
  
"You bet!" he said, grabbing another fist full of coffee.  
  
Hehe, saiyans on caffine. My type of action!  
  
Don't forget to write Vegeta with questions! Reality@gwi.net. Ask anything you want! 


	9. The Worst Villian Yet!

Goku walked with a purpose as he went through the other world. He was looking left and right for his target, and to make matters worse, his target was suppressing his ki. The only warning he got was a blur of movement from his left. A knee smashed into his stomach and he doubled over.  
  
"Kakkarot! Where is your head today! I could have taken it clear off!" Vegeta yelled at the other Saiyan., "Are you training or daydreaming!"  
  
"Sorry Vegeta," Goku said, standing up tentively, holding his stomach, "I've just got a strange feeling."  
  
"That is pain I caused to your frontal abdominal wall, it generally happens when..."  
  
"Geeze, Vegeta, give me a little credit! I'm talking about something else entirely."  
  
At this point they were joined up by King Kia, and his ever faithful monkey, Bubbles.  
  
"Hey Boys," he said, oblivious to Goku's pain, "How's the training going today?"  
  
"In my eye's it's going wonderful," Vegeta replied with a smirk, "For Kakkarrot, the same cannot be said."  
  
"Hey King Kia?" The second Saiyan asked, "Do you think you could scan the area? I have a strange feeling."  
  
King Kia looked at Goku holding his stomach, "That would be pain to your frontal abdominal wall, it generally.."  
  
For the first time in his afterlife, Vegeta had to place his hands over his mouth to keep from laughing.  
  
"Geeze!" Goku said, "Cut me a break! I know my stomach is in pain!"  
  
King Kia waved Goku off and, smiling to himself, waggled his antenna's around. "Well, you're right, I'm seeing something coming towards us at a far faster rate then it's ki signature would suggest. Maybe it's a bug on wheels!"  
  
The over seer of the western portion of the universe laughed himself silly over his... um... joke. The two Saiyans exchanged glances, Goku's saying, "You'll get used to it," and Vegeta's saying, "You really spent a year with this clown?"  
  
After his chuckles died down, he looked around to see he was alone. Bubbles was eating a Banana, and the two Saiyans had walked off.  
"How the hell could you have stayed a full year seeing nobody other then him, a monkey, and a grasshopper?" Vegeta remarked.  
  
"He's really not so bad, his singing sucks but you..."  
  
"Shhh, Kakkarot! Over there, you see it?"  
  
Something was moving towards them, fast. It didn't have a ki signature.  
  
"That must be it! Okay, Kakkarot! Let's see what he's doing."  
  
Vegeta was answered by the creature powering up and throwing a ki blast at the two. They dodged and flew down to met the adversary. Vegeta stopped short.  
  
"What the...?"  
  
"It's Mr. Peanut!" Goku exclaimed. (A/N: Oh yea, I don't own Mr. Peanut either.) And the nut was dead, he had a halo.  
  
Mr. Peanut fired another blast that sent the Saiyans scurrying. Goku flew down and traded punches with the nut. At length, he was injured to the point of not being able to punch.  
  
"That Saiyan is mine to destroy!" Vegeta yelled and joined in the fight. He to was thrown to the ground.  
  
Mr. Peanut stood above the two warriors and laughed at there misfortune to have stumbled upon the death nut. He charged up a powerful blast and held it above his head, waiting. Waiting. Waiting.  
  
Finally he looked down and yelled out, "Yo! Dude! This is your cue!"  
  
Piccolo looked up from his card game, noticed the situation, and flew at Mr. Peanut, who pretended not to notice the Namekian. Piccolo then kicked Mr. Peanut in the face and sent him, with his blast flying. He figured this would buy him five or ten minutes while the nut collected himself, and gave the others a sensu bean.  
  
"I'll put it on your tab," Piccolo said as the boy's came to.  
  
"Piccolo! What are you doing here! You're not dead!"  
  
"Well!" Piccolo shouted, "It's tradition that I save your asses when ever you take on powerful opponents or crazy nuts, and I'd think you'd be a little more gracious then that! Now just accept that I am somehow here, and be done with it! See, I'm even in the script!" He then proceeded to pull out his copy of the script and showed it to Goku and Vegeta.  
  
"I'll be damned, he is!" Vegeta said, then took a closer look, "Wait! That was typed in by you! I can see the white out! What the... YOU TYPED OVER MY DEATH SPEECH YOU BASTERD! HOW DARE YOU!!"  
  
"So Piccolo's not supposed to be here?" Goku asked.  
  
"No." Vegeta's response was curt.  
  
At this point, the Heroic author removed Piccolo, because he was not in the original script. Piccolo vanished in a puff of smoke, yelling something about a cruel world.  
  
"Let's do this again, I'll fight him, and then I'll kill him!" Goku yelled out.  
  
Vegeta smacked his forehead and muttered something to do with incompetence.  
  
"Kakkarot! He's already dead!"  
  
"Oh yea, well lets get him anyway!" Goku was beaten in one punch. (hehe)  
  
"Alright Kakkarot! It's time I show you how it's done!" Vegeta began to yell and transformed into a Super Saiyan, then an Ascended Saiyan, Then to a super Saiyan three. At this point, he REALLY began changing to fast to follow, so lets just wait until the end result.  
  
"Ahem," Vegeta again.  
  
Oh, I see, you're already done.  
  
Vegeta stood with his muscles bulging out beneath his spandex, his eye's were red, and his tail was back, but his most impressive feature was his hair.  
  
"Vegeta!" Goku said between laughs, "You look like a damn clown!"  
  
It's true, Vegeta's hair was like a rainbow. All different colors in neat lines from front to back.  
  
"Shut up, Kakkarot!" He yelled, "This is my super Saiyan 5,418,124,875,484 form, a lot stronger then your Super Saiyan 3!" He absent mindedly blew Mr. Peanut into smithereens. (I've often wondered, what is a smithereen?)  
  
"Oh! That's cool Vegeta! Hey! I just realized! YOU actually got to be stronger then me and defeat the bad guy!"  
  
"Of course Kakkarot, I've held my power in check for years, waiting for the right opportunity. And for Brad to be in charge of the keyboard of course."  
  
"Oh, you know, that Peanut thing sure made my hungry! Do you think we could eat!"  
  
They flew off to find King Kia serving lunch. "Hey boy's! I just finished lunch! Today, it's peanut butter sandwiches!" 


	10. The Saiyan Bachelor

The Saiyan Bachelor  
  
"Welcome to the show folks. We come back to Goku, who is about to meet 25 bachelorettes. These women have passed vigorous tests to have a chance to become his wife." The announcer turned to Goku and held the mike in front of his face, "Now Goku, what do you do for a living?"  
  
"I like to fight really strong guys!" Goku responded with a big, goofy, grin.  
  
The announcer looked at the camera, covered up his mike, and asked, "That's really a job?" The camera man shrugged and gestured for him to continue.  
  
"We'll continue this interview later Goku, right now it's time for you to meet the Bachelorettes. Here they are!"  
  
The first one walked up, a lingerie model from Japan. She greeted him, was slightly confused when he answered, "How are you?" with "Starving!"  
  
After that, it was a blur. Super models, dancers, fashion models. Each more lovely then the next. They all were a perfect match for the young Saiyan, each time they walked away to be replaced, he stared in surprise.  
  
The girls all met inside the bachelor pad, commenting on his naiveté and muscles, all while placing chemicals in there hair and on there face.  
  
"Now Goku," The announcer said, "It's time to meet the final Bacheloret."  
  
The final woman stepped out of the limo. A little on the plump side, she had a rather homely appearance and was decked out in jeans and a red socks t-shirt. She looked around, spotted the Saiyan in a tux, and figured he must be the one she was meeting.  
  
"Hey," She said, "You must be Goku."  
  
"Yea," The Warrior said, a little taken aback. She was a little more... to the point then the other girls, "So, uhh..."  
  
"Sam."  
  
"Sam, what do you do for a living?"  
  
"I'm a Gourmet short order chef."  
  
At this point, Goku's eye became the size of small dinner plates and assumed the shape of hearts. "You... cook? Fast?"  
  
"Yea, that's right."  
  
"Okay! I've made my decision!" Goku yelled out, picking up Sam, who really didn't even notice, and started to fly away with her.  
  
"Hey! Wait!" The announcer yelled, "You need to go through the process! What about the millions of dollars we put into this!"  
  
"Well, there is really no need to continue, she's a cook man! A cook!" He flew off.  
  
"Well, that's one for the records. A reality show that lasted fifteen minutes! Wait! What am I doing! There are twenty four other women desperate for a guy in there! Well, that'sitforthisone,seeyounexttime!"  
  
Short, stupid, but I wanted to make fun of these reality dating shows going around. Sorry for not updating as much. My account got froze because "Vegeta's E-mail" was too "Interactive." But I'm back, and I might continue Vegeta's E-mail on line somewhere. I'll right later! 


	11. Lazy Trunks

Vegeta walked out of the gravity room, drenched in sweat and covered with a new plethora of scratches. He was hungry as only a Saiyan could be, so he trekked off towards the kitchen.  
  
He walked into a war zone.  
  
Dirty dishes were strewn all about. An entire raw egg was smashed on the counter. Newspaper was crumpled up and discarded on the floor. The kitchen was a mess.  
  
"Bulma!" He yelled out, actually calling her name in his shock.  
  
"What! I was just about to... Holy Shit!" She surveyed the kitchen.  
  
"Before you say a thing," Vegeta started, "I didn't make half this mess and it's the brats job to clean the kitchen up."  
  
"Ohhhh! That Trunks! He never does his chores, he never studies, all he does is play all day! That boy needs to learn some friggin' responsibility!"  
  
"Trunks!" Vegeta yelled out, "get in here right now!"  
  
The boy entered the kitchen and looked up at his parents.  
  
"Look at this mess! It's your responsibility to clean this up! So why haven't you!" Bulma yelled at her son.  
  
Trunks giggled.  
  
"Insolent brat!" Vegeta yelled, "We do everything around here! We clean up after you! Wash you! Even feed you!" Trunks began to wander off, "Oh no you don't! You come in here! You're first punishment is to clean this up! No complaints, no stalling!"  
  
Trunks didn't seem to care as he ignored his parents.  
  
"TRUNKS! Look at me when I'm speaking to you!" Bulma screeched.  
  
"What's all the commotion?" Mrs. Briefs said as she walk into the room.  
  
"It's high time the boy was disciplined for his laziness!" Vegeta yelled, "He needs to help us around the house!"  
  
"Oh I don't know what these two are talking about," She coeded at Trunks. With that, she picked up the infant and walked out of the room.  
  
Just a short one, I wanted to put this one up for a while, I just love the imagery of Vegeta and Bulma yelling at Trunks when he's only a couple months old! Please be kind, and Rewind... Uh... Review! 


	12. Perfection?

"I swear Vegeta, allow me to achieve my perfect form and I will test the limits of your abilities!" Cell pleaded with the Saiyan.  
  
"You've managed to intrest me, Cell. Go ahead and absorb your android. I will wait for you." The Prince stood and crossed his arms in an impatient manner.  
  
"Vegeta, you truly are a gentleman." Cell said and flew off.  
  
"Father!" Trunks yelled, "What do think you've done! He'll turn into a horrible monster beyond compare! He will become such a power that has never been seen before!"  
  
Vegeta looked at his future son and promptly told him to be quite in a not so polite way. (Curse these PG ratings.)  
  
Vegeta looked over to see Cell absorbing 18 and began his transformation.  
  
The sky turned black. Lightning crossed the sky and the earth rumbled. Tidal waves crashed against the rocks and trees were torn up from their roots.  
  
"Father! What have you done! He'll kill us all!"  
  
Vegeta ignored his only son and watched as the transformation neared completion. He could barley see Cell through the bright light, but he was waiting, waiting for the new horror to arrive.  
  
Cell laughed, feeling his new power course through his veins. "Ha ha ha ha ha! Vegeta you fool, now you are a dead man. I am whole! I am complete! I am perfect! I am..."  
  
"Six inches tall." Vegeta finished.  
  
Cell looked up at the two Saiyans to discover he wasn't much taller then their boots.  
  
"What the hell happened!" Cell yelled in his high pitched, tiny voice, "I'm puny!" Suddenly horror struck his miniature face, "Curse that computer! It must have compressed my data for my ultimate form!"  
  
"This is obsurde!" Vegeta yelled, then turned to Trunks, "And you were so worried."  
  
"Hey! I didn't know he was going to end up like this!"  
  
"Curse you Vegeta!" The mini Cell yelled, "I kill you any way!"  
  
Cell fired an energy ball that turned out to be the size of a marble.  
  
"This is pathetic!" Vegeta said, "I refuse to kill such a figure. It's not worth my time."  
  
With that, Vegeta and Trunks left.  
  
What of our dear Cell? You can find him for $13.95 at Walmart, in the toy section.

(Originally I wanted to have you click on a link to a Cell doll toy, but they wouldn't let me.)


	13. Vegeta Vs Goku

Today on Judge Judy: 32 year old Prince Vegeta is suing 28-year-old Goku for assault, and theft. He is suing for $3000.00 and the "right to be the strongest in the universe?" What the hell? Can you sue for that? I mean, could I sue for the right to be the best looking in the universe?  
  
"Get on with it!" Judge Judy yelled.  
  
Right, Sorry. Goku is counter suing for damages to the Earth, and assault. He is also suing for $3000.00. He claims all he did, was save the Earth.  
  
"All rise," The guard guy said as The Judge entered the courtroom. Goku and Veg-  
  
"Hey!" Vegeta yelled, "How come you listed him first! I am the Prince of our race! That demands that I be written down first!"  
  
Okay. Sorry. Vegeta and Goku both wore business suits and carrying Briefcases. Both Saiyans looked uncomfortable in the artier, but stood straight and without complaint.  
  
"Alright," Judge J. said as she sat down on her raised dais, "what's going on here. Mr. Vegeta?"  
  
"That's Prince Vegeta, if you don't mind. But here's my story. I came to Earth in search of the dragonballs-"  
  
At this point, several people snickered, having no idea what a dragonball really was, but it all stopped when Judge Judy slammed a frying pan down on the podium.  
  
"Continue Prince Vegeta," She said.  
  
"Well...then...uh... where did you get that frying pan?"  
  
"Oh, my old friend Chichi gave it to me. It makes a much louder noise then my Gavel."  
  
Vegeta and Goku exchanged glances of distress then Vegeta continued.  
  
"-And when I landed I was with my good friend Nappa. We started our search when we met up with a few guys' who threatened us and told us they were going to destroy us! Naturally, we had to fight back. It was a long fight, and Kakarot en... Oh yea, Kakarot's that guy's real name. He lied to you about that, just for the record."  
  
Goku was about to protest when Judge Judy picked up the frying pan, just to look at it, but Goku was so scared at the sight of it, he shut up.  
  
"Let the record show Kakarot lied about his name," she said in a bored monotone, "Continue."  
  
"Then Kakarot entered the fight and he beat the snot out of my best friend Nappa," At this point a tear escaped Vegeta, and he wiped it away with a glove free hand, "He was so badly torn up I had to end it for him to stop his suffering." Several audience members were holding back tears and blowing their noses, "Then that man assaulted ME! He even ganged up on me and brought in several of his friends! I barley managed to escape alive."  
  
"Mr... Sorry...Prince Vegeta, where is the theft charge you mentioned?"  
  
"Oh sorry," Vegeta then turned around and showed the courtroom his ass, "He stole my tail! The bastard cut it off!"  
  
Judge Judy had covered her eyes with one hand and slammed the frying pan with the other. "Mr. Vegeta!" The threat of the frying pan kept the Prince from protesting the title, "In my court room you will not display any portion of your body that is not already showing through a natural suit coverage, and you will watch your language!" Vegeta pulled up his pants and scowled. "Now, Kakarot, what is your side of the story?"  
  
Goku had his briefcase open and had his face hidden behind the open part.  
  
"Mr. Kakarot?" (A/N: Mr. Kakarot... That just sounds weird), "KAKAROT!"  
  
"Wha..." Goku sat bolt upright. He had some red gel around his mouth and a sleepy expression on his face.  
  
"What the hell were you doing?" Judge Judy asked.  
  
Before Goku could reply, Vegeta did it for him, "He's got a pillow and some Jelly sandwiches in there. Ohh! Plus a game boy advance!"  
  
"Sorry," Goku said, "It was getting really boring after you pulled out that frying pan, and I was hungry. And eating makes me sleepy so..."  
  
"Mr. Kakarot please began your story."  
  
"My story?"  
  
"Yes. What happened?"  
  
"What happened with what?"  
  
"Dammit you idiot! He said you assaulted him and killed his friend! What do you have to say about it!"  
  
"Well, you see I didn't much like him..."  
  
"That's it! You killed his friend and beat him up just because you don't like him!"  
  
"Wha? No no. You see, his brother came by and tried to kidnap my son..."  
  
"Objection! He was taking him out to a ballgame!" Vegeta yelled. (This can be seen as true; Raditz placed him inside a ball shaped space pod, and might have told him the game was to get out of it.)  
  
"Observed. Mr. Kakarot, much more of this lying and I'll have you removed."  
  
Goku was in open mouth shock at this, but continued.  
  
"Well, I killed my brother..." (A/N: Boy is Goku screwed)  
  
"WHAT!" Judge Judy yelled, deafening the two Saiyans and everyone else within a three-mile radius, "You killed him! This is not looking good for you Kakarot! Continue, and this had better be good!"  
  
Goku loosened his tie and took of his jacket. Sweat stains already marked his armpits, and a huge anime sweat drop fell down his temple. Suddenly the sweat drop fell off his temple and onto the table. The microphone shorted out and the floor got covered with 1/2" of water. (It was a big sweat drop!)  
  
"Kakarot!" The Judge yelled, "One more mistake like that and I will remove you! Now, do either of you have any witnesses?"  
  
Both Saiyans nodded.  
  
"Bring them in."  
  
Nappa came in sporting a halo followed by Raditz, Piccolo (Halo-less) and Yhamcha (Same condition as the aforementioned Piccolo.)  
  
Nappa sat down in the witness chair and was sworn in.  
  
"Nappa," Vegeta said, "Is it true that that...green...thing...shot you in the back?"  
  
"Yes, I was simply minding my own business when I was shot square in the back by him!"  
  
"And is it true that Kakarot beat you up so badly I had to put you out of your misery!?"  
  
Nappa paused on this one, and gave Vegeta a slight quizzical look. "Oh! That makes sense! All along I thought you had killed me becau-"  
  
"Answer the question, Nappa," Vegeta cut him off.  
  
"Yea, he beat me pretty good," Nappa said, cowering a little at the violence in the prince's voice.  
  
Next was Raditz.  
  
"So Raditz," Vegeta started, trying his best to be "Chummy", "Please explain to the court what Kakarot did to you."  
  
"I was playing a ball game with him (Vegeta gave him a hidden thumbs up,) when he came onto the field and attacked me with his little green dude there. They ganged up on me and even let his son fight! At the end he held me down and had his green bean shot me."  
  
Raditz stepped down and Piccolo took the stand.  
  
"Hey Piccolo!" Goku started, "what's up?"  
  
"Not much Goku, just hanging around, meditating. Ya know, the usual."  
  
"How's the training? Still using the tri form technique?"  
  
"Oh yea! You should see me use it several times! I can make a whole army of Piccolos'!"  
  
"Oh cool! Do you think-"  
  
"Mr. Kakarot, you're supposed to be questioning him."  
  
"What do you think I'm doing? Are you planning on going to New Namek soon? I think...."  
  
This continued for half an hour, much to the distress of the stenographer.  
  
Yhamcha replaced Piccolo. After a quick explanation to Goku, Goku realized he was asking the wrong type of questions.  
  
"So Yhamcha, what is your involvement in this?"  
  
"I was minding my own business and was suddenly attacked by that man," he pointed to Nappa with his left arm. Yhamcha was speaking in staccato and glancing down at his arm every few seconds.  
  
"Mr. Weakling," Judge Judy looked down at her paper to make sure she got the name right, "huh," she said, "how ironic. Anyway, what is on your arm?"  
  
"Oh! It's what I was told to say, but I'm not supposed to tell Judge Judy that, because she... Wait. What's your name again?"  
  
"Judge Judy."  
  
"Crap. Sorry Goku, I guess I goofed." He got up and left.  
  
The recess ensued, and then Judge Judy came back out.  
  
"Mr. Kakarot, do you have anything to say in your defense?"  
  
"Yea! A vote for Goku is a vote for democracy!"  
  
"Mr. Vegeta?"  
  
"I have no more words, I just have one more thing to show you."  
  
At this point an entire circus came in. Jugglers, clowns, stilt-walkers, Gymnasts, and a whole plethora of others.  
  
"What the hell does this have to do with your case, Mr. Vegeta?"  
  
"Nothing, these guy's aren't mine."  
  
A frantic guard ran through the double doors and pointed at the circus freaks.  
  
"Yo! Guy's! Sorry, I got the rooms mixed up; you guys belong next door. Sorry!"  
  
The circus people left and a few minutes later the guinu force entered, followed by Cell, Frieza, Buu, Dr. Gero, and a hundred other people. All with halos and all killed by Goku.  
  
"Mr. Vegeta, I thought you said the circus was not supposed to be yours."  
  
Several villains, dictators, and would be universe conquerors all threw death glares at Judge Judy.  
  
"All these... thing's... were killed by Kakarot. They all were simply minding there own business and he killed them!"  
  
"Mr. Kakarot. In light of this new evidence and the old evidence, I herby find you..." She pulled a coin and flipped it..."Guilty."  
  
"YES!" Vegeta yelled! I am the strongest in the universe! And I'm $3000 richer!" (Even though he's married to the richest woman in the world.)  
  
"Oh well," Goku said, "So Vegeta! Are we still on for sparring on Friday?"  
  
"Sure, I'll be there at three."  
  
Everyone left the courtroom, leaving the villains alone.  
  
"So," Frieza said, "Have we been forgotten?"  
  
"We could always go out for a drink!" Cell suggested, "Maybe I'll get a girl for the night!"  
  
"Me Too!" Fat Buu said.  
  
No one responded, they all just looked at each other and sweat dropped. 


	14. Seven Little Ghosts

Seven Little Ghosts.  
  
We all know the story of Buu vs. Vegetto. Buu could not lay a hand on the Saiyan pair so he spat out ten ghosts to do his dirty work for him. After they all fired a kamehameha wave at him, three managed to get out in front and fired a Gallic gun (Which really was a mesenko ha). The result was a huge explosion. Lets assume those three in front were destroyed in the explosion. What happened to the other seven?

The fight between Buu and Vegetto was dramatic, and in the end, only Buu remained as he absorbed the Saiyan. He yelled and celebrated for a few hours, then left the battlefield in search of food. Seven ghosts remained behind, watching the spectacle and wondering what to do. When Buu left they realized they were on their own.  
  
"Aw crap," One said to the other seven, "Now that the big us has left, what are we supposed to do?"  
  
"What do you mean, "Aw crap"? If he had told us to blow up, we would be dead right now! Now we are free to do whatever we want! Let's Boogie!" Yelled six.  
  
"Yea!" Four chimed in, "Let's go where there is sand, women and beer!"  
  
"This will be awesome!" Six responded, "A life of leisure!"  
  
"Let's do it!" Six and four slapped hands together. Seconds later, Six and four were no longer with us.  
  
"That was stupid," Seven growled, "Alright, new rule! Don't touch each other, especially me!"  
  
"Ewww," Three said, "why would I want to touch you?"  
  
"He probably is diseased!" Two said.  
  
"Well, I don't know about you four, but I'm heading over there!" One said.  
  
"What's over there?" Seven asked.  
  
"Away from you guys," he said and flew off.  
  
All the ghosts split up and went there own ways.  
  
Ghost One  
  
This ghost was the caring type. He loved to look at the trees and watch the rivers. He decided to head south to see the woods and streams. As he floated over a riverbank, a squirrel hoped next to him and ate a nut. The squirrel was so cute; number one reached down and patted his head. Good-bye Number one and little squirrel.  
  
Number Two  
  
Number two loved the nightlife. He headed east and ended up in New York City. He was over whelmed at all the lights, shows and people all around him. He was very careful not to touch any body or lean on any buildings, so he remained intact. He was just entering Central Square when a boozer bumped into him from behind. "Sorry Ma'am," the drunk started, "Didn't see..." So long Number Two. (Boozer survived, funimation laws do not permit killing.)  
  
Number Three  
  
Number Three was looking for love. He registered himself in a dating service, and met several young, attractive, beautiful girls of whom he couldn't choose from. Finally one came along that put the rest far behind. They grew on each other, and then they decided to wed. The wedding went fine until the ring ceremony. The second he picked up the ring, he remembered that he couldn't touch anything. Scratch number Three. (Pastor, bride and ring bearer singed and surprised, not killed.)  
  
Number Five  
  
Number Five was the cautious type. He floated high above the land, not wanting to touch anything so that he could continue to live. But as he floated over cities, he looked at all the people and his heart (Or whatever serves as a heart in ghosts) began to ache for contact with others, but he could not risk the touch of doom! Finally he spotted a sign store that sold any sign you could think of. He floated in and asked where the "Do not touch" signs were kept. He was directed out back and found just the right one. He picked it up to put it on. See ya Five. (Store pretty beat up, store keeper alive.)  
  
Number Seven  
  
Number Seven was smart. He started in business and soon became Donald Trump's right hand man. He had a life on luxury and riches, several servants and friends in high and rich places. One day, Hercule Satan came over for a business lunch. As he left, he slapped Number Seven on the shoulder. "You truly are a great business man, why I'm sure..." Fare well, Number Seven. (Palace damaged, servants surprised, Hercule died.) (Oh come on! You expect me to let that phony jerk live!)  
  
Lello77: I thought about your little fact about Kakarot, and it occurred to me that he didn't really kill Buu either, all the people of earth did. The only one I can think of him killing is Yhacon in Babadi's ship. Even that ones debatable because all he did was raise his power. But it gave me something to think on, thanks! 


	15. You've Got Mail

                Vegeta yawned as he left the gravity chamber.  It was two in the morning and he had to be up at four o'clock this morning.  To train. 

                He still wasn't that tired, so he stopped at the computer room and rolled up the small chair to check his e-mail. 

                "You've got mail!"

                Vegeta jumped up in surprised and ducked behind the chair.

                "What the hell did you just say?"  He asked the suddenly speaking computer.  The machine did not respond, so he sat back down and wearily touched the mouse.  Nothing exploded, nothing attacked him, so he settled into the chair and opened up his mail.

                Small note from Kakarot.  Was supposed to be sent to Uub, it's content contained something about pies and frogs.  Vegeta forwarded it and continued down the list.

                Weather from The Weather Channel website.  Tonight:  Freakish lightning storms and howling winds. (Cue suspenseful music.)

                The last one turned out to be from his wife, telling him that she had gotten a new program for the computer.  "Dear Veggie, (Vegeta clicked down, erased this, then inserted "Prince Vegeta") I put AOL on our computer, so if you hear a voice talking to you don't freak out.  (Considering he had to hear the voice to read this e-mail, he considered this the stupidest warning ever.) AOL recently updated their program to Version 9.0, so I got it.  To put it in terms you would understand, it's like a Super Saiyan nine. (Even though it does not exist.)  Faster and better in every way.  Please clean up after yourself tonight and remember to put up the seat this time! -Bulma."

                Like a Super Saiyan Nine?  Something out there existed that could be equal to a Super Saiyan nine?  Vegeta was suddenly no longer tired.  He saw a little yellow thing that slightly resembled a man running in the corner.  Ever since the Buu crises, where the world had been destroyed, the Hyperbolic Time Chamber had been reset, so he had another two years he could spend in there.  Vegeta got up from the computer, (Leaving it on of course) and left for the look out.  Seconds later he came back and wrote a quick e-mail to Bulma telling where he was.  (She would tell her mother not to cook for him if he didn't, then Bulma would cook for him instead. He had made that mistake once.  Never again.

                After waking up the Nameks and.. whatever the heck Mr. Popo is, he was granted admittance into the chamber.

                Meanwhile, back at the Briefs house...

                Lightning was flashing through the sky, blasting down to the ground in a destructive show of force.  It loomed closer to Bulma's house, and since it was the biggest building in West City, it acted like a natural lightning rod.  The first bolt struck and the power coursed through the building.

                One room was dimly lit, a computer screen was on, and a mail program was running.  The power coursed through the wires that fed this computer power, and the small man in the corner stopped running.  His 2-dimentional form looked around, and then looked out of the screen, his form appeared to grow larger as he walked towards the glass.

                "Oh, my!" Mrs. Briefs said as she walked into the room.  Randomly.  At two AM in the morning.  For no reason what so ever.  On with the story! "Vegeta must have left his computer on!" 

                She hit the switch and didn't see the small yellow form try to hold the darkness off by brute strength, then get trapped in the computer as it finished it's shut down sequence.  (Huh.. Mrs. Briefs saved the day!)

                Two day's later a familiar form emerged from the Hyperbol... I really don't feel like writing out that whole ridiculously long name, so I'm just going to call it "The Chamber" (Besides, that sounds SO much cooler.)  (Not the villain Cooler, the verb.)

                Vegeta's clothes were torn and his armor had cracks running through it.  He had grown far more muscular and his ki had risen dramatically.   He smiled to himself as he flew off the lookout.  He had done it, he was sure he was stronger then that Version 9.0 thingy.  He would show it who was boss.

                He flew home and turned his computer on.  He saw the yellow thing sitting in a corner, looking bored.  Vegeta took this as dejection and laughed at the pitiful collection of pixels.

                "Hahahaha!  I have beaten you!  You may be a Version 9.0, but I am a Super Saiyan 9.0. I mean, super Saiyan 9!"

                The yellow figure looked up at him, listened to what he was saying, then jumped out of the screen.  When he landed beside Vegeta, he was five feet tall, but still a two dimensional figure. 

                "Who the hell are you?  Why did you jump out of my computer?  Well, answer me!"  Vegeta Yelled at the human shaped thing.

                The thing took out a piece of printer paper and wrote on it, "I don't have a mouth you moron," in perfect Times New Roman font. 

                "Oh." Vegeta said, not quite sure what to say, "Hey, you don't have ears either, so how can you hear me? Or eyes!  How can you see where I am?"

                "Just go with it," He wrote on the back of the last piece of paper.

                "Okay, so why are you here?"  He asked.

                The figure didn't write anything down, he simply punched Vegeta through the walls to the outside.

                "I guess that answers my question," Vegeta said, rubbing his jaw.

                The Saiyan Prince stood up and powered up to his new form, Super Saiyan nine!  His hair was reddish orange and his eye's were also red.  The power was enough to shake the ground around him and shatter several windows around him.

                The yellow thing flew out of Capsule Corp. at him and Vegeta threw a ka blast at him.  The thing responded by knocking the blast aside and landing.  He held up the two stubs that were his arms and suddenly a voice was heard.

                "You've got mail!"  A huge blast shaped like an open envelope fired out of the things hand and smashed into Vegeta.  He fell back and responded with his own blast.

                "Final Flash!"  The blast knocked the man back and he returned with a sucker punch.

                The battle continued, then as suddenly as it began, it stopped.  The yellow thing stopped fighting, and suddenly started to glow.  A second later, it stopped, and then wrote down several "hahahaha!"'s on a piece of paper.

                "What are laughing about!" Vegeta asked.

                "I've been upgraded.  I get them every three hours or so.  I am now Version 10.0!" It wrote back. 

                "What! How is this possible!  It took everything I had to become a Super Saiyan Nine, and you get upgraded for free!!!"

                It started to write, then stopped to shake it's pen, then wrote a little more, then stopped, glared at it's pen, then gestured to Vegeta.

                "Pen run out of ink?" He asked, completely calm.

                The yellow thing nodded, then pointed at Vegeta, who gestured to his spandex.

                "Do I LOOK like I have a pen on me?"

                The yellow thing gestured again, and Vegeta put his hand over his eyes in a stress like way.

                "That is NOT a pen, I would think you could see that."  (Hehe)

                The yellow thing shrugged and jumped at Vegeta.  Within seconds, Vegeta found himself on his hands and knee's struggling to stand up.  This new AOL thing was a lot faster; He couldn't believe the power he felt from those blows. 

                "You've got mail!"

                "NOOOOOO!" Vegeta yelled, the blast slamming him in the back and sending him flying.

                At this point Kakarot showed up. 

                "Well, Vegeta.  Since you failed, it's my turn to be the hero!"

                "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Vegeta yelled, "I refuse to let this clown take all the glory once more, this is my fight!!!!   I'll just have to change the script."

                Vegeta pulled out his laptop, and everyone stood around waiting while it booted up.

                "Dude!" Kakarot said, pointing, "You've got a dell!"

                "Shut up." He responded.

                His laptop pinged and said, "You've got mail."

                "You too!" He yelled at the inanimate object.

                After yelling at the two inanimate objects (Kakarot lovers send flames from all four corners of the globe) Vegeta opened up the script to the Fan fiction, which he apparently stole off of my computer and placed it on his.  Man, that guy on the street told me the firewall would stop anything.  Geez, if I ever get my hands on him I'll...

                "AHEM!"  Vegeta uhhh... I think exclaimed would be the proper word.

                Anyway.

                After deleting Kakarot, Vegeta then pulled up his mail, just to see who wrote to him.  It turned out to Piccolo trying to send an e-mail for the first time in his life.  Not pretty.

                Vegeta looked up at his opponent, the yellow thing, (That is what this fic is about anyway) he noticed Yellow was acting strange.  He was running in place. 

                "Hmmmm," Vegeta said.

                He minimalized the screen with his mail, and Yellow shrunk down to the size of a G.I. Joe.

                "You mean I went through all that training, all that fighting, all that struggle, and all I had to do was log on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  Vegeta was irate.

                "No you moron! I'm mad!"  He yelled at me.

                He pulled up the e-mail again and clicked "Uninstall".  Yellow disappeared.

                "Well Brad," He yelled up at me, "You've had some stupid fics with very anti-climactic endings, but this one takes the cake! This was horrible! Uninstalling the greatest foe!  Come on!  And it took you fifteen pages to do it in!  If you are going to write a stupid story, don't waste so much time doing it!"

                Vegeta disappeared.

                On the lookout

                "Wow!" Piccolo yelled, "There was a virus on my computer named "Vegeta" and I deleted it! I wonder if it has any relation to our little Prince down there..."

                Wow, this really was a long stupid one.  Oh well, I'm at work right now and bored, so that's what you get.  Besides I haven't written in decades!  So I had to post something.


	16. The Ox King

And so the greatest Fan fiction in the universe was suddenly interrupted when the Ox King stormed into my room and beat me up. He sat down in the ridiculously small chair and started typing.  
  
"All right guys and gals. It's time you started giving me some credit. Sure I blumber around and don't really do anything during this series, but hey! My wife gave birth to Chichi, and I had to raise the little hell demon! Now without Chichi, Gohan and Goten would never have been born, and Cell would rule the universe. Or Majin Buu, Either one.  
  
"Now I demand respect from you guy's. Because without me, you would have to write endless stories about all these people being dead. Now, as your king, I demand a palace, food, a parade held in my honor, food, several dancing girls, food, and a big screen TV.  
  
"What the... I JUST LOOKED UP MY NAME AND FOUND THREE STORIES ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS MY NEXT DEMAND!!! WRITE STORIES ABOUT YOUR KING!!!! Three, humph! I bet Goku has like two million and Vegeta must have billions by now, but I only get three!  
  
"Ya know, I'm tired of always being pushed around. I have to deal with Chichi all the time! That agonizing woman is so hard to put up with, and then all these other people come in and order me around as well! Well that does it! I'm never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever going back on the show. FUNamation and all those other people can do what they want! I'm never going back!"  
  
For the first five seconds, everyone is silent, and then, the entire world breaks out in cheers and clapping. Instantly, a replacement was brought on for him and DBZ ratings climbed sky high. 


	17. At The Fair

Saiyans at the fair  
  
"All right you guy's, have fun and don't forget to meet us all back at the entrance at five," Bulma said to the men, "We'll be at the floral shop if you need us."  
  
With this, Chichi, Bulma, 18, and Videl all left the men to the state fair.  
  
"This is absurd," Vegeta commented, walking down the row of games.  
  
"How do you think I feel," Piccolo responded. In order to hide his heritage, he had once again dawned Kakarots clothes.  
  
"Oh yea," Vegeta said, looking back at the Namek, "Forgot about that, sucks to be you."  
  
"Goku," Piccolo asked, "when was the last time you washed these! They smell like rotten food!"  
  
"On you, who'd notice," Krillian smirked. Piccolo was about to give Krillian the "Glare Of Death" but Kakarot interrupted.  
  
"What's wrong with smelling like food?" Kakarot asked, looking back.  
  
"Daddy!" Goten called up, "Trunks and me are going to go on the rides!"  
  
"Goten!" Kakarot spun around and glared at his son, "What have I told you about saying 'Dutadu and ME?'"  
  
"Never say it in front of mom," Goten said, looking down at his feet.  
  
"That's right, and she's like, two miles away from here! She might hear you with those weird selective ears of hers!"  
  
"You're to soft Kakarot," Vegeta said, "Just tell your harpy to shut up if she ever yells at you."  
  
Suddenly, Bulma's voice floated down from the heavens, "Vegeta! I heard that! You just wait until we get home! You'll be sorry!"  
  
Vegeta cowered, "Yes dear."  
  
"You were saying?" Kakarot asked with an amused grin.  
  
"Shut up, Kakarot!" Vegeta said between clenched teeth.  
  
After walking around for an hour the two adult Saiyans, one human, and the one Namek got bored of just walking around and decided to try out some of the games.  
  
Piccolo walked over to a large line and got in the back. He figured if so many people were in line, it must be good. The person in front of him turned around, and seeing his green face, the unfortunate man fled for his life. This progressed on down the line and suddenly Piccolo found himself in front.  
  
"All right fo...." The ticket guy trailed off when he turned around to find only Piccolo, "Where'd they go? Oh well, you sure you want to go on this? You look a little green."  
  
Piccolo grumbled something about an old joke wearing thin and shoved past the man. He sat down in the car and waited for it to move. It started out moving up a hill at a slow pace.  
  
This is what I got in line for? This is so cheap. Humans must be really stupid to be thrilled by this. The car leveled out and for a second and Piccolo looked around and decided the ride must be for the view it provided. Then it started to descend.  
  
The car built up speed and Piccolo started to look around frantically.  
  
"What's happening? This is supposed to be a scenic ride! Why is this going so fast! OH NO!!! It must be broken! AHHHHHH!!"  
  
The car continued to build up speed, and the faster it went, the higher Piccolo's yell became.  
  
"Holy Kami!" Vegeta yelled, covering his ears, "That girl is screaming loud enough to make me deaf!"  
  
"No kidding!" Kakarot said back, "It sounds like an opera singer on helium!"  
  
The noise intensified in both pitch and volume, and just when it seemed that every eardrum might burst, it went up three octaves and faded away.  
  
"What happened?" Vegeta asked, taking his hands away from his ears cautiously.  
  
"I don't know," Kakarot responded, then noticed a dog next to him acting weird.  
  
It was rolling around on the ground in agony, trying desperately to either cover his ears or rip them off. In fact, all the dogs were reacting this way.  
  
"That's weird," Kakarot said, "Hey Vegeta, that scream sounded like it became to high to hear rather then it fading away."  
  
Piccolo stepped of the Roller Coaster a bit frazzled. His antennae were sticking straight out in odd directions, and his left eye was twitching. His skin was now a very light green. He didn't seem to be seeing anything as he walked out of the station, and collapsed face first on the pavement.  
  
Krillian walked down the rows of rides and games and looked up at a huge ride that took the riders around in a huge circle and then flipped them upside down. He hopped in line and waited nearly a half hour to get to the front, where a pimply teenager stopped him.  
  
"I'm sorry sir, but you can't get on this ride unless your head reaches Smily's hand." he said, gesturing to the fairs cardboard mascot.  
  
Krillian walked over and tried to stretch out his short frame to reach the hand, but in the end, floated up a few inches to meet the hand.  
  
"Hey! Nice try, you're just flying up. I'm sorry sir, but you'll just have to go on the kiddy rides." The oblivious teen said.  
  
Krillian made a rude noise and walked over to the Merry go round.  
  
Vegeta walked around with his arms folded across his chest. He had dumped Kakarot at a cotton candy stand and was now walking around glaring at everything and everybody. This was not his idea of fun.  
  
He noticed a large man grabbing a huge hammer and stopped to check it out, hoping it would be a fight. But alas, he only smacked a stand with it, and sent a small projectile up a board towards a bell. It fell back down towards the ground before it hit.  
  
Vegeta snickered to himself at the pathetic display of strength.  
  
The man paid the ticket holder again and Vegeta noticed a pretty woman standing near by.  
  
Must be trying to impress her, Vegeta thought.  
  
The man tried again and failed, and Vegeta chuckled.  
  
The man glanced at Vegeta, and paid the ticket holder again. Once more, he didn't come close.  
  
Vegeta laughed out loud this time and the man whirled around to face Vegeta.  
  
"Oh and I'm sure you could do better?!" He yelled.  
  
"Of course," Vegeta said calmly. He walked over and grabbed the hammer. With a tap, the projectile rocketed up and smashed the bell into a million pieces. Vegeta gave his famous smirk and walked off.  
  
"He didn't pay for his ticket," The ticket holder said to himself.  
  
Kakarot walked around bored out of his mind. He had ridden some rides, played and won some games, and wanted to test out his strength on a bell thingy, but it had been demolished by some mystery strong man.  
  
So he was bored.  
  
He stopped when he caught a word he recognized out of the corner of his eye.  
  
"Food"  
  
"Excuse me little girl," Kakarot asked an eight year old, "What does that sign say?"  
  
"Boy, you must be dumb. It says, "Eating contest. How much food can you eat? 2pm."  
  
"Eating CONTEST!!!" He yelled, deafening the girl, "I knew this planet was great!"  
  
He ran into the area and took a seat at the table. Oh by the way dear readers, it's only 10:38am.  
  
Three hours later, Kakarot still had a huge grin on his face as several others began to come in and sit down. Other gathered around and made bets on the contest.  
  
Kakarot got a plate set in front of him and he whined at it small proportions.  
  
"Excuse me!" He yelled, waving his hands to get the servers attention, "I am seriously going to need more food then this."  
  
Other snorted about showing off, but the waiter brought him a second serving.  
  
"Alright gentlemen!" The announcer called, (The same one at the World Martial Arts Tournament) "You have ten minutes to eat all the food you can. You will be eliminated if you give up, puke, pass out, or cannot eat anymore. The food of choice today is hamburgers. Each bowl has twenty of them, so that's how we'll keep count. All right? On your mark, get set, go!"  
  
Kakarot finished his first bowl before five seconds could pass. He started on the second and the waiter scrambled around to try to keep up with his demand. At one point the unfortunate server did not withdraw his hand in time and was bitten for being mistaken for a hamburger.  
  
The other eaters didn't eat a bite. They started at Kakarot in shock the whole time.  
  
It was discusting. Food flew everywhere and other eaters and spectators alike were soon covered. One eater passed out at the sight and was promptly disqualified.  
  
At three minutes, twenty-one seconds, all of the food was gone, even the other contestants share. Kakarot looked around and started to munch on the servers hand again in desperation to win. The waiter yanked his hand back and ran away screaming.  
  
The announcer was stunned but recovered fast enough. "Will the judges tally up the total? Ah here we are! Boy this was a close one folks! With 564,513,218 burgers we have Goku!"  
  
Kakarot jumped up and down, "I win! I win!"  
  
"Hold it their Goku," the announcer said, "I didn't say you won. Actually, this other guy with 564,513,219 burgers won. Let's give it up for Mirai Trunks!!"  
  
"WHAT!!" Kakarot yelled looking down the line, just noticing the lavender haired boy.  
  
"It's not my fault I can eat faster without making a mess!" He yelled.  
  
"But you didn't even come into the fair with us! Why are you in this Fan fic!?"  
  
"Because I'm every girls fantasy! I have to make my appearances somehow!"  
  
Gohan had been given the task of watching after the two boys, Trunks and Goten.  
  
This had proven to be a very difficult task, because while he chased after one of the kids, the other would run off. Soon, completely confused, Gohan grabbed the two boys and placed one under each arm and stormed down the path.  
  
"I can't believe you two!" He scolded, "Now, I want you two to behave and stay right by my side!"  
  
"Okay sir, but can I ask my mommy first?"  
  
Gohan looked down to see that he did not in fact have the right kids. Both looked scared and one was sniffling after being yelled at by a pissed off Saiyan.  
  
"Damn!" He yelled, (FUNimation covers there ears and shouts in dismay) "Where did those two go!"  
  
"Hey get back here! You have to pay for that!"  
  
"Well, that makes it easier." Gohan ran in the direction of the voice and saw two kids running away at full tilt with armloads full of cotton candy. Goten and Trunks sped off and jumped a fence with their stolen double-processed, refined, bleached, colored, pure sugar. (Please tell me I don't have to explain what is going to happen)  
  
"Kami!" Gohan muttered, "Those two will have enough sugar to keep them going for weeks!" He looked around desperately, seeking reinforcements from the other Z-warriors, but he couldn't see any of them.  
  
He leaped over the fence and yelled, "Got ya!" But only managed to grab hold of two empty cotton candy bags. Uh oh, it's too late!  
  
Screams were heard from the south, so Gohan ran in that direction. It turned out to be a haunted house that the people were screaming at. Gohan blasted it.  
  
He suddenly felt a strong ki so he ran over to see the boys at a game booth holding off the security guards with water guns that were used in the game. Both were foaming at the mouth and had spazing limbs.  
  
Gohan ran in but was promptly squirted with a dual blast of water. Gohan hated to get wet; water was dripping down his face and plastered his hair to his scalp. He gave the boys a death glare he had learned from Piccolo and the two boys realized they were in trouble. Quickly abandoning the water guns, they jumped back and performed a fast paced version of the fusion dance.  
  
"Trunks, Goten, you know I'm stronger then you both in my mystic form, even when you're a super Saiyan three, so just drop the act and come hope with me." Gohan wasn't worried at this, the boy's had tried to beat him like this before, and he had happily beaten them into the ground.  
  
"But I'm not a Super Saiyan three," the duel voice of Gotenks came out of the light that resulted from the fusion dance, "I am a Cotton Candy Saiyan Three!"  
  
Gotenks was reveled and Gohan saw that Gotenks was indeed not a Super Saiyan Three. His hair has as long as a SS3's, but it was a light pink, and the aura that surrounded him was pink and had rounded edges like a cloud. (In other words, it looked like a transparent thing of Cotton Candy) His eyes were large and bloodshot. (Hey! If DBZ can make up new levels of SS whenever it suits their needs, so can I!)  
  
Gotenks ran towards Gohan and knocked him down. When Gohan got up, the fused being was nowhere to be seen.  
  
"Where are they!" He yelled, pushing through the crowd, then stopped. All these people had just witnessed two kids becoming one, that new kid moving faster then light, and a new level of super Saiyan. Seeing a man fly would probably not have that much of an effect on them. He took off in the air to search for the kids.  
  
"Ahhhh!" A woman yelled, "We just witnessed two kids becoming one, that new kid moving faster then the speed of light and a new level of Super Saiyan, and we all remained perfectly calm, but this guy flying is really freaking me out!" The crowd scattered.  
  
"Humans!" Gohan threw out the word like a swear and flew after the boys.  
  
Gotenks went on the rampage, leaving empty bags of cotton candy in his wake. All the people fled the fair except for the operator of the Farris wheel, thinking it was just a lull in the action and the customers would return.  
  
Gohan, Kakarot, Vegeta, Piccolo and Krillian all met up and decided they would have to take out Gotenks rather then wait out the thirty minutes, because it would be so much cooler this way. They all powered up and launched at the hyper kid.  
  
Gotenks responded to this by launching out his super ghost attack. Ten white bags of cotton candy came out and hovered around Gotenks waiting to attack.  
  
"Huh." He said, "I guess that makes sence. Oh well. Super Bag Kamikaze Attack!"  
  
The bags launched at the fighters and knocked them back.  
  
Krillian was the first to manage a counter attack and flew at a retreating Gotenks, who jumped on top of the Graviton Krillian had tried to get on earlier.  
  
"Uh uh uh!" He said, waving a finger, "You're to short to come on this ride."  
  
"You're as short as me!" Krillian retaliated.  
  
Gotenks pulled his hair up and stood it on end so, hair included; he was about six feet tall.  
  
"Damn," Krillian said, stuffing his hands in his pocket and walking away.  
  
Kakarot flew up and traded a few blows with the powerful kid and when he was knocked away, Vegeta replaced him. He traded a few blows then backed away and released the Final Flash on the kid. Gotenks emerged singed, but unharmed. He connected a powerful hit on Vegeta and Vegeta fell into the ground.  
  
Piccolo tried his luck, using the power of Kami and himself to attack. Gotenks moved away and landed across from Piccolo, who looked like he had just seen a ghost. Gotenks looked around to see what was wrong, when he noticed he was on the roller coaster.  
  
"Hey Piccolo," he taunted, "Click-click-click-click-cli- oh no! We're at the top! Look out, the coaster is broken! We're going down!"  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Piccolo yelled and flew as far away from the fair as possible.  
  
Gohan chased after the two boys and found himself inside a house of mirrors.  
  
"Hey Gohan!" Gotenks called. Suddenly the entire room was full of Gotenks as he reflected himself in every mirror, "What are you going to do now? You can't hit me if you don't know which one I am!"  
  
Gohan turned around and blasted the real Gotenks right in the chest. He stood up a little wobbly and glared at Gohan.  
  
"How did you do that!" his duel voice asked.  
  
"I can feel your ki you dope."  
  
"Oh yea. Well take this! Cotton Candy Ha!" (Said like the Kamehameha wave.)  
  
Gohan was sent packing by the pink blast.  
  
Kakarot stood up from the rubble he was in. There was a gapping hole in his left knee and his shirt had been torn away completely. He stood up straighter put his hands on his hips and stuck out his chest.  
  
"Look at the size of my muscles!" He announced to the world.  
  
Vegeta was standing beside him and rolled his eyes at the display, and took a senzu bean from the magic bean fairy that was handing them around.  
  
He flew up towards the kid and was about to attack when he noticed the boys staring in horror at him. "What's wrong with you?" He asked.  
  
"WHATS THAT?!?!?!" Gotenks yelled, point at Vegeta.  
  
"What? This?" He asked, pulling a out a bag of carrot sticks that had been sticking out of his pocket, "I keep these on hand encase I need a snack."  
  
"Getthemaway,getthemaway,getthemaway" Gotenks shuttered in horror.  
  
Vegeta let out a smirk, "What, you don't like vegetables? What would happen if I were to move it closer?" Vegeta moved closer to the terrified chibi and the other shrank away.  
  
"NO! Don't so that! I can't bear to look at them!"  
  
"Catch!" Vegeta yelled and threw a carrot stick to all the z warriors.  
  
After much whining, (Kakarot didn't want to be near a carrot either) they managed to pin Gotenks in a corner and surround him with carrots.  
  
"Eat this!" Vegeta yelled as they all threw the carrot sticks at the kid.  
  
"Nooooo-ack!" One carrot stick managed to fly into Gotenks mouth as he screamed. Suddenly, his hair turned back to gold and the pink aura disappeared.  
  
The horror was over. The rest of the fighters pinned Gotenks down until the rest of his time was up, and both kids were given three-hour lectures from Chichi (I know, it's a very harsh punishment, but they deserved it.) Once again, peace reined over Earth, and Piccolo still will not go on a roller coaster.  
  
"Hey!" He yelled.  
  
"Hey Piccolo!" Kakarot yelled, "Check out these abs!"  
  
I'm sorry I haven't been writing as much. I'm trying to think up situations and I'm having very little luck. If you have a suggestion, go ahead and write it in. I've also noticed they are getting longer; so let me know which length you guys like!  
  
Brad 


	18. Super Krillian

                "Piccolo, you are pathetic!"  Krillian yelled, "I'm going to crush you with one hand!"

                With that, Krillian hit Piccolo and sent his arms and legs flying.

                "Ha! You stupid Namek! Try to regenerate now!" He boasted, "You are all weak! I have obtained strength greater then all of you!  Vegeta! You thought my energy blasts on Planet Namek were so puny.  Well, now watch as I use them to blast you apart!"

                Krillian charged up a shot about the size of his fist and blew the Saiyan Prince into oblivion.

                "Oh! And Mr. Super Saiyan!" Krillian exclaimed, turning to Goku, "Mr. "Look at me, I'm so tough!"  Well, I've got news for you, you are no longer significant!" 

                The monk smashed Goku into the ground.

                "And the rest of you!"  Krillian turned to survie the other z warriors, "I have no qualm with most of you, so I'll destroy you quickly.   You can not stop me!  I am stronger then all of you!  I am-"

                "Krillian!" Eighteen yelled behind him.  Krillian jumped up and imediatly tried to cover up the damge with his small body, but Eighteen pushed him aside.

                 "What are you doing?  Are you playing with action figures?  Awww, man.  These were Marrons!  You creep!  Why do you always do this!  Everytime we buy her figures of our friends you destroy them in some perverse game!  Go down to the store and buy her a new set, and if you can't control yourself, buy a second set for yourself! Every time..."


	19. Halloween

                The author is sitting in his apartment, bored to tears.  It is October 31st, all hallows eve.  The night when goblins and spirit come to your door and spout out a phrase they don't even understand.  "Trick or treat!"  Who invented this stupid concept?  People walking up to doors and demanding candy or else they will vandalize your house?  Isn't that illegal?

                I am handing out candy to the munchkins, they greedily dig their hands into the bowl I have prepared for them and pull out lollypops, bars, and gum.  A group of witches, goblins, and a Sonic the Hedgehog took the last of the treats and I shut off my porch light, a signal not to come up.

                I settle into my lounge chair and flick on the TV.  It's playing some old horror flick.  I'm tempted to turn the channel, but I don't have the energy to do so.  Just before the monster devours the girl, I fall asleep.

                I am awakening.  There is a loud banging noise somewhere nearby.  The TV is only displaying a blue screen from no signal, and all is silent.  The clock reads eleven o'four, and I look around.  Something must have fallen, creating the banging noise I heard.  I close my eyes with a wistful thought that I should go to my bed, when the banging noise happens again.  It's my door.

                "Open up, you slow moron!  Treat and trick or something like that!"

                I get up.  _Damn kids, _I thought,_ time for treats is over!_

                I open the door with a retort on my lips that dies instantly.  I am standing face to face with not a boy, but a full-grown man. 

                "Vegeta-sama!" I exclaimed.  This was no costume.  No person in the world could have imitated that scowl or spiked his hair up like that.

                "That's right Earthling!"  Vegeta spat, "I was promised treats if I went out this night and knocked on peoples doors.  And so far I have been disappointed.  I hope you will not."

                This last part was said in a low voice that carried threat.

                "I'm all out of candy..." I started. His face got even uglier, "But I have something in the kitchen! Hang on!"

                I ran for all I was worth into my small kitchen.  I looked all around in a panic.  _What the heck am I going to give HIM?_

                I opened my fridge and found a chunk of raw meat sitting in the back.  I pulled it out and ran back to the Saiyan. 

                "How about this?"  I asked, tentivly handing him the steak.

                He grabbed it out of my hand, took a bite, and then smiled, "Finally, someone who hands out good food.  Thank you Earthling, I will spare your life."  The Saiyan Prince turned to leave when I stopped him.

                "Wait!"  Then, of all the things I could have asked, like what he was doing here, when he was just a cartoon, I asked, "why aren't you wearing a costume?"

                "I am!"  He yelled and pointed to a leave on top of his boot, "I'm a tree."  The man walked off.

                I looked down the road, and no one was around, so I shut and locked the door.

                Before I could even ponder the weird event, the door was hit again.

                I opened it to find a man standing in a blue dress with red shoes, and a picnic basket.  The man had a scar running over his left eye.

                "Hey!"  He said, "Names Yhamcha, and Tric-"

                "Who?" I asked.

                "Yhamcha.  Ya know, die and run a lot.  Some extra they cast for no reason."

                "Still not ringing a bell," I responded.

                He sighed in defeat.  "Okay, okay.  You and every one else on the block. But hey! You like my Dorothy costume?  Oh! And Puar as Toto?"

                A little black cat popped out of the basket and barked at me.  "Trick or treat!" It said in an impossibly high voice.

                "Yea!" The one called Yhamcha said, "Trick or treat!"

                I didn't hurry, or even think of what to get him.  I was to busy trying to figure out who he was.

                I shoved a Packet of Roman Noodles at him and shut the door.

                "This is weird!" I said.

                The doorbell rang.  _I don't even have a doorbell!_

                I opened it up to find a tall man with unruly spiked hair.  "Goku!"  I said, so surprised I didn't even use his Saiyan name.

                The Saiyan gave a wide grin.  He was dressed in yellow from head to foot and had painted two red dots on his cheeks.  "Pichachu!"  He said.

                "Oh my god," I said downcast and shut the door as far as I could, but Kakarots foot intervened.

                "Wait, sorry.  Its just part of the costume.  I have a strange craving to play with electricity too.  Hey!  You look like someone who might have a bite to eat!"  He said, giving me a wink.

                _Dear lord, _I thought, _I don't have enough food in my entire kitchen to satisfy him! _I quickly ran into my room to see if I could find something to at least curb him!  I saw my inspiration, grabbed it, and ran back.

                Kakarot was standing there striking up a conversation with a scarecrow I had set out, and noticed my coming back.  I handed him the objects I held.

                "What's this?  It looks like Peppermint Patties!"  He started to bite one.

                "No no!" I said, "It's change.  It's...its **special **change.  You can buy a lot of food with that! Don't let anyone else see you have it, or else they'll mob you and try to take it from you!"

                "Oh okay!" Kakarot said, and walked off, eyeing the shadows and clutching the $.68 to his chest.

                I closed the door and immediately there was a knock.

                I opened it up to find Piccolo dressed as Sailor Moon.

                "What are you doing here?  You don't even eat!"

                "Yea, I know.  But I had to make my classical "Dressed as a girl" appearance."

                The unenthusiastic Namek walked away.

                There was a knock on the door before I even got it fully closed.

                A short being with a sheet covering his smooth head stood in the doorway.

                "Trick or treat!"  Krillian said.

                "Oh, I'm sorry son," I said, "But I'm all out of candy."

                The sheet gave me a blank a stare as a sheet could and said, "But I'm not a kid, I'm just short!"

                "I'm sure, I'm sure!"  I patted the kid on the head, "You might want to go home, and it's getting late!"

                I closed the door.

                No knock came.  I started to walk away when the doorbell rang.  _What freaking doorbell!!!! _My mind yelled.

                A blonde woman stood at the door.  She was a knockout!  She was also dressed as Sailor Moon, and my eyes floated over her figure. 

                "Trick or treat," Eighteen said.

                I didn't move, and then realized she had said something.

                "I'm sorry?"  I asked.

                "Men," She said, "Trick or treat!"

                "Oh! Sure."  I walked into the kitchen, wondering what the heck Eighteen eats.  I took out some ice cream and handed it to her.

                "Meah," She said and started to walk off.

                "Oh hey! Before you go, you should know Piccolo is wearing the same costume."

                "Damn that Namek!"  She exclaimed and flew off.

                Frieza dropped in front of me before I could turn around and pointed a finger at me.

                "Treat or die," He said.

                "You supposed to said "trick or treat," I whispered, trying to save the villain the embarrassment.

                He raised the index finger and I suddenly remembered his famous attack.

                "Oh! I'm sorry! I'll get you a treat right away!"  I hurried to the fridge.

                _ Wait a minute!  This is a villain!  I shouldn't give him anything good!  _ I got an idea and walked into my bathroom and opened my medicine cabinet, and pulled out a laxative I kept around.

                Going back into the kitchen I poured the powder into a Mountain Dew and then handed it to the tyrant.

                "Bout time!" He said and flew off.

                This time, there was no knock, no doorbell.  It was done.

                The gang all met up at Capsule Corp. and talked about their time out.  Naturally, my house came up.

                "He thought I was a little kid!" Krillian complained. 

                "He said I could buy a whole bunch of food with the change.  But I could only get a little Debbie." Kakarot whined.

                "I didn't mind the meat, although it was a tad cold." Vegeta said__

"He didn't even know who I was!" Yhamcha said.

                "Who is he?" Vegeta whispered to Bulma.

                "The ice cream was good, but it was vanilla, I like chocolate."  Eighteen said.

                Frieza was about to say something, when his eye's got really wide, and he ran towards the men's room holding his backside.

                I'VE UPDATED!  I have taken me years and years! But I have finally done it!!!!!  Please review and give suggestions!  I am doing the "Raven" one, but it will take a while.

Also, send me in some weird attack names.  Like I came up with "Final Flush" in place of Vegeta's "Final Flash" I'm writing a story with them and I need some ideas.


	20. Meditation

                Piccolo sat on the edge of the lookout, meditating.  Big surprise.  It was a quiet day on the lookout, since they were above the clouds, it was a clear day.  No butterflies to interrupt him, no planes almost crashing into the tower, nothing to interrupt him.

                Except Dende.

                WAAAAHHHHH DDAAAHDDDAAAH DAAAAAAAAAAAH! SQUEEEEEEEK BLLLLAAAATTTTTT!

                Piccolo's eye's shot open at the noise.

                "No no, Dende," a counseling Mr. Popo said, "Purse your lips, _Then _blow into the trumpet."

                Piccolo slowly turned his head to look at the two.  Dende had taken up playing the accursed instrument two weeks ago, Mr. Popo teaching him how to use it.  After two weeks, he still sucked at it.

                _He's a GOD for heavens sake; he should be able to play that no problem! _Piccolo thought.

                BBWEEEEEEEPPPP! WWWAAAWWWWAAAHHHH BLLLLLLAAAA!

                Piccolo stood up abruptly, scaring the crap out of Dende and Mr. Popo.  They never saw Piccolo move from his meditative position, much less this fast!

                "I'm going down to Earth," He said, "I'll be back in a bit."  The other two were so shocked that they didn't respond. 

                Piccolo stepped off the edge and allowed himself to free-fall down to the planet. Then at the last moment, stopped himself just above the ground.  The Namek headed north, hoping to avoid other people by hitting the North Pole.  _Then I can get some meditation done._

The Namek arrived at an area then was an ice plan.  No one else was in sight.  Piccolo let out a rare smile, now he could have some peace.  He closed his eyes.

                "Aurr! Aurr! Aurr!"  It was a seal.

                Piccolo looked at the seal sitting on the ice.  Several others came up on the ice and started to mill about, taking interest in him too, pulling on his cape, sniffing him with wet, cold noses, and making one hell of a racket.

                "SHUT UP!" Piccolo yelled at the noisy animals.

                They all gave him a blank stare for ten seconds then all started up again at the same time.

                Piccolo flew off in search of another location.

                _What about that old waterfall I used to meditate at?  That was always a nice peaceful location._

So Piccolo took off in search of his old waterfall.  After fifteen minutes of flying, he found the waterfall in the middle of his forest.  He settled down beside the fall and closed his eyes.

                Only five minutes passed before the cars drove in.  Piccolo watched the spectacle with annoyance, then noticed people were snapping photos and pointing. 

                "What the hell are you people looking at!" he roared at them. 

                "The waterfall!" A young boy in the front called, "It's really pretty!"

                The rest of the crowd nodded and continued to snap photos of the waterfall.  Piccolo rolled his eyes and walked a little ways down the road so they wouldn't see him fly.  _They should put up a sign or something to let us know these places are tourist attractions! _He walked by a small sign that said, "Welcome to Pretty Falls!" _Okay, that's not bad.  But a big sign with neon lights would have helped out! _He walked by a large neon sign with searchlights that read in large red letters, "Welcome to Pretty Falls! Do not come here to meditate, you won't be able to!"

                Piccolo scowled, shoved his hands in his pockets, and flew off.

                He ended up in Arizona, far away from people, and in a quiet dessert.  He landed on top of a piece of land that jutted up out of the ground, folded his arms, and closed his eye's.

                He heard it slowly at first.  A small thumping noise that board into his skull like a heart beat.  _Drums?_  He looked to the west and saw a mass of movement that was heading towards him.  After a minute it resolved itself into a marching band.  _Why the hell would a marching band be all the way out here! _He saw the banner on the front off the band, it read, "Thousand mile marching band! East coast or bust!"

                Piccolo left.

                He ended up hovering over the Atlantic Ocean.  No land, no ice, just water.

                "Ahhhhhh," He sighed and folded his legs.  Perfect.

                "Dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum," It was another set of drums.

                Piccolo opened his murder filled eyes.  He had had enough.  He turned to the boat, and saw it was the same band.  They had boarded the boat and added a few things to there sign: An extra zero at the end of the one thousand and they had crossed out "coast" and written in "Asia".  Piccolo raised a hand and pointed it at the floating annoyance.

                With a pop of displaced air, Goku suddenly appeared right in front of Piccolo.

                "Hey! Piccolo! I thought I felt your energy, hey what are you doing out here in the middle of nowhere?  Oh Hey! A marching band! I love those things, but I bet you don't like them very much.  Must be loud. Hey! I bet that's why you're out here! You must have wanted some peace and quiet huh?  Ya know, you always seem to want some quiet, you just don't like it when people are hanging around you and barging in on you and-"

                "AAAAUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"  Piccolo yelled out and flew off as fast as he could.

                Goku stayed behind, talked to Piccolo for another five minutes, then flew next to the marching band, clapping along with the beat and grinning like a kid.

                Piccolo arrived back at the lookout.

                BBBYYYUUUUUUPPPPP!  RRAAUUUUNNN WWWWWHHHHHNNNNNUUUPPPP!

                Piccolo walked up to the trumpet playing Namek. 

                "Oh hey Piccolo! What do you think?  I think I'm getting better!" 

                Piccolo reached out a hand that was shaking with rage and crushed the end of the trumpet.

                "No more noise," he said with menace, then sat down and closed his eyes.

                Wow!  My 20th chapter!  I hope I don't run out of ideas!  I've still got a few in the works, so don't worry yet!   I was thinking about having the marching band follow him to the lookout, but I liked the way this one ended. 

                Let me know what you think of my stories!  -Brad


	21. Vegeta, The Aerobics Instrustor

                Videl stood in the Aerobics Room surrounded by other women all doing some light warm ups and stretching.  She didn't know why she was here; she preferred to hit the bag and guys who worked out at her dad's gym.  She supposed this was a publicity stunt pulled by her dad, but it still sucked.  She was at the Gold's Gym (A/N: Yea!) in Satan City, the gym her father thought was "for weaklings."  She had rolled her eyes at this.

                A group of ladies next to her were chatting a little too loudly, and she couldn't help but overhear.

                "What happened to Donna?"

                "She fell off her horse and tore her AC ligament. (True Story. (Oh, that's the ligament that hold's the femur and the shin bone together!))" (Hey! An anatomy lesson in my writing!  You guy's CAN learn while having fun!)

                "Oh no! So who is going to teach the class?"

                "I heard it's a guy!"

                "Really!"

                "Yea!  And I heard he's cute too!"

                Videl perked up at this.  Sure, she and Gohan were one hot couple, but she could look couldn't she?  Besides, he didn't train as much as he used to, and he looked kinda, well, scrawny lately.  So hopefully this guy would have some muscles!

                Suddenly a man in a blue spandex walked in and took his place up front. 

                "Oh god!" Videl said, backing away slowly, "We're in trouble!"

                The man was short, had spiky black hair, black eyes, and a permanent scowl on his face.

                "Woman!"  The man yelled, "Stop trying to escape!  You signed up for this class, and now you must suffer your pathetic choice.  You will all address me as Prince Vegeta, or Vegeta-sama if you speak Japanese.  Now, all of you, put those damn steps away, we will be training MY way today."

                The women were all shaken but all put away there steps and stood in their respective spots.  Videl walked up to the Saiyan Prince.  "Why are you teaching an aerobics class?"

                "(Insert stupid reason here)" He said.

                "Oh wow!"  Videl responded, "I'd teach the class if I were in that jam too!"  She walked back to her spot.

                "We will all start with some light stretching.  So, everyone lean foreword and touch your forehead to your shins."

                One woman in the back complained that she refused to take aerobics from a mean man.  She got a one-way trip to the next dimension.  (The rest of the z-warriors foresaw this would happen and had the dragonballs standing by.)

                "Any other complaints?" he gave them all a leveling glare.

                No one responded, and all of them jumped when a teen in the back sneezed.

                "YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME HUMAN!!!!" The teen was blasted to smithereens.

                All the woman leaned foreword and got their foreheads as close to their shins as possible.  Vegeta was looking at his shins, so he didn't kill anyone who couldn't do it.  As he straightened back up he noticed one woman was bald.

                He walked up and grabbed Master Roshi by the scruff of his spandex suit, "Get out."

                "Okay! Okay!" he begged, "but, can I take a few women with me!!!"

                Master Roshi was then given a lesson on how a projectile reacts when thrown a million miles per hour.  In accordance to the rules of cartoons, he landed right beside his house.

                "Now that the perverted men are out of the way, we will begin!"  Vegeta yelled into his headset, "Alright. Seven million right legs lifts.  Start!" Vegeta finished his in about thirty seconds, but the others were a little slow.

                It took a few hours, and many of the women collapsed, but they did it.  This was followed by seven million left leg lifts.

                "Alright!" Vegeta said, "Enough of the warm up, let's turn up the gravity a bit!"

                He walked over to a blank wall and slid the panel to the side, revealing a set of controls and buttons.

                "Three hundred times gravity should do for now," he said and reached for the dial.

                "Hold on," Videl intervened, "Vegeta! These are _humans!_ They can't stand up in higher gravity!"

                "WHAT!" Vegeta exclaimed, "Then how do you expect to get any stronger? This is a stupid waste of my time! I quit!" 

                Vegeta left behind a room full of comatose women, an exhausted Videl, and a giant hole in the ceiling.

                I've always wanted to do this.  I think Vegeta would make a great Aerobics instructor!  Ohhh! Or maybe a personal trainer!


	22. Pig's Speak Latin?

Vegeta's Log:  Jan 13, 2785

            He awoke at four am, it was time to train.  Without a word the Saiyan walked into the gravity chamber and pumped it up to four million times gravity. 

            After picking up his flattened form, Vegeta managed to hit the gravity off switch and gave himself a mental note that this was only the Android Saga, that amount of gravity was a little beyond his reach.  So he opened up with a light warm up at three hundred times gravity.

            "Aketa hista Akkarotka!"  Vegeta yelled out.  Then stopped.  Something was wrong with that sentence.  He shrugged and continued training.

            Seven hours later he emerged from the chamber and walked into capsule corp.

            "Omanwa, akema ema oodfa!"  He stopped and covered his mouth.  What the heck was wrong?!

            Bulma walked in, "What did you just say?  I'm not sure whether to be insulted or laugh my ass off."

            "Ia an'tca elpha tia!  Omethingssa rongwa!"

            "Holy crap!"  Bulma laughed, "You're talking in Pig Latin!"

            Vegeta gave her laughing form a death glare and was about to tell her off, then reconsidered.  It just wouldn't be as biting a remark in Pig Latin.

            "Reaa ouya allingca ema aa igpa!"  Vegeta was getting annoyed with this.

            "Calm down Vegeta! I'm sure this thing will die down by tomorrow.

            It hadn't.  Vegeta put up with it for a month before the rest of the z gang decided he could use a wish to bring him back to normal.  (They were going to let him do it right off, but they were enjoying his suffering a little too much.)

"Henronsa, Ia ummonsa ouya!"  Vegeta yelled over the magical ball.

Nothing happened, except the faint sound of laughter could be heard emerging from the seven balls.

Vegeta rolled his eyes and looked to Bulma.

"Shenron! Get out here!" Bulma yelled.

Shenron emerged from the balls, chuckling a little and wiping tears from his eyes.

"Holy shit Vegeta! What happened to you!" Shenron said between laughs.

Vegeta began to explain, but the eternal dragon started laughing again at the sound of his voice, and fell down, wrecking half of capsule corp.

"Amnda ragonda! Ia ishwa ota ona ongerla peaksa nia igpa atinla!"  (Guess who said it.)

Shenron turned to Bulma.  "Translation?"

"Dragon! We wish Vegeta no longer has to speak in Latin! Oops! What I mean is…"

"Your wish has been granted."  The seven balls split and the sky resumed it's normal color.

Bulma slowly turned to Vegeta with a nervous look on her face, "Please say you don't hate me."

"Ia ateha ouya."

"Close enough," She said, "Well, we'll just have to wait for another year to wish you back!"

"UUUUUUURRRRRRHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA!" Vegeta screamed, in Pig Latin of course

            And now, the portion of the show you've all been waiting for!

Vegeta's Translations!!!

"Take This Kakkarot!"

"Woman! Make me food!"

"I can't help it! Something's wrong!"

"Are you calling me a pig?!"

"Shenron I summon you!"

"Damn dragon! I wish to no longer speak in Pig Latin!"

"I hate you."

A/N:  I'm writing to much with Vegeta.  I have a really god one for him, but I'm going to hold back on it until I get some good one's in for the others.  As always! Read and review!  Oh! Suggestions too!  Hmmm, DBZ Shakespeare, It must be done!  I will do it!


	23. Diet Time!

                Vegeta picked up the phone, "What!" he yelled into the receiver.

                "Vegeta! It's Chichi! Listen you need to come to my house right away! It's an emergency!" The other line went dead.

                Vegeta didn't have anything better to do so he flew out of the window heading southeast. _Besides, I may be able to spar with Kakarot! _

                He arrived in a few minutes and found Chichi standing in front of the house waiting for him.  She immediately grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the small house.

                "It's Goku! Something terrible has happened to him and I need your help!"

                "What happened?" Vegeta asked while being pulled, "Did his heart virus strike again after all these years?"

                "No it's worse," Chichi said, pulling him in the house, "It's-"

                "HOLY SH-" Vegeta yelled.

                Kakarot was seated on the floor, but his legs were hidden under swaths of fat.  He was surrounded by bags that had golden arches on them, and was finishing off a burger as he entered.  HE reached down and grabbed a triple thick shake and slurped it down.

                Vegeta grabbed Chichi and pulled her back outside.

                "When did this happen?" He asked.

                "Just last night! He got his first taste of McDonalds and he didn't stop! When I woke up this morning, he was like this!  He doesn't even respond to anything!  All he does is eat!  Oh, and order more meals online."

                "You can do that?"  Vegeta inquired.

                "Vegeta! Stay on focus!"

                "Oh! Right.  Well, I'll just have to get his attention first."

                Vegeta walked back in, drew back a fist and hit Kakarot as hard as he could in the stomach.  His fist got buried and he struggled to pull it out.  Kakarot didn't even notice him. 

                Vegeta backed up and fired a small ki blast at the same spot.  The blast disappeared in his girth, and nothing happened. "It's like fighting Majin Buu all over again!"

                Vegeta pulled Chichi back outside,  "Are you sure you want to stop this?  He seems pretty indestructible in this form!"

                "Vegeta!"

                "All right, woman.  I'll do what I can."

                Vegeta walked upstairs and grabbed Goten, and Gohan.  With their help, they managed to roll Kakarot outside.  Goten began to bounce on Kakarots new tummy and after trying to criticize the kid, they all took turns hopping on the obese Saiyan.  Chichi saw this and held up a table chair warningly. 

                "Alright," Vegeta said, "We need to get his attention first.  Stand back.  Final Flash!"

                The beam struck Kakarot dead on and when the smoke cleared, Kakarot was singed and the burger he had been eating had been vaporized.

                "I've always wanted to do that," Vegeta said.

                Kakarot was staring at his now empty hand and looked at Vegeta, "You destroyed my burger!"

                "Well! We seem to have gotten your attention! Now listen up Kakarot! You have gained an incredible amount of weight, and you need to remove it to remain in fighting form!  We are going to be your trainers! One of us will be with you at all times, so you are going to loose weight."

                "Vegeta, I am comfortable with my body.  If you can't except that, then you need to stop hanging around me." Kakarot responded.

                "What the hell do you think I am, Dr. Phil?  Get off your fat ass and run around the house four times!" 

                Kakarot stood up and ran two steps before he fell over panting for breath.

                Vegeta smacked his forehead and grumbled.  It was going to be a long day.

                They had been working on Kakarot for over a week and they had only managed to make him drop one pound.  They had included the most vigorous diet for the Saiyan (Bulma's Cooking) and constant exercise.  Nothing seemed to be working.  The other Saiyans were working on shifts, each taking eight hours a day to watch Kakarot, and make sure he didn't get any junk food and managed some exercise.

                "Maybe we _should_ call Dr. Phil," Vegeta grumbled, watching Kakarot attempt to do lunges.

                "No, I don't think we will," Gohan said landing next to the Saiyan Prince, "We can call this guy!"

                Vegeta was handed a flier that promoted Brad Blanchette, personal trainer extraordinaire.

                "A personal trainer?  That's what we're doing!"

                "Yea, but this guy is known because he's the toughest trainer in the world!  He could work with my dad to get him in shape!"

                They called, well, me.  I flew out immediately, ya know, abandoning all my other clients.

                My first impression on Kakarot was that this was going to be tough.  We started out at 5am.

                "Alright! You are in my care now! You will speak only when asked a question or told to speak.  That means no whining! Any questions?"

                "Can I go to the bathroom?"

                "NO! If you need to rid yourself of excess water you will do it by sweating! Now drop down and give me 1000 push-ups! And don't get up until you do!"  I realized that was the wrong thing to say as Kakarot got down and started to fall asleep. "Up!" I yelled, "If you do all these push ups, I'll give you a cookie."

                "What the hell type of personal trainer are you!" Vegeta yelled at me.  I held up my finger to my lips.

                Kakarot immediately tried to push himself up, only to flop down again.  I grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him up.  "One!" I shouted.

                It was five in the evening, but Kakarot finally finished his 1000th pushup.  He jumped up and looked at me with a grin.  "Can I have my cookie now?"

                "No," I said.  I heard Vegeta laughing in the background.

                "But you said I could have a cookie!"

                "I lied, NOW RUN TO THE TOP OF THAT MOUNTAIN AND BACK! Don't tell me you can't do it, because I said you must!"

                I worked with Kakarot for a week, and managed to get twenty pounds off of him.  I had to leave because of other clients, and left Vegeta, Gohan, and Goten to finish it off.  (A/N:  Yes, I'm shameless, promoting myself in my own story.)

                They worked with him day and night as well, and weighed him again at the end of the week.

                "How the hell did you gain five pounds!" Vegeta yelled at him.

                "I don't know! I haven't been doing anything wrong!"  Kakarot whined, "Maybe it's all muscle!"

                "Right," Vegeta said with sarcasm dripping off his words, "We need some more help."

                They tried everyone, Richard Simmons came out (Blasted by Vegeta for being annoying), Billy Blanks (Blasted by Vegeta for proclaiming himself a martial artist), and Dr. Phil (Blasted by Vegeta, just because.  Also blasted by Gohan and Goten.) 

                "This is pointless!"  Gohan yelled, pulling at his short hair, "My dad's just going to have to be fat! We've been working on him for almost a month with no results!  I can't take it anymore!"

                Vegeta walked up and slapped Gohan, "Snap out of it!"

                "Thanks, I needed that."

                "Why don't we just wish him thinner?"  Goten asked.

                "Because, it's so much more dramatic this way," Gohan answered.

                Then, suddenly, a very pretty girl walked by them randomly in the 439-mountain area.  Kakarots eyes became wide and he stood up and stuck out his chest.

                "Well, hello ma'am, how are you today," He said in his deepest voice.

                "Not bad, how are you today sir," 

                "Oh just fine!  Please forgive my appearance, this is just me in the off season, and I've put on some weight," he smiled and winked at her.

                "Oh!  What do you normally look like?"

                "Toned and slim."

                Vegeta blasted the girl, "So that's it! We just have to get you around some pretty girls and you'll be thin again!"

                "Well, of course! Why else do you think I work out?"

                And thus it was.  They trained Kakarot in the city where he was constantly around beautiful women and he dropped weight at the rate of a pound an hour.  Seven weeks later, he was back to his old self.

                Chichi, on the other hand, was pissed. 

                "YOU DON'T FIND ME ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH TO KEEP YOURSELF IN SHAPE!  WELL, I'LL KEEP YOU IN SHAPE BY BEATING YOU INTO SHAPE!!"


	24. Saiyan Names

It was a peaceful day on Earth. The sun was shining, the birds chirped and the squirrels chattered as they searched for nuts. The fact that it was so peaceful was a surprise to any onlookers, because several Saiyans and one Namek were within twenty meters of each other. That usually meant a fight.

"I'm sooo bored!" Goku yelled, leaning his head in his hands, "There has got to be something to do!"

"Quit whining Kakarot, the full moon will be gone by tomorrow night and we'll be able to train again." Vegeta yelled at his rival.

"I may not believe it," Raditz said, "But we might just have to shudder Talk!"

All of the aliens in the room turned to stare at the Saiyan with looks of complete fear sketched on their faces.

"No! Anything but that! Noooo!!!" Nappa yelled, grabbing his head and falling to his knees.

"Hush," Paragis said, "We have no choice. Does anyone have a topic of interest?"

"I do," Goku said, "Has anyone noticed we're all named after food?"

"More specifically, vegetables," Broli pointed out.

"Did someone say my name?" Vegeta asked, coming back from where ever he had spaced off to.

"We were just wondering why we're all named after vegetables," Goku responded.

"It's a Saiyan tradition. I am a vegetable, the prince of vegetables, so I am called a vegetable."

"I must be a carrot!" Goku exclaimed!

"I'm a broccoli." Broli said, a little down cast.

"I guess I'm lucky," Paragus said, "My name is hardly recognizable as asparagus."

"I'm an Asian lettuce," Nappa said.

"I must be a radish," Raditz said, "I don't like those things."

"At least you guys don't resemble what you are," Piccolo said, "I even look like a pickle."

The Saiyans laughed at the Nameks misfortune, then Goku put his hand over his stomach, "Hey, guys? Well, since we can't do much else, and we've been talking about food this whole time…"

"We know Kakarot, you're hungry. Let's go, we won't see the full moon just walking to the kitchen." Vegeta said. They all left leaving Piccolo by himself.

Piccolo continued to meditate, thinking the same thing he always thought about. "Do I eat? I don't think I have, I've never seen my self eat. I've complained about having fish too much, but did I eat the fish or simply smell the fish, maybe I took a nibble. I have pointy teeth, so I must be a carnivore…"

Sorry it's been so long guy's! I promise to do better on these! Oh, What the heck is Bardock supposed to be? I can't think of a single food for him! Oh Well, R&R!


	25. For Zara m

            Gohan stood in the middle of the room, stuck out his chest and bellowed, "My name means fired rice!"

            Nothing.

            He looked around and noticed the others had left to get some food and he was talking to air.  "Hey, guy's! Yo! My name means fried rice dammit!"


	26. Weird Names

                The door to The Hyperbolic Time Chamber closed with a bang that echoed in the hollowness of the void.  The two children exchanged glances and knew they were in for a tough time.  Majin Buu was somewhere on the other side of that door.  They only had a few short weeks to train up to defeat him, all that and they still have to survive the terrors of the chamber.

                "Well, here we are," Trunks said.

                "Yea." Goten said, a little over whelmed, "Where do we start?"

                "Well," Trunks started, "We need to prioritize.  The most important things come first.  So, naturally, we start with-"

                "The training!" Goten burst out.

                "No, no, that's not the most important part at all!  We need to start out with-" 

                "Ooo! Ooo!" Goten yelled out, and raised his hand while jumping from foot to foot, "I know the answer! Pick me! Pick me!  We must perfect the fusion dance first!"

                "That's silly.  Of course we'll do that, but much later."

                "Rest and recover?"

                "Nope."

                "Watch the entire season one of "The Simpson's"?"

                Trunks considered this, but shook his head, "Goten, the most important thing a warrior does is name his own attacks."

                Goten fell down anime style, then clambered back to his feet. 

                "Trunks! The fate of the universe has been placed on our shoulders and all you want to do is sit around and name attacks!"

                "Listen Goten.  Piccolo said I was in charge because I'm older and stronger.  So if you have a problem, you can leave, I'll defeat Buu, and take all the credit for it as well."

                "No I'll stay," Goten said, a little down cast.  (Man, I hate to see the kid so sad.  I'll write a happy one about him next.)

                They sat down at the table that had fresh flowers in a vase.  Trunks pulled out a piece of paper and pen and pulled off the cap.

                "Alright, most of the names are in Japanese but unfortunately, FUNamation does not make us speak Japanese, so they will have to be in English.  Most of the English attacks make sense, so they have to describe the attack.  Hmmmm."

                "How about 'Super Great Big Attack That Will Fry You?'"  Goten asked.

                "No, it's a little long.  What about something that sounds like our parents attacks?"

                "You mean like "Frying Pan of Doom?"

                "I was thinking more of our dad's, but lets work with what we can get.  How about 'Big slang attack?'"

                "Not bad!" Goten said, "Ohh! 'Final Flush!'"

                "Sound's too messy.  But we could use another of my dad's, 'Glitter gun attack!'"

                Goten stared at his best friend for a minute, "Okay, now I'm thinking that the rumor about you being gay is true."

                "Hey! It was just a thought! Throw it into the mix."

                "How about 'Garlic gun attack' instead?"  Goten suggested.

                "Majin Buu's not a vampire, so it wouldn't make sense."

                "Let's see, we could take Krillian's solar flare, and turn it into 'Stole my hair!'"

                "Majin Buu's bald, man,"

                "Yea, so is Krillian," Goten said.

                Krillian looked up from his card game with Master Roshi and Oolong.

                "What's the matter?" Master Roshi asked.

                "I don't know, but I have a feeling I'm being insulted." Krillian said.

                "What about Krillian's wife? Doesn't she have a few?"  Trunks asked.

                "Oh yea!" Goten exclaimed, "She had one called 'Power Blitz!'  We could use that!"

                "How about 'Power Spritz?'"

                Again Goten looked at the other kid.

                "No, I'm not gay!" Trunks yelled.

                "Okay," Goten said slowly, "Hey! How are we going to turn into a Super Saiyan Three?  That's going to be the toughest part!"

                "Well, duh!" Trunks said, "All we have to do is flex really hard and yell a lot.  That's all your dad did."

                Goku looked up from Gohan's training on Supreme Kia's planet.

                "What is it?"  Kabito asked.

                "I don't know, but I have a strange feeling I'm being insulted!"

                At that moment Majin Buu and Piccolo barged in on the boy's, and the fight for the universe began…


	27. Action News!

                "You're watching DBZ Seven, action news!  With Krillian Chestnut and Number 18 as our anchors, Vegeta on weather, Goku on sports, and Piccolo on traffic."

                "Good evening, everyone," Krillian said, shuffling a stack of papers in front of him, "I'm Krillian and this is the evening news.  Today's top story.  The world was nearly split in two when our weather man got pissed." Krillian glared at Vegeta, who smirked back, "The carnage was resolved though private benefactors wasting a wish that could have given me hair."

                Not shown on camera, the hairdresser for the studio wiped her brow.  After all, it made her job much easier when she didn't have to do anything!

                "And now we turn it over to my beautiful assistant, Number 18!"  Krillian said, turning towards his wife.

                "Don't try to sweet talk me, you sorry excuse for a human!" She said.

                "But that's was on the prompter-" Krillian started, when his wife glared at him.

                "Oh, sure! Blame it on someone else.  You never do anything around the house, you make me hang around with that pervert when you leave, and you blow up our daughters' toys! So! In future news, Krillian Chestnut will soon be found wondering his hollow life without a wife, because she is taking a vacation she deserves very much!"  With that, 18 pulled on a Hawaiian shirt, picked up a suitcase, and stormed off.

                Krillian looked after her for a second, and then realized the camera was still rolling.

                "More on that later," He said, "Now let's move on to sports! Goku!"

                "Thanks Krillian!" Goku piped, then turned to face the camera, "In sports! Yesterday's largest event was the state fair eating contest."  Several crew members looked at their scripts, trying to figure out what was happening, "In a grueling contest, it came down to Vegeta and the crowd favorite, me!  Let's go to the action replay."  The camera cut to a scene of Goku and Vegeta shoving food into their mouths as fast as possible, much to the viewer's disgust.

                "Whoa! Let's see that again in slow motion!"

                "Goku!" Krillian yelled, "The super bowl was yesterday! That's what you're supposed to be covering!"

                "Fine," Goku said, downcast, "The Patriots won.  Yea. Krillian back to you (Party pooper)."

                "Uh, new sources claim Hercule really didn't defeat Cell!  The sources point to George... W... Bush... What the heck is wrong here! Can't we have some real news! Piccolo! You'd better have some real news!"

                "Hi, Krillian.  Today's traffic is really freaking noisy and crammed."  Piccolo said.

                "Uh, on what streets is it crowded on," Krillian prompted.

                "To hell if I know.  Piccolo out."  A brief pause, "Why the heck do I have to do this! I just want to meditate damn it! Don't you tell me what to do! What? The mic?  I turned it off!  Oh shi-"

                "Vegeta, do you have anything?"  Krillian asked hopefully.

                "Today's weather completely sucks," Vegeta said, and then walked off.

                "Oh well.  We're just going to play commercials for the rest of the time we have, so good night and good news."


	28. Cells never seen transformation!

                Wow! It feels so nice to have some devoted fans out there!  Leelo and Cappuccino, you have my regards.  Capp, I especially like your suggestions, some of them Ihave not done yet, and others I have not had the resources or time to do yet.  I am going to place some DBZ characters in famous Shakespeare speeches, and I'm nearing completion of Vegeta's "The Raven," and it should be posted soon. (That's a long freaking poem!)

 On with the fics!

                Cell's body began to break apart and the perfection he had worked so hard for slipped away, he could feel it.  One of the androids was about to come out, and that would be his end. He grasped at his lips, trying to seal them shut as the droid began to emerge, but he might as well try to stop the universe from expanding.  A vile liquid squirted out from between his fingers and he covered his mouth harder, but to no avail, the android was forced between his hands and hit the ground.

                "Wait a minute!" Krillian yelled, "That's not 18!"

                Seventeen was unconscious on the ground, a gray liquid covering his form.  Cell also looked down in confusion, and then noticed he was changing.  His feet shrank, and his wings disappeared.  Then, things started to get weird.  The two things that stuck out of his head suddenly flopped over and hung at the side of his head, his chest grew two breasts, and his muscles shrank away, then, his skin turned a delicate pink.

                "He's a she!" Vegeta exclaimed.

                "Of course! Eighteen is a girl, so he turned into one!" Goku said.

                "Like, what are you talking about?" Cell said in a high, prissy voice.  (He can't see himself), "Like, Ohmygowd! Is that my voice?"  (I apologize to any females reading this fic, but my mind wondered what would happen in this event, and I can see Cell being a valley girl.)

                "Now what," A battle scared Gohan asked, "I can't hit a girl!"

                "You hit Frieza pretty well!"  Vegeta yelled out.

                "It's only a rumor that he's a she, Cell really is!"

                Cell had sat down on a rock and was examining his nails, "Ugh!  So much of this fighting! My nails are filthy!  I need a manicure!  And am I nude?  I need clothes! What are you looking at!"

                Yhamcha adverted his eyes, "Nothing! But since you mentioned you're nude, well, I can't help but look at any nude woman!"  (A/N: Nothing on Cell is showing, he's just not wearing clothes.)

                Gohan looked to his father, "Dad! What do I do?"

                "What are you looking at me for?  I don't know! Maybe he's not violent anymore!"

                "She, Dad.  Cell is now a she."

                "Ugh! I need some new clothes!" Cell flew off.

                "That was weird dad!"  Gohan said, flying over to his father and powering down.

                "No kidding!  That was kind of easy! Hmm, I wonder what would have happened if Eighteen had been coughed up?"


	29. Beep!

                Vegeta walked out of the gravity chamber and headed towards the shower.  It had been a grueling day.  He had just finished up a twelve-hour session and was starving.  The reason he was heading towards the shower was because Bulma wouldn't let him sit at the table all sweaty.  _Look at me, _he thought with a smirk, _I'm going soft.  Eating at a table, who would have thought? _He entered his room and pulled off his sweaty shirt, discarding it on the small pile of used clothing.

                Beep

                Vegeta looked up.  Something nearby had just beeped, he waited, but the sound did not repeat itself.  Shrugging, he grabbed a clean towel and headed into the restroom.

                He took a quick shower, finishing in under five minutes.  He stepped out and pulled on his clothing, complete with gloves and boots.  He headed to the kitchen, where the staff had prepared a feast for him. _Ahhhh, _he thought.  Sitting down, he started to shove food into his mouth as fast as possible.

                Beep

                He stopped, a handful of meat halfway to his mouth.  He wasn't mistaken, something had beeped at him.  He looked around but couldn't see anything out of the ordinary.  The dining room was clean and sparsely decorated, the Briefs preferring the old fashion type of look.  Nothing electronic was in sight, nothing that could beep.  He kept a cautious eye out for anything suspicious and finished his meal.

                The Prince then made his way up to his computer and checked his mail.  He glared at the device when it sounded out, "You've got mail!"  Checking the corner, he made sure the yellow guy was only running in place, not trying to escape.  _ I don't know why, but I have a feeling I shouldn't trust that thing._

Vegeta saw he had a message from his wife.  He opened it, and scanned the contents.  She would be in the lab late tonight, so don't wait for her.  He grinned.  He was willing to bet he could get her to leave the lab.

                He walked into the basement and sneaked up behind Bulma.  Jumping across half the room, he wrapped his arms around her waist and held on tight.  Bulma let out a yelp of surprise and lightly elbowed Vegeta in the stomach.

                "You scared the shit out of me!" She said, with a smile, "Don't do that!"

                "Oh come on, it's not like you were mixing chemicals or anything," He said into her neck.

                "But still..." She started, but trailed off as Vegeta began to peck light kisses at the base of her neck.  She leaned back onto him and stretched back like a cat.

                Vegeta spun her around and dipped her in a fashion he knew humans found romantic.

                "What do you say you forget the lab and come up to the bedroom?  We'll work late up the-"

                Beep

                Vegeta dropped Bulma to the floor with a thump and whirled around. 

                "Ow!" Bulma exclaimed, "What did you do that for!"

                "Something is beeping at me! It has been following me around all afternoon! Something is stalking me!"  He explained, looking around the room.

                "What are you talking about?" She said, collecting herself off the floor.

                "Something has been beeping at me ever since I left the gravity room, I think it's out to get me!"

                "Vegeta," Bulma said sternly, "I think you've been training to much.  Why don't you go upstairs and sleep on it.  I'll be up in a couple hours."

                "Didn't you hear it!"

                "Of course, but a lot of my equipment beeps! It was probable just one of those."

                Vegeta left, very pissed off.  Not only was this damn beeping thing following him, but it had made him miss a night with Bulma.  _When I find that thing, I'm going to destroy it! _He vowed.

                He walked to his room and shut the door.  He then turned around and watched the door, specifically the space between the floor and bottom to see if something crawled in after him.  After five minutes, nothing appeared, so he flopped down on the bed, and closed his eyes.  He hadn't bothered to undress, since he wouldn't be doing anything with the woman.  He was just about to drift off to sleep when-

                Beep

                He eye's snapped open, bloodshot and fierce.  With a roar, he began to tear apart the bed, it had been so close!  He threw the mattress across the room and began to go on a rampage.  Ripping down sheet rock, paintings, throwing the dresser across the room, picking up every object looking for the source of the infernal beep!  His rampage lasted a little less then fifteen minutes.  The room was a complete mess.  The remains of lighter objects floated down in front of the enraged Saiyan, only serving to infuriate him further.  He stood in the center of the mess, breathing hard and darting his head from side to side, searching for something to destroy.

                Beep

                "AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He yelled, resuming his destruction of the room.

                "Vegeta!" a familiar voice called from the doorway.

                Our Prince cringed at this, knowing he was in trouble.

                "Yes, dear?" He asked in his sweetest voice, turning to Bulma.

                "Couch! Now! Don't come back up tonight!" She yelled.

                Vegeta hung his head and walked to the couch.  _Dammit! Wait until I get my hands on that beeping thing! _The Saiyan laid down and closed his eyes.  He didn't get it!  Nothing had entered the room, nothing was out of the ordinary, and it just didn't make sense!  As he pondered his eye's got heavy.  Soon he was drifting to sleep again.

                Beep

                Vegeta suppressed his rage, knowing the consequences.  He turned on the light and glanced around, but, seeing nothing out of place, closed his eyes.

                Bulma awoke and stretched.  She looked around the destroyed room and pitied the crewman who would have to clean it up.  She pulled on her bathrobe and walked down stairs to get some coffee.  As she walked through the living room, she saw the form of Vegeta lying on the couch.  Leaning over the back of the couch, she was about to ask him what the freak out session last night had been about, when she saw Vegeta's condition.

                He was lying straight and stiff as a board, his arms straight at his side and his legs sticking straight off the end of couch.  His eyes were wide and starring straight ahead, she watched for a few minutes and noticed he wasn't blinking.  His teeth were clenched and showing through his partially open mouth.

                "Veggie?" She asked, "Is something wrong?"

                "Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!" He said, "The beep is here! The beep is here!" He let out a string of nervous laughter.  "Every fifteen minutes! Beep! Beep! Beep! Don't- Don't- Don't know where it is!"

                Beep

                "There it is! The beep is here!" He continued.

                Bulma looked down at him.  Reaching down, she grabbed his right hand and looked at his watch.  She sighed, pushed a few buttons, and then set his hand down.

                "Trunks must have been playing with your watch again, turning on the quarter hour alarm.  Go upstairs and go to sleep."  She walked away while a not-so-crazy-anymore Vegeta looked at his watch.

                Bulma was pouring her coffee when she set the mug down and placed both fingers in her ears.

                "Three, two," she began to count, "One."

                "AAAAUUUUUURRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!" Vegeta yelled from the living room.  This was followed by something small hitting the wall and the sound of a ki blast being fired.

                She walked back out, sipping her coffee and was glad to see he had only made a hole in the wall the size of a basketball.

                "You through?" She asked.

                "Yea," he huffed, and then walked upstairs.

                "Beep," Bulma said.

                "Dammit woman! You are going to pay someday!"

                No, I have never set my watch like this and gone nuts over it, but at my job, we lost power, and know a panel behind the front desk won't stop beeping at us.  So that was my motivation for this one.  Sorry I didn't update sooner.  The disc I saved my writing on Friday wouldn't take in my home computer, so I have to write it all over again.  (It was a good one too.)  Oh well, review!  I like feedback!


	30. The dark side of the ki

                Super Saiyan three Gotenks jumped out of the tear in the dimension he had created, Piccolo close behind him.  They spotted Majin Buu just finishing his snack, surrounded by the trashed lookout.

                "Look at this place," Piccolo said, "It's ruined.  Again!"

                "Quit your whining, you woose," Gotenks said, "Buu! I'll get you for eating my mom!"

                Gotenks powered up in a dazzling display while Buu stood in the mist of the ruins, grinning.

                "That's it, release your anger.  Cut me down with it, and your journey to the dark side will be complete!" Buu yelled out, "I am unarmed.  Use your weapon.  Give in to your hatred!"

                "I'll never join you!" Gotenks yelled in defiance, while Piccolo stood on the sidelines, wondering what the hell was going on.

                "It is unavoidable," Buu continued, "it is your destiny."

                Gotenks turned his back on Buu, then, with resolution etched into his face, he turned around and held his hands in a double fist in front of his stomach.

                "Laser sword!" He yelled, and a thin beam of light emerged from the top of his fist, extending to about three feet long.

                Buu grinned, then pulled off a part of his stomach and held it in an identical grip as Gotenks, "Body sword!" He yelled, and the piece of flesh extended in a thin shaft to three feet long.  The sword stood solid for a moment, then drooped over, completely limp.

                "Hey Buu, you're a little limp their," Gotenks said with a smirk.

                Buu growled low in his throat and shook his sword, "Straighten out!" He yelled at it.  The sword resumed its elongated position.

                Piccolo, still not really understanding what was happening, placed a hand over his face, "Am I the only one who sees in how a sick way this could be taken."

                Gotenks lunged at Buu and struck downwards towards Buu's shoulder, which Buu blocked with his sword.  Gotenks thrust his sword at Buu's midsection, which was similarly parried.  Then Buu went on the offense, swinging a wild blow across Gotenks neck, which he ducked under, narrowly missing his long hair.

                Gotenks rammed into Buu, knocking them through the floor of the lookout, into the bottom floor, where they both stopped and sized each other up.

                "You've grown strong as I have foreseen," Buu said, pointing one finger at Gotenks.

                "You'll find I'm full of surprises," Gotenks said, lunging at Buu with his sword.  Buu skillfully blocked the blow, then spun Gotenks sword out of his hand, where it landed on the floor.  Buu took a step forward, pressing Gotenks back a step. 

                Using his mental powers, Buu flicked a switch that opened the carbon-freeze chamber stored in the lookout. (A/N:  What?)  Buu took another step forward and Gotenks fell into the chamber with a startled cry.  

                "All too easy," Buu said and pointed at the switch again.  Gotenks jumped out of the chamber just as the carbon-freeze spurted out, and grabbed hold of some loose pipes on the ceiling.

                Buu continued to talk to himself as he faced the chamber, "Perhaps you are not as strong as I have foreseen." 

                Suddenly hearing a clanking noise above him, he looked up to see Gotenks climbing up the pipes, "Impressive," Buu said.  He swung his sword, which Gotenks dodged by pulling himself up more on the pipe.  The bottom half of the pipe was sliced apart, spraying carbon gas all around the room.

                "Most impressive," Buu said.

                Gotenks jumped down and grabbed the sliced pipe, and turned it to spray on Buu.  Buu yelled as the carbon hit him and Gotenks held out a hand, calling his sword to him.  He turned and slashed just as Buu recovered and held up his guard. 

                "I can feel you slipping, it will not be long before you are overcome with anger," Buu said in a deep voice.

                "Stop that!"  Gotenks yelled forcing Buu back.

                He slashed straight down as Buu dodged to the side.  The wild slash cut out a huge hunk of the floor, which tumbled down to the Earth, and opened up the sky below.

                The continued to fight, slashing and hacking at each other, trying to gain the upper hand.  Gotenks, in a frantic jab, managed to score a hit on Buu's right shoulder.  Buu roared and with a furious strike, slashed through a think pillar standing in the room.  Gotenks backed away from the strike and found himself in front of the hole he had made earlier.  With another desperate jab, he struck at Buu loosely.  Buu countered the blow easily then dashed Gotenks sword to the side.  With a flick of his wrist, Buu sliced off Gotenks hand.  Gotenks screamed, clutching at the stump that was his wrist.

                "Luke... I mean... Gotenks, you are beaten.  Don't make me destroy you!"  Buu said.  Gotenks continued to back away from Darth Buu, grabbing onto a pole with his good hand to try and cross the hole.  "Piccolo never told you what happened to your father." Buu said

                "He told me enough!" Gotenks ground out between clutched teeth, "He told me you killed him!"

                "No," Buu said, "**I** am your father!"

                Gotenks eyes grew wide; he shook his head, "No.  That's not true! That's impossible!"

                "Search your feelings, you know it to be true!"

                "NNOOOOOO! Noo!" Gotenks yelled.

                "With you at my side, we could destroy the Emperor, and rule the galaxy as father and son!" Buu said, holding out his free hand to Gotenks.

                Piccolo burst through the ceiling, and suddenly Cloud City became the lookout again.  "What the hell have you two been doing!" Piccolo shouted.

                Buu and Gotenks exchanged glances, and then gave Piccolo a sheepish look.  "Sorry," they both said.

                "Geez, sword fights!" Piccolo said, beginning to walk away, "Gotenks! Get that pink crap off your wrist.  Get serious; this is a fight for the universe! What the hell do you two think you are, Jedi?!"

                Both Buu and Gotenks looked at each other, and then burst out laughing at the Namek.

                "Yes, Piccolo Kenobi!" Gotenks wheezed between laughs.  Both super powers renewed their laughter, and after a few minutes, the laughter died down.

                "You ready, Darth Buu?" Gotenks said, still chuckling.

                "Sure am, Gotenks Skywalker," he replied.

                Then the battle for the universe continued.

                This was not the way this started.  Originally it was just going to be a sword fight with a few weird attacks thrown in, but I like the way this came out much better.  I'm going to have to do another DBZ/Star Wars cross over, because as I was writing this, I came up with a perfect one.  Did I get most of the lines right?  I wrote these last ones at work, so I'm not sure.  Anyway, have a great fourth!

**Tea0: ** I have no idea where I come up with these.  Sometimes I'll just start with a character and go from there.

**Zara m:** Oh, no wonder I couldn't think of Bardock vegetable.  I'll write a short fic about Gohan just for you.

**Cappucine**: As always, your comments and suggestions mean so much to me.  Thanks!

**Leelo: **I don't think I've ever had a fan review so much as you.  Thank you so much for your support.


	31. Nine Lives

                Puar stood in line with all the other spirits in the other world.

                _I can't believe I'm dead! _He thought.  It had all happened so quickly.  One minute he was playing a prank on Vegeta, then the Saiyan got pissed, and now he was here!

                "Name," King Yhemma said as Puar got to the front of the line.

                "Puar Cat!"  He yelled up to the king.

                "A cat, huh?" Yhemma said, "Let's see.  You haven't died before right?"

                "Nope!" Puar called up.

                "Well then, I'll have to send you back.  Since you're a cat, you have nine lives, and this is only your first.  You have eight lives left.  Use them wisely!"

                "How do I get out?" Puar asked, looking around.

                "Take that elevator down three floors, then take the stairs.  But watch the last step!"

                "Sure!"  Puar exclaimed and flew to the elevator.

                King Yhemma continued to check in the dead, then, not five minutes later, he saw a familiar face. 

                "Didn't watch that last step, did you?" He asked.

                "Yea, yea, yea." Puar said, "I still have seven left."

                The cat then continued to Earth, where he fell from the sky into the 493-mountain district.  Making sure to stop his fall before it became lethal, he looked around.

                "Hmmm, I'm not far from the Son residence," He thought out loud, "I'll go visit them!"

                The cat flew off and found the family at the diner table.  Flying down, the cat dropped in front of Goku, and was about to let out a high pitched, "Hi!" when the unfortunate cat was shoved into the Saiyans mouth, being mistaken for flying food.

                "Ugh!" Goku said, "Chichi, what did you put in these dumplings! It tasted like a wet cat!"

                Puar walked up to King Yhemma, "Hey!" He said in greeting, "How have things been running these last few minutes?" 

                "Not to bad," The king responded, "The elevator is still returning from your last trip down, give it a second."

                The cat freefell out of the other realm and looked at the ground below.  _It's so beautiful from up here! _ He thought.  He looked up at a noise coming from the side, and then was promptly sucked up by a jet engine.

                "Yo!" Puar said to the king, who raised a hand in greeting, never looking up from his books,  "I'm going to keep these last five a little longer this time!" The cat said, and pressed the elevator button.

                Just as his halo disappeared, a signal he was once again alive, the elevator stopped, then plunged down to the bottom floor.

                "At least get to the Earth this time," Yhemma said, "But you'll have to take the stairs."

                Puar grumbled something unintelligible, and then took the stairs down to the Earth.  He landed near Capsule Corp. and looked around.  No Vegeta.  "Whew!" He said then sat down.  Immediately he stood up and looked around.  _Thought I heard something, _He thought, then sat down again.  Something rustled behind him and he whirled around in a karate stance to face his foe.  It turned out to be Scratch, Mr. Briefs cat.  Puar was about to relax, but then saw hearts in the others eyes.  _Oh shit, _Puar said, and then dodged the hormone-crazed cat as it lunged at him.  It was then Puar happily impaled himself on the fence.

                King Yhemma and several of his associates where laughing when he entered the check in station.  They had set up a big screen TV and were enjoying the show.

                "Laugh all you want," Puar said, "You would've done the same thing."  This only caused them to laugh harder.

                "I bet he is back in five minutes," One lackey called out.

                "I bet one!" Another yelled.

                "Are you kidding? He won't even make it out of the other world!"

                This was followed by more laughter, and several people pulling out money, jewelry, and candy to place their bets.

                "Three left!" King Yhemma yelled to the retreating back of Puar.

                Puar landed on Roshi's island, and looked around.  Nothing.  He walked inside.  "AHHH!" He yelled, seeing Master Roshi in spandex, doing his yoga.  Puar promptly fell over dead at the sight.

                "I win!" The lackey who had bet one minute called out, as they had instant replays of his death playing over and over again on the TV.  Yhemma noticed Puar glare at the TV, "We really enjoy the one where you got sucked into the jet." He said.

                "Glad to be entertaining to you," He said, and took the stairs.

                Puar landed in the middle of Satan City and patted his head.  "Why am I wearing a Santa hat?" He asked empty air.  Receiving no response, he walked down the street.  Nothing happened to him.  He floated around for ten minutes without incident.  "Huh," he said, and turned a corner.  Suddenly a pie the size of a house fell from the sky and crushed the unfortunate cat.

                "What the hell was that!" Puar yelled at King Yhemma.

                "Sorry, but nothing was happening, and the ratings were going down," He gestured to the TV, and Puar was insulted and honored at the same time to see he had his own network,  "Puar TV!"

                "One more chance!" Yhemma called to Puar.

                As soon as the cat landed on Earth, he held up his hand and yelled "Hold on!" to the bomb, run away bus, killer bee, falling piano, lightning bolt, and irate hockey player, "If it is my destiny to lose my last life, then I will.  But! I want to go out in style! So let me choose my own death and go how I want to!"  The killers were about to go ahead and destroy the cat anyway, but the bomb turned out to be the voice of reason, and they let the cat go.

                Puar flew away from the danger zone and ended up in Disney World.  The cat was overjoyed at the thrill rides, the games, and the food.  He grabbed a large cotton candy before Gotenks could and munched on it as he sat on a bench.  He looked down the street and noticed a large mouse walking towards him. 

                "Mickey!" he growled.  The mouse had plagued him his whole life, a friggin mouse taking the spotlight while he, a cat, took the back seat to a bunch of aliens!  Puar decided this was how he was going to spend his last life; taking out the mouse who he has sworn to destroy!  The cat tried to float up into attack position, but was stuck on the seat.  Gum had latched him firmly to the bench he sat on. 

                Puar turned to face the oversized rodent with a face of hatred, but the face quickly turned to one of dread when he saw the mouse.  Mickey had picked up a little girl and was walking towards the bench to have a seat while the mother took a photo.  A large mouse shaped, shadow fell over Puars face as the mouse began to sit squarely on the cat. 

                "Well, that's it," King Yhemma said, "You squandered your last life."

                "Why a mouse!"  Puar yelled, "A dog I could have dealt with but a mouse!!!!!! This is an outrage! I demand nine new lives! I'll tear you apart! I'll get all of you! I'll...."

                Puar had to be removed from the check in station, and was placed in a padded room until he calmed down.  The door was only opened to deliver food, and one other time to place a role of duct tape over his mouth, to stop his high-pitched voice from breaking the windows.


	32. Goku Vs Vegeta

                Kakarot dodged the ki blast, only to nearly get his head taken off by another one.  He continued to dodge all the blasts as Vegeta continued to pour them out.  This had been going on for hours.  Vegeta and Kakarot had been blasting at each other, neither one managing to do any damage to the other.  Gohan watched the fierce battle from the sidelines, worrying for his father.

                Kakarot knocked aside a particularly large one, and then cupped his hands to his side.

                "Kamehame-ha!" He yelled and unleashed the wave at Vegeta, as the prince powered up.

                "Final flash!"  Vegeta responded.  The two beams collided and the power shook the ground all around them.  Suddenly the beams stopped and the two fighters flew at each other.  Vegeta threw a punch at Kakarot, but the other phased out and reappeared behind the Prince.  Kakarot threw a ki blast at him, but the other dodged and powered up to Super Saiyan.  Kakarot responded by powering up to the legendary warrior as well. 

                "Beep," Kakarot said.

                "Stop that!" Vegeta yelled.

                The battle continued, neither one able to lay a hand or foot one the other.  After one large Gallic gun attack, Kakarot brought the fight up to the next level by ascending.  Vegeta looked a little pissed at this and brought his own level to super Saiyan two.  Kakarot smiled at the challenge, and Vegeta smirked.

                Vegeta fell onto a rock ledge and held up both hands, "Rapid fire!" He yelled.  Kakarot seemed surprised at the speed of the blasts and knocked several of them away, so much that he barely noticed the other Saiyan in time to dodge his punch.

                "Whew!" Kakarot said, "That was close! Better make sure he can't get me!"  Kakarot then brought his level up to super Saiyan three. 

                "Kakarot! That's cheating!" The prince yelled out, while Gohan glanced at the Prince, wondering at the odd phrase.

                "Oh come on! If you had this ability, you'd do it to.  Why I bet- Ulp!" 

                Vegeta smashed Kakarot right in the face.  It was a beautiful hit, sending Kakarot flying back into the sky, where he stopped.

                "Hahahaha!"  Vegeta laughed, "I have proven myself the better one!  I have beaten you Kakarot!"

                "What are you talking about?  My dad hasn't been killed, he barely has a scratch!  You only landed one punch!" Gohan yelled.

                "Well, of course he isn't dead.  What do you think we're doing, fighting? We're just playing tag! And you're it!" Vegeta yelled triumphantly, pointing at Kakarot.

                "Alright, get ready Vegeta!" Kakarot yelled, "Kameha..."


	33. COAT's

                "I call this meeting to order!"  Scratch, Mr. Briefs cat, yelled from the podium, "This begins the session of the Cats Overtaking All Things!  (C.O.A.T.)  We will began our session with a word from our vice president, Puar!"

                Silence ensued, and it was a minute before anyone realized no one was coming up to the podium.

                "Uhh... Puar?" Scratch asked into the mike, "Are you playing with a mouse somewhere?  Puar?"

                Another cat, gray with brown strips, walked up to the podium and handed Scratch a note.

                "Oh my!" Scratch exclaimed, "It appears Puar has gone through all nine lives and will no longer be with us.  Let us have a moment of silence." 

                All the cats present bowed there heads and gave a moment of silence, which was broken by Fuzzy hacking up a hairball.

                "Well, that's silence enough," Scratch said, "On to business.  It is time to make our move.  All these years I have sat upon Mr. Briefs shoulder, I have learned the secrets to these pitiful humans devices."

                "What about the pointy haired one?"  Cinnamon asked.

                "He will not be a problem.  I have effectively neutralized him."

                "Ow!" Vegeta yelled, "Who the hell put all these mousetraps in my gravity room!"

                "What about the others," The kitten named Mouse Chopper asked.

                "I have taken steps to stop them."

                "Wow!" Goku, Gohan, and Goten all said at the same time, "The entire mountain side is covered with food!"

                "And the green thing?" Fluffy Wuffy asked. (He really hated his name.)

                "Not a problem."

                _Ahhhhhh. _Piccolo thought, _Industrial strength, 1,000,000,000-decibel blocking, Hercule proof, earplugs.  NOW I can meditate._

                "In this meeting of C.O.A.T. we will start our domination.  Everyone, sharpen your claws!  Get the tuna out of your teeth! And put on your spiky collars!  Tonight, we march on the world!"

                A chorus of cheers and applause, and a chant of "Coats" followed this!

                Scratch waved down the volume of the crowd, and held up his hands, "Yes! It is finally our time! We have been oppressed and fed food that's resembles edit But now it is our turn! We will give them the disgraceful names and make them eat crap! We will place them in little cages and make them chase bells!  It will be our turn to rise to the top of the evolutionary chain!"

                Snuffles raised a paw, "About how much time will this take?"

                "Oh, probable sixteen hours a day, plus any time they attack us."

                "Sixteen hours!"  The collection of cats yelled.

                "Yea, what's so bad about that?" Scratch asked.

                "We sleep twenty hours a day!"  Muffin yelled, "I can't give that up!" Several cats nodded in agreement and began to leave.

                "Wait! What about freedom? What about owning the world?" Scratch yelled after them.

                "Naw.  It's to much work," Fuzzy said, "Hey, Cinnamon! Want to come over to my house?  There's this great corner to stare at?"

                Thus, the world crises that would have been, was never carried out through laziness.


	34. Vegeta vs the phone

                "Shut up you!" Vegeta yelled into the receiver, "I swear, if you do not stop talking, I will fine you and blast your head off!  Stop that!  Stop saying that! I heard you quite clearly the first time; I don't need you to repeat yourself!  Are you listening to me!"

                Trunks walked into the room and watched his father on the phone.  The six year old looked a little worried then walked into the kitchen to find his mother.

                "Mommy?" he asked.

                "Yes dear?" Bulma said in response.

                "Daddy's yelling at someone on the phone," the worried child said.

                "Really?  The last time it rang was two hours ago, and he never calls anyone," She walked up to the kitchen phone, picked it up, and listened for a few minutes.  With a grin, she set down the receiver and turned to her son, "It's okay, son.  He's yelling at a pre-recorded message.  He must have been yelling at it for hours!"

Guy's, I am so sorry for not updating.  I've been low on idea's lately, (Still working on Ravin) and I haven't had much opportunity to write.  Keep you patcience with me and I'll keep on writing!


	35. Sweet Love

                In my time here I have noticed the couples of DBZ have very dominant females who basically run the lives of the males.  We also don't see how the couples got together. (I haven't seen how Goku and Chichi get together, so if I'm wrong, don't tell me.)  This fic is how I imagine each couple got together, based on personalities and my own weird way of doing things.

                Chichi and Goku:

                "But Goku! You have to marry me, I'm the first female your age you've ever met.  You have to marry me, it's the unwritten law!"

                "Where did you hear that?"

                "I read it somewhere."

                A/N: That's something I've noticed.  They seem to met there mates when they see their first female.  Haven't these guys ever heard of dating?

                Bulma and Vegeta:

                Bulma: "I'm female, you're male.  Need I say more?"

                Vegeta: "Nope."

                Videl and Gohan:

                "The very thought of you sickens me," Videl started, "I want to kick your ass and mop the floor with your head.  You are a cowardly trickster.  Want to get married?"

                "Sure."

                Eighteen and Krillian:

                18: "My bedroom, now."

                Krillian: "Yes, Ma'am."

                Master Roshi and... well, no one:

                "I'll take any female that can breath!"  He yelled out in the middle of a crowded street.

                Ahh, love.  When I meet that special someone, I hope it like this.  Or maybe not.


	36. Bad Day

                Vegeta woke up.  It was Friday, Friday the thirteenth.  Of course Vegeta didn't know that, and even if he did, it wouldn't matter.  It was just like any other day, a day to train.  He put on his black shorts and walked to the kitchen.  Opening the fridge, he cleaned almost all of it out, except for a small plate of Bulma's cooking, which he fed to Scratch.  (The cat muttered something about a coat working, but Vegeta didn't hear it.)

                After setting down all the food, he shoveled it into his mouth with one hand, and opened up the newspaper with the other.  After skimming the headlines, he read his horoscope.  It was very short and to the point, "Whoa, shit man, you're screwed."  Vegeta rocked back a little and read it again.  Still the same.

                "Humph!" Vegeta said around a mouth full of food, "Like these pathetic humans can predict my future! OW!"  Vegeta yelped as he bit his tongue, "Dammit!"  Then he looked back at the horoscope with a little bit of suspicion in his face.  Shrugging it off, he walked out to the Gravity Room. 

                Hopping in, Vegeta started up the machine.  At first, it ran fine, and then the gravity suddenly reversed. 

                "OW!" Vegeta yelled as he hit his head on the ceiling with 400 times gravity worth of force, "What's wrong with this thing nAAAAAAA!" Gravity switched again and he fell to the floor, landing on his chin. 

                "This machines gone crazy!" Vegeta struggled out, and tried to make his way to the door.  Gravity changed again, this time to the wall.  Vegeta slammed onto his back, and then looked up.  He was on the opposite side to the door.  Before gravity could change again, Vegeta powered up and blasted a hole in the side of the room.  Charging out, Vegeta rammed into Bulma, who had come out to see how he was.

                "What's wrong with you?" Bulma asked.

                "Gravity room...crazy...hit head!" He stammered out.

                "Weird," She said and walked away.

                Casting a furious glance at the chamber, Vegeta walked away.  On his way to the pool he passed by Yhamcha, who was hanging out.  "Go try out the GR," Vegeta said, "It's working well today."

                "Alright!" Yhamcha yelled and raced to the ship.

                Vegeta was in no mood to train today, so he walked out to the back yard.  Immediately a blueberry pie fell on his head.  The Saiyan wiped blueberry from his eyes and glared at the sky.  Nothing was up there.  The pie had fallen from the heavens.  _Great, now my hair will be blue forever!_  He thought, and walked towards the door to hide from the treacherous sky.  His foot got snagged in a root and he fell face first into another pie that appeared.  _Dammit!! _He began to get up, but five more huge pies sloshed onto his bare back, pushing back into the ground.  Flipping over onto his back, he cupped both hands together and fired a beam into the sky.  Three dozen more pies evaporated in the onslaught.

                Vegeta slammed the door behind him, and looked around the kitchen for signs of danger.  Nothing was in sight except for Scratch. 

                "Hey, cat! Don't even try anything," Vegeta said and walked to the sink to wipe off some blueberry juice.  Just as he turned his back on Scratch, the cat let out an evil grin and started to glow. 

                Vegeta turned around to see Scratch was now seven feet tall, covered with spiky fur, had six legs, and was chewing bubble gum.

                "What's with the gum?" Vegeta asked.

                In response, Scratch spat the gum into Vegeta's hair, and then attacked.

                The battle was short and vicious, and ended with Vegeta flying away from the deranged creature.  He could barley fight today! He had even tried to use his ki again, but it didn't work! The Saiyan flew away from capsule corp., convinced the place was cursed.

                "I don't understand!" Vegeta said as he flew to the north, "That damn horoscope can't be true!"

                As he flew, hundreds of golf balls pelted him. "Owowowowowowowowowow," The little things were moving fast! "Screw this!" Vegeta yelled, and landed.

                Golf balls continued to rain down, and Vegeta hid in a cave until they passed. 

                "What's going on? What did I do to deserve this?"

                The clouds opened up and a huge stack of papers fell at Vegeta's feet.

                "That's what you did," The voice of King Yhemma said.

                "All that!"

                "Well, actually, this is just the table of contents.  This is what you really did,"

                20,000 books, each the size of an encyclopedia fell all around Vegeta.  The Saiyan looked around, completely stunned. 

                "So, is that all?"

                "No, we still have the ones that are in the gray area, but we'll let them pass,"

                 A particularly tall stack of "The Bad Books" was struck by a strong gust of wind, Vegeta immediately moved out of the way, but the books didn't fall towards him, they fell of an underground bee hive.

                "Damn you!" Vegeta yelled at the heavens as the bees swarmed around him.

                "Actually, I didn't have anything to do with it," Yhemma said, a little thoughtful.

                Beep!

                "Aaaauurrrggghhh!" Vegeta yelled and blasted the watch off of his wrist.  Seconds later he was jumping up and down with a death grip on his wrist muttering, "owowowowow," To himself.  "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

                "Hey Vegeta!" Goku yelled, "Look at me! I've become a Super Saiyan Five!"

                "Vegeta, we are so through," Bulma said.

                "Yo, Vegeta," Yhamcha said, "The gravity chamber works fine, I can train in 20,000 times gravity now!"

                "NooooooOOOOOO!" Vegeta couldn't believe this! What was happening! It can't be true! This must be a dream! It has to be.

                "But what if it's not," Yhemma said.

                "No!" Vegeta sat up in bed.  Looking over, he saw Bulma sound asleep.

                _What happened? What did I eat?  Or maybe I should narrow down that field and ask what I didn't eat, _He thought glumly. 

                "Veggie," A sleepy voice said beside him.

                Vegeta glanced down at him wife.  "Ahh!" The cry escaped his lips.  She was a troll!

                Vegeta sat up in bed. Immediately he yanked Bulma up and stared at her face.  Aside from having a shocked, puzzled look on it, she was normal.  He dropped his mate, who landed with a thunk on the bed.  Still not satisfied, Vegeta punched himself in the face.

                "OW! Stupid, stupid, stupid!" He yelled, clutching his throbbing check.

                "What in the world is the matter with you?"  Bulma asked.

                "Bad dream," He said, "Hey, whatever you do, don't let Yhamcha in the gravity chamber."

                "Okay," She drew out the word slowly. 

                "Damn it Dende," Vegeta swore, "if this was one of your pathetic pranks, I'm going to kill you."

                Dende awoke on the lookout, for once, completely innocent, and looked around.  _Why do I feel I should be running for my life?_

                There was a small beep from the ceiling, (Vegeta was about to blast it, but remembered what it was) and the newspaper fell at the foot of the bed.  Bulma crawled forward and picked it up, grabbing the funnies, she handed the rest to Vegeta.

                He opened it up and, through morbid curiosity, looked at his horoscope.  "Whoa, shit man, you're screwed."  Vegeta let out a groan and pulled the covers over his head.  "Let me know when it's tomorrow," He said to Bulma.

                Don't ask.  No idea why I did this, where I was planning on going with it, or anything else.  I really just wanted to attack Vegeta with pies!


	37. Catfight

                "I'm going to slap some sense into you!" Goku yelled as he slapped the overlord of the universe, Frieza.

                The Ice-jin's head moved side to side from the blows by the new Super Saiyan.  The overlord moved back and looked at the Saiyan, "You little bitch, you did not just slap me! Oh no you didn't!" he yelled in a weird voice that wasn't his own, "I will bitch slap you to your little poise!"  Frieza reached out and grabbed Goku by the hair and pulled hard.

                "OWWW!" Goku yelled, flailing his arms at the tyrant.

                "You messed up my hair you bitch!" Goku yelled.  He reached down and undid a boot tie, "I will take off my boots, and will kick your valley ass all the way to HFIL!"  

                "Go ahead and try it, whore!"  Frieza mocked.

                Goku flew in and smacked the tyrant with a boot, and Frieza grabbed Goku's nipple and twisted it. Both of them grabbed each other's hair... (Uhhh.  Frieza has hair now!)  and slapped each other.

                King Kia stood on his own planet watching the battle on Namek, with his ever-faithful monkey standing by.  King Kia had a look of shear terror on his face, and Bubbles was laughing his ass off. 

                "I don't believe it!" The Kia said, "They're fighting like girls!" Bubbles piqued a question, and King Kia shrugged, "I didn't teach him that.  In fact the only woman Goku has come into contact with in the other world was... Princess Snake!"

                The catfight between the two super powers continued, Goku had just bitch slapped Frieza into a mountain when he heard King Kia's voice.

                "Goku! What are you doing?!"

                "I'm fighting how King Kia showed me too,"

                "That was Princess Snake!"

                "No," Goku drew the word out, "You're Princess Snake, the pretty girl was King Kia."

                Behind King Kia's muttered curses, the sound of Bubbles laughter was redoubling.  "**I **am King Kia! Dammit! We spent 88 days training together! I taught you my famous style! Fight like I taught you too!"

                "Well, okay.  But your style doesn't seem to be very affective..."

                "GOKU! Kamehameha his ass to hell, them get up here!  You're going to stand still while I beat the crap out of you!"

                "Oh alright, Princess Sn- I mean King Kia," The Super Saiyan cupped his hands at his side, and started the famous attack,  "KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAaaaa...a.... a...." Goku put his hands on his knee's as he leaned over.

                "What happened," King Kia asked.

                "Held.... the Ka...me.... ha...me...ha.... too long.... Ran.... out... of breath...." Goku gasped out.

                "GOKU! IF YOU DON'T BEAT HIM I'M GOING TO DO IT AND YOU WON'T GET TO HOLD IT OVER VEGETA'S HEAD FOR LIFE!"

                "Oh no!" Goku exclaimed, very serious, "Alright, I'll get him now!"

                And thus DBZ producers continued with the fight, leaving this deleted scene out for the sake of it all.


	38. Piccolo makes a bad choice

                Gohan landed on the Lookout and struck a Saiyaman pose.  Piccolo, Dende, and Mr. Popo, who had recently been playing a game of go fish, looked at him in both surprise and pity. 

                _I can't believe he thinks that is cool, _Mr. Popo thought.

                _Even I wouldn't make someone wear that! _Dende thought.

                _Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, _Piccolo sang the famous song.

                "Hey guys!" Gohan said, "How's it going?"

                "Not to bad Gohan, I'd ask how you are, but I can read your mind, so I don't need to." Dende responded, shuffling the deck, "You don't want to play cards?  Oh well."

                Gohan turned to Piccolo, "He can read minds?"

                "Yea, don't think anything evil about him, or he'll get you."

                Now, we know dear readers that if you are told not to think something, you are going to think about it.  Gohan was immediately struck by lightning. 

                "I told you not to think about being evil to him!"

                Gohan was struck again.  Turning to Dende, Piccolo saw that the smaller Namek had abandon the card game for a more amusing spectacle.  Piccolo turned back to the smoking Gohan.

                "But I don't want to smoke!"  Gohan said looking at the cigarette that was in his hand.

                No no, I said, Smoking as in burning.

                "Oh," Gohan responded, tossing the cigarette away, "Piccolo, I wanted to tell you that a world martial arts tournament is being held.  You should join!"

                "Sure, but are you going to wear that to compete in?"

                "Of course! You should try one on too! They work great!"

                (A/N: And this is were history changes.)

                "Sure!" Piccolo said, while Dende and Popo looked over in shear terror, "I think it looks great! Do you have a spare watch?"

                "Yea! Here you go," The half Saiyan said, pulling out a watch.

                Piccolo strapped the watch on and hit the button.  The tall Namek was suddenly in a helmet, cape, boots, vest and spandex under suit that matched Gohan's.

                "Dude!"  Piccolo said, checking himself out in a mirror he had manifested, "I look so cool!"

                "Yea!" Gohan exclaimed, "Now you just need a superhero name!"

                "Hmmmm, how about, 'I am the Super Alien Ass Kicker from Beyond!'" He yelled, sticking one leg straight out to the side and holding his arms straight up.  Gohan gave him a dubious look.  "No?" Piccolo asked.

                "No," Gohan said, "And learn to pose, that looked ridiculous."

                "Sorry," Piccolo hung his helmeted head, "Can I help you fight crime?"

                "Sure!"  Gohan said, and they flew off.

                Mr. Popo turned to Dende with an accusing look.

                "What?" Dende asked.

                "This is your fault.  All the lightning strikes must have given him brain damage!"  Mr. Popo turned on his heal and marched off.

                Dende stared at the retreating form, and as soon as Mr. Popo was out of sight, Dende sent out a thought and struck the black being with a lighting bolt.

                _It's so fun being god..._


	39. Prank, Part One!

Prank Target= Nappa

                Vegeta snuck next to his partner in crime, the taller Saiyan Nappa.  The corridors of Freiza's ship were nearly empty, it was midnight on the ships time, the perfect time to pull a prank. 

                Nappa snuck his head around the corner, his long hair swinging down below him.  (Yes! He started out with long hair! If you don't like it, tough!)  The corridor was empty.  He motioned to the young prince with a black-gloved hand, and the other Saiyan was a black shadow that moved foreword. 

                "Which room is his?"  Nappa whispered a little too load for Vegeta's comfort.

                "Shh! Number 357, do you know what to do?" He hissed.

                "Yea, dump it in the bottle, and get out," Nappa whispered, with a large, 'Duh' face plastered on.

                "Yea, that's it.  Hurry! I don't want to get caught!"  Vegeta said.

                "Sure," The taller Saiyan began to creep foreword, then stopped and turned back, "Hey, Vegeta?  Have you ever noticed that every other species in the universe looks different from each other, but we look exactly like humans with tails?"

                "Will you just get this done!" he hissed out.

                Nappa walked up to room 357 and listened for a second.  Nothing.  The occupant must be out or asleep.  He slowly turned the knob (After all, all spaceships use doorknobs) and peeked in.  The target was asleep on the bed, his arms draped above his head, and drool running down the side of his face in a small river. 

                Nappa opened the door fully, walked over and stood above the unsuspecting victim.  _Poor Raditz, _He thought, _just had to run it in our face that you were born with such long hair, and we have to deal with your bragging.  _The awake Saiyan hoisted a bottle and tossed it a little.  _Now well see how you like it being bald!  Hahahahahaha!_

The sleeping Saiyan stirred, and Nappa quickly slapped his hands over his mouth.  _Did I laugh out laud?_  Raditz stopped his movement, and started snoring.

                _That's what's making all that noise at night?  I thought the ship was downshifting!_

Glad to have solved that mystery, Nappa walked into the Saiyans bathroom, and opened up the shower.  _This will get him for sure!  _The tall Saiyan opened up the shampoo bottle, poured out its contents, and replaced it with a whole bottle of Nair. 

                Nappa was about to report back to Vegeta, but curiosity got the better of him and he opened up Raditz medicine cabinet.  _What's this cream for?  Huh, and- Holy shit! Why does he have tampons! He doesn't have a girlfriend!  _

                Nappa walked out of the Saiyans room a little disturbed, and gave Vegeta the "All clear signal", which consisted of him tapping his head three times, and singing the national anthem in sign language. 

                "Why did we have to have such a stupid all clear signal?" Nappa complained as they walked off. 

                "Because I'm the Prince!  Next time you're the prince, you can command the pranks," Nappa mulled over this, and came to the conclusion that he wouldn't get to lead a prank.

                "Hey, Vegeta?  Have you ever considered beefing up your name a bit?  Maybe, "The Saiyan formally known as Prince?"

                Just before Vegeta closed his door, he muttered, "Shut up."

                Dawn.  At least as close to dawn as you can get in the middle of space.

                Raditz woke up, immediately turning on his terminal.  As the start up proceeded, he walked into his bathroom and brushed his teeth, flossed, and cleaned his ears.  Walking back out, he noticed his screen was flashing.  _Intruder?  That's never happened before._

"Bring up the visual," He smirked, _that sounds so cool._

Raditz watched Nappa walk into his room and stand over him, and then switched to the bathroom camera as the tall man walked in and pour the Nair into the shampoo bottle.  _I knew this close circuit security camera system would come in handy!  _ The Saiyan left the terminal and grabbed the bottle of shampoo, then checked the time.  _He should be eating breakfast right now..._

"No way! Pikacho would totally beat Jiggly Puff!"  Nappa exclaimed.

                "Nappa, we were talking about our prank."  Vegeta reminded the dense Saiyan.

                "Oh yea..."

                "Hey Vegeta, Nappa.  What's up?" Raditz asked.

                "Not much.  Man! You stink!  Have you showered today?' Vegeta asked the cover-up question.

                "Naw, I have to train.  I'll do it later," Vegeta and Nappa exchanged discouraged glances, but shrugged.  He would have to shower at some time.

                Raditz walked towards the training center with a grin.  _This is going to be so cool!_

Nappa stood up from his meal and made tracks for his own room.  _I stink worst then Raditz!  Time to clean up!_ The suddenly hygienic Saiyan thought. 

                Vegeta met up with Raditz in the training room. 

                "Hey, Raditz," 

                "Hey Vegeta," The other Saiyan said, "Hey, are you still mad at me for sticking your finger in that outlet last week and making your hair stick up like that?"  (One piece of history solved.)

                "Naw, I got over that quick," Vegeta lied, "I think it looks good like this."

                "Oh okay," Raditz said, a little confused, "Did you tell Nappa what happened?"

                "Yea.  Why?" 

                "No reason! Just curious!"  Raditz said, holding up his hands to ward off suspicion.

                "Then why did you-"

                "AAAAAUUUUURRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!"  The screams shock the whole ship, causing several people to start and look around.  Nappa suddenly burst into the training center, completely bald and holding large clumps of hair in each hand.

                "My hair!  My beautiful hair!"  He wailed, clutching at his head, "YOU!"  He jabbed a finger at Raditz, "You put the Nair in my shampoo!  Do you realize I will be stuck like this for life!"

                "Yea sure," Raditz said, "But so will Vegeta's hair, and he got used to it.  Besides, you did it to me first!"

                "Oh yea," The suddenly deflated Saiyan realized, "I guess I can't argue with that.  I'll just be bald..."

                And thus the history is revealed.  I plan on making a small series like this, based on pranks.  Vegeta, Piccolo, Yhamcha, and Goku obvious targets.  Still turning out stories slowly as ever, but I'll get them up!!  Oh, and if you are going to review, please don't leave plugs for your own stories.  I'm not a billboard, but, if you have something good to say, please do!


	40. Capsule Corp

            School was just about to be over, and Gohan could not wait.  His father and little brother were at home waiting for him to arrive for a nice relaxing spar. _Come on, come on!_ His thoughts yelled at the clock.

            "Before you guy's start thinking about what you are doing tonight," The teacher started.

            _To late, _Gohan thought.

            "I would like you to have your parents sign these release forms for the class field trip," The teacher handed out slips to each student.

            _I feel an overused, stupid plot coming on…_Gohan's internal dialogue said as he took a form.

            "We will be leaving for Capsule Corporation in the morning.  Please pack accordingly.

            _Dende, I'm going to kill you._

"This one isn't my fault!"  Dende yelled indignantly.

            They stood around the bus, seven dozen strong, all waiting to see the famous building. 

            They boarded the bus, Gohan dodged a bunch of questions from Videl, mainly about Saiyaman and him being the same person, and then Videl did some weird _feminine _thing that caught Gohan's attention, and they grew closer to a relationship. 

            They arrived and were ushered into the building by a jovial man in a red space age suit. 

            "Capsule Corp is the leading producer of technology in the world, and the briefs have become on of the strongest families in the world because of it." He said, showing off the various points of the building.

            Gohan was getting suspicious.  Bulma, Trunks, Vegeta, or Yhamcha were nowhere to be seen.  Raising a hand, Gohan asked, "Will we be meeting Bulma?"

            "No," The guide said with a little question in his voice, "Bulma is far to busy a woman to see a simple field trip class."

            "Oh," Gohan said.

            He kept looking around the entire tour, expecting Trunks to pop out and ask how he defeated Cell again, Vegeta wanting to spar, or Yhamcha asking about Videl.  Nothing.

            They were walking out of the building.  The field trip was over and nothing had happened.  No villains.  No storms to keep them over night. No Saiyans to ruin his life.

            Just as he walked out the door, he looked back, expecting they all had waited to pounce on him as he left, but there was nothing.

            "What is this," He wondered out loud, "Some kind of joke?"


	41. Cell Games

            The ring was set, Cell stood in the middle with his eye's close, waiting for the start and his ultimate challenge.  The reporter and his camera man stood on the side lines, having failed to interview the super being, and waited for the rest of the arrivals.

            A dust cloud rose from the road, and the black limo came into sight just moments later.  The door opened very majestically for a door, and the world champ stepped out. 

            "Cell! I am here to undo your-" The champ tripped on a root and impaled himself on a rock.

            Vegeta landed ringside and looked at the champ with a scowl on his face.  Seconds later the Saiyan was rolling on the ground with laughter.

            "The chump didn't even make it to the ring?"  He said between fits of laughter, "I hope you got that recorded, because I'm going to watch that for three day's straight!" He said to the cameraman.  (A/N: What?  Do you think I'm going to sit here and write about Hercules antics for seventy-two pages just because he was in the real Cell games!  Pfff! Yeah right!)

            Sixteen came in on the other side of the ring, looked around, nodded, and picked up a squirrel to pet.  "Such a pretty squirrel!"  He cooed, "Who's a pretty squirrel?  You're a pretty squirrel!  Yes you are!"

            The rest of the gang landed behind Vegeta in lines as precise as a firing squad.  The front line turned to the back line, Vegeta pulled out a banjo, and the whole crew broke into a line dance.

            "Spin your partner round and round, and don't let them see that frown.  Be as happy as you were at birth, because it's the end of the Earth," Vegeta sang.

            The reporter stood there in shock and muttered to himself, "They really are hicks who play the banjo."

            "Alright!" Kakarot said, "I'm going to fight first! Right Cell?"

            No response.

            "Cell?  Hello?  I said, I'm going to fight first!"  The tall Saiyan walked up to Cell and face the front of the android.  Seconds later he sighed and walked back. 

            "Father, what's wrong?"  Gohan asked.

            "He's asleep."

            "Well, that's not a problem," Piccolo said, "He has Saiyan blood in him."

            "So?" Vegeta asked.

            "HEY CELL!"  Piccolo yelled, "DINNER TIME!"

            The monster came awake and looked around, wiping drool from his face.

            "Tenth day already?"  He mumbled, "Okay, time to fight!"

            Kakarot walked back onto the ring and took a fancy pose.  "How do you like this!"  He said, waving his arms in a mockery of martial arts.

            "Not bad, but how about this!"  Cell made his wings stick up vertical, covered his mouth with one hand, and grabbed onto his foot with the other.

            "AUURGH!" Kakarot yelled, "I surrender Cell.  It is obvious you are better then me."  The Saiyan stepped down and sulked in a corner.

            "I'll go next!" Krillian said and hopped onto the ring.

            "You?" Vegeta said, "But you are to weak, unlike me, and you can't fight with great warriors, like me, and will just be in the way, unlike me."

            "Yea, but I just want to do one thing."  Krillian charged up a huge beam and held it in front of him, "You want to see who is the smartest warrior around here Cell?  Then watch this!"  Krillian threw the Ki blast in the complete wrong direction and it blew the reporter and camera man to hell. 

            "Wow!"  Vegeta gasped, "He is smart!  I should have done that!"

            Cell gaped at the brilliance of the maneuver, "Holy crap! That is smart.  If they had been killed right off the bat then we could have shaved seven episodes off the Cell Games Saga!"

            Krillian walked off the stage and was replaced by Gohan.

            "Yo!" The boy called to the android.

            "What's up homie," Cell said back.

            "You'z trashin on my pop and my bros out here.  I can't allow you to do that anymore,"

            "You'z talking to me?  You'z talking to ME?"  The green thing said.

            "Yea, but you ain't pissed me off yet, I'm gonna wait until you make me mad, then I'll kill you with a flourish and suspense,"

            "Try it b-" Cell was cut off by android sixteen.

            "Oh shit," 16 said, and suddenly blew up.

            "What's wrong with him?" Krillian said, kicking the rolling head of the android towards the mountains.

            "Who knows," Trunks said, making sure his hair was just right, "He's just a stupid robot."

            Gohan turned and angry eye at Cell.  The other eye he kept happy, because he's always happy.  "You just killed my friend," He said with a growl.

            "I didn't do it!"  Cell yelled, and hid behind a pillar, "It was Vegeta!  He's the one who did it!"

            "What!"  Vegeta yelled, "Cell!  You have mocked my Saiyan ancestry, tricked me in battle, but this time you've gone to far!  You will pay the ultimate prince for…  Uhhh… You will pay the ultimate…"  Vegeta scowled and pulled out a piece of paper.

            "You wrote it down!"  Trunks gourped.

            "It's a long speech!"  Vegeta scrosseled.

            The Saiyan read through the speech, "Gasoline?  You will pay the ultimate price for gasoline?"  He said confused, "Aww, screw it!"  He flung himself at Cell and fired off thousands of blasts that did no apparent harm to the creature.

            "Hold on Vegeta!"  Gohan yelled, "Something's not right."

            "What now!"

            "Well, I was just reviewing the script which we are so diligently following, and I'm supposed to get mad and transform by now."

            "Sooo…"

            "So, I haven't!" 

            "Well," Yhamcha said, "I guess I'll have to do it then." 

            The human began to flex and yell, but out of the blue a meteorite smashed him into the ground.

            "Is it just me, or are these stories just getting more and more random?" Tien asked.

            "So, how am I supposed to die now?"  Cell asked.

            They all looked at me. 

            _What!  I don't have any idea how to do it!  _I protest.

            "Uhhhh," Piccolo said as he thought, "Hey! Gohan!  Cell wants to steal your candy!"

            "WHAT!"  Gohan yelled, turning to the android, "You little bitch!"  Gohan flared up into Super Saiyan Two, "I'll kill you!  Kamehameha!"

            "Yea!" Kakarot yelled, "That's it, give him the old Kamehameha times infinity plus one, Gohan!"

            Tien turned to Krillian, "Ya know, we never get to do anything half as cool."

            "Yea, but we also stay alive longer," Krillian pointed out.

            "Oh yea…"


	42. Dirty Talk

            Chichi yawned as she walked into the bedroom she shared with Goku.  The Saiyan was already asleep soundly, and snoring away with enough force to rattle the windows.  She smiled even as she scowled, he never changed.  Chichi crawled onto the bed and rolled Goku onto his side so the snoring stopped.

            She walked to her closet and pulled on her nightgown, let her hair down, and washed the make up off her face.  Not that she really needed it, but she wanted to make sure her nose didn't shine or the fatigue she normally felt show under her eyes.  After she was done, she strolled over to the bed and lay down.

            "Goku," She whispered, "You awake?"

            "Mmm," was the Saiyans response.

            "Gohan's over training with Piccolo and Goten's over at Trunks.  We're alone.  Want to make this a special night?"  She draped her arm over Goku's shoulder, stroking the muscles in his chest.

            "Oh baby," Goku murmured, "The very scent of you makes my mouth water, and my heart beat faster."

            Chichi blushed.  Was the innocent man she married about to talk dirty to her?

            "Your sight is one to behold with your smooth skin, amply breasts, and a hell of a set of legs."

            Chichi grinned, this was rather nice.

            "Oh baby, I have to tell you.  I've seen a lot of things in my life, but you are the best thanksgiving turkey yet."

            Chichi looked at the back of Saiyans head, for a second only wondering what the heck type of dirty talk that was, then she caught it.

            "Goku! You are such a Saiyan!"  She smacked the still sleeping man and stormed out of the room.

            Goku sat up, "What did I do?" He asked the empty room.


	43. All dressed up and nowhere to go

            "Kakarot!  This is all your fault!"  Vegeta yelled, glancing side long at the running Saiyan.

            "What did I do?" He asked.

            "You flared up into a Super Saiyan in view of the public eye!  And this time for no good reason!" 

            "Well!  They wanted to take my ice cream away!"

            "I swear you're as bad as Buu!"  Vegeta retorted, ducking a pitchfork that had been launched his way.

            "Will you two quit this!"  Gohan yelled, "These guys are serious!  They have hated Gold Fighters ever since the Cell games!  They're going to tear us apart!"

            "Of course they are!"  Vegeta yelled, "Not to mention we have a being with a green face with us!"

            Piccolo gave Vegeta a Death Glare From Hellâ, "We need to elude pursuit.  When we turn the next corner, hide in the first alley you see."

            The four men turned and dashed into the dirty alley as fast as they could. 

            "I can't believe we're being hunted like animals!"  Vegeta scowled, "It's like were some sort of beasts!"

            "Well, you did try to destroy the world once, so I guess you qualify as a monster," Goku pointed out.

            "Quiet!"  The Namek hissed as the crowd rushed by.  Several men had pitchforks and torches, while the women carried flying pans and shot guns.  Within moments, the crowd of about fifty or so passed the entrance of the alley and moved on.

            "We're in the middle of a freaking city!  Why do they have torches and pitch forks?" the teenage Saiyan asked as they stepped tentivley into the street.

            "Who knows, a lynching mob usually manages to dig those up every time a monster comes by."  Goku said, "Hey, why are we so afraid of frying pans?"

            They all looked at each other, seeing if some one else had the answer.  They didn't.

            "Maybe it's the same reason we 'bond' with our mates."  Vegeta pointed out.

            "Yea, or the same reason I have to go to Capsule Corp. at least four times a month."  Gohan said.

            "And the same reason we get put in weird situations every day," Piccolo reminded.

            "Or the reason I say 'baka' every five minutes," Vegeta complained.

            "Or why I'm so stupid," Goku sighed.

            "Or why I always get bossed around," Gohan said.

            "I know!"  Vegeta exclaimed, "We're all being written about in some weird zone and they all make us in these situations!"

            The others thought about it, and then all four spoke, "Nah."

            "There they are!" 

            They all turned to see the mob rushing back in their direction, and ran away from the mob.

            "Dammit!"  Vegeta yelled, "Our clothes are too distinctive, we need something new to wear!" The Prince thought for a second, and pulled the others into a building.

            It was an apartment building that ran up several stories.  The heroes dashed into an unoccupied apartment and slammed the door shut.

            "It's a good thing the door was unlocked," Gohan said.

            "Yea," Vegeta conceded, "Now, every one, strip!"

            "Whoa! Vegeta, we're not like that," Goku said, raising up his hands as if to ward off a blow.

            "Not like that!  We need to change into some new clothes to avoid the crowd!  Take off your clothes and we'll just 'borrow' some of this persons wardrobe."

            The men took off there clothes and moved to the closet.

            "Now lets just see what we have," Vegeta said as he opened the door.

            All four stood in absolute horror as they gazed at the clothes.

            "Let me guess," Goku said, "This is a girls apartment…"

            The four stared at the assortment of dresses, blouses, and skirts that hung up, and then they turned to face Vegeta.

            "It's not like I knew this apartment would be occupied by a girl!"  He protested, "It doesn't matter.  This actually works better, because they are looking for four men, not four women."

            The three still gave him dubious looks.

            "It's either that or we brush through the halls butt naked looking for another apartment!"  Vegeta yelled, "Now! Get dressed!"

            They decided Vegeta was right and pulled out several articles of clothing, trying to find things that would fit.

            "Hey dad," Gohan called, "Remember about how we were talking about being forced into awkward situations?"

            "Yea, this sure fits the bill," His father returned.

            Piccolo picked up a bra and stared at it, "Where does this go?" He asked, a little embarrassed.

            "You moron!"  Vegeta yelled, "We're not putting on undergarments! Just clothes!"

            The Namek gave a sigh of relief and tossed the bra back.  The four finished dressing and looked each other over.

            "This isn't going to work," Piccolo said, "Your hair and my baldness and antennae are going to give us away."

            "Got it covered," Gohan said and pulled out four hats.

            "That will work for you two," Vegeta said, "But Kakarots and my hair is too long and pointy to wear a hat."

            Goku had been rummaging around the apartment while the others talked, more out of boredom then because he was trying to help.

            "Hey," He said, "What's this?"

            He was holding a spray can up to the light to inspect it, but wasn't having much luck finding anything out about it.

            "Kakarot!" Vegeta exclaimed, "You're a genius!"

            "I am?  Wow!  I'm a genius!  Thanks Vegeta!  Now I'm a gen…"

            "Will you shut up!  Give me that!"  The shorter Saiyan grabbed the can from Gokus hand and turned to the bathroom to use the mirror.

            "I'm a genius.  Wow!  A certified genius…"

            Vegeta walked out, "So.  What do you think?"

            His long pointy hair had been sprayed and brushed back so that it lay down his neck and almost to his back.

            "AHHH!"  Goku yelled, pointing at Vegeta, "It's the girl who owns the apartment!  She's caught us in the act!"

            "Very funny," Vegeta scowled, "So nice to have a friend in the audience, and your laughing so hard, but your next."

            Within minutes, the four made their way back out to the street.  Piccolo was wearing a long black skirt and a red blouse to help cover up his green skin.  A black hat that covered most of his scalp accessorized his head.  "If anyone asks," he said, "I'll just say I like to keep my hair very short."

            Goku was walking along in a blue dress with long sleeves, and no back.  His hair had been sprayed back and braided by Gohan.  No one asked how Gohan knew how to braid hair; the night was already too weird for them.  Flip-flops adorned his feet and he had completed the asamble with a pair of clip on earrings.

            Gohan had taken a similar style as Piccolo, but his skirt was purple and his blouse was white.  He had slipped on high heel shoes, a pair of small studs had been placed in his ears, and a hat covered his short hair.

            Vegeta wore a dress as well that touched his feet as he walked, it was yellow in color, but was sewn with a special fabric that made it change from orange to yellow dependant on the angle it was viewed at.  Long hoop earrings and high heels completed his outfit.

            "He took up more space describing our clothing then he did rewriting the Cell games," Vegeta complained about my handy work.

            "Hush," Goku said, "We have more important matters to discuses.  Like who looks best in women's clothes.  I vote for myself!"

            The others ignored him as the walked at a measured pace down the street.  No one turned a second glance at the four ugly women; no one wanted to be associated with them.

            "You know Vegeta?" Goku said, "That dress really sets off your eye's."

            "Shut up!"  The Prince yelled.

            "You could have chosen a short one too to show off your legs!"

            Instead of being pissed, the Prince crossed his arms and scowled.

            "What's the matter?"

            "Even short skirts touch my feet okay!  Lets hurry up so I can get out of these damn women's clothing!" He yelled a little too loudly.

            Several people turned at the noise, and suddenly they were under a little too much scrutiny for their own likings.  The opened the nearest door and rushed in.

            Pool tables took up most of the floor space and a jukebox played tunes from one wall.  The other wall was taken up by a counter with several people sat nursing drinks.  The four 'women' glanced around and quickly took a table.

            "Now what?" Gohan asked.

            "We wait until the crowd that hear us leaves and then we'll try to get out of here!"  Vegeta said.

            "How come ever sentence you say is ended in an exclamation point?" Goku asked the shorter Saiyan.

            "They are not!"  Quickly he looked back at his sentence, "Okay, maybe they are, but who cares!"

            Several drinks were slammed on the table in front of them.

            "What's this?" Piccolo asked, "We didn't order anything."

            "Four men at the end of the bar," The bartender said.

            The four turned to see a quartet of men all waving and smiling in there direction.

            "Great!"  Vegeta scowled, "I knew we shouldn't have tried to pull this off!"

            Before the others could remind him that they didn't think it would work, the four men from the bar came over and each took a spot by each warrior.

            "Hey there beautiful, how would you like… Ahh!"  He jumped back a pace as he saw Piccolo's pissed off face, "These women are ugly as hell!"

            His friends looked at him, and then took a closer look at the women they had selected.

            "Mine looks like a teenage boy!"

            "Mine looks like a friggin body builder!  Short too!"

            "I don't know what you guys are talking about," The fourth said, "Mine is very lovely."  He took Goku's hand and kissed the back of it.

            "Guy's! Help!"  He said, looking to the others for assistance.

            "As much as I hate to help you Kakarot, I want to kill someone for this hellish evening," The Prince jabbed an elbow into his male, then turned and kicked him in the chest.

            "Ahh!"  Another patron of the bar yelled, "I got a look up her dress!  And that woman is a man!"

            Within seconds, the four had beaten the entire population of the bar into a pulp, and as they were dusting off their hands, Piccolo spoke.

            "That little skirmish reminded me, we don't have to run from the mobs, we can just fly."

            "Oh yea," The other chimed in.

            "We'll then let's go!"  Vegeta yelled and blasted off into the air.

            "Hey!"  Piccolo yelled behind him, "Quit looking up my dress!"

            "Sorry," Goku said, and moved up beside him, "Hey guys, I just realized I can use instantaneous movement to get home.  I'll see you guy's later."

            "Hold on," Vegeta ordered, "This night is never going to be brought up again.  Is that clear?"

            "Like we'd want to remember it," Piccolo said.

            They all departed.

            Goku landed in his house, forgetting for the moment that he had searched out Chichi ki and landed right next to the woman.

            "Hi Goku, how are- AHH!  Why are you dressed like that! Oh no!  I've lost my husband to the other side!"

            "No, Chichi. It's not like that!"

            "I wasn't that great a wife! But to turn him gay!  Whaaaa!"


	44. Kakagoku

Vegeta threw seven punches and five kicks at his imaginary target, all within the span of one second.

_I'm too damn sluggish today, _he thought; _better push this to the limit._

Walking to the controls, he pushed the gravity button and sent it from four fifty, to six hundred times gravity. _I'll become a super Saiyan yet! I will not let my sworn enemy hold it over my head; I will surpass everyone and destroy the androids!_

"Dammit! I will defeat you, Goku!" Vegeta stopped and slapped both hands over his mouth. _What did I just say? _"Ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-kakagoku!" _Uh oh._

"Oh shit," he said out loud, "I have a feeling this is going to be a bad day..."

He turned off the gravity and walked out of the room. Turning to shut the door he leaned against it. "My sworn enemy and idiotic subordinate is the third class clown Ka-Carrot. Yes! The third class clown Carrot!" He frowned. That wasn't going to cut it.

"KakakakakakakakakakakakakakaGoku. Aurgh!" The Saiyan stomped up to the house and slammed the door to the kitchen shut.

"What's up with you?" Bulma asked, over the lip of the coffee cup she was holding.

"Something has happened," he said carefully.

"Did you break the gravity room again? You can't keep doing this! I can't keep doing these repairs while I'm pregnant! With _your _son I might add!" She heaved up her form and began to walk to the gravity room to find the problem.

"No, no," Vegeta said, "It's much worse then that."

She gave him a close look. Not many things were worse then the gravity room breaking. No bones looked broken, no limbs were missing, no blood...

"I give up," She sighed, "What is it."

"I can no longer say the other Saiyans on this planets real name," he confessed.

"Who, Goku?" he nodded, "What's so bad about that? You're the only one who calls him that."

"That's not true. Broli hasn't been discovered and almost killed yet, and he calls him Kaka- That name."

"Oooo, trying to get me on a technicality. You're mature."

"Well fine! You should talk. I can still call you Bulma," His jaw dropped, and he smacked his forehead, "Sorry, slip of the tongue, Woman."

She was grinning at the mistake and his discomfort, and left the kitchen.

Vegeta sat at the table wondering what he was to do. He couldn't show his face to Goku and have to call him that name! He would never live it down! So guess who showed up in the kitchen.

"Hey Vegeta! Piccolo and Gohan are sparring today, and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind it if I just stood still and you could beat the shit out of me," Goku said.

"Get away from me, uh, moron! I don't want to be around you today!"

"Oh, okay. How about tomorrow?"

"Sure. Will that offer for you to stand still be open?"

"No, that was just for today." He held up two fingers, then looked around, "Uh, where do I place my fingers again?"

Vegeta sighed. That was the most perfect opportunity to have Goku humiliate himself, but he wasn't in the mood, "Forehead."

"Oh! Cool! Bye!" He vanished.

Vegeta resumed thinking, and didn't get anywhere.

"I guess I'll have to call the dragon," he concluded.

He picked up the phone and dialed 1333WISH4ME, "Shenron! It's me, Vegeta."

"For the last time, I don't want any magazines!" The dragon yelled.

"No, no. That was only a part time gig. I just want to make a wish."

"Oh, okay, let me transfer you to wish services." With a slight beep, Vegeta was put on hold. Rocking his head side to side slightly, Vegeta tapped his foot with the beat of the hold music.

The music stopped and a mechanical female voice came over the line. "We're sorry, you're call has been disconnected. Have a nice day!"

Vegeta stared at the phone in shock as a buzzing signal emitted from the earpiece. He dialed again, but this time got a prerecorded message.

"Thank you for calling Dragon Wish. If you would like to sell magazines, please press the little button that hangs up your phone. If you would like to ask Shenron on a date, please press one. If you would like to shower Shenron with riches and praise, dial two. If you would like to be Shenrons dinner, press three. If you would like to make a wish, press 54512187612118846234434787974892431041480016184214787651423."

_What the hell ever happened to five? _Vegeta asked as he attempted to dial the number again.

"We're sorry, that is not a valid option. Please try again." Vegeta punched each number with menace into the phone.

"Uh, wow. Shit, you actually got it right. Ummmm. Hang on." Five minutes later "What!" Shenrons voice came back.

"I would like to make a wish," Vegeta stated.

"So would I. Are you going to give me one??"

"Uh, no."

"Then why should I give you one??"

"It's your job," Vegeta reminded the temperamental dragon.

"Oh yea. What do you want? Immortality?"

"Oooo. But no. I have more pressing matters. I wish to be able to say Goku's Saiyan name."

"That's it? What a stupid wish," Vegeta felt a tingle all over his body, and then Shenron spoke again, "Is that all?"

"Yes, no! Wait. This new phone thing sucks. Let's just go back to collecting the dragon balls."

"Oh alright. But I still hate how everyone is searching for my balls..."

Vegeta hung up and looked himself in the mirror, "Kakarot. Kakarot! Ha! Kakarot!" Vegeta quickly moved down the hall. He needed to find that clown and see if he could still beat him.

"Kakarot, Kakarot, Kakarot, Kakarot, Kakarot, Kakarot, Kakarot..."


	45. Finding a Target

Vegeta sat twenty feet underground, locked in airtight casket with an air supply and food. _Nothing bad is going to happen to me today. _He thought. The author moved on to find another target.

Piccolo was seated, eye's closed, like always, but when I approached to make his life miserable, I smacked into a solid patch of air that was none other then a barrier. I didn't want to mess with Dende, because he's god, so I left the lookout.

Bulma, Chichi, and Videl all held on to baseball bats and pepper spray, but I passed them by, not wanting to make fun of them today. Walking towards Kakarot, he gave me a death glare and powered up to Super Saiyan 17, "Don't even think about it," he said. I didn't move on, I ran for dear life.

Krillian was to easy a target, so I passed him up. Eighteen fired a warning blast and Roshi wasn't home. No stories on that island.

I watched Gohan and Goten for a while, but nothing came about.

_Damn! _I thought, _isn't there one good story around here?!?!_

Hercule walked out. _All right!_ At this point, my computer ran out of memory, so I had to watch Hercule try to beat up a villain, take the credit, and make trillions of dollars, all without being able to make fun of it.


	46. Stupid doe

Piccolo sat down on the edge of the lookout. It was the perfect day to meditate; the sun was shining, just like it always was except during climactic scenes, the lookout had been rid of other occupants by Piccolo throwing them off the edge of the platform, and it was quiet.

"Hummmmmmmmmm," Piccolo uttered the sacred word of centering. He thoughts moved through time, conjuring up images and wisdom he would never use. Words flashed through his head, and it was too late before he noticed they meant something.

_Doe a deer, a female deer. Ray, a drop of golden sun. Me a name, I call myself... _Piccolo's eye's shot open. _No, no no no no! Please say it isn't so! I won't let it happen! No! _To late, the song was stuck in Piccolo's head. _Far, a longer way to run! Sew a needle pulling tread! _"AAAAUUUUUUURRRRRHHHHHHHHH!" Piccolo let out a blood-curdling scream and jumped off the lookout, trying to outrun the song from hell.

Landing at the base, Piccolo stopped and listened to his head. Nothing.

Walking past two holes in the ground that looked like outlines of Dende and Mr. Popo, he found a patch of ground he could float above without interruption. "Hummmmmmmmm. Hummmmmme a name I call myse- No!" Piccolo stood up and beat his skull, trying to knock the song out.

Now having a headache and a song stuck in his head, Piccolo blasted into the sky, and headed towards the 439-mountain district. Goku was outside and looked like he was training.

"Goku?" Piccolo asked.

The Saiyan was muttering, and with his hearing, Piccolo listened in.

"You put your left foot in, you put your left foot out, you put your left foot in..."

"Goku!" Piccolo yelled. _It's bad enough having one song stuck in my head._

"Oh, hey Piccolo! What's up?"

"Spar with me. Right now."

"Uh, okay."

They spared for seven hours. Piccolo forgot all about the song, and he left the beaten form of Goku behind. He flew up to the lookout in record time and sat down. _Time to medi-te a drink with jam and bread._

Piccolo opened his eye's and saw that Dende was trying his best to be inconspicuous. Piccolo then knew that the short Namek was the problem. Getting up, he walked over to where Dende was watching the Earth, and leaned over.

"Do, a deer, a female deer. Ray a drop of golden sun." Piccolo stood up and walked away.

He arrived at his room and smiled, the song was gone.

Dende stared at his mentor, wondering why he had done that. Sure, he had placed the song in his head, but why sing it to him?

He looked back over the edge and his mind wandered. _Me a name I call myself. _Dende face then dawned as the song got firmly imbedded in his head. _That Namek's too smart for his own good. Far a longer way to run!_


	47. Ahchtwooh

The hundred-mile crater was the only remain of the insane villain Buu, the spirit bomb had worked, and peace was once again reining over the land. The two Saiyans, Vegeta and Kakarot, sat down on the stony, blasted ground, waiting for Supreme, Great, Master Kia to come pick them up so they could go home.

"So," Kakarot said, "Nice weather here, huh?"

"Yea, real nice," Vegeta responded.

"Yep," Kakarot nodded, looking for something, _anything_, to do. Supreme Kia had said it would take a few minutes for him to build up his ki again to make the trip, so they waited. And waited.

"Hey!" Kakarot exclaimed, "What ever happened to Hercule?"

Vegeta looked around and thought back to what had happened.

_The spirit bomb was sailing in on Buu; Kakarot was now at full power and was finally going to kill the bubble gum monster. The human and the Saiyan were standing behind Buu and slightly to the left, so they would be out of the way when the bomb struck. The bomb hit Buu head on and pushed it's way onto the monster, consuming him completly. The monsters energy was completly gone, but the bomb was moving on unhindered. Vegeta and Hercule were standing not one meter to the side of the bomb, Vegeta leaning on the oaf. Vegeta got a sly look in his eyes. This would be perfect._

_"Oops!" He said, bumping Hercule into the spirit bomb._

"Uh," Vegeta thought fast, "He knows the instant transmission technique and used it to go home."

"Oh," Kakarot said, "At least he's safe."

"So, Kakarot," Vegeta changed the subject, "How did you go Super Saiyan three?"

"You're never going to believe this, but, the reason it takes so long to transform is because I use Rogain to make my hair grow, then shave off my eye brows!"

"That's it?" Vegeta asked, dumbfounded.

"Of course! Didn't you even notice how my fighting skills didn't increase and I actually didn't hit him as hard as when I was just a Super Saiyan?" (It's true!)

"Oh. So that was just a ruse to catch your opponents of guard?"

"Yea!"

Vegeta thought on this until a pop of air and rustle of grass announced the presence of the Kia's and the god of Earth.

"You did it!" Dende yelled and threw himself onto Kakarot.

"OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!" Kakarot said as the bruises he had accumulated were crushed.

"Oh sorry," Dende said, and healed the two beings.

Vegeta noticed the power increase he got from the healing and got an idea.

_If I can blackmail Dende in some way, then I could beat myself to a pulp, and he could heal me! I would increase in power rapidly if the process was repeated, then I could finally beat Kakarot._

"Vegeta, I'm a god. If you try to blackmail me, I will just smite you," Dende said.

_Why doesn't anyone ever tell me they can read minds!_

All the Z-warriors gathered on the lookout. It was one week after the crises of Buu, and Kakarot called a meeting to discuss the future defense of the Earth.

"Why are we called Z-warriors?" Yhamcha asked, "We're not Z's."

"Stop changing the subject," Kakarot said, "Anyway. I think it will be imperative for all of us to learn the fusion dance, so if something happens, we can fuse two people together and have a good chance of winning!"

All reluctantly agreed, and practice ensued.

Krillten was formed, which looked like a bald Goten, Vegerunks looked a lot like Vegeta, but with purple hair. Goccolo (Kakarot and Piccolo) just looked plain funny. He had the voice and the psychological mannerisms of Piccolo, but the brains of Kakarot. "You must remain calm, like a bowling ball floating across instant pudding," was a favorite.

The day ended and the fighters went home, all having mastered the fusion dance in less then four hours.

Deep in the night, a dark ominous power stirred and awakened.

"You're mysteriousness needs work," Piccolo critiqued my work.

Shut up. The middle of a lake stirred and foamed black like the night sky above it. A life was being born, evil emanated from the lake, for it was a lake that had been ridiculed as a kid, made fun of by all the other lakes.

"You still suck," Piccolo said, never opening his eyes from his meditation.

In a rare phenomenon that only happens on Earth once every fifty thousand years, a combination lightning-bolt-tornado-hail-storm-volcano-ping-pong-ball-strike-George-Bush-speach-my cooking-force-feeding-tsunami hit Piccolo head on, forcing him to be quiet while I wrote the rest of my story.

A figure emerged from the lake. Made completely of water, it was shaped like a man from the waist up, and the bottom was long and trailing like a snake tail. It had red glowing eyes, because a villain wouldn't be a villain without red glowing eyes.

"Oh! Oh! Make him have fangs, too!" Kakarot yelled from behind me.

I turned around to glare at the two, "Would you two go away! I told you, I am writing this story! I'll be the one to decide what happens!"

Vegeta and Kakarot both stuck out there tongue and left my computer room in a huff. I turned back to my keyboard.

...glowing red eyes. His mouth opened in a wide grin, revealing sharp fangs that glistened with saliva.

"Ah HA!" Kakarot yelled from the doorway.

"Would you..." I began to yell at him, but stopped as he skipped away.

"Boy, you sure screwed up my entrance," The water being said beside me.

"Would every one just get out of my apartment!" I yelled, kicking out Cell, Vegeta, Piccolo, Tien, the water being, Frieza, and Trunks. I made sure to lock my door.

Vegeta woke up the next day, trying to forget the dreams that had haunted him.

_Fusing with Yhamcha! _He thought, smacking the side of his head, _I will never!_

He pulled out several items for breakfast, mostly cold pizza, and poured himself a glass of water with glowing red eye's and sharp fangs.

_Must be a water spot, _the Saiyan thought as he chowed down on the pizza. The water in his glass grew, spilling out all over the table and taking on the form of the water being.

Vegeta looked up at the man, and held up a slice, "Want some?" He asked.

The being glared at the Saiyan, and rose up to his full height, about six feet.

"Sure!" The being said, sitting down beside Vegeta and grabbing a slice. The two ate in silence for several minutes, until all the pizza was gone.

"That was great!" The water being said.

"Sure was, and it wasn't even delivery, it was Degorno."

"Wow! By the way, names Ahchtwo-oh," he said, extending his hand.

"Vegeta," said guess who, "Where did you come from?"

"I came from the blackest of all lakes, my heart is pure evil, and I'm here to kill everyone."

"Oh. Okay. Does this mean we're going to have to fight?"

"Yea," Ahchtwo-oh punched Vegeta in the face, sending him flying through the wall.

"This friendship is not off to a good start," Vegeta got up, rubbing his jaw.

He leaped at Ahchtwo-oh and threw a punch right at his face. His fist went right thought the water and out the other side.

"I have a feeling this fight is going to suck," Vegeta thought and backed away, "Final, Big Bang, gallic gun attack!" He yelled, aiming his hands at Ahchtwo-oh.

The water being was evaporated into a small cloud that rose up into the sky.

"Hey," Vegeta wondered, "What happened to the fifty hour fights that every villain manages to fight?"

The cloud stopped, and suddenly it rained right under it, and, sure enough, Ahchtwo-oh was back.

"You can't destroy water!" He laughed, "I am indestructible! Just like Buu was!"

"We beat him," Vegeta pointed out.

"Lucky shot," Ahchtwo-oh said, "I will not make the same mistake." He punched Vegeta so hard that the Saiyan went sailing towards the lookout.

Piccolo neatly caught the short Saiyan and rushed towards the other end of the Lookout with him, knocking aside Dende and Mr. Popo in the process.

"Touch down!" he yelled, spiking Vegeta.

"What's up?" Kakarot asked, showing up with the rest of the Z-gang with the instant transmission.

"Something came out of my water and started punching me. Its name is Ahchtwo-oh and it's really mean. Oh, and it likes pizza." Vegeta explained.

"Is it strong?" Piccolo asked, as Dende and Mr. Popo poured Gatorade over his head.

"Very. The problem is it's made of water, so it can't be destroyed with energy blasts or physical attacks."

"Where did the pizza go? I mean, could you see it?" Goten asked.

"It just kinda floated there in the middle of his stomach, all mushed up and everything."

"I'm no longer hungry," Kakarot said.

"So how are we going to stop it?" Trunks said.

"Toy's!" Goten yelled out.

"Final Flush!" Trunks cried.

"Food!" Vegeta chimed in.

"Plastic explosives!" Yhamcha piped up.

"Glasses!" Tien yelled.

"Fusion!" Kakarot said.

Everyone stopped and looked at the tall Saiyan.

"He said something that made sense!" Vegeta yelled, "Quick! My perceptions are changing! Kakarot, say something stupid! What's two plus two?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," Kakarot sat on the ground and put his hand to his forehead, "Headache coming...on...uh...err...twenty-two !" he exploded, not literally, and lay down, rubbing his temples.

"Okay, so we'll have to have two people fuse and beat this guy!" Piccolo said, and pointed to Kakarot and Vegeta, "Do it!"

They fused to Gogeta and flew down to capsule corp. to face off with Ahchtwo-oh. Five minutes later, he came back, beaten to a pulp.

"That didn't work," The duel voice of Gogeta said.

"Okay, how about wishing him away?"

"Sorry," Yhamcha said, "I used the dragonballs two weeks ago for a new haircut."

"Oh."

Gogeta suddenly split apart and formed Vegeta and Kakarot.

"That was thirty minutes?" Tien asked.

"In DBZ time, sure." Krillian said.

"Hang on," Gohan said, "Lets try something. Goten, Trunks, fuse. Vegeta, dad, you too."

Ahchtwo-oh was getting bored. All the pizza was gone, and that cocky Gogeta guy hadn't been much fun. Now he was sitting, waiting. Of course he wasn't going to destroy the Earth yet, he'd probably be destroyed first.

Suddenly a being approached him. He had long hair on one side of his head and was bald on the other. His skin had a slight greenish tint to it, and he had a third eye.

"Who are you?" Ahchtwo-oh asked.

"I am not Goku, Vegeta, Gohan, Piccolo, Goten, Trunks, Tien, Krillian, Yhamcha, Choatzu, or Yagirobe. I am the instrument of your destruction!" He yelled.

"And the short version?"

"Ahh," All eleven voices said, "I'm not really sure if it gets any shorter. I think it would have to be Gogetahancologorunkstirillianchatzurobe."

"You're right, that's isn't any better," Ahchtwo-oh said, "Where did you come from?"

"Gohan asked if a fusion could be done between two fused beings, so we tried it, and we can!" he looked at his watch, "But since I spent the last twenty nine minutes talking and introducing myself to you, I'm going to have to destroy you now."

"How?"

"I have no idea."

Gogetahancologorunkstirillianchatzurobe charged up a huge energy beam and then yelled, "Ka-final-mesenko-special-ka-flush-tri beam-destructo-wolf-really doesn't have an attack- ha!"

Ahchtwo-oh was vaporized and broken down into basic chemical compounds, and peace reigned again.

"That's it?" A voice behind me said, scaring the crap out of me. I turned around and saw Kakarot standing there, looking over my shoulder.

"I thought I locked the door," I said. He placed two fingers to his forehead and grinned. Of course, he didn't need doors. "Yes, that's it. The z-warriors split up into all eleven fighters and Ahchtwo-oh was never seen again."

"Oh. Did he leave any pizza behind?"

Sorry this took so long, I've been rather busy. I promise to keep writing, but it just might take me a while. I've always wanted to do a fusion between everyone, and I finally got to. What do you think? Let me know by using that little button on the bottom, to the left!

Brad


	48. First words

Bulma was bent over the crib of her first born, making faces and cooing at the baby. She sucked in her cheeks and crossed her eyes, "Bogga bogga bogga!" She said in gibberish, the result being a giggle from the youth.

"Hey Trunks," She called, "I'm your mommy! Can you say 'Mommy?'"

"Wagga!"

"No, "Mommy.'"

"Pabga!"

"Mommy!"

"What in the hell do you think your doing," Even though the voice came from behind her, she looked down at her son in amazement for the barest of seconds, thinking it was her son who spoke.

She turned around and gave her husband a glare, "I'm trying to teach our son how to talk. Babies tend to repeat whatever words they hear, and I want his first words to be about me."

"They repeat anything?"

"Most of the times, as long as they are able to."

"Humph. That thing is just a pile of drool and dirty diapers, it will never say a thing." Vegeta stomped off.

Bulma glared after him. _Why did I marry him? _She looked at his retreating form, _oh yea, because he looks so good leaving!_ The mother gave herself a smirk and pulled a blanket over the sleeping baby.

Bulma awoke the next morning and walked down the hall towards Trunks room, passing by a sleepy Vegeta on her way.

"Good morning Trunks!" She said and picked up the child, "How are you today? Are you ready to say 'mommy' yet?"

"Vegeta," The baby gurgled out.

"Oh my! You know your dad's name! Can you say 'mommy'"

"Vegeta's strong," the baby mumbled.

"Uhhhh, that's great dear, 'mommy?'"

"Kakarots an idiot," he grinned, "and he will never be as strong as my dad, Vegeta, the prince of the Saiyan race."

Bulma looked at her child with suspicion, then set him down.

"What else can you say?" She asked.

"Uh, make me breakfast, woman!"

Bulma knelt down and lifted up the blanket that was draped around the bottom of the crib.

"You really are strange," she said, and walked off.

The man crawled out from under the crib and smiled at the baby.

"We really had her going didn't we," Vegeta said. He held up a hand to the kid, and was rewarded to have the baby slap his palm right back.


	49. This story is brought to by

This story brought to you by…

Vegeta landed next to the ring. Cell was standing in the middle of the stone construction, with his eyes closed. He knew Vegeta was here, but he would wait until the rest of the warriors flew in to start the matches.

Android sixteen flew in to the other side of the ring and gave Cell a death glare. He had no interest in talking with Vegeta, so he stayed over on the other side, not really doing much, just standing with his arms crossed, trying to look cool.

Vegeta felt several energy levels approaching from the rear; they were the energies of the other fools that would be fighting here today.

Kakarot landed next to Vegeta, "Hey Vegeta! What's up?"

Vegeta did not turn to face the other pure Saiyan, his eye's remained unwavering on his opponent, "Kakarot, I don't know why you even bothered to show up," He turned to face the other, "I will be the one who… What the hell happened to your gi?"

Words and symbols were scrawled all over his gi. "Oh, these. Well, halfway through my training for the Androids, we all ran out of money. So I became a spokesman for Encyclopedia Britannica!"

"You?"

"Yea!"

"Representing all of the knowledge on the entire planet?"

"Of course! Who better?"

Vegeta stayed silent, then looked at the rest of the fighters. All of them had different symbols and pictures all over them.

_This should be interesting, _Vegeta thought, and decided to take some time to see what they all were from.

"Okay, Baldy," Vegeta said, "Who the hell do you work for?"

"I'm here representing Rogain!" Krillian exclaimed, facing the cameraman, "I'm going to grow a full head of luscious, thick hair in just a few months with Rogain! Just watch me over the next seven years grow more hair then a Super Saiyan Three!"

Vegeta looked at the bald, shiny head of the midget and walked on. He walked up to Tien.

"Who paying your bills?" he asked.

"I'm here with Lens Crafters!" The three eyed being said, "If you want special glasses, they have them! Prescription glasses, sunglasses, and reading glasses! Not only am I a spokesman, I'm a customer too!" Tien pulled out a pair of glasses and slipped them on. They had a third lens to cover his third eye. "If they can't get the glasses you need in just a half hour, they're free!"

Vegeta moved on. He approached Yhamcha, almost afraid of what he might hear.

"Out with it, weakling, what are you here for?"

"I'm here with Visa! It's everywhere you go to want! No, wait, that was wrong. Visa! It's all you ever want in a man!"

Vegeta snorted. Sure, that was the wrong motto, but it was true.

"Hang on, hang on," Yhamcha continued, "Visa! If your tubes aren't tied, it's not the only plastic you need in your wallet!"

Vegeta moved on, and Yhamcha pulled out several flash cards, trying to remember what the heck the motto was.

During this all, Sixteen had walked over to talk with Gohan.

"Are you sponsored as well?" Vegeta asked.

"Of course," The android said in his usual monotone, "I am here with Prozac." He pulled out a box of the drug, "Before taking Prozac, I was an emotionless monster who played with squirrels and birds. Now I am a happy and carefree robot who frolics on the beach and plays bingo on weekends."

"You're weird, you know that," Vegeta said, and moved on.

Piccolo looked pissed, like always.

"What are you here for?"

"I don't have a sponsor," he said, never looking down at the Prince.

"What are you talking about Piccolo," Kakarot said, looking back at the tall Namek, "You just signed a deal with Viagra a few months…"

"I SAID I'M NOT BEING SPONERED!" he yelled at the Saiyan, giving him a meaning full glare.

Vegeta grinned and patted the Namek on the shoulder, "That's too bad." And he walked off.

Trunks grinned at his father, "I have a sponsor too!" He said with good cheer.

"What is yours?"

"I'm here with Teen Magazine! The only place to look to see hot men like me! I'm so pretty, the only logical explanation is I'm gay."

"The only logical explanation is I'm scared," Vegeta said and moved on.

He looked down at Gohan, "Let's hear it."

"I'm here with ChemIndustry! The world's largest producer of anabolic steroids! Take your strength to the next level! Sure, they're illegal and have bad side affects, but look at these pecs! And I'm only eleven!"

Vegeta sighed and walked into the ring. His wife was the richest in the world; he didn't need a sponsor, for which he was grateful. He couldn't imagine having to plug those ridiculous products just for money.

"All right Cell! I'm going to tear you apart!" he yelled at the grasshopper in the middle of the ring.

Cell turned to the cameraman.

"You know, being a tyrant and all, I get threats like this all the time. Wouldn't it be nice to know that if I get beat up, I would have someone there to help me out? Hi. My name is Cell, and I'm here to talk about Aflac Health Insurance. I know that no matter what happens to me, I have affordable health insurance that will take care of my needs. Plus, if you call today, Aflac will send you your very own Aflac Duck…"

He's going to need that insurance…

Any way! I'm finally getting these stories up. I have about a trillion, half finished stories stored in my computers, and I'm getting them done slowly.

This is number forty-nine! Next! My fiftieth story! I have been saving this one for a while now, and I just need to write it out. It will be a grand event! I'll have cake, balloons, all the DBZ characters will show up, and will answer the reviews I have gotten. It will also be kind of a 100th review special as well. Be sure to tune in next update!

Oh yea, I don't own Aflac, Encyclopedia Britannica, Lens Crafters, Rogain, ChemIndustry, Teen Magazine, Viagra, Prozac or visa. If you are reading this and are from those agencies, just think. I just gave you free advertising that reaches millions, if not three, people every day. So don't sue!


	50. Revenge

"Morning," The author said as he walked by the front desk at Gold's Gym, "How's it goin' today, Paige?"

"Good, Brad," She said while finishing up a shake at the blender, "What's new with-" She looked at me and stopped short, her expression somewhere between terror and humor.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Well, I'm a little surprised," She drew out the sentence, "You're a fitness professional, and this seems a little childish."

"What?"

"Don't play dumb. You know you dyed you hair, and it looks ridiculous."

"I dyed my..." I quickly walked into the trainers' office and looked into the mirror there. My hair was colored the full spectrum of the rainbow, all neatly aligned too.

_It looks like a clowns wig! _I thought to myself, and dega vu suddenly took over.

_"Vegeta!" Kakarot shouted, "You look like a damn clown!"_

"That's weird," I muttered and walked out to meet with my first client. _I've got a break later; I'll just have to wash it out then._

As I walked towards Donn, I thought about who would have done this to me. I normally keep a low profile, and never really pissed anyone off. I mostly trained, worked, read and wrote stories about DBZ.

_But that couldn't be it. It must just be a coincidence._

Donn had a good laugh about my hair, and laughed even harder at my indignation, but the session went well.

Brian came in next and just gave me a weird look, but never brought it up in conversation. We were in the middle of our session, and just walking over to the cable machine when a sudden fear spread over me. The cable machine was taunting me, daring me to approach it; it was going to kill me.

_Come forth and meet your doom, little man. Oil my rusty gears with your blood, warm my cold metal with your flesh. I am your executioner._

"Something wrong?" Brain asked right beside me, scaring the crap out of me.

"Uh, no. Let's use some free weights instead," I suggested as we walked away.

_I'll be waiting... _The cable machine called after me.

Beep!

Brian and I looked at each other, then down at our watches.

"I didn't set it to do that..." I muttered, and took my watch off beeping mode.

We walked over to a bench and I grabbed two twenty-five pound weights.

"Right-alah, et's-lay o-day ome-say resses-pay," I stopped. Something was wrong here.

"Why are you talking in pig latin?" Brain asked over the rim of his glasses.

"I-ay an't-cay elp-hay t-iay!" I protested, trying to keep me sentences short because it takes to much time to type out pig latin.

"Why don't you get a drink," My concerned client said.

I walked over to the drinking fountain and bent over it. _What the heck is going on? This all feels like it's happened before!_

I pressed the small button and a stream of water gushed out of the spicket. Suddenly that water congealed and punched me in the face. Try as I might, I couldn't grab hold of the water, and it escaped into the drain.

"You've got mail!"

"AHHHHHH!!" I yelled, throwing my hands in front of my face, expecting an energy blast to hit me from behind. Seconds passed, and nothing happened. Tentivly I looked up to see my manager, Beth, looking at me with an expression that could only be described as weird. In her outstretched hand she was holding up an envelope.

"What the hell happened to you?" She exclaimed, "You're soaked, your hair is just plain weird-"

Beep!

"-and you just looked like you were about to kill your watch!"

"I-ay an't-cay elp-hay t-iay!" I copied and pasted so I wouldn't have to write out more.

"Brad, I think you need to go home. Call your clients and come back tomorrow."

I muttered to myself (In pig latin of course) and walked up to the phone in the back room. I picked up the receiver, and was wondering how I could tell my clients not to come in when I could only speaking pig latin, when suddenly five blueberry pies landed on my head.

I picked myself up off the floor and glared into the ceiling, where ten more pies fell from.

"Come on Vegeta!" Kakarot whined from behind the Saiyan Prince, seated at a computer, "You've been on there long enough! And we all want a turn!"

"Not yet!" Vegeta yelled at all the Z-warriors standing beside him, "I haven't run out of my infinite supply of pies yet! Now, where was I? Oh yes."

"_Brad started to stand, but more pies fell from the ceiling, covering his pathetic form in blueberries._" He typed.

"Revenge is so sweet," Piccolo said beside Gohan.

About time I posted this! Sorry for that. Anyway, I'm also going to be doing the readers reviews next, but there are over a hundred of them to write, so most of the repeat questions, comments, and other stuff will be grouped together.

"How do you come up with these?"

This has to be the most frequent question I get, and to be honest, I don't know. Seriously! I'll be standing in the shower, or watching TV and it will come to me. Two of them were writing prompts from an old creative writing class that were converted over to DBZ. They were "Vegeta makes juice," and "Gohan sees Videl".

Most of the rest of the time, its just randomness. I'll start with a character and start a story based on there personality, and it'll snow ball from there. Or I'll notice something a weird concept in the show and drag it out. Or just make fun of other peoples writing.

I'm not to fond of the Saiyan or Frieza saga, just because most of the serious concepts don't show up there. (Princess Snake?) I like the battle between Kakarot and Frieza, but the rest kind stinks. (Also because Vegeta's part is really down played.)

The Android and Cell saga kick ass, mostly because Vegeta gets some awesome fights, but also because of Gohan's part in taking down Cell. But the whole Hyperbolic Time Chamber thing annoys me. They train for several years in preparation for the androids, and then suddenly go in there for a year, (Or in the Son families case, nine months) and come out stronger then anything. Yes, I understand the whole "Ultra-super Saiyan" thing, but they could have done that anytime. (Also it ticks me off that Vegeta was still weaker then Kakarot even though he had two years of training.)

I like the Babidi saga, mainly because Vegeta really get to kick some ass, first with Kakarot, and then with Buu, but I'm not too fond of the Fusion or Buu saga. I just don't like how people got their strength with ease. (Here! Perform this dance and get super sized! Sit still for a really long time and get turbo charged!) At least they trained in the rest of the sagas. Also see, "Destroying the magic" at the end of one of my stories for the math on Gotenks. Also Vegeta's fights after his first with Buu are obviously written by a Kakarot lover.

All in all, it still kicks ass. I just have a few bones to pick.

If you're still reading this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

**Individual reviews:**

Leelo77: You have been a very loyal reviewer, and I could never answer all of your reviews in a single paragraph. So in short thank you for spurring me on with this. I doght that I would have continued had you not been there.

Cappucine: Another loyal reviewer who has given this story meaning, hope, and some great ideas. I haven't used any of them yet, but I will in the future, when I finally run out of ideas. Like Leelo77 before you, this story would not have continued but for your loyalty.

Joy: I liked the one about Lazy Trunks as well. One thing about writing is you can only see what the author wants you to see. That's a lot of fun to play around with.

Aoi Hoshi Chan: Thank you for you kind words to my stories! Yea, I have a lot of spelling and punctuation errors, but I hope to make up for it with quality of work. I just realized you've reviewed multiple times! DBZ IS my favorite anime. All others are just wanna-be's. "Look at the size of my muscles!" is one of my favorites too. It's one of the only times I've ever burst out laughing while I was writing, and considering I was at work at the time, it was one of the most memorable.

Intuectual idi-idi-idi-ot-ta-ta-ta: I'm glad you liked Kakarots caffinated Kamehameha!

Limelie: Thank you for your enthusiastic, if not short, review!

Anonymous: (That's one weird name man) it's hard for me to think of Kakarot being that smart either, but, someone had to point out that abstract math.

tea': (A drink with jam and bread) I don't know how I come up with these. I think I'm just weird.

zara m: Yea, I did forget Gohan meant, 'rice'. But since you pointed it out, you got your very own story! Thank you.

frozen-in-shadow: Thanks! It was annoying the heck out of me at work, so I figured Vegeta would go insane! Sometimes it's the things that are so small, but unstoppable that makes that best enemies!

Mrs. Trunks Briefs: How many am I going to make? Well, I think it would be nice to have the longest story on , don't you?

Lili Stalder: Thank you for not taking offence. If you had, well, nothing really could have been done.

PerfectCell17: Trust me. They will all be this good. (I hope)

Amerikamen: Ah yes. You. Please. I know I've said this before, but I'll say it again. Please do not leave plugs for your own stories. My review page is not a personal billboard. Next?

Nightmaremagic2004: Ding-dong the Bush is dead! The w- Oh crap, I hope there aren't any republicans in the room…

Anmielover24: Why thank you! I like the comedies too. Hey, you're an anime lover? Me too!

Goddess Shimi: Yea, watch out for those pies! They can really get ya! You're a multiple reviewer as well! That was a story that I had no apparent idea where I was going, (Ch 41) but I'm glad you liked it all the same!

Blue: Feel free to review any time you'd like! Like the name by the way. Sounds like a James Bond thing. "And I'd like for you to meet my side kick, Agent Blue."

M-python-girl: All right, all right. No more Judge Judy. Geez! Just trying to mock everything I can! Thank's for the review! No! No religious fanatics!

Yonk: Thank you! Yea, Gotenks didn't really dawn on me as a great warrior, but he's made for some fun stories!

Kate: I think Piccolo would disagree about marching bands being cool, but I think they are too!

K. Blacre: Yea, Beep is one of my favorites too. That's why I keep bringing it back in later stories. Oh, Gogetahancologorunkstirillianchatzurobe is simply a combination of all the z-warriors names, Goku, Vegeta, Gohan, Piccolo, Goten, Trunks, Tien, Krillian, Yhamcha, Choatzu, and Yagirobe, in that order. I've always wanted to do that.

Goku'sbabygurl: Thanks! Someone had to point out how these guys never date or anything, just go with the girl they first meet!

UgotProblems: I have problems? Oh, that's just your name. Those three defiantly rank up at the top of my list. I love stories that I can write and then go back and laugh my head off at.

DBZAngelX: Thank you for you kind words.

SpikedSoul: I'm sure there is more then that to say, but that sure sums it up doesn't it!

Jill: Why? Why not? Or my real answer, because I can! Oh, Yea Tien made up the Solar Flare, but Krillian seems to use it more running from enemies.

Dreamer16: Wow! Five stars! I've only gotten that many stars on my crash test rating!

CrimsonSpiderFox: Really? Over AIM? Wow, my stories have reached multiple media's! Thank you for your kind words.

Chibi-Maggie: Uh, I really don't think Kakarot is capable of talking dirty in real life, except in battle, and those aren't very good.

Goku-lover21: I know, it just takes me a while to get in the right mood for writing, sometimes I won't update for a month, but I always will!

Trake: Well, at least someone like Judge Judy. Cheese…

Master Duelist Imposter Kaiba: Your name was longer then your review! But thanks for the kind words anyway!

Whew! That was all of them! Thank you all for making this so enjoyable! I love to hear what you have to say, so feel free to let me know. I'll talk to you all when I get to chapter 100, or when I get 200 reviews, whichever.


	51. Gofish

Fact: gold fish have a memory span of five seconds.

"Tell you what, Goku. I'll give you until the count of five to fuse with someone, then I'll kill you." Buu said as he looked at the recently revived Saiyan.

_Damn! _He thought, _Tiens out for the count, Dende's not a fighter, and Hercule is really friggin weak! I need more power! Where's Vegeta when I need him!_

Vegeta sat down in hell with several females surrounding him.

_This is great! All the Saiyan females went to hell! And I'm there Prince! I'm a rock star here! Why would I ever want to return to Earth!_

"Oh Vegeta..." A sultry voice mewed in his ear, "Tell me about your wife, Bulma."

Vegeta gave the woman a weird look, "Who?"

Goku looked around, sensing another life force near by, but not able to place it.

"Three!" Buu called out, cracking his knuckles.

"Where are you..." Goku muttered, then looked at a pool of water, "No..."

A gold fish jumped out of the pool and landed at Goku's feet.

"That's the power I was sensing?" He exclaimed, "I guess I have no choice!"

He clipped the earring to the fish's left gill and placed the other on his right ear. Light erupted from the two and they were both one.

"I'm going to crush you!" The newly formed Gofish said, "and then I'll...I'll... uh... Who are you again?"

"Aw crap," Dende said, "Gofish!" He started.

"But we're not playing cards!" Gofish yelled back.

"Shut up! You have to fight that guy up there named Buu!"

"Oh alright! Now I'm going to..." He stopped, "What am I supposed to do again?"

"Fight!"

"Right!"

Gofish flew up and traded punches with Buu, then stopped.

"Why are we fighting again?" He asked.

"Cause I'm going to kill you."

"Well, that's not very nice!"

"Well! What are you going to do about it?"

"About what?"

"Gofish!" Dende yelled, "Use the kamehameha attack!"

"Oh sure!" The fish/man cupped his hands by his side, "Ka me ha- Uh, what comes after ha again?"

"Me,"

"You?"

"No! Meh!"

"Oh!" He started the attack anew, "Kame- What was it again?"

"Ha."

"Don't laugh at me! I'm just a fish!"

"I've had enough!" Buu yelled and swallowed the fish man.

"Damn," Dende thought, "Looks like Hercule will have to save us."

The champ looked up, "Uh oh…"


	52. What Mr Popo does when no one's around

Mr. Popo sighed as he watered the plants. It was going to be a lonely day on the Lookout. Dende had gone over to see Gohan, Piccolo was out to kill a man named Brad, and he was all by himself.

He set down the watering can and looked around. There were not even any butterflies to keep him amused. He glanced around again. He was completely alone.

Mr. Popo put the watering can away and then stood in the middle of the Lookout with his eyes closed.

"Goku is fighting the most awesome opponent! It seems this could be our heroes last fight!" He announced to no one, "Yes! Goku is knocked to the ground; he can't seem to go on!

"Oh! Vegeta has stepped into the battle! He deals a heck of a kick to this mystery villain, but wait! The villain gives the Saiyan a hit that sends him fifty miles into the air!

"Gohan rushes up! They trade massive blow for massive blow! But the teenager is knocked down after only a few seconds in the fight! Who can stop this mad man!

"Piccolo flies up! But the Namek is taken out with one hit! Is there anyone left!

"Wait! What's this! Mr. Popo steps out of the dust! His muscles are bulging and everyone around him can see the seriousness in his face! "You! I'm going to destroy you!" he yells to the monster!

"Hahahahaha!" Is the monsters response, "You are nothing!"

"The monster flies at Mr. Popo, but what's this! Mr. Popo doesn't even bother to dodge! The blow lands with a force that shakes the earth!

"The smoke has now cleared, and we can clearly see that Mr. Popo has not been affected! This is amazing! He's got to be the strongest fighter in the-"

"Ahem."

"In the…uh…in" Mr. Popo turned around to see Piccolo and Dende standing on the edge of the lookout.

"Uh, hey guys'. I…uh…I was just… uhhh," Mr. Popo said.

"Fight!" Dende mocked.


	53. Joe

The Great Saiyaman blocked the bullets with his palm and moved in on the bank robber.

"Now you will suffer the wrath of my 'Dramatic pause kick!'" Gohan kicked the robber in the stomach, the whole scene pausing as his foot made contact.

"Ha ha!" He yelled, "Evil succumbs to my power!"

"'Dramatic pause kick?'" Videl asked.

"Now!" Gohan yelled, "Fare well all you citizens! I am off!"

Gohan took off in the air, flying at top speed back to Orange Star High School. (1) He landed on the rooftop and got to class just seconds before Videl returned.

"Ug!" She whispered to her friends, "I just can't seem to figure out who this Saiyafreak is!"

_Well, that's not very nice, _Gohan thought, and was just about to point this out, when Videls watch rang.

"Another robbery?" Gohan asked.

"No, just a reminder that I need to tape 'law and order' tonight," She said, and turned off the alarm.

Before her hand was off her watch, it rang again.

"Yea chief?"

"The bank on west and commonwealth is being robbed! Please help!"

Time Passes...

Gohan flew above the city, following Videls' chopper by a discrete distance.

The robbery was simple, three guys with nunchucku's. Videl and GSM took them out with ease. The press, who happened to be right there, asked questions, and then the Chief of police ran up.

"Videl" he yelled, "Another robbery!"

They both took this one out, for the robbers seemed pretty stupid. (2) Seconds later, the Chief came up again.

"Another one!"

All of them were taken out, and Gohan sat down on the curb after this one.

"Gees, how many bank robberies can one town have?"

A passer by gave him a response, "Well, we really don't have any one with normal jobs. Everyone here is either a robber or a bank teller. No one has any other job, as you can see by this street for example."

The man pointed and Gohan looked down the street. Bank, abandon warehouse, bank, abandon warehouse, bank, abandon warehouse, bank, abandon warehouse, bank, abandon warehouse, bank, abandon warehouse, bank, abandon warehouse, bank, and one more abandon warehouse.

_This is such a stupid town! _Gohan thought. (3)

"Op! Speaking of which, that bank is being robbed right now!" The man said pointing.

Saiyaman immediately ran to the rescue, but when he got inside, his jaw dropped with shock. _That dudes flying!_

"Hey!" Gohan yelled, "How can you fly?"

"Well," The man said, "I'm simply a super strong human who could rule the universe if I wanted to, but decided it would be more fun to simple rob banks and make a little money from it. I have chosen to never show myself until this moment to make the DBZ timeline just that much more dramatic."

"Oh, okay. I assume this means we're going to have to fight?"

"Yea, again, just because this cartoon is based on fighting and macho ness,"

"Cool," Gohan jumped down into a fighting stance, then looked down at himself, "Ah! What happened? I look like crap!"

Gohan had once been three-d, and his muscles were in perfect form, but now he was two-d and completely messed up.

"Oh that," the currently unnamed human said, "We just switched over to a new artist. They always use a good artist right up until someone starts to fight, then switch over to a bad one."

"My bicep is on the back of my arm!" Gohan said, twisting around to look at his arm. (I will never forgive DBZ for taking a bad artist and having him draw Vegeta's sacrifice during the Buu saga, or having all of Kakarots fights with kid Buu have good artists, and have Vegeta get a bad one. Grrrr!)

"Shall we fight?" The human asked.

"Sure," Gohan resumed his stance, "But just to make it easier for Brad, what's your name?"

"Joe."

"Joe? That's not a great name for a villain!"(4)

"Just go with it!"

Gohan flew in at Joe and threw a flurry of punches that Joe blocked all of. Joe then went on the counter attack, knocking Gohan back through a whole mess of skyscraper basements, knocking them all down.

With a dramatic flourish of power, Gohan raised from the pile of rubble, several pieces of stone and steel floating with him. His eyes were an aqua green and his hair stood in several short spikes that waved with the sudden wind. _This looks so cool! _Gohan thought, looking to the side and giving the fan operators a thumb up. They smiled back and rolled the fan away, not wanting to stick around.

"You are mine!" Gohan yelled, and dove at his enemy, "I will crush your bones! I will tear out your heart! I will kill you! I will-"

Joe stepped forward and punched Gohan away, knocking down several more Skyscrapers in the process.

"Mesenko-ha!" Gohan fired his blast.

Joe blocked with one hand, then held up his other, "Some-stupid-attack-ha!" He yelled.

Gohan blocked the blast and held up both hands, "Rapid fire!"

Joe dipped and dodged to avoid the small balls of death, which rained down on the city instead. Skyscrapers toppled. Gohan stopped his attack, and Joe burst out of the dust, and high tailed it to the desert that just happen to be close by, Gohan chassed after him.

In the city, the dust began to clear, and several inhabitants looked up to see the place in ruins. Only one skyscraper had survived the onslaught. It stood pristine and beautiful in the afternoon light, and many took this as a sign from some god that they would be spared. Seconds later, Gohan and Joe flew back to the skyscraper and blasted its base, causing the whole thing to collapse. Satisfied that they had done as much damage to this city as possible, they nodded to each other and flew off to the desert.

Time Passes...

Gohan continued to fly into the dessert, now being chased by Joe, when he suddenly rammed into another flying being in the sky.

"Ouch! Vegeta! What are you doing here?" He asked, rubbing his head.

"Going to the city to buy new spandex," he said, rubbing his own scalp.

"Uh, the city is kind of destroyed," Gohan admitted.

"That's fine," Vegeta growled, "it saves me the trouble."

Joe flew up to them, and looked at Vegeta.

"You have weird hair," He pointed out.

"Shut up!" Vegeta blasted at the man. Joe took the blast head on, and wasn't even singed.

"Alright," Vegeta said, "You must be pretty strong. But I have a new attack. Watch this!"

Vegeta suddenly flew straight at Joe, and lowered his head. Joe was impaled on the black spikes of Vegeta's hair, and fell to the Earth, holding his stomach.

"What a cruel world!" He yelled.

"You're welcome," Vegeta said to Gohan. He was about to fly off when he heard something.

"The life I once had is now gone," Joe continued his death speech, "And now I am going to lie amongst the dessert creatures and come to terms with my existence. Is it fair that I die, with my end brought on by freakish hair, and know I could have ruled the world? How will I… Ach… Oh!" Joe fell face forward.

"About time," Vegeta said.

"And life," Joe continued, "Was it not a gift I have squandered? Am I now never to hear the birds sing-"

"Oh shut up!" Vegeta yelled, "Most of the villains just yell when they die! Short and sweet! Just yell and be over with it!"

"Very well," Joe said, "Ahh." He died.

"Where do these people come from?" Gohan asked.

"Who knows. (5) Let's go and tell Videl all of your secrets."

"Sure!"

Lot's of footnotes. At the very end of this, I got an awesome idea for a story, but it will have to wait until later, because it is late, and I must go out and boogie. (6)

1) Nothing really, just a number in the middle of two brackets.

2) They were armed with garden hoses.

3) It seems ever G/V story I read has at least seven robberies in it. Just a little cliché destruction.

4) I am all for new villain names, let me know of a few.

5) I don't even know.

6) Just another stupid footnote.


	54. Being God

Dende walked outside on the lookout and stretched. It was a good day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping beautifully-

"Squawk!"

Except that one, which met it's end from a bright ball of light that looked like fun to play with but turned out to not be so fun.

Dende looked over at Piccolo, and grinned. Nothing ever changed about him, including his position. He was either standing with his arms crossed or meditating. _I wonder what he meditates on? _Dende thought as he walked towards the edge of the lookout.

_Ray, a drop of golden sun. Me a name I call- Auuuuurrrrrggggghhhhhh! _Piccolo almost moved to try and out run the song, but he knew it wouldn't help.

Dende opened up the mailbox and pulled out a few envelopes, then stopped. _Since when does the lookout have a mailbox? _He thought, _and who has to deliver the letters? That's got to be a sucky job._

He flipped through the envelopes that contained a smattering of junk mail, claiming he had won two of the following prizes; a trip around the world, a mansion on the California coast, a private yacht, a stick and a rock. _Gee, I wonder which two I won?_

The next one caught his attention and he nearly fainted at the sight. "A convention of the god's?" He exclaimed, "I can't leave this planet! If I turn my back on it for one second it gets blown up!"

"Why not have a replacement?" Mr. Popo asked from his garden tending duties.

"That's a great idea!" He turned away from the expectant Mr. Popo, "Hey Piccolo, what are you doing on the seventieth?"

"Attending a hypnotherapies to rid me of my fears of roller coasters," He muttered without opening his eyes.

"Damn!" Dende cursed, "Who else could do this?"

Mr. Popo stood on his tiptoes and waved his arms, trying to call attention to himself.

"Mr. Popo, you don't need to ask permission to use the bathroom any more. I've told you that before!" Mr. Popo hung his head. He didn't need to use the rest room.

"I need someone who has been around the lookout for a while, and who knows the ropes," Dende thought out loud, while a disgruntled Mr. Popo waved his arms and trying to draw the young guardians gaze towards him.

"Goku!" Dende exclaimed, "Hey, Goku," He said through a telepathic link, "Get over here!"

Kakarot looked up from the lunch table, "Damn these voices in my head!" He said, "I think I might need to see a shrink about this!"

"No, Goku. It's me, Dende."

"Oh sure. You think you can impress me by pulling names out of my head! I'm on to you voices! Take this!" Kakarot started to beat his forehead against the table, causing the rest of his family to stare at him.

"Oh! Forget it!" Dende said, "I don't think he would be able to handle this anyway."

Mr. Popo gave up and walked into his room.

"What about Gohan?" Dende said.

"Don't worry, Dad!" Gohan yelled, "I'll help you take out those voices that sound a lot like Dende!" He too started to beat Kakarots head.

"Or not," Dende mussed, "Buu's to dumb, same with Hercule, and Yhamcha. Krillian and his wife are on vacation, and Tien and Choatzu are on some training journey they won't tell anyone about."

Mr. Popo emerged from his room with a huge orange flag and several neon lights strapped all over his body. He waved the flag and turned on the neon lights that spelled out, "Me! Me! I'm the obvious choice!"

"I know!" Dende burst out, "Mr. Popo!"

The genie sighed in relief, and spoke, "Of course I would be happy, too."

"Good!" Dende said, "We'll need to leave immediately!"

"Leave?"

"Of course! I need to go to Capsule Corporation as soon as possible! Get out your magic carpet!"

Mr. Popo sighed.

Dende hopped off the carpet and told Mr. Popo to wait here while he concluded his business. Mr. Popo, still royally pissed, sat on his carpet and stared daggers at Dende's back.

"Ow!" Dende exclaimed, reached back and pulled a dagger out of his back, "Huh." He healed himself. Walking up to the back door, he was greeted by a droid.

"Hello, Sir," The droid said, "I am C-3PO, (A/N:I couldn't resist) how may I be of service?"

"I need to speak with Bulma and Vegeta," Dende said, marveling that Bulma had invented artificial intelligence.

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Uh, no. But you see, I am the god of this planet, so I really don't need an appointment," Dende said, starting to get a little annoyed at the droids overly prissy tone.

"One moment, please let me check in with my counter part," He cocked his head to the side, and seconds later a squat blue/white droid rolled out and beeped at C-3PO, "This is R2-D2," the taller droid said.

"Enough!" Dende yelled out, "If you keep up like this it's just going to turn into another Star Wars/DBZ fic! We don't need any more of those! The last one you wrote was bad enough!"

Sorry, I muttered.

Brushing the two droids aside, Dende walked into the CC kitchen.

"Aurgh!" The young guardian yelled, covering both of his eyes.

"Dende!" Bulma exclaimed, pushed Vegeta off of her, and zipped up her blouse.

"My eyes!" Dende yelled, "My young innocent eyes!" The guardian then proceeded to attempt to rip out his eyes.

"Dende! Dende! It's okay!" Bulma said, grabbing the Nameks hands, "We're dressed again! It's all over!"

Dende opened his eyes to see Bulma standing in front of him and Vegeta hiding his beat red face in the fridge.

"Don't do that to me!" Dende yelled.

"Well, you walked in on us! It's not our fault you didn't knock!" Bulma said, while rolling up her hair into buns on either side of her head. Vegeta pulled his head out of the fridge and let out a few growls and lion roars.

"Enough with the Star Wars references!" Dende yelled at me, "I get it! You can write one of those next! But this time I'm trying to find a new Guardian, remember?"

I childishly stuck out my tongue at the green being and continued to write the story.

"Bulma? Could I have a moment with Vegeta?"

Both adults looked at Dende. The God and the Saiyan never had gotten along, and it seemed an odd request.

"Alright," Bulma said, "I just better find my kitchen in on piece when I come back!"

"Sure," Dende agreed, and then turned to Vegeta when the scientist left, "It's like this, Vegeta. Every five billion years or so, there is a meeting of all the gods, and it just so happens that this meeting is going to be held on my shift. It's going to take me about a week to give my report and travel to and from it, so I need to ask of you a favor. I need you to look after the Earth while I'm gone."

"Why should I help you?"

"Because. When I walked in, I saw, and I know. I could tell the whole world in less then a second."

"You wouldn't!" Vegeta cried, the fear of God (Literally) etched in features.

"I would."

"Damn! I have no choice! When does this thing begin?"

"The seventieth. Meet me on the lookout at noon, and don't be late."

The seventieth rolled around, and Vegeta showed up at the lookout at 11:45, not wanting to be late.

"Good! You're here," Dende said, waiting beside a suitcase and checking his watch, "The process will only take a moment."

"Process?" Vegeta asked.

"Of course! How do you expect to rule the world with out my godly powers?"

"I get to literally be a GOD!" Vegeta exclaimed, using bad netiquette by writing in capital letters.

"Of course! Now hold still!" Vegeta felt a tingling throughout his body, and it was over.

"I'll be back on the twenty-fourth. I've left the emergency numbers by the phone, help yourself to whatever's in the fridge, and make sure Mr. Popo doesn't stay up to late, because he gets cranky." With that, the temporarily not god left.

"This is going to rock!" Vegeta grinned.

Kakarot was out in a field, sparring with Goten.

"Great son!" He said, blocking the seven year olds punch, "Give it a little more power! And keep your speed up to try and shock me!"

Goten hauled back a fist and at the same moment the punch landed, Kakarot was struck by lightning.

The smoldering Saiyan stood in surprise, while his son looked at him, quit surprised himself.

"Uh, that was good son. But I think I need to lie down..." Kakarot passed out.

Vegeta was rolling on the floor of the lookout. Kakarots expression had been priceless. _This is going to be great!_

Using his godly powers, Vegeta then tied Hercules shoelaces together when he was in the middle of a speech. Laughter issued.

A sudden thought struck Vegeta. Rubbing his head where it had struck him, he bent down and picked up the thought. _Of course!_

Standing still, he said out loud, "Super Saiyan Three." His hair grew down to his waist and his eyebrows disappeared; it was a grand thing to be a God.

He dodged the next thought and caught it before it could smack into him. _Genius!_ He closed his eyes. Seconds later he opened them and pulled the front of his pants foreword. _Yes!_

Dende sat down in his seat, facing the Kia's that held the universe in their hands. He pulled at his collar and felt sweat on his brow.

"So, young man," Supreme Kia said, "How has your planet been?"

Dende realized his answer was not going to be good, "Well, in the past thirty years, aliens have infiltrated our planet on at least seven different occasions, we've been blown up once, and almost blown up at least 20 other times or so."

All the Kia's looked a little startled at this information, but continued with the report.

"What is the highest power level on your planet?"

"Gosh, it has to be at least 75,000,000,000," Dende said.

"Okay," the Supreme Kia drew out the word, "what's the planets population?"

"Of sentient beings, about 6 billion. Four full aliens, including me, three half aliens, and a genie."

"A genie?"

"Yea, he's not to bright though."

Back on the lookout, Mr. Popo tore his eyes from the crystal ball he had been watching the interview in and pondered what his master had just said. _Of course I'm not bright! I'm the color black! Black just happens to be dark! _(I could not find another way to say that. I did not mean ANY racial slurs or stereotypes in that. It was a joke, because Mr. Popo is literally black.)

Vegeta lounged on a day bed and picked up another pealed grape. _This is the life, _He thought, _I haven't been treated like this since I was on my home planet! _The Prince looked up to see a depressed looking Mr. Popo walk by, his skin having been dyed a bright orange. _Did I tell him to do that? Oh well, I've lost track of all of the things I've done. _He reached for another grape, but realized he was out of them. _Where's that damn servant! _"Kakarot!"

The other Saiyan ran in, dressed in a tux with a towel draped over one arm. "How can I serve you, my Prince?"

"Peal me some more grapes. Oh, and punch yourself in the face," Vegeta said, using his mental powers to make it so.

"As you command," the Saiyan walked away, repeatedly punching his own face.

Dende walked back to the check in station at the gates of the other world.

"Hey, King Yhemma!" He called up to the giant man, "I'm ready to go back now!"

"Alright, just wait a second and I'll have a guide bring you down."

While he was waiting, a cat that looked just like Puar pushed past him and headed to an elevator in the wall. Seconds later, the same cat walked by again.

"You ready?" A blue being with one horn asked.

"Yea!"

Dende appeared back on the lookout and was pleased to see it was in one piece. Walking inside, he saw Kakarot punching himself in the face while carrying a tray of grapes and it looked like he had moosed his hair to stand on end like Vegeta's. _I knew something like this would happen. I'll just have to take back my powers and put things back to normal._

"Hey, Vegeta!" Dende said as he walked into the room, "I'm back! So let's just transfer the powers back to me and you can go home!"

"You don't want your powers back," Vegeta said, waving a hand.

"I don't want my powers back," Dende repeated.

"You want to fetch a harp and play me some tunes,"

"I want to fetch a harp and play some tunes."

"Move alone,"

"Move along." Dende said. Somewhere in the back of his mind, something screamed a protest about a Star Wars reference, but it was quickly quieted by the sudden impulse to play the harp.

Hey Guy's. Just a quick question. I've been trying to place spaces between sceen changes and time passing, but FF won't let me. How can you place extra space between paragraphs?


	55. Attack of the clones

It was around three in the morning at Capsule Corporation. All lights were out save one, the one in Bulma's lab.

_Almost there! Just place this thingamagigger in this whatsit, and... Bingo! _Bulma stood up and looked at the machine she had been sweating over. It stood seven feet tall, and had two coffin size compartments standing side by side, each with one open side.

_Cloning! Who would have thought it would be this simple! Just play "Chopsticks," and run the object through a household microwave, and voila! _Bulma pulled out her test subject, a copy of "War and Peace" and placed it in one compartment. Reaching inside, she pressed the big red button marked, "Do not push, this means you!" and swiftly drew her hand back. She had set the trigger to have a five second delay so half an arm wouldn't be cloned, but she didn't want to chance it.

The machine glowed slightly and the ever-annoying music played. _Note to self. Wear earplugs when testing more. _With a flash of light that had been added in to the machine just for dramatic affect, a second copy of "War and Peace" appeared in the second compartment. "Alright!" She cheered and picked up the second book, "I'll just glance inside and make sure it's all correct..." She skimmed through the pages and stopped after a second, "I really don't know if it's correct," She admitted to empty air, "I've never read the book..." Bulma walked away from the device and headed to bed.

Seconds later, Kakarot popped into the room.

"I thought I sensed Bulma here," He muttered, glancing around to confirm the he was alone in the room, "Oh well, this just gives me a chance to play with her stuff!"

And thus, Kakarot began to play. He walked after a small vacuum cleaner that sensed where dirt was and stomped behind the robot, making it turn around to sweep up the dirt on his shoe. Then he did it again behind the robot.

"You missed a spot!" Kakarot taunted, pointing to a spot on the other side of the room the robot had yet to reach. The robot turned a red eye on Kakarot and tried to vacuum him up. Powering up to Super Saiyan 3, Kakarot kicked the tin sweeper to bits.

Kakarot clapped his hands and looked around for something else to play with. His gaze fell on the cloning machine. It stood shining in the light, sparkles danced along the metal, and heavenly music played. Kakarot reached over and hit the stop button on a tape player, wondering why Bulma had a tape that played heavenly music.

"That seems to be the obvious choice!" He grinned and walked up to the Cloning machine, "I wonder what it does?"

He looked at the simple instructions and read them out loud, "Place object in left chamber, and then press button. After words, bingo!"

"Bingo? Is this some type of game! I love games!" After a short search to find an object, Kakarot decided to use himself. He turned around and ran into the left hand compartment, "Wait, I thought I couldn't read?" He muttered, and then pressed the button.

He felt a tingling sensation that he normal only felt when Chichi wanted alone time, and some elevator music started to play. Then it was over. Kakarot looked around, looked at himself, and nothing had changed. "Must not be finished," He said and walked out of the lab.

In the second chamber, a small tentative voice called out, "Hello?"

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Kakarot arrived home and emptied out the fridge for a midnight snack. He needed to eat at least twice a night in order to hold him out until breakfast. After several minutes of gluttony, he wandered up to bed.

Kakarot glanced out of the right hand compartment, wondering how he had arrived here. _Must have used Instantaneous Movement in my sleep again... _He got out of the pod and looked around, seeing the second pod. He glanced at the instructions on the side, "Place object in right chamber and press button. After words, bingo!"

"Oh boy!" Kakarot said, "A game! I love games!"

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Kakarot woke up in bed, and stretched. He had fallen asleep right after his snack and didn't even eat again. So in other words, he was hungry. He turned to his wife.

"Hey Chi- Ach!" They were not alone. Dozens of other Kakarots littered the floor and unused portions of the bed. All of them had managed to cram into the small bedroom.

"What is it Goku?" Chichi murmured in her sleep.

"Nothing! Uh, just go to sleep, I'll take care of the boys this morning."

She simply sighed in content and fell asleep again. Kakarot leaned over and pulled out a pair of earplugs that had been rated to stop the sounds of even the planet exploding around the wearer. He stuck them in her ear and let out a sigh, knowing she would never wake up.

"Who the hell are all of you!" He yelled out, startling all of the other Kakarots sleeping, "Where did you all come from!"

They all gave him a blank look then simultaneously placed there hands on the back of there necks and grinned, "I have no idea!' They all echoed. The original Kakarot had a mix of fascination and horror on his face.

"Well!" Original Kakarot said, "I don't know either!" Chichi stirred in her sleep, "We need to get out of here, let's go!" All of the others shrugged and followed the Original.

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They landed fifty miles from the house and sat on top of a mountain. Kakarot quickly counted all of the other Kakarots and tallied up forty-seven. O. Kakarot suddenly perked up in realization, "Hey! I can count, too! I like this story!"

"Alright!" He yelled, getting everyone's attention, and placing a Generals cap on and holding a pointer in one hand, "We are in trouble. Somehow, we have multiplied several times, and we don't know how. All I remember is playing a game in Bulma's lab, is that what everyone else did?"

All of the other Kakarots nodded in unison, creating a rather scary image. Kakarot the Original continued to pace, "We can't all be here, because Chichi would get pissed and hit us with the Spatula of Doom!" All of the others nodded and held their heads in remembrance, "So we have to find a way to get rid of forty six of you other Goku's in a way that well be okay."

"Forty seven," One corrected.

"No, if we got rid of forty seven, then no one would be left, and we need to keep at least one."

"No, when I left the lab last night, I saw another Goku flying off in another direction. I'm sure it would have clicked that I was supposed to be the only one-" Several wanted to protest that they were supposed to be the only one, but the one speaking cut them off, "-But I was too hungry to think. Speaking of which, who emptied out the fridge! That jerk owes me some food! I'm starved!"

"I saw one leaving in another direction as well," One said.

"Is saw a couple of them go north,"

"I saw five leave in a group, all of them were chatting and laughing,"

"You mean there are more of you!" O. Kakarot cried out, "How are we going to get rid of all of you!" He yelled.

"Hey!" one in the back called out, "What do you mean, "Get rid of"? I happen to like life here! I'm not going to die just because you want to be the only one!"

"What are you going to do about it?" Kakarot uno said, "You'd better fall in line, or I'll get you!"

"Oh yea!" All of the Kakarots yelled, "You may be the original, but we have all your strength, and we'll just gang up on you!" Suddenly Original Kakarot noticed he was a little out numbered.

"Forget this," The one who had started the whole revolt said, "I'm going to find some food, and then spar!"

The rest mumbled agreeance and walked away.

The original Kakarot stood alone on the hill, "I am so screwed."

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Vegeta walked out of the Gravity room covered in sweat. He was not in a good mood (what else is new) and he looked ready to kill someone.

"Hey Vegeta!" Kakarot said as he passed the other Saiyan in the hall.

"Morning," Vegeta grumbled. He turned to the door and keyed in his personal code so Kakarot couldn't use it to make himself stronger. He turned around and saw Kakarot walk by him in the hall again.

"Hey Vegeta!"

"Shut up, you stupid moron."

He turned around and saw Kakarot had moved behind him as well.

"Hey Vegeta!"

"I told you to shut up!" Vegeta snarled, "Now get out of here!" He pushed past the saddened Kakarot and walked down the hall, leaving the two clones to simply shrug at the Princes odd behavior.

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Chichi walked into the kitchen and saw her husband rummaging through the fridge.

"Morning Goku," She said, and grabbed a cup of coffee.

"Morning Chichi!" He said, "Uh, we're out of food..."

"I'll make a run into the store later on, okay?"

"Okay!"

Chichi walked into the small living room and turned the TV to the news.

"Hey, Chichi?" Kakarot said from the doorway, "We're out of food."

"Yes, you told me already. I'll get some later on."

"Oh, Okay!"

Kakarots head disappeared, only to reappear.

"Hey, Chichi?" Kakarot said, "We're out of food."

"I know!" She shouted, then pulled out her cookie cutter of doom and hit him on the head with it, "I'll get the food when I go shopping! Now be quiet and go out while I watch the news!"

Kakarot walked back into the kitchen and grabbed a clone that was walking towards the living room. "Better not," he said, "She's in a mood."

All the other Kakarots in the room nodded in understanding. It must be that time of month.

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Piccolo sat on the lookout, **not **meditating. (Did you survive the shock of that surprise? I hope you will not be permanently damaged, and I am sorry for any injuries that statement may have caused.) He was watching Dende give an impromptu performance on the trumpet.

SSSSqqqquuuuueeeeeeMMwwwaaAAAAAAAABBllllLLLLAAAAaaaAAYYYYYyyyyy.

_What in the hell did I do to deserve this? _He asked.

"Tried to take over the world," Dende stopped playing to answer, "Tried to blow up said world, blew up moon, tried to kill Goku, killed Goku, fused with Kami, and made me give up my childhood to be a guardian of a doomed planet, and crushed my last trumpet."

_At least he's not playing anymore, _Piccolo thought.

"And just for that thought, I will now continue..."

"Goku's coming!" Piccolo yelled out, relieved to have any form of interruption, and skipped to the end of the lookout.

"I skip?" He asked me.

Yes you do.

Piccolo shrugged and skipped to the edge of the platform, where Kakarot just landed.

"Why are you skipping?" he asked.

Piccolo was tired of Kakarots visit already, "What do you want?"

"I have a problem. I think I cloned myself last night, and my clones made clones of me."

"Don't listen to him!" A voice behind Piccolo yelled, "He's an imposter!"

Piccolo turned to see a second Kakarot land on the lookout.

"I am not!" the first yelled out, "you'd better shut your mouth, or I'll shut it for you!"

Both Kakarots leaped at each other's throats.

Now, before we get into this entirely cliché fight, I have just realized it is going to be very confusing to write out. But this heroic author will try.

Kakarot grabbed Kakarots gi and threw him to the other side of the lookout, where Kakarot sprang to the other and punched him in the face. Kakarot kneed the other in the stomach, then Kakarot kicked Kakarot in the side and Kakarot punched Kakarot in the gut.

One badly beaten Kakarot finally stopped and turned to the unscathed Kakarot, "You know, he could have at least called us one and two. Cause I'm Kakarot, and so are you, but you take all the attacking Kakarot roles so I keep getting the crap beat out of me!"

"You're just sore because I thought of it first," Kakarot said, sticking out his tongue.

"Enough!" A thoroughly confused Piccolo shouted, "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know, I'm the original, so they should all just listen to me!"

"Hey!"

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Vegeta blocked the punch from Kakarot and returned the blow, knocking the other Saiyan back into a mountain. He smirked and crossed his arms, waiting for the clown to emerge from the rubble. Suddenly he was slammed into from the left. He pivoted in air and saw Kakarot grinning at him, not even having a bruise on him.

_Bastard! _Vegeta knocked Kakarot back into the ground, and then was hit from behind. He turned and blasted Kakarot and was hit from above.

Kakarot landed next to Kakarot and grinned, "This is fun!"

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Piccolo quickly called over a telepathic link for all the z-warriors to meet at the lookout. Naturally, all the Kakarots did too. So, on a very crowded lookout, Krillian tried desperately not to be stepped on, and Piccolo called everyone to order.

"We need a solution to this mess! But we can't just kill off the extra Goku's. Does any one have a plan?"

"I believe I can provide an answer," a voice said.

Piccolo turned to see the supreme Kia standing beside Kabito.

"What do you suggest?" Piccolo asked.

Instead of saying anything, the Kia walked up to two Kakarots and placed his earrings on them. The two became one. He looked just like Kakarot, only his ki was higher. The supreme Kia took one earring off the newcomer, and put them on another Kakarot.

Soon, all Kakarots became one. The only one who didn't like the solution was Vegeta, because Kakarot was a billion times stronger now from the fusions, and he was left behind again.

He walked away, muttering about someone named Brad betraying him.

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I don't think I've even written, "Kakarot" more times in my life. And I didn't betray Vegeta; he went home and did the same thing. Now, a never before done feature... Alternate ending!

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Piccolo quickly called over a telepathic link for all the z-warriors to meet at the lookout. Naturally, all the Kakarots did too. So, on a very crowded lookout, Krillian tried desperately not to be stepped on, and Piccolo called everyone to order.

"We need a solution to this mess! But we can't just kill off the extra Goku's. Does any one have a plan?"

"Oh my god! It's Goku!"

Everyone turned around to see a teenage girl climb over the lip of the lookout and latched onto the nearest Kakarot. She looked up at the tall Saiyan with hearts in her eyes.

"Ouch!" She reached up and pulled a paper heart out of her eye, "You're my hero! Will you marry me?"

"That's it!" Krillian yelled, "Piccolo, I need to use a telepathic link!"

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A few hours later, the whole z-clan stood in the middle of the mall, yelling at the top of their lungs, "Goku's! Get you Goku's! Only $59.99! Limited supplies!"

The mall was packed with teenage girls, all having been called by Krillian. Money was being thrust at the fighters as girls walked off with their Kakarots, finally being able to marry the man of their dreams.

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Hey, I was just thinking. I love to do these humor stories, but I can also do serious ones. I might start a second short story saga with all serious stories in them, mostly agnst. Let me know if you want it! Oh yea, I've just started counting in order to separate my segments (As you've most likely noticed.)


	56. Lost

"Admit it, Dabura. You're lost," Babidi said to the demon walking next to him.

"I am not lost! I am king of the demons! Master of all, except you. And second to no one in strength!" Dabura yelled, scaring the crap out of a couple of kids walking by.

"Alright! Alright!" Babidi said, "I said you were lost, I didn't need your resumé too. Why don't you just ask someone for directions?"

"I will not! I am king of the demons! Master of all, except you. And second to n-"

"Will you shut up! Geez! Hey kid!" Babidi turned around and pointed to a six year old who was staring at the two, "How-"

"Are you two lost?" The boy asked.

Babidi sighed, "Yes we are, co-"

"Because Halloween is still four months away."

Babidi growled low in his throat and pointed at the boy, "Listen here, brat! I am-"

"We are not here for Halloween! I am king of the demons! Master of all, except you. And second to no one in strength!"

"Ignore him," Babidi said to the boy, "Now. I'm looking for my top-secret spaceship that is buried underground. Can you give me directions?"

"Sure!" The boy said, "Go to the end of this street, take a right, then a left, then another left, two rights, go straight, take a left, go right, go through two intersections, take three lefts, go straight, take two rights, go straight, then take a left, a right, a left, go through the intersection, and you'll be there!"

Babidi had magiced up a notebook and was writing this all down as fast as he could, "I hadn't realized we had parked it in the middle of the city! Gosh, I hope it doesn't get towed! Dabura, you put enough money in the parking meter, right?"

"Of course! I am king of the demons! Master of all, except you. And second to no one in strength!"

"Why do I even talk to you? Okay! Lets go!"

Three hours later...

"What the hell! This where we started!" Babidi yelled.

"Huh, that's odd," Dabura said, "I don't see the spaceship around here, do you?"

"No! That little brat gave us fake directions to lead us right back here!" (A/N: It's true, try it out!)

Babidi continued, "Wait until I get my hands on that brat! I'll paparapapa him to the next dimension!"

_That really doesn't sound as cool as he thinks it must, _Dabura thought, _But I am. I am the king of the demons. I was born into cooldom._

"Dabura! I've had enough of this city! Level it!" Babidi yelled.

"Sure," The demon king raised a hand, and pointed it at the buildings.

"Omygawd!" The voice came from behind Dabura, he turned just in time to see a teenage girl jump on him, bowling him over, "Aren't you like, one of the backstreet boys? I love your music. Hey girls! It's one of them!"

"What are you talking abo-Ahh!" Dabura tried to free himself from the girl, but he was dog piled on by a hundred more females, "Get off me...ow! Stop pulling my ears...hey! That is not a toy! Give me back my cape!" he saw an unusual looking girl, " What the hell?"

Dabura stood face to face with a disappointed Goku, who's face drooped when he saw the man.

"Awww. You're not Justin," Goku shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away.

Dabura took off into the sky, and shook off the remaining females. Glancing down, he saw the crazed teens regroup and look to one of them.

"He's not going to get away so easily!" she shouted, "Quick, groups one through five, make a ladder! Groups six through ten, take hostages! Groups ten through fifteen, make annoying squealing girls noises!"

Dabura cringed, with his large ears, those noises hurt! Shaking his head and cringing, he almost didn't see the girls climbing until it was too late.

"Damn you females!" He yelled. Swooping down, he scooped up Babidi and took off to the mountains.

"Humans are just weird!" Babidi said.

"Hush! Master! Look, it's the supreme kia!"

"Dabura, I don't like the man very much either, but that is his name, and therefore it deserves to be capitalized."

"Oh, sorry. Look, it's the Supreme Kia!"

"Oh shit! Quickly, we mustn't delay, find us a hiding spot!"

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The Supreme Kia landed in a clearing and looked around. No spaceships that he could see. "Hey! Chipmunk! Seen any spaceships floating around?"

The chipmunk blinked at the Kia, stuffed a nut in his bulging cheeks, and then ran off.

"Guess not," He continued to walk.

The Kia asked other forest creatures and was getting pretty frustrated with the results. _I'll try one more, and then I'll move on._ He thought.

"Hey you!" He called to a short bald creature in an orange gi with a blue undershirt and boots, "Have you seen any spaceships floating around?"

Krillian blinked at the Kia, stuffed a nut into his bulging cheeks, and then ran off.

_Stupid Earth creatures, _he thought, _I'm out of here, and I need to put some gel into my mohawk._

__

Before he took off, the Kia stopped when he noticed two strange growing bushes. They looked like the demon king and the wizard Babidi, but the branches that looked like their arms had leaves growing out of the hands, so it couldn't be them. The Kia took off.

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Dabura stood up.

"Master, that one was too close. We must find our ship!"

"Yes! But where did I leave it?" The wizard began to pace. It was an annoying habit he had picked up on Yardrate, and it drove the demon king nuts.

"Master, it's-"

"Hush Dabura, I'm thinking."

Seven hours later...

"Master?"

"Shut up! I think I may remember where it is!"

Six hours, twenty-eight minutes, four seconds, and twenty-two milliseconds later.

"Damn! I just can't remember where it is!" The wizard stepped out of the rut he had dug with his pacing feet and promptly smacked into a silver dome sticking out of the ground.

"I told you I would find it!" Babidi shouted, "I truly am a great wizard!"

"The demon king rolled his eye's and stepped into the ship.

"Sure, whatever."


	57. Laughing Piccolo

Dende woke up on the lookout and walked out onto the landing. It was another perfect day, he should know, he created it, and he felt it would be a peaceful time.

"Good morning Dende," Mr. Popo said as he swept the landing.

"Good morning Mr. Popo, how are-" before the usual and repetitive greeting could finish, both heard the sound of laughter and turned to see Piccolo meditating. (He has to be meditating. I cannot risk the worldwide devastation that happened the last time Piccolo was not meditating again.) Not only was the only tall person on the lookout meditating, he was laughing his ass off.

Dende and Mr. Popo looked at the Namek, their faces scared.

"What is he doing?" Dende asked no one in particular.

Piccolo fell over backwards and rolled on the marble stones. Several seconds passed and then he attempted to get to his feet, still chuckling. Before he could get to his feet though, he held his side and roared in laughter again, falling to the ground a second time.

Dende and Mr. Popo exchanged glances and slowly backed away from the crazed Namek.

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Piccolo got to his feet, still chuckling, and stood there for a second. Suddenly he stopped laughing and his face took on its usual scowl once more. For a second, he seemed to take account of his surroundings and see if anything changed. His scowl deepening, he pulled a something out of his pocket. It was a daily Zen calendar, it was open to the date, and had writing across the page.

"As for sitting and meditation, that is something which must include fits of blissful laughter- brayings that will make you slump to the ground clutching your belly, and even after that passes and you struggle to your feet, will make you fall anew in further contortions of side splitting mirth." –Hakuin.

Piccolo re-read the passage.

"This damn thing sucks," He muttered, and tossed it over the edge of the lookout.

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This really is today's passage from my Zen calendar, and I knew that I had to make Piccolo try it out. Oh, I want to take a poll (Which is not interactive, fan fiction dot net, I just want to see what people think) what is your favorite story I've written so far? It could be any short story, from one or two, or even Super bowl Z, which I don't think I ever finished. Let me know!

Brad


	58. Sick

Piccolo lay in bed, noting that today was different from the day before. He felt like crap. His nose was stuffed up to high heavens; his throat was sore and his head pounded. In short, Piccolo had caught the mother of all colds.

He tried to sit up, but his throbbing head made him lie down again.

"Denda!" He called out, his stuffed up nose making his voice sound funny.

"What is it, Piccolo?" The young Namek asked as he walked into Piccolo's room.

"Ah tink ah hab a code," Piccolo wheezed out.

"You think you have a code? Do you want help in deciphering it?"

"Nob! Ah tink ah hab a code!"

"Why, yes. This is a new coat I'm wearing."

"Nob! Ah tink ah hab a cobe!"

"A comb?" _This is fun! _Dende thought.

"Nob!" Piccolo shouted.

"Could you try not to breath on me, Piccolo? I think you have a cold." Dende said.

Piccolo grabbed at his antenna and pulled at them, nearly tearing them out in frustration. "Yeth, ah hab a code. Please helb meh."

"Sure! I'll help!" Dende ran out of the room.

_At least he finally got it, _Piccolo thought.

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"Mr. Popo!" Dende called as he ran past the genie in the hallway, "Our time has come! Call plan C into effect!"

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Piccolo had not improved by mid morning. He just wanted to sleep, but he could hear everything going on in the entire universe, and it didn't help. Finally, he sat up and pulled open on of his bedside table drawers, revealing two large foam-like ovals.

_Grade A, two thousand decibel blocking, Namek sized earplugs, _He thought, _this will let me get to sleep for sure!_

Piccolo popped the two earplugs in and laid his head down on his pillow. The adult Namek was just about to fall asleep when he heard a voice. He opened his eyes to see Hercule sitting by his bed, chatting away aimlessly about his multiple adventures.

"And once I had Cell cornered I said-"

"What are you doing here!" Piccolo sneered, "And how come I can hear you through these ear plugs?"

"Why every ear plug in the world is designed to let the specific frequency of my voice through, because everything I have to say is important! And the little green dude let me up, saying you could use the company!"

Piccolo groaned and looked at the package the earplugs came in. _Well, I'll be damned, _he thought. Right on the front of the package it proclaimed that they were non-Hercule proof. He groaned and pulled the covers over his head. (1)

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Piccolo was still in bed; Hercule left a few minutes ago when Piccolo got a great idea and told him a villain was coming to the lookout. Naturally, he fled for dear life. Now Piccolo could get some rest.

"Rise and shine!" Dende called from the doorway.

Piccolo looked at the Namek and sniffed the air, something smelled awful.

"What is that smell?" He asked, looking around.

"It's my home-made chicken soup!" Dende said, wheeling in a pot full of the stuff, "I don't have any recipes, but how hard can it be? I'm a god! I can do anything perfect."

Piccolo thought about Dende's trumpet playing skills, and was a little apprehensive of looking into the pot. Against his better judgment, he looked, and was sorry he did.

The broth was water intermingled with blood and chicken guts. The rest of the soup was made from a whole chicken that had been hacked into separate, bite-sized parts. _He didn't even take off the feathers! And it looks like, wait, is that a beak? _(2)

He looked up at Dende, who was smiling and obviously proud of his soup.

"Uh, maybe later Dende. I'm not really hungry."

"But you have to eat it!" He cried, "It will help you get better faster, and I made it myself!"

Piccolo paled. This was not going to be fun. "Go ahead and give me a bowl..." He said.

"Bowl?" Dende asked, "You don't need a bowl. Just eat it out of the pot!" The small Namek handed Piccolo a spoon and sat down beside him, waiting in eager anticipation.

Piccolo dipped the spoon into the so-called soup and pulled it out. One of the chickens' eyes stared back at him. His hand trembling, Piccolo stuck the spoon in his mouth. He nearly gagged. It tasted awful! (Needless to say.) Piccolo swallowed the mouthful and swore he felt a bone scrape against the side of his throat.

"That's, uh, really good Dende," He said, his skin looking a little greener then before.

"Oh good!" Dende said, "Eat up! It'll make you feel better!"

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Piccolo's cold was worsening, and now he had a stomachache from Dende's soup. _No wonder Mr. Popo does all the cooking around here. _

At fist he thought the throbbing in his head was from the headache, but he could hear that it was a drum beat. Pissed of, he threw the covers aside and walked out to the landing. Spread out all over was a familiar looking marching band. _I don't believe it, _He thought, _the thousand-mile band made it up the lookout. _

The band was playing a tune while Dende and Mr. Popo stood on the side, clapping their hands and urging the band to play louder. Piccolo screamed and went back into his room.

Dende turned to Mr. Popo and grinned, "We're just getting started and he seems like he's already about to explode."

"I can't wait to see what he's going to do next!"

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Piccolo had his ear plugs back in, but had assured Hercule would not bother him by placing a big sign outside his door saying, "Large ugly villain inside, do not enter!" He was at peace, and almost asleep.

"Hey Piccolo!"

Piccolo turned around and glared at Goku.

"What's up? You don't look so good hey what's in your ears are you feeling okay you might want to get your ears looked at that's a nasty growth you got going there well are you going to answer me?"

Piccolo was dumbfounded. His earplugs were not working! He looked to the package once more and saw right underneath where they told you they did not work against Hercule that they said they didn't work on annoying Saiyans either.

"What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I asked you a question first!" Goku pouted, "Answer me first!"

"Fine. Nothings up these things are called earplugs I'm not feeling okay and I just answered you."

"Oh! I'm here because I saw a villain was in the room and I wanted to destroy it, but let it kill Vegeta first, just like I always do."

"Goku, I hate to be rude, but I'm not feeling well here, so could you..."

"You're not feeling well? I know! I'll make you some chicken soup!"

"No!" Piccolo shouted, grabbing onto the back of the Saiyans gi.

"What? You don't want any soup? But I thought-"

"Ah, ah, AH CHOOO!" Piccolo sneezed, cutting of Goku's whiny voice, and covering the warrior in snot.

Goku blinked, his eyes being the only thing visible through the green goo, and said, "Chichi just washed these clothes last month! She's going to be furious!"

Piccolo got an idea. "AH AH AH..." Goku fizzled out with instantaneous movement and was gone.

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Piccolo woke up the next morning and noticed he was feeling a lot better. He stretched and walked out onto the landing, happy that the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and no villains were trying to blow up the Earth.

He noticed Dende and Mr. Popo were absent and walked into the room they shared. Both looked like crap. Dende was sniffling and Mr. Popo was coughing his lunges out (Not literally, and even if it was literally, Ewwwww.)

"Well, boy's," He said, looming above there beds, "It looks like the tables have turned." Both Namek and Genie cowered under their blankets. Goku popped in. His nose was red and his eyes were tired.

"I caught something," He said, "Chichi called it a cold, but I think it's an alien race that is slowly draining my power, trying to make me weak enough to take over the world."

"It's a cold, Goku," Piccolo said.

"Oh, really? Hey, isn't there an expression, "Feed a cold, and starve a fever?"

"Yea,"

Goku ran up to Piccolo and gave him a hug, "Thank you for giving me this cold!" He popped back out.

Piccolo turned back to the others in the room, "Well, boys. It's up to me to take care of you," He said, "I think there is some left over soup, let me go get you some."

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(1) In the story COATS, I had mentioned the fact that Piccolo had Hercule proof earplugs. This story was why. I had written it about six months ago, but when I tried to bring it home, my disc got destroyed and I never got to post it. This is a re-write.

(2) Anyone hungry?

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My motivation for writing this again is the fact that currently have a cold that has made my life a living hell. That's also the reason I haven't updated in a while. On the pole for the favorite story, I'm going to hold it until Nov 1st, and then I'll tally up the votes. Also, I could use some suggestions, as I'm running low on ideas here. I promise to write soon! Brad


	59. Wedding Bells

Vegeta walked down the hallway of Capsule Corporation, having just finished eating and wanting to train some more. He had yet to accomplish his goal of becoming a Super Saiyan, but it was close. He just knew he could make it before the androids came in two years. He continued through the foyer and was almost to the front door when a blur of blue stopped him.

"Vegeta! We need to talk," It was the woman. When he had started his training here a year ago, he had found her attractive and had released some of the tension of training by having sex with her, but lately, she was looking, well, a little fat.

"What do you want?" he asked, really not caring what she wanted. Sometimes it took less time to just listen to her demands and agree with her then it took to argue with her, and he just wanted to get back to his training.

"Remember a few months ago when we had our little fun?"

Vegeta thought back and smiled.

_She lay in front of him, a scene of radiant beauty. Her hair was growing long and it brushed her upper back as she turned to look at him with a coy smile._

_ "Ready to play?" she asked. The Saiyan prince could only nod his head._

_ "Good, this new Play station game is supposed to rock!"_

"Not that time!" Bulma yelled, snapping the alien out of his daydream, "I'm talking about the time we had sex!"

All across the globe FUNamation editors and writers fell to there knees and tried desperately to make Bulma's words return to her mouth to save the young innocent minds of the world. I'm sorry? Oh, okay. To save the single innocent young mind of the world.

"So? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, if it's escaped your notice, I happen to be pregnant!"

"What the heck does that mean?"

"It means that my bulging stomach is carrying your child." Vegeta looked down at her stomach. _So she's not just fat? _"What do you call it when someone gets pregnant on your home planet?" She asked out of curiosity.

"Usually? Lunch," he said, just to see her reaction.

"Uhg! Aliens!" She threw her hands up in the air and turned away from Vegeta, "Well, on Earth, when a woman gets pregnant, it usually means the man has to marry the woman. So Vegeta, will you marry me?"

Vegeta grunted. This conversation was taking to much time, he had important training to get to and he didn't want to waste any time talking about "marrying" this woman. Who knows what it means to marry someone. _Probably just have to get her a gift and sing some stupid song like all of the Earth holidays, _he thought.

"Sure," he muttered and pushed past her out to the Gravity Chamber. He wasn't sure, but he thought he heard a squeal come from the woman as he shut the door.

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Vegeta stood in the middle of the Gravity Chamber, training hard to defeat Goku. He had forgotten completely about the woman and her "marry" thing.

"Die Kakarot! Die!" Vegeta punched and kicked with all his might, feeling the strain of gravity pull at his muscles and imagining Kakarot standing in front of him, taking the beating while yelling in his stupid voice. Vegeta jumped to the side and brought his knee up into Kakarots stomach, then raised his arm over head and brought it down on Kakarots head. He turned around and saw Kakarot still standing there with that stupid grin on his face, and it only served to piss Vegeta off more.

"Die!" He yelled driving both feet into Kakarots chest and then landing a spinning back kick to the others cheek.

"Okay," Goku said, "I'll die, but first, can we talk about you and Bulma?"

Vegeta stood stunned. He realized that it was the real Goku standing in the room with him, not just the imaginary one.

"How did you get in here!" he yelled, stopping when he noticed just how much he seemed to yell.

"Instantaneous movement," Goku cringed as he rubbed his cheek, "I just heard about you and Bulma! Congratulations!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Your getting married!" Goku squealed, covering his mouth with both hands, "I just knew you'd be one to settle down and be a one woman man!" Goku walked up and hugged Vegeta.

For a split second, Vegeta pondered on Goku's words, then he realized Goku was hugging him.

"Get off!" Vegeta grabbed Goku's arm and threw him to the far side of the Gravity Chamber, "Uhg! Don't ever do that to me again! You just stay on that side of the room. Better yet, stand against the wall." Vegeta cringed and looked down at his body, desperately wanting a shower.

"Sorry!" Goku said, "I just couldn't help it! You and Bulma are going to get married!"

"What is the big deal? It's just some stupid holiday for humans!"

"Uh, Vegeta? Do you know what getting married means?"

Vegeta hated to do it, but he had to admit Goku knew something he didn't.

"No, Kakarot. I have no idea what it means to get married."

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Bulma sat in her living room with her mother, pouring over several wedding magazines looking for dresses, flowers, and a cake to top it all off.

"What about this one?" Mrs. Briefs asked, pointing to a mother of pearl dress that had a very long train running behind it.

"I don't know mom," Bulma said, "I like trains and all, but the little engine that could? I don't think the maker of that dress knew what a train really is."

Seconds later, a rumbling coursed through the living room. Diner plates shattered, the lights flashed on and off, and there was a sound that was like the shockwave hitting you after a bomb went off. Quickly, like a record being speeded up, the sound resolved itself into a word.

"Wwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhat!"

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Vegeta looked at Goku. Goku held his ears and whimpered. Up on the lookout and back at the Son household, Kami and Piccolo lay gasping, trying to rip there ears right off their heads.

"Getting married means what!" Vegeta cried out.

"Hey!" He yelled at me, "I don't cry!"

I know. But you yell so much, and I'm getting tired of just using the word, "yelled." It just means you were shocked.

"Oh. Okay." He turned back to Goku.

"Who were you just talking to?" the taller Saiyan asked.

"I don't know," Vegeta muttered, "it's like someone writing the story of my life down and they just make me yell at the ceiling sometimes."

"Oh. But yea, that's what getting married means," Goku grinned.

"So I'm stuck with this woman?"

"Mm-Hmm,"

"For the rest of my life?"

"Mm-Hmm,"

"And you're a pathetic weakling?"

"Mm… Nice try."

Vegeta snapped his fingers. He had almost gotten him to admit it. "So what do I do now?"

"Nothing you can do, except go through with it!" Goku said cheerfully, and then, with a flare of ki, vanished.

Vegeta looked up at the ceiling once more, "Help me!"

Letting out a sigh, the Saiyan Prince began to walk over to the controls so he could get out and talk to the woman. There was no nice way to tell her, and he really-

"Ow!" Vegeta looked down at his foot and pulled something off. _A mousetrap?_

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Bulma sat next to her mother on the tan leather couch, still undecided on a cake, but they had narrowed the choice of a dress down to ten. They would just have to order them all and try them on to see which one fit best.

"Woman," was Vegeta's greeting as he walked into the room, "We need to talk."

"Sure! But before we go, what do you think of this dress?" Bulma pulled out a magazine clipping and held it up, "Or is this one better?" She held another one next to it.

"What do you want a dress for?"

"The wedding! The ceremony that will be the greatest day of my life! The one hour in this world that will revolve around us!" She smiled to Vegeta; "It's the way we announce our love to each other to the universe!" She gave him a playful smile, "Why? How does a Saiyan do that? Club the woman on the head and drag her back to his cave?"

Vegeta looked at her in shock. _Who told her the mating rituals of the Saiyans?_

"But that's why I need a dress! I want to feel and look special!"

"Uh, but that's what I want to- uh," _Stop looking at me like that! _"I like the one on the left." He finally said, his shoulders slumping just slightly.

"Your left or mine?"

"Yours," He said, "I'll be outside if you need me."

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Vegeta was lying on the grass a few hundred miles away from Capsule Corporation. He didn't say where he'd be outside after all.

_I can't do this! But I can't break her heart either! What am I going to do?_

"You could just marry her," Piccolo's voice said from behind.

_And why can everyone else read minds except me!_

"Would you?" Vegeta shot back, sitting up and turning around.

"I'm a Namek, not crazy," Piccolo said, never moving from his meditative stance except to smile a little at his joke, "I can sense your feelings Vegeta, and I know you like Bulma."

"That woman has been nothing but a thorn in my side since I met her!"

"Which is what you find so endearing," Piccolo said, "She's such a soft, fragile creature, and yet when you threaten her, or just get pissed, she never flinches and even calms you down a bit." Piccolo opened his eyes and looked at Vegeta, seeing if his words had struck home.

They did. Vegeta was staring at the ground, the sky, anything but Piccolo's face. "Fine!" Vegeta bit out, "You're right. I'll marry her."

"Good!" Piccolo said, then closed his eyes for a moment then opened them. A split second later, Goku appeared and smiled.

"Goku," Piccolo said, "You've done the whole process before, help us out."

"I knew you could do it!" He said to Vegeta, "Now! Let's go get all the stuff you need!"

"Stuff?"

"Yea! The ring and suit just for starters," Goku was grinning from ear to ear.

"All right," Vegeta said, standing up and brushing off his clothes, "Let's go!"

They were just about to take off when Vegeta stopped short.

"Hey," He said, "Isn't this supposed to be a funny story?"

With a slight whistling sound, a blueberry pie fell from the heavens and landed on Vegeta's head.

"Damn it!"

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Goku, Piccolo and a freshly bathed Vegeta walked down the strip of stores.

"What are we looking for now?" Vegeta asked.

"I'm really not sure," Goku said, "When Chichi and I got married, she had me place some circular metal thing on her finger. It looked really pretty and was all shiny and stuff."

"Well, let's look in here," Piccolo said, pointing to a store they were in front of.

The three walked around and noticed that they might be in the wrong store. There wasn't anything metal or round in sight, and the things on display made them all blush. Apparently, the stuff hanging up and lying around was supposed to be clothes, according to the pretty woman in the photos on the wall. The stuff was so shear and small that none of the boys would have considered it clothing. Plus they were the only males in the store.

"What the heck was that place?" Piccolo asked as they left the store.

"Vic-tor-ia's Se-cret?" Goku sounded it out, "Victoria's Secret? What's her secret?"

"Probably just fitting in those clothes," Vegeta commented, "Let's try this one."

They had no more luck in the next store, which was full of movies and such. Goku walked up and down the isles, looking for anything that resembled what Chichi had given him to place on her finger. He caught something out of the corner of his eye and looked at the title of a movie.

"Dragonball Z: Broly: The legendary Super Saiyan?" He read, "Hey! That's me! And that looks like Vegeta if he turned super! And there's Piccolo! And Super Gohan! But who are those two?"

"Kakarot! We're leaving!" Vegeta called from the front of the store.

"Okay!" Goku called back, forgetting all about the 'movie'.

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"Alright," Vegeta said, "I'm choosing the next one! I don't want to trust Piccolo's judgment any more!"

"It's not my fault!" Piccolo cried.

"Yea!" Goku said, "I would have gone in any way! I wanted to see Chuck E's cheese!"

"No more arguments!" Vegeta yelled, making several pedestrians run away screaming, "We're going into this one, and if we don't find anything, then we're calling it quits!"

They walked in and looked around, any they finally found what they were looking for.

"That's it!" Goku yelled, electing a shush from the store manager, "That's it," He whispered.

"Finally!" Vegeta said, looking at the round metal things, "Which one do we get?"

"Well, this one has a break in the loop, so don't get this one," Piccolo said, discarding it, "these come in different sizes? Well, how big is her finger?"

"How am I supposed to know? Just grab one and we'll get out of here!" Vegeta said.

"Okay," Piccolo grabbed one and they checked out.

"Wow!" Goku said, "Only three cents? That's pretty cheap!"

"Maybe they were on special," Vegeta growled, "Now, is their anything else I need?"

"Yea! A suit!"

Piccolo grinned inwardly. He wouldn't miss this wedding for the world just for the chance to see Vegeta dressed up.

They found a place with tuxedo's in the window and looked around for a nice suit.

"Are you sure they have something for a man as short as Vegeta?" Piccolo whispered to Goku. Goku smirked and watched Vegeta look through the racks of suits.

"No, no, no, defiantly not, no, no, haha! No," Vegeta flipped through the tux's in record time and turned to Goku, "Nothing! Let's go!"

"Wait! What about this one?" Goku asked, pulling out one that would look very nice on the Prince, "It even looks like it would be your size!"

"No."

"Oh come on, just try it on!"

Finally, after many words, threats, and promises, Vegeta walked into the changing room to go from spandex to tux.

Sssssccccttthhhhuuucccckkkk!

"What the hell was that?" Piccolo asked, looking up from his magazine.

"It's been a long time since I've taken off these spandex, alright!" Vegeta yelled form the dressing room.

"How long?" Goku asked in amazement.

"Long enough!"

Ssssssssssssssscccccccccccccccccttttttttttttttttthhhhhhhuuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkkk!

"How long!" Goku yelled, crawling up the back of his seat.

Vegeta emerged from the changing room in the tux. It was all white except for a little light blue trim here and there, and gold buttons. It was perfectly fit except for the pants, which were a little to long.

"I can hem that for you, sir," The owner of the shop said, "Please just step up here and I'll get the measurements."

Vegeta scowled as he stepped on the small platform, and crossed his arms. _I'll never admit it, _He thought, _But I look damn good dressed up._

The owner ran a tape measure up the outside of his right leg, then the outside of his left leg. He switched his grip and ran the tape measure up the inside of his right leg.

"Watch it!" Vegeta bellowed, raising a fist at the man.

"Just needed the measurement!" He cried, throwing up his hands in defense.

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Vegeta, Goku and Piccolo flew home, Vegeta carrying his new tux under one arm.

"There!" He said, "Do I have to do anything else?"

"Just show up!" Goku said, and he left with Piccolo.

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Capsule Corporation was a riot of activity; men hustled around hanging decorations and cleaning, the kitchen was being worked overtime to prepare all the food, and Bulma was in frenzy.

"Get moving! The wedding is in less then five hours and we have no doves!" She was yelling into a cell phone while several woman gathered at her feet making sure her dress was absolutely perfect, "Well, then catch some damn doves! I don't care if they don't live around here! This is supposed to be the greatest day of my life! Where is Vegeta! He should be helping!"

Vegeta was in his room. He was holding the door shut even though no one was trying to get in. _This is one time in my life I think I'm going to lay low…_

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It was time for the wedding. Vegeta stood at the front of the aisle dressed up in his tux once more, semi-pissed but also realizing this would go down in the books as a happy day in his memoirs. Over the last few weeks leading up to the wedding, Bulma had been, well, pleasant to him. It was a shocking transformation, but not an unwelcome one. It had been a brief glance into the future, and it was one he could get used to.

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Bulma stood in her dressing room, looking herself over in the many mirrors surrounding her. Despite the last minute panic that is associated with any wedding, everything had turned out all right. Vegeta had even been nicer these last few weeks, and that was a big improvement.

She turned around to leave. She stared back at her own face. She turned again. Same.

"Um, did anyone leave an opening in the mirrors to let me leave?"

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The wedding started off with the best man, Goku, walking down the aisle followed by the groom's men, Piccolo, Krillian and Tien.

"Thanks for choosing us, Vegeta!" Goku whispered as he took his spot.

"It's not like I had much of a selection."

"You could have chosen Hercule," Goku said with a grin.

Vegeta did not respond, he simply turned around and gave Goku a death glare, "Sorry!" Goku said defensively, "Sorry! Wedding day, not supposed to be any bad thoughts!"

The brides maids came down the aisle, Chichi being a shoo-in for maid of honor, and the other three being, um, there really aren't that many female roles in DBZ are there? Uh, the brides maids were, Videl, The Cell I turned into a female in chapter 28, and a random 18, considering she is still evil.

"Why am I here?" 18 asked, feeling rather dejected.

"You?" Cell asked, "Like, why am I here?"

"To make me seem prettier!" Chichi yelled at the monster-gone woman.

Bulma walked down the aisle in a long white dress and flowers clutched in her gloved hands. Mr. Briefs walked besides her, sobbing softly.

"Why are you crying Daddy?" Bulma asked, "Today is supposed to be a happy day!"

"I know sweaty," he said, "I'm just crying because I just realized that I'm never spoken of on a first name basis."

Bulma was lead up to Vegeta and released over to him after kissing her father good-bye.

Before turning to his spot, Mr. Briefs looked at Vegeta and gave a very silent, "Good luck," in his direction.

The priest started, "We are gathered here today…" Blah blah… fast forward, fast forward, oops we passed it, rewind, and rewind… Play! Play! Ah here we are!

"Do you Bulma take this man to be your husband?"

"I do."

"Do you Vegeta take this woman to be your wife?"

"That would be why I'm here,"

"Please present the rings."

A little carbon copy boy just like any other on DBZ stepped forward in a tux and handed the respective parties their rings. Bulma placed her ring on Vegeta's hand that was a simple platinum band that could be worn under his gloves. Vegeta smiled and pulled out his own ring, slipping it on her finger with ease.

"A washer?" Bulma asked, staring at the ring in a cross between surprise and disgust.

"A what?"

"A washer," She said, her voice becoming more enraged with every syllable, "It's something used to keep machines from falling apart, and that's what you got me for a wedding band!"

Vegeta whirled around to face Goku, who was looking everywhere but at the Saiyan Prince, "Well, Bulma," He said, turning back, "It's a very special washer. It is a washer from the body of Frieza when he came to Earth in his robotic form. Frieza held me captive my whole life and now that he's gone, you'll be the one to hold my heart captive, the same way he held me prisoner."

Bulma teared up and hugged Vegeta. _That was so romantic!_

Vegeta mentally whipped his forehead, _I can't believe I just pulled that from my ass, _He thought.

"I now pronounce you man and wife," the preacher said, "You may kiss the bride."

Everyone applauded for the couple as they embraced and kissed, proclaiming their love for each other in front of the world. The preacher turned to the crowd and gestured to the new couple, "I now present to you, Mr. And Mrs. Vegeta- uh, what's your last name son?"

Vegeta froze, _No way am I telling him my last name is Ashley! _"I don't have one."

"Well, in that case, you'll adopt the Briefs name. Mr. and Mrs. Vegeta Briefs."

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The reception was everything it was meant to be. Girl Cell caught the bouquet and Krillian caught the garter belt. Cell sat down and held up his skirt for the midget who ran from the building screaming.

Toasts were made all around, and everyone was in good cheer. The DJ played a good selection of music for the dinner and wasn't even fazed by the Saiyans eating habits, having been warned before. He looked up at a signal and stopped the music, "Ladies and gentlemen! I have just been informed that it is time for the cutting of the cake!"

"Cake?" Vegeta asked.

A curtain, which everyone had assumed was just a wall, fell away to reveal the wedding cake. It took up the whole wall, layer after layer of sugary perfection, a perfect representation of Vegeta and Bulma adorned the top, and surrounded by plates and forks.

"Oh my god!" Gohan said.

"Pinch me!" Goku pleaded.

"Must…resist…NO!" Vegeta said, and then he launched himself at the cake. Within seconds he was covered in frosting, the top tear already devoured and the next layers going fast.

Bulma stood up, knowing she had better get used to this, "Vegeta!"


	60. Tricks

Mirai Trunks stood beside his time machine; about to embark on a journey to tell his past friends he had destroyed the androids in the future. His mother, and older version of the Bulma we know, stood by his side. She wasn't tearful like most mothers would be when there son was leaving on a voyage through time and space that would cover a distance of negative twenty years, for she knew the past he left for was now safe thanks to Gohan.

"I'm going mom, I'll be back in a few days," he said.

"I'll be waiting for you twenty years ago," Bulma joked.

Trunks smiled. It was a joke they had used every time he time traveled, but it still drew a grin every time it was said.

"Wait a minute mom," Trunks said, "I feel an energy approaching. It's really weak, but it could be Cell when he's just surprising his energy. Go back inside."

As his mother fled into the safety of her house, Trunks turned to face the energy that was nearing his position.

"Come out! I know your there!" Trunks yelled out.

A shadow shifted, something out of sight fell to the ground, obviously knocked over by the other. With a final stumble, it came into view.

"You!" Trunks yelled. (Is the suspense killing you yet?)

"Yea," Hercule said, "it's me."

"What do you want? I thought Cell was supposed to kill me."

"Well, that's the thing. I know you beat the stuffing out of the androids, and I saw Cell a few blocks north. You might want to check it out."

Trunks flew off in pursuit of Cell, and Hercule grinned. He had no idea where Cell was; he just wanted to get rid of the boy. _Now I can finally do this._

Hercule climbed up the side of the time machine and set the date. Moments later he was in another time.

He climbed out to take a look around, "If my memory serves me right," He said under his breath, "It should be just over this hill."

The world champ climbed over the ridge and peered over a rock. It was just as he thought it would be. Thousands of bombs littered the grounds, a trench had been dug around the circumference and more bombs were being piled in there. Magnetic field generators and projectors were strewn about, and laser cannons were set up with camouflage nets beside them.

"I knew it!" Hercule yelled, standing and pointing an accusing finger at the only other figure around.

"This is not what it looks like!" Cell yelled in surprise.

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Whew! Sorry I took so long, I just got two random reviews last night that reminded me I haven't written in ten years. So I had this one sitting around completed for you, and I hope it'll tide you over until I can get one of the 15 other half stories completed. I still have yet to run out of idea's, I still have a note book full of them, so I'll keep writing!

Brad


	61. T Bear

"Now you two be good until we get back," Goku said as he opened the door, "Your mother and I just want some time together tonight, so we're going to see a movie and eat. Try not to blow anything up." The last sentence was said to the two boys with a pleading look in his eyes.

"Yes, Dad," Gohan and Goten echoed each other.

"Gohan, you'll be in charge," Chichi said, walking into the room while pulling on an earring, "Diner is in the fridge and I expect Goten to be in bed before eight."

The two parents left the house and shut the door, officially blocking the two boys from the rest of the world and the world's rules.

"Goten, let's eat!" Okay, so it wasn't breaking the rules, but they were eating a half hour before diner, so it counted as something. They even threw the bustle sprouts out the window, and ate a whole cake.

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Vegeta stood on the balcony, dressed in a three-piece suit that made him look positively dashing. He knew Bulma would be up any second by her ki signature, and he wanted to make this perfect.

He looked into the bedroom just as Bulma opened the door. She walked to the bed and stopped the look at the dozen roses scattered about. _Now, _Vegeta thought.

He opened the balcony doors with a flourish and held out a hand, "My lady, the night is to good to waste. Join me on the balcony."

Bulma grinned and let him lead her out, where he wrapped his hands around her waist and simply held her close.

"I just wanted to say how lovely you look tonight," Vegeta said, "And I think-" There was a faint thunking noise, and Vegeta stopped short and collapsed onto the ground.

_What the hell?_ Bulma thought as she looked at her comatose husband, a huge lump on his head, _what happened to him?_ She glanced around the balcony to find some hint and spotted a small ball sitting in the corner. She picked it up to inspect it and was surprised. _A bustle sprout?_

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Gohan and Goten were just finishing up the cake when the door was pounded on.

"I'm coming!" Gohan yelled, and weaved his way to the door. It was Videl. She looked very seductive in the moonlight, which was because she had spent a few hours readying herself.

"I'm having some trouble with my math, do you think we could study down by the lake? Alone? Where no one is around to see us? Where no one could hear us even if we were screaming?"

"Goten,I'llbewithVidel.Don'tblowanythingup,andI'llseeyousoon!" They left.

And Goten, sweet innocent Goten, was left alone. Now there was no law. None. He could do whatever he wanted. An evil smile spread across his face, and the author knew he was in trouble.

"Now I can do anything! Anything I've always wanted to do!" Goten hopped down from the chair, "I'm going to watch a movie!" Worldwide, readers wonder at the stupidity and naivety of the Son family.

Goten looked over the selection of movie under the VCR, "Austin Prowlers, Charlie's Angles, Tar Wars, and Ricky, the amazing fighter. Nothing!" Goten shut the door and looked around. There had to be something that he could watch when he was alone. "Maybe Gohan has something?"

Goten ran into Gohan's room and grabbed the box under his bed. Goten had seen the box before and wondered what it could possibly could be, he had only seen a movie go into it. He opened the cover to find several movies, "Dr. Yes and the naughty nurses? I don't want to see another hospital flick. Twist Her? Oh! Tornados! But what are these people doing on the cover? Chucky? Sure!" (You thought I was going to take this in a completely different direction, didn't you?)

Goten sat back on the couch and hit the play button. Keep in mind, dear readers, that I have never seen the movie, so I'm going to fast-forward to the end of the movie.

Goten peaked out from between his fingers. The credits were going by and the movie was over. _Or is it? _He stopped the tape and rewound it so Gohan wouldn't get suspicious, then returned it to the box. "There, it's over…" Goten said out loud, just to make sure his voice was working. "It's over," _Or is it? _"It's just a movie!" Goten said, defying the darkness that seemed to be working its way into the house. _Or is it? _Goten ran into his room and hid under the covers, because the cotton covers were like, the strongest material in the world, that could stop a knife carrying doll in it's tracks. _Or is it?_ He felt something brush his leg. "It's already in the bed!"

Goten jumped up and tore the covers off, holding a hand up to blast whatever was attacking him. The bed was empty, except for his teddy bear, Mr. Cinnamon. "Oh," The child said, picking up the bear, "It's only you! And I know you're not a mean murdering teddy bear, you're a nice one!" _Or is he?_ "Yes he is!" Goten looked at his bear. The bear's head swiveled and looked back.

"No, I'm not!" The bear jumped out of the child's grasp and landed on top of his head.

"AHHHHH!" Goten ran around, struggling to pull the cotton toy from his hair, while the bear held on. Goten managed to yank the bear and hurl him to the wall, where his soft, plushy body fell to the ground and lay still.

"That was quick," Goten said, knowing that any villain worth writing about had more then one blow to end the fight with.

The teddy bear stood up, and it occurred to Goten that a bear with no bones to break could not be broken. "Now I am going to eat you!" The bear yelled, lunging after Goten, who had booked it out of the room. He made it to the kitchen but found the door locked; there was no way for one of the second strongest kids in the universe to get out!

Beep!

Goten looked around, "What the heck?"

Oops, sorry, I said, wrong character.

"Oh, okay."

"Now you're trapped!" The bear said, walking on top of the counter, "I'm going to slice you to bits!" The bear reached the knife stand and grabbed the biggest knife he could find. He started to pull it out, but nothing happened. He grabbed on with both hands and pulled, but just ended up falling on his butt. "I suppose the fact that my muscles are cotton really doesn't held me here," He muttered.

Goten nodded, "Plus the fact that you don't have opposable thumbs."

"That's not it," The director of the story said, "We couldn't afford a real knife set, so we had to get a fake one," The camera boy nodded in agreement, "Find some other way to kill him."

T. Bear looked around the kitchen to find some form of inspiration, and then pulled open a drawer. "Alright boy," He said, "You're going to feel the wrath of, The Butter Knife of Doom!"

Goten just stared at the pint sized villain in shock, "That's the best you could come up with?"

"Well, um, yes,"

"You're no fun any more!" Goten kicked the bear, sending him flying far into the night, where he could never bother anyone again.

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I did this in honor of the new chucky movie. How people could be afraid of things they could step on or pull there heads off of, I don't know. Plus the science is just so off!

Anyway, well you know how if you fast-forward through some movies to the end of the credits, you get a bonus scene? Well, just be sure to check out the end of the credits of this story!

Writer: Brad

Creator: Brad

Wardrobe: Brad

Best Boy: Brad

Director: Brad

Cameraman: Isn't one. It's a story, not a movie!

Goten: Played by himself

Gohan: Played by himself

Teddy Bear: Played by himself

Chichi: Played by herself

Goku: Michael J. Fox

Please stay tuned for bonus footage.

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Vegeta pushed himself up, wondering what the heck happened. He could see Bulma was already in bed, and the clock told him he had been out for a few hours. He remembered holding Bulma, about to drop his sexiest line, then something smelled really bad, and he felt something hit his head.

He felt his skull and found the tender spot where he had been struck. He stood up and faced the night, thinking to what could have done it. He heard a whistling noise and looked up, only to be knocked out by Teddy Bear.


	62. Prank Part two

Goku woke up and walked to the edge of the bed he shared with Chichi, then jumped the fifty feet to the floor. He stretched and then walked into the bathroom, not noticing it took him five minutes. Flying up to the sink, he grabbed his ten-foot long toothbrush and tried to brush his teeth, but didn't manage to get the brush just inside his mouth.

_There is something wrong here,_ The sleepy Saiyan thought as he climbed up the shower wall and turned the handle with his super Saiyan strength. The shower was short, and the pressure of the water nearly killed him. Finally, the Saiyan walked out to put on his clothes and start his day.

"Why are my clothes so big?" He squeaked, "And what the hell is wrong with my voice?"

Trunks and Goten stood out in the hall, the door opened a small crack so they could watch Gotens dad in the first stage of their prank.

"He hasn't even noticed yet!" Trunks hissed to the seven year old.

"Give him time!" Goten protested, "My dad's not that dumb!"

"He's trying to pull on a boot that is three times his height!"

"... Okay, maybe he is that dumb," Goten admitted, "I'm glad I'm not like him! Boy, that would be embarrassing!"

Trunks gave a worried look at the younger kid, then looked back to see what was happening. Goku was trying to wrap his blue belt around himself when it was just as tall as he was.

"Chichi?" He called up to his sleeping wife, "Did you take out my clothes again?"

"Wha..." The half asleep wife asked, "Goku, I think we have a mouse in the house."

"No no, it's just me hunny!" He yelled, "I think something's wrong here, but I can't put my finger on it."

Trunks slapped his forehead.

"My god! You're two inches tall!" Chichi threw the covers aside, revealing the shear nightgown she was wearing.

"Ach!" Goten yelled, throwing his arms over his face, "My eye's! My eyes!"

Naturally, Goku did not hear the noise that revealed the two kids, but the sonar station with spy satellites named Chichi found the two boys and grabbed the two strongest kids in the universe by the ears.

"I would assume you two had something to do with this," Chichi yelled and pointed at her fun sized husband.

"Why are we always blamed for these things!" Goten asked.

"Because you're always guilty now aren't you!" Chichi said in a mocking voice.

"Oh yea," Goten said.

"Innocent until proven guilty!" Trunks yelled in defense while Chichi rolled up her sleeves.

"That's only in America," She said, "This is Japan, and I make the rules!"

She grabbed Trunks and Goten and threw one over each knee. Both kids cried out as she simultaneously spanked the two boys, then threw them on the ground.

"I would assume this is a prank?" she asked.

"Why would you say that?" Trunks asked.

"Because that's what this chapter is titled," she explained, "Now undo it, immediately!"

"Uh, we, uh, kind of can't," Trunks mumbled.

"And why not!" Her voice got louder with each word, causing the two boys to cringe.

"We used the dragon balls," Goten said, "We still have six months until we can use them again!"

"You two are in so much trouble I am not even going to start to talk about it!" The author wiped his forehead; the less he had to type, the better.

"Where's Dad?" Goten asked, noticing his fathers' absence.

The three looked around the room for the pint-sized man, and Chichi nearly had a heart attack when he jumped out of his left shoe.

"Man! It stinks in here! I guess wearing the same shoes for years on end without washing them will do that. I also think I've discovered a new type of fungus!" Goku squeaked the long sentence.

The four sat around the kitchen table, not sure what to do.

"We could just wait out the six months," Goten suggested.

"What did you two plan on doing when you first wished him like this?" Chichi asked.

"We hadn't really thought that far," Trunks admitted.

"Hey, it's not so bad, Chichi," Goku yelled up from the marshmallow he sat on, "In this form, I can't possibly eat all that much!"

Chichi perked up, "On the other hand, if the only way to do this is to wait out the time then so be it!" She stood up and began to sweep the floor while humming.

"Hey, Goten," The shrunken, super, shapely, sharp, spiky, spiffy, silent, soothing, smart (yea right), Saiyan called to his son, "Wanna spar?"

"Yea!"

Goku flew along the forest top, looking for the city he knew would be close. He wanted to see if Bulma could do anything to at least make him temporarily tall. He rubbed the large bump on top of his head; the sparring match hadn't gone well at all. His ki remained the same, but he lacked the strength in his small muscles.

The dome building appeared over the horizon, small in the distance. _Just like me!_ Goku thought, and arrowed in on the building. Seconds later he rammed into the building, when he should have been several hundred feet away. He glared at the scaled down model capsule corp., and cursed his messed up depth perception.

He finally found the real building and landed on a windowsill overlooking the Briefs workshop. Bulma stood over a small thing that looked like a microwave with antennae, Mr. Briefs was smoking his usual cigarette and Scratch was starring down at the scaled down hero.

"Hey Scratch!" He said, looking up at the cat.

Scratch licked his lips, and a large drop of drool splattered next to Goku.

"You look hungry!" He said, "I'll get doctor Briefs to make you a snack..." The cat gobbled the Saiyan up.

"Look at that dad," Bulma said; pointing at Scratch, "I think he just caught a mouse! What a smart cat!"

"That's my Scratch!" Mr. Briefs said.

Suddenly, Scratch didn't look so well. His face turned a little green, and his eye's crossed in pain. Suddenly, a beam of light shot out the cats' stomach, and an indignant Goku fell out. Scratch feel over, dead, only to awaken a few minutes later using his eighth life.

"Damn," The cat said, "I only have one left!"

"Hey Bulma!" Goku called to the blue haired woman, "What's up?"

"I should be asking you that. What happened? You're three inches tall!"

"Well, it involved your son, my son, and the dragonballs."

"Ah." She said, needing no more explanation, "Those little brats did it huh?"

"Yea, so I'm kind of stuck like this. I was wondering, do you have something I could use to make myself tall?"

"I sure do!" Bulma said, walked over to a closet and pulled out a fully operational Goku robot, complete with a control seat perfectly sized for a three-inch tall person.

"Why in the heck do you have that?" Goku asked.

"Just in case," Bulma said, "It took me three months to build, but I was bored. I also have one for Vegeta, Piccolo, Krillian, and Gohan."

"The more I know you, the weirder you are," Goku said.

"Did you hear that!" Trunks said, "We could shrink all of them!"

"Yea!" Goten exclaimed, "Then we'd be the tallest fighters left!"

"I think I know what wish I want to make in six months," Trunks grinned evilly.

"Yea!" Goten agreed, "A new puppy!"

Goku (The robot) stood up and looked around. His arms and legs were in bendable attachments that monitored his movements and made his large limbs move in the same way. A helmet on his head also made his large head turn and nod.

"This is cool Bulma!" he called, his larger voice also emitting, "How tough is it?"

"Just like a normal human body," she responded, "so don't get in any fights or-"

"Hey, Kakarot," Vegeta yelled, "think fast!"

Vegeta threw a ki blast right at Goku's metal body and blew it up.

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Vegeta walked into the kitchen and downed a whole bottle of Advil. The damn woman hadn't bothered to tone down her yelling so it didn't hurt his Saiyan hearing. _She should know that everything a Saiyan has is multiple times stronger then a human? Wait... _Vegeta thought for a second. _What if... _The Prince pulled out a peppershaker and sprinkled it on his nose.

"ACCHCOOOO!" He let out a tremendous sneeze that completely collapsed the south section of Capsule Corporation. _Oh yea. We are so much better._

"Sorry about your machine Bulma," Kakarot said, sitting in the middle of the wreckage, "I couldn't dodge fast enough."

"It's not your fault," Bulma said, "He just likes to break things."

Vegeta burst into the room once more, "Kakarot! I just realized! You're two inches tall!"

_This genius is__ supposed to be Prince of an entire race? _Bulma thought.

"Into the Gravity room! Now!"

_This is not going to go very well, _Kakarot thought as he stepped beside the taller Saiyan in the Gravity room.

Vegeta on the other hand, was grinning from ear to ear. Now was his chance to finally beat the third class clown in a sparring match! _I'll smash him flat! I'll hit him so hard his wife will feel it!_

"No you won't!" Chichi's voice floated down from the heavens, and there was a metallic whap! coming from Vegeta, who was now holding the back of his head in agony.

"Hey, Vegeta! What should we set for the gravity?"

"Seven hundred," Vegeta sneered, still rubbing the back of his head. Goku turned the knob, and suddenly his world became a whole lot heavier. He looked over at Vegeta, who seemed to be having similar problems, but straightened up and grinned.

"Ready for the pain?" he asked, glaring at the smaller being.

"Bring it on!"

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Goku flew through the air, heading towards the Lookout in hopes Piccolo could help him. The sparring match hadn't gone to well. While Goku only ended up weighting about ten pounds during the match, he was too small to gain any strength behind his movements. Vegeta couldn't hit him to often, because he was fast. They were forced to call it a draw.

Goku landed on the deck and looked around. He could feel that Piccolo, Popo, Dende, and even Krillian were on the lookout, but none of them were in sight.

"Hello?" he yelled out in his squeaky voice, "Is any one home?" He walked over to the temple, just as he made it to the door it opened.

Piccolo stepped out, landing a heavy foot on Goku. "That's weird, I could have sworn I heard Goku on helium…"

Krillian stepped out behind the Namek and looked around. "See? I told you it was nothing!"

"Guy's!" Goku called out from under the shoe, "It's-"

"Aaaahhhh!" Piccolo screamed and jumped a meter in the air, freeing the shrunken Saiyan, "A mouse! Where is it! Krillian! Kill it kill it kill it!"

"What?" Krillian floated beside Piccolo, "I'm just a coward who runs away from everything! I'm not going to fight it!"

"Guy's!" Goku yelled, "It's just me!"

"We saw you, Goku!" Krillian called down, "We're talking about a mouse!"

Goku turned around a saw a brown and white mouse standing behind him sniffing a seed on the ground. It looked up at the shrunken Saiyan and blinked its black eyes.

"Oh! Hey little guy! Well, I guess you're really not that little to me, but you will be! What's up?"

The mouse blinked again at the fun sized warrior and scampered into a mouse hole.

"Wait up," Goku called after him, "I'll join you!"

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Goku ran after the mouse, chasing him down multiple tunnels and walls, until the mouse finally stopped.

"Oh good!" Goku panted after the rodent, "I was afraid you'd never stop!"

The mouse turned and looked at Goku. From what the third class warrior could tell of mouse expressions, it seemed annoyed. It suddenly stood up on its hind legs and assumed a perfect kung-fu stance.

"Whoa!" Goku said, amazed that a mouse would know martial arts. He was still wide eyed and surprised when the mouse punched him in the face.

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"Where do you suppose Goku went?" Krillian asked his tall green friend.

"Probably in some stupid fight," Piccolo responded, "Got any three's?"

"Go fish."

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Goku blocked a right hook from the mouse and then advanced with a sidekick. The mouse blocked then spun around and struck Goku across the face with his tail.

"I just had to get my tail removed!" Goku said as he picked himself out of a pile of rubble, "I could have had an extra weapon, but noooo! I just had to get it removed!" He turned around to face his opponent, "he had remarkable strength, I wonder where he got it all?"

"I got it all by training, same as you did," the mouse spoke in a deep gravelly voice for the first time.

"Training? Where?" Goku asked, "And how did you learn to talk?"

"It all happened a few years ago. A short man in blue and a purple haired guy in black both went into a room I had never been in before, so I checked it out. I followed them around for a year, watching them fight, speaking like them, learning their techniques, all so I could…" he trailed off.

"All for what?"

"Actually I don't know why I trained so hard. I still sneak away crumbs and run away from cats, so I guess I did it all for fun! Oh! Cheese!"

"A villain who doesn't want to take over the Earth or kill anyone!" Goku exclaimed, "This is going to suck for the ratings!"

"Excuse me?"

"Huh?"

"I appear to be stuck. Could you help?" Goku saw the mouse had gotten his head stuck in a mousetrap, drawn to it by the ever-famous cheese.

"Why do you guys always become so fixated by cheese?" Goku asked as he tried to pull the trap open.

"Because, it calls us! Behold! The power of cheese!" The mouse ran off to become the worlds strongest, but useless, rodent.

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Goku walked out of the wall and sat down beside Piccolo, who seemed to be losing miserably to Krillian in a game of go fish.

"Goku, if you don't mind my asking, where did you find clothes small enough to fit you?" Piccolo asked, "Got any kings?"

"Well, I happen to be an action figure, that Goten also has, and I just took the clothes off of him," Goku said, floating up to be at eye level with the Namek.

"But you're wearing the Great Saiyaman outfit," Piccolo said, drawing a card from the pile.

"I know, it's a lot cooler then my orange thing," Goku said, "I must have **nine** of those things lying around!"

"Got any nines?" Krillian asked.

"Damn!" Piccolo threw two nines at Krillian, "What about the mouse?"

"He turned out to be alright. Get this! He actually trained with Vegeta and Trunks in the Room of Spirit and Time! He must have thrown **four **different attacks at me that were purely Vegeta's!"

"Got any fours?" Krillian asked.

"Crap!" Piccolo threw the card at the midget, "So you two fought?"

"Yea, I must have annoyed him. I followed him a really long time throughout the walls. We must have traveled **queen **miles before he stopped!"

Piccolo turned to look at the floating Saiyan. "What?" Goku asked. Piccolo engulfed Goku in a fist and set him down where he couldn't see his cards.

"You know what Goku?" Krillian said, "I'm finally the taller one now! You're the short one, and I'm taller! Oh, yea!"

"Um," Piccolo said, closing one eye and glancing back and forth between the two, "I think you're still the same."

"What!" Krillian yelled, "You've got to be kidding me! Goku, stand back to back!" Saiyan and human stood shoulder to shoulder while Piccolo became the official judge.

"Well, you're both pretty even, but with the hair, Goku wins."

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Goku was flying home again, still chuckling at Krillian's indignation at still being shorter. Piccolo's poor ears must still be ringing! Goku saw the lights on in the cozy home that helped push away the settling darkness. Goku flew to the front door and slipped in the mail slot. _I could get used to this! _With nobody in the kitchen, he sought out company in other parts of the house, coming eventually onto Goten, who was playing with some action figures.

"I will not allow you to go unpunished," The seven year old said in a deep voice, "Your crimes end here and now!"

With that, a naked Saiyaman flew down and smashed into a Cell doll. "Please!" Goten said in a voice he must have thought belonged to Cell, "I'm just a weakling who uses tricks to win my fights! Don't hurt me!" Goku rolled his eyes, knowing Goten had been watching Hercule on TV again.

"No!" Saiyaman said, "I will kill you!"

"Even though you're naked?" Cell asked.

"My clothes are in the wash! Die!" With that, a bright orange foam ball ended Cell and his streak of evil.

Goku landed beside his son, "That's not how it went!" he squeaked.

"I know!" Goten said, "But I wasn't there, so I had to make it up!"

"You were to there!" Goku yelled, "You came back from the future and warned us about the androids! Then you came back and fought in the Cell game's, getting killed in the process!"

"Um, Dad…"

"Then we wished you back to life and you went back to the future and… Say, how come you're still here?"

Goten rolled his eyes and slowly counted to ten, "Nine, Ten…"

"Oh!" Goku lit up in understanding, "Sorry, wrong annoying kid. But the Cell Games went more like this! Cell was waiting on his little stage, arms crossed, just like this guy!" Goku grabbed a transformer and placed him on top of a cardboard box, "Then I walked up to him and said, 'I'm going to kill you!'" Goku inserted himself into the scene and struck a fancy pose, "He freaked out and was all like, 'no! I'd rather fight your son!'" Goku walked across the box and grabbed a Barbie doll, "Then Gohan…" He stopped and looked the Barbie doll up and down, "Who happens to be very well endowed, came in and was like, 'don't make me use all my special powers! I don't want to! Oh all right!' and he started to beat Cell back to his larval state! Then I came in and took Cell to a far off planet that blew up and released Bojack, which is another story," Goku warped the transformer to a bookshelf, "but Cell lived and came back to finish the planet off!" Goku moved Cell back to the cardboard box and stepped off to the side, "Then Cell made a grand entrance by blowing Trunks up!" Goku grabbed a Firby and set him across from Cell lying on his back. Goku stopped and surveyed the scene, muttering something about saving the Barbie to play Trunks role, then grabbed a G.I. Joe, "Vegeta came along and was like, 'you've tricked me in card games and mocked my monkey history, but now you'll pay for killing the brat I've been ignoring!' And he flew in," Goku picked up the G.I. Joe by wrapping one hand around his waist and one arm between his legs, "And he was like powpowpowpowpowpowp-"

"Watch where you're touching me!" G.I. Joe turned around and elbowed Goku in the face.

Goku picked himself up from a pile of Lego's and looked at the plastic villain. "Wow!" he said, staring at the hero doll.

"I happen to be an action figure!" he yelled.

Oh, sorry. …Staring at the hero action figure.

"Better," He turned to Goku, "Now, what's so 'wow?'"

"Well, you're like the second villain we've had by the name of Joe, and it seems a little funny." Goku smiled sheepishly.

A mouse stuck its head out from a hole in the wall and waved to get Goku's attention. "Just so you know, my name is Joe too!" The kung-fu mouse's head disappeared into the hole.

"Okay, so now you're the third one."

Joe was about to attack when he was hit from behind by an energy blast. Turning around, the plastic man came face to face with a shrunken Vegeta.

"Vegeta!" Goku called out, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for my traditional thirty-second-kick-ass-fight-scene-that-ends-with-me-getting-knocked-out-with-one-hit."

"Oh!" Goku said, "Then go ahead!"

Vegeta jumped down and blasted straight at Joe, throwing a right punch at the others face. Joe flipped backwards from the impact and came up with his gun in hand. The plastic weapon fired out small plastic discs at the enraged Saiyan.

"Ow ow ow ow ow!" Vegeta jumped back and grabbed a Vegeta doll, "Take this!"

He press a button on the back of the dolls torso and the doll gave a fairly good impression of Vegeta yelling 'final flash.' The hand's lit up, but nothing happened. Joe came in a punched Vegeta across the room, tackling him and punching him in the face.

"Take this you blue spandex freak!"

"Fin…Flash! Fin…flash!" Joe sighed and threw the doll away and jumped after the real Vegeta, hitting him once and knocking him out.

Goku jumped in and traded blows with the plastic titian, only to be thrown into a plastic Hummer and sent falling off the toy chest to the floor.

"Now I will rule all!" Joe said, "First a child's bedroom, tomorrow, the world!"

Suddenly, Joe was grabbed by a pair of inconceivably strong hands and squeezed.

"I bet you guys forgot I was here!" Goten said to the readers and pulled the head off of his doll, ending the menace.

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The seven orange spheres glowed intermittently as the people gathered around them. Bulma, Trunks, Videl, Gohan, Chichi, Vegeta (Still shrunk) and Goku all waited to build up the suspense before calling the dragon.

"Say, Vegeta?" Goku asked, "How did you become small like me?"

Vegeta didn't turn to look at the other Saiyan, but his face turned red. Finally he whirled at Goku, "I've always been this size! Okay!"

Goku took a step back and smiled, glad that he had made friends with so many midgets.

"Shenron! I summon you!" Bulma called, wearing a grass skirt and dancing around a bon fire in the classic witch doctor ritual needed to summon the dragon.

The sky fell to black and Shenron shot into the sky in a dazzling display of special effects. "**Speak!**" He said, "**I will- **Oh, it's just you guys. Doesn't anyone else bother to summon me? What is it this time?"

"I want to be back to my original height!" Goku called up to the dragon.

"Okay," Shenron said, "You want fries with that?"

"Sure!"

And thus, Goku was brought back to his original height, and he got some French fries out of the deal.

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Whew! Sorry about that. I haven't been in a writing mood for a while, so not much has been written. Has anyone else noticed that Vegeta only gets thirty seconds of fighting before he's beaten with one hit? Janimba, Hildegarn, Broli, Metal Cooler, Android 13… He just never seems to get a break!

There were a lot more things I wanted to do in this story, but I also wanted to get it posted. Oh, and DragonRaiderX9, I didn't know about Recoome and Burter, sorry. Leelo gave the fact to me, and I've never seen the Frieza Saga. Mainly because they didn't have very good artists and it didn't seem too spectacular. But thank you for pointing that out! I'm slowly getting the whole series of DBZ, and right now I want to get most of the movies first. Until next time!


	63. Trip to the mall

Three warriors walked down the corridors of the mall, glancing at the stores with little to no interest. Piccolo, Vegeta and Goku all had their hands shoved deep in their pockets and scowls on their faces.

"How do we get pulled into these situations?" Vegeta complained, "It's like some mystery author is writing stories and trying to make our lives miserable!"

"No kidding," Piccolo said, "I haven't been able to meditate since Buu, something always come up!"

"Yea, and I seem to just be weird!" Goku whined.

The two others turned to face the tall Saiyan. "We'll, more then normal," he admitted. Thus the three walked on in silence.

"Why don't we try this one?" Goku pointed to a store, not even knowing what it was, just looking for something to do, "It's better then walking and scowling."

The others exchanged glances and looked at Goku. Walking and scowling happened to be their forte. "Oh come on!" The kind Saiyan grabbed Vegeta and Piccolo and dragged them into the store.

"Holy shit!" Piccolo gasped, covering up his nose, "It smells in here, like a... Are you two okay?"

Both Saiyans had immediately stopped at the smell, each with wide eyes and open mouths.

"I smell..." Goku started.

"I smell..." Vegeta started.

"I smell..." Goku repeated.

"I smell..." Vegeta repeated.

"FOOD!" They both yelled and dived into the Yankee candle shop.

"Uhoh..." Piccolo realized the situation, and knew he was helpless to stop the two stronger beings. _I just hope they realize they are candles before it's too late._

It took them fifteen minutes to figure out the scented candles were not food. Even so, Goku bought a few candles for the road, saying he had, "Acquired a taste for them."

"How much longer do we have to stay here?" Vegeta asked, almost getting run over by a patch of teenage girls running to get a new CD.

"Oh, probably another page or two," Piccolo said, "Brad seems to be running low on jokes."

"Oh, well, that's not so bad," Vegeta admitted, holding Goku by the back of his gi to keep him from attacking a Bath and body works store that also smelled really good, "Let's go in here. We might be able to find a good movie or two."

The three beings walked into the video store and passed up the rows of drama's, humors, and action movies.

"What's this?" Goku asked, picking up a DVD.

"What's what?" Vegeta asked, looking up from a Disney movie that had caught his eye.

Goku didn't respond, but turned the video to face the other Saiyan.

"Holy crap! That's us!" The movie was "Broly, the legendary Super Saiyan," and it sported Goku, Vegeta, Trunks and Gohan all in attack poses, "Buy it," Vegeta said, "I want to see what the hell is going on."

After that, the rest of the mall trip was rather boring. Vegeta blasted at the usual targets, Goku ate the entire food court, and Piccolo watched it all.

They arrived in Capsule Corp. and Vegeta immediately grabbed the small bag out of the other Saiyans hands.

"Let's see what this is all about," he said and inserted the disc into the CD tray. Seconds later he ejected it and rubbed his still sore sensitive ears, "Okay, let's try that again, but not in the CD player."

Goku and Piccolo sat behind him, and nodded, experiencing static in surround sound.

They all sat around as the usual advertisements for other cartoons played by, and then finally the main menu came up.

"Who's that?" Piccolo asked, pointing to the spiky haired being floating next to the menu options.

"I think its Broly," Goku said, scratching his head and taking a bite out of a candle.

"Broly! Humph!" Vegeta scowled, "Why would we name a Saiyan such a ridiculous name! Sounds like some form of vegetable!" The Prince of all Vegetables stabbed the PLAY button, and the movie started.

"Is that me?" Goku asked, looking as he waited in line with Chichi for registration, "I'M IN A SUIT! That can't be me! I never whine that much and never would wear a suit! They even got my expression all wrong!"

"Of course. They just HAD to start off with you," Vegeta spat, "I am your ruler and they still give you all the credit." He watched the happenings on the screen, "HAHAHAHA! You're woman has you on a leash! You're her bitch! HAHAHA!"

Piccolo grinned and Goku let out a small smile that clearly said he hadn't caught any of the insult. They continued to watch, Piccolo increasingly annoyed that he wasn't in the movie, Vegeta annoyed that he didn't get to fight, and Goku... well, he was to busy eating candles.

"Alright!" Piccolo yelled, "I get to make a dramatic entrance again!"

"Pffhh!" Vegeta scoffed, "The only reason I haven't jumped in is because I want to see Kakarot get his ass kicked."

"I don't think he's kicked me in the ass yet…" Goku said, whipping wax off his hands.

"Shh! I'm about to say something really dramatic!" Piccolo said.

The Piccolo in the movie gently lay Gohan on the ground and forced a bean into his mouth, "Gohan, eat his Senzu."

"So dramatic!" Piccolo said with tears in his eyes.

"Kakarot, if you don't mind my asking, why do you keep losing your shirts in a battle?"

"Well, Vegeta," Goku said, standing up, "It just so happens," He grabbed hold of the bottom of his shirt, "That I am damn sexy!" he yanked off his shirt and threw it in the corner. "And I intend to show you just how sexy I am!" He walked over to Vegeta and calmly straddled his princes' lap.

"It's about time!" Vegeta said and grabbed his waist.

Vegeta woke up from the dream with a start and glared at the other Saiyan, who was still engrossed by the movie.

"Stay out of my dreams!" he kicked Goku and left the building.

"What'd I do?"

12345678910 (Note: This next part has creatures from the game Avernum 3. Awesome game, but I did not create the GIFTS.)

Vegeta blasted out of town and landed deep it the forest. "What the hell did that dream mean?" he asked, "Why would I want to do _that_ with Kakarot? And why am I talking out loud?"

"But I thought you were talking to me!" a squeaky voice said from behind.

Vegeta turned around to see the biggest spider he had ever seen. Six feet long from web sack to antennae, with compound eyes and right baseball bat sized legs, it was a new sight.

"I'm sorry," Vegeta said, "Were you just speaking to me?"

"I sure was! I'm a GIFTS!"

"Well, technically you're a gift," Vegeta said, a little curious.

"What?"

"Singular. You are just one."

"Oh! Then _we_ must be GIFTS!"

Vegeta was a little curious about this, but then he took his attention from the talking spider and looked around. The entire forest was covered with webs, and crawling on those webs were hundreds of large spiders, ranging from the size of basketballs to pickup trucks. (Arachnophobia, anyone?)

"GIFTS?" Vegeta asked in awe.

"Giant Intelligent Friendly Talking Spiders!" it chirped.

Vegeta fought to control his sanity and resorted to a more normal line of conversation, "What's your name?"

"My names Spider!" He said, and then looked Vegeta over, "You're cute!"

The last thing most people thought about a destructive Saiyan was the fact that he was cute, and Vegeta had to hold back a snicker, "Spider? That's your name?"

"Yep!" He looked Vegeta once over again, "Will you marry me?"

"Sorry, but I'm already taken,"

The spider slumped away, obviously heart broken. Vegeta glanced around and noticed all the spiders were off in there own little worlds, not really caring that a stranger was in their midst. Vegeta walked up to one that was making something out of some webbing.

"Hello," Vegeta said, "What's your name?"

"I'm Spider!" it said in the same high-pitched voice as the other one.

"You're Spider? But I thought the other… Never mind. What are you making?"

"Oh!" he held up a large sack of webbing that moved around, like something was trapped inside, "It's a McBug, for our fast food restaurant. Pre-webbed and still kicking! For the spider on the go!" It stopped and looked at Vegeta closely, "You're cute!"

Vegeta placed a hand on his forehead and wondered what in the heck was wrong with these things. "I'm sorry, but I already have a mate. Plus, I can't climb webs." Vegeta said, trying to let the spider down easily.

"But! But! You're cute! And you have two legs! And! And! And you don't have any Raid on you!" The spider ran away sobbing, but seconds later it resumed its work, having forgotten the conversation.

"Such strange creatures," Vegeta said and glanced around at the village. One spider caught his eye; it seemed to be doing martial arts! Vegeta walked up and gave what he thought to be a charming grin to the spider, "What are you doing?"

"You're not even going to ask me my name?" the spider stopped and seemed insulted.

"Is it Spider?"

"Wow! You're smart and cute!" Vegeta pinched the bridge of his nose, determined to make himself as un-cute as possible next time he ran into these creatures, "I'm a fighter spider!" the GIFTS continued, "See?" It jumped into the air and let off several kicks and, well, more kicks since it doesn't have any arms, but when it landed all of its legs got tangled and it fell over.

"Sorry," it said, "I don't have it down quite yet." It untangled its legs and moved away.

Vegeta noticed a commotion over at the other end of the village and walked over to see a spider that was obviously the king.

"I am King Spider!" it proclaimed, "I have heard of an outsider among us! Come foreword and speak!" Vegeta stepped foreword and the king looked at him, "Well! He's cute too!"

Vegeta ignored the comment, "I am Prince Vegeta, ruler of the Saiyan race."

"Oh!" The king said, "A royal cutie! What do you want?"

"Nothing really," Vegeta said, "Just looking around."

"Well, be sure to visit our gift shop! You'll find bug eggs, bug soda, bug's on a stick, bug shirts and bug Harry Potter books!"

Vegeta walked away to the outskirts of town, and then took off, wondering at the strange spiders, and what they were doing on the planet.

"Huh," Vegeta said out loud as a thought occurred to him, "I didn't even have to fight any one in this story." Quickly he turned around and blasted a few villains that popped up, just to make this an action story. Smirking, he headed back to Capsule Corporation, hoping to find company for the night with any one other then someone named Kakarot.

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It snowed! The first snowfall came to Bangor this morning! I think I got the first snowball, snowman, and snowflake on the tongue on the whole city! (Mainly because I was waiting for the gym to open when the snowstorm started. I had to run to a dozen different cars to get enough snow.) This story was motivated by Avernum 3, with the Giant Intelligent Friendly Talking Spiders. No matter what you do, they all thing you're cute.

Also! Happy Thanksgiving! (Hmm, Thanksgiving special, anyone?)


	64. Tree

Goten ran out of the front door of the house, wearing his orange gi and a huge smile. Brother was at home, mom was cooking, the day was his. The small child ran into the forest to see what animals he could play with, large dinosaurs and tigers a favorite.

Goten jumped over a river, and climbed up several rocks on the base of a mountain. Laughing and panting, he climbed up the cliff face, the looked around. There, on top sat a tall pine tree that begged to be climbed. Goten ran up to the tree and grasped the bottom branch, hoisting himself up.

Moments later, the six-year old looked around at the unobstructed view he had obtained from his new height. He could see the sky, clouds and a bunch of rocks. The rocks were pretty far below him. Really far actually.

"Uh-oh," he said and clutched to the trunk of the tree, looking down, "I went to high! It must be a million feet to the ground! I could never survive that fall!"

He looked around for inspiration but only saw the skeleton of a dead cat, that was still clutching to a branch even in death. _I'm dead! How could this get any worst! _He saw on a distant road a cloud of dust flying up from a vehicle. _The ice cream truck! Okay! This is officially worst!_

Goten continued to clutch the trunk of the tree until the ice cream truck had passed. He could almost smell the sticky, sugary scent of the frozen sugar and cream, but he could not let go for fear of falling.

"Goten?" The voice was of his mothers. _I'm saved!_

Goten turned around to see his mother standing beside the tree, looking at him with amused pity. "Help!" he yelled.

"Sure dear," Chichi said, then leaned down and plucked Goten from the bottom branch at knee level.

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Short and sweet. That's Goten. Would you believe I actually half finished this one three months ago and waited until now to finish it? Talk about slow writing! I'll update soon, I have two that are almost complete will be sure to geta lot of laughs. Let me know what you think and I'll see you next time!


	65. Pillsbury Dough Boy

Gohan fell into the bottom layer of Babadi's ship with the Supreme Kia landing next to him. Both assumed cool kung-fu stances and looked around.

"Hey, Supreme Kia," Gohan said, "Is that the magic ball of Buu?"

"Hey Gohan!" The Supreme Kia exclaimed, "That's the magic ball of Buu!"

"Of course it is!" An ominous voice called out, "It's my beautiful pet, Majin Buu!" Dabura stepped out from behind the ball with Babadi hiding behind the demons cape, "It's my pet! My unknown but surely powerful and muscular pet!" The rat being said, "I'm going to release it know, but I want to do it outside, so my spaceship will never ever ever ever ever be destroyed by a rampaging Saiyan. That's right, I know you are a Saiyan, and even though they are the most powerful warriors in the universe, who can blow up planets and wipe out species, who made the overlords of the universe cower… Okay, Dabura? I think I'm losing my nerve here."

"We will never allow you to bring Majin Buu back to life!" Shin shouted.

"He's not dead you moron," Babadi said, "He's sleeping, get it right!"

Gohan remained silent throughout the whole dialogue, because he was studying the ball. "Hey, Supreme Kia? I think I can destroy the ball Buu's in."

"What? How? That ball is forged of the strongest material in the world! You'll never be able to break it!" Shin yelled at the half human.

"I'm not so sure of that, take a good look at it," Gohan pointed at the ball.

Shin turned to inspect the ball more closely. It was a mother of pearl white and elliptical, kind of in the shape of… "An egg?" Shin said, "It's a freaking gigantic chicken egg!"

Dabura and Babadi turned around to look at the egg. "It is?" Dabura asked.

"Oops," Babadi muttered, "I should have know not to trust that kid on the street for directions to the magic ball of Buu!"

"Strange," Gohan said, and fired a small ki blast at the ball, vaporizing it in an instant, "Well, I guess that's it!"

"Wait!" Shin yelled, "That!"

All of the others present turned to look where the Supreme Kia was pointing, only to find nothing.

_I can't let them see how much I screwed up! _Shin thought, _I'll just have to make something up!_ The ruler of the universe waggled his fingers and the yoke from the egg began to quiver.

"What did the Kia see?" Babadi asked Gohan.

"I don't know," Gohan said back, "But lets just look in this direction for the next three hours just to make sure we didn't miss it."

An unimaginable force hit Gohan from behind, sending him flying into a mountain that just happened to be in his way. He came out to see his attacker and was surprised to see he knew him.

"It's the Pillsbury Dough Boy!" He yelled, not sure what to think.

Shin slapped his forehead, _of all the powerful ugly beings in the universe I could have chosen, I choose this one? What type of Kia am I?_

Gohan sized up his opponent. He was white, with a bakers cap on, and pudgy. _Piece of cake, _Gohan thought.

Seconds later, Gohan crawled out of a crater his body had made in the ground. He didn't remember much, just being hit really hard. The landscape was unfamiliar, and even though the architecture was not of Earth, it was clearly impressive. Tall and ordinate, gold, silver, and platinum hung off the palace like tinsel. He stopped a guard who was walking by, "Where am I?"

"Kingdom Come," The guard said.

"How did I get here?"

"Were you just hit really hard?" The guard asked.

"Well, yes."

"That's how you got here," The guard explained, "The being you were just fighting hit you to Kingdom Come,"

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The Pillsbury Dough Boy turned to Dabura, "You're next! Woo-who!" He said, adding on his signature laugh at the end.

Dabura looked really pissed, but something strange happened. His mouth went ridged, followed by his head, then neck, then shoulders. Just before his brain turned to stone, the Demon King realized his own spit was turning him into stone. _I never even thought about that…_

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Babadi stared at the stone demon and then back to the Pillsbury Dough Boy, "Well, since you are my pet, I am going to take you into outer space and blow up planet after planet for no reason what so ever. Then we will live out our lives in the vastness of lonely space until our air supply runs out and we both die of suffocation. Now, lets go back into my perfectly whole and intact spaceship. I designed it my self to be totally indestructible, and it would be a shame if it were to blow up right now…"

Both doughboy and rat man stared at the ship, expecting it to blow up any second. It didn't.

"Whew!" Babadi said, "I thought for sure the thing would blow up the second I said that."

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Vegeta was seated in a chair on the bridge of the spaceship, tapping away at the keys of a computer.

Vegeta typed in;

**C/: Blow up spaceship**

**Invalid command**

**C/: Really blow up ship this time**

**Bad Command**

**C/: Self-destruct sequence**

**Right, like I'm going to voluntarily blow up.**

"Auurgghh!"

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The spaceship blew up, hurling Babidi and Pillsbury Dough Boy up, up, and away.

"What happened?" Babidi asked no one in particular.

"I happened!" Vegeta yelled out.

"What do you mean, 'you' happened. You can't happen anything! You are a noun! Only verbs can happen!" Babadi yelled down.

"Well excuse me for always wanting to be a verb!" Vegeta sobbed, "Other kids wanted to be firemen and astronauts when they grew up. All I wanted to be was a verb! They all laughed at me, made fun of me because I couldn't be a verb! But I'll show them! I'll become the best verb on the planet!"

"Yea!" Hermey yelled out, "And I want to become a dentist!"

Vegeta turned to face the elf, "Yo. Wrong set. Rudolph is that way."

"Oops! Sorry for the interruption! Always floss!"

Vegeta faced the Pillsbury Dough Boy and rat thing, "I'll get you for what you did to Gohan! I made fun of the kid and didn't even like him, but I'll still kill you!"

The Pillsbury Dough Boy assumed a defensive stance while Vegeta did as well. They both stared at each other for about an hour, after which the Pillsbury Dough Boy blinked.

"Ha!" Vegeta yelled, "I knew I could out stare you! I am the stronger!"

The Pillsbury Dough Boy looked rather dejected. He was stared down by a man with tattoos on his forehead after all.

Vegeta took advantage of the momentary inattentiveness of the Pillsbury Dough Boy and launched himself at the white blob. He rammed his left foot into the others chest and then landed a vicious spinning back kick with his right foot. The pastry spokesman landed on the far side of the dessert battlefield, but stood up without taking any damage. He turned around just in time to see Vegeta land his knee in his face. He turned around and landed a kick right in the middle of the others stomach.

"Woo-Who!" it laughed.

Vegeta rolled his eyes and then attacked the others back. He had forgotten about that ridiculous laugh. He hook kicked the Pillsbury Dough Boy in the head as he passed, and then grinned as he landed on the other side of the white flour thing. It had horrible defenses, so even though it hadn't taken any damage yet, he could just pound it until it died. A split second later he saw the flaw in his logic.

"Cookie Dough Blast!" The Pillsbury Dough Boy held up his stumps of arms (_How come spokesmen never have hands? _Vegeta thought,) and the blast fired at the Saiyan. For a second it seemed the Prince might be overcome, and then a thought occurred to him. _Wait a second! I'm a Saiyan! _He turned around and opened his mouth. The cookie dough blast went into his mouth, and he ate it all before the Pillsbury Dough Boy stopped firing.

"Not bad," he said, smacking his lips, "I would guess forty nine percent sugar, forty nine percent saturated fat, and two percent flour."

The white thing gasped in shock at the smaller warriors words. "No! How could you have figured out the secret family recipe so easily!"

"It wasn't to hard, fat boy!"

Babadi rolled his eyes, _He's a Majin and that's the best insult he's got?_

"I'm not fat!" The Pillsbury Dough Boy yelled back, "I'm…I'm…I'm just in the off season!"

"Off season this!" Vegeta yelled, dimly award that his insults were going downhill, and attacked again. He pulled a classic Vegeta by firing off hundreds of straight punches at the creatures face, then, when the Pillsbury Dough Boy held up his hands to protect his face, Vegeta moved to the torso.

"Woo-Who! Woo-Who! Woo-Who! Woo-Who! Woo-Who! Woo-Who! Woo-Who! Woo-Who! Woo-Who! Woo-Who! Woo-Who! Woo-Who! Woo-Who! Woo-Who!"

"Stop laughing!" Vegeta yelled, taking a short pause from hitting the man in the stomach. He launched a sidekick to his face and the Pillsbury Dough Boy went down.

"One! Two!" A referee crawled out of a rock and started counting, "Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Eight! Nine! Nine and a half! Nine and three quarters! Nine and four fifths!"

Finally, saving me from having to write more fractions, the Pillsbury Dough Boy stirred and stood up.

"What took you so long?" Vegeta asked.

"I'm sorry," he said, sweat dripping down his forehead, "It's just that this dessert is kind of hot. I think I'm starting to bakkkeee…" Suddenly, the Pillsbury Dough Boy solidified into a cookie.

"Well, that was anti-climactic," Vegeta mumbled.

"Hey! Vegeta!"

The prince looked up to see Kakarot returning from the dry cleaners, where Vegeta had sent him after he beat him up.

"Did you get my spandex?"

"Sure did! I even- Hey! A cookie!" The tall Saiyan started to move towards the solidified Pillsbury Dough Boy.

_No! _Vegeta thought, _I fought him, so I get the spoils!_ "I wouldn't touch that, Kakarot! It's low in fat and high in fiber!"

"Oh! Yheach! Get it away!" Kakarot took off as fast as he could, leaving the prince to his cookie.

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Weird. Anyway, I'm going to start a mailing list to let people know what's going on, so send me your e-mail if you want to be on it. Also, I've finally gotten onto AOL, so if you want to chat, give me your name. My screen name is Eggamagga, just like my name here. I'll write as soon as I can!

Brad

Oh! K. Blacre. Goten was only six in the last chapter, so he couldn't fly yet. (HA! For once I am finally right! Yes!!! After years of trying, I'm right!)


	66. Bad story

Vegeta stood around, a little bored. Not because a nameless monster was terrorizing the world, seeking global domination and a good retirement plan, not because there was lots of food around, but because the author was typing.

"You know," he called over to me, "you've written so many good stories over the months, it's kind of getting boring."

"So?" I asked from the rock I sat on, not looking up from my computer.

"So, have you ever thought about writing a bad one?"

I looked up at the Saiyan prince, my hands poised above my keyboard, "You mean purposefully screw it up?"

"Yea! We could make a mockery of all the bad fan fictions we've read!"

I thought for a second, and then slowly smiled to the other being, "I like it!"

**Brad Blanchette's really really bad story!**

Vegeta was training in the Gravity Room, trying to pass Kakarot in strength. He threw a punch, and another punch, and a more different type of punch, all in a million times gravity.

_When writing a bad fan fiction, use other languages…_

"_Alores_!" he said in French, "I will get that _bakayaro _if it's the last thing I do! !Si! Je vais destucto il!" …_Even if you don't know the languages._

Bulma's Face came over the face displayer, and Vegeta stopped to marvel at the beauty that was his wife.

_When writing a bad fan fiction, make all the characters out of character._

"Vegeta!" She said in a singsong voice, "I've got a shit load of sexual tension, would you mind coming up here and screwing me excessively?"

"Sure!" Vegeta exclaimed, "Who the hell needs training!"

At the Son home, the seven-year-old Pan looked around her room, "I'm bored, I think I'll go screw Trunks."

Trunks, at Capsule Corporation, sat back in his desk with his hands behind his head.

"You know, even though there is something like an eleven year difference in our ages, and she's only seven and I'll go to jail for having sex with a minor and have to be a registered petifile the rest of my life, I'd like to screw Pan some day."

_When writing a bad fan fiction, exclude things like screen changes and any sort of flow with the story._

Goku opened the door of his house and breathed in deep in the morning sunlight. Seconds later he coughed and hacked, trying to get the bird he had inhaled out of his nose. "I've always loved you Bulma," Vegeta said. "Will someone get this damn bird out of my nose!" Bulma sighed, caressing the princes cheek, "I want to screw Pan," Trunks said. While running her hand over the prince's abs, he coughed up the bird.

_When writing a bad fan fiction, make up some stupid villain. (Whoa, I actually do this one.)_

"I am Freiza's second cousin twice removed!" Kliza said, "And I am a million, billion, trillion times stronger then you will ever be!"

_When writing a bad fan fiction, try to insert yourself into the story discretely._

"I am Darb," The mystery man said.

_When writing a bad fan fiction, describe people in excess._

Darb was about five foot four and three quarter inches, weighed a hundred and seventy five pounds. He had short brown hair and blue green eyes that looked around at everything to make sure it was okay. He wore blue jeans and a black plain t-shirt with a bit of white lint on the left sleeve.

"Darb," Goku said, "how do you spell that?"

"It's kind of like Brad backwards."

"I see, and what's your last name?"

"Ettehcnalb."

_When writing a bad fan fiction, always have your favorite character save the day._

"I am Son Gohan!" The teenager yelled, "And even though I haven't trained in seven years and have been sitting on my ass reading all that time, I still have really big muscles and a crap load of hidden power!" he yelled at Kliza, "I haven't turned Super Saiyan in years, but the sight of a girl I can't even call my girlfriend yet is going to enrage me to the point where I will turn Super Saiyan four!"

_When writing a bad fan fiction, always make the character you hate lose._

And so, Kliza knocked Goku into the sun, forever killing him.

_When writing a bad fan fiction, over do the dramatic stuff._

Gohan jumped up and flew at the speed of light to the villain, only three feet away.

"You will pay for your crimes against the human race! This time I will not lose!"

"Really!" Kliza countered, "I will kill the men, the women, and the children! You cannot stop me!"

"I will, I love my almost girlfriend, and she loves me! Even though your power is double mine I will still win!"

"Try it!" Kliza said, just as Gohan finished crossing that nagging three feet that separated them.

_When writing a bad fan fiction, make up weird stuff._

Piccolo walked up the podium waving his hands and smiling for the cameras. "Remember!" he said, "A vote for Piccolo is a vote for democracy!"

_When writing a bad fan fiction, cross with some other famous movie to try to boost the ratings._

Harry Vegeta walked up to Kliza and held out his magic wand.

"I have trained at Hogwarts! I have married Princess Fiona, and I will destroy you! Expecto Petronus!"

_When writing a bad fan fiction, leave no conclusion so you can have a sequel, to get more reviews._

Kliza crawled away; making tracks for his battery powered space ship. "I will come back, mark my words, and you will all pay!"

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Vegeta looked over my shoulder with wide eyes, "Brad, that sucked!"

"Thank you."

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I have read so many bad fictions in my time, that I just had to make fun of them. The story was motivated by Ryomi's 'How To Make A Really Bad Dragon Ball Z Fanfic,' and if you haven't read it, you should. It's under my favorites' folder.

Got more on the way, just have been pretty stressed lately and haven't been able to write. I'll be back soon!


	67. Gohan and Videl

_Whoa! _I thought, dusting off my computer monitor, _It's been a while since I've written hasn't it? Well, I'll make it up to them! Now whose life haven't I ruined yet? Ah! Gohan!_

Gohan sat in the middle of his class, Erasa on his right and Videl on his left. Videl was watching the teacher drone on about advanced nuclear kinetics' and molecular theory. _Please! _Gohan thought, _I learned advanced nuclear… Wait, he's teaching what?_

"…And that's why our planet will explode in one year!" The teacher finished with a flourish of chalk right as the bell rang, "Don't forget to finish reading chapter one through eighty seven in all four of your text books!" He yelled out as the students shoved each other too leave the room.

"So Gohan," Videl said, "What are your plans for the rest of the day?"

"Well, I was planning on going home and watching the grass grow and then go to bed. You?"

"Well," She said with a grin, "My father left this morning for a photo shot and won't be back until Sunday, so I'll have the whole mansion to myself. Yep, just me and no one else! Yep!"

"Oh, so I take it you are busy?"

Videl smacked her forehead, knowing that with Gohan, you had to spell it all out. "No! Why don't you and I get together at my place! It'll be completely empty! We could do anything! And I mean anything."

"Cool!" Gohan said, "Can we hide your fathers champ belt again?"

"Just be at my house at six," Videl muttered. _He's so dumb sometimes! But when he sees me tonight, it'll all come naturally to him!_

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Gohan landed on his front lawn, just in front of the door. "I'm HoooooaaaaaaaAAAHHHHHHH!" He yelled, transforming into a Super Saiyan and continuing to raise his voice.

"What the hell?" Goku said, walking out and seeing his son, "What's wrong with you?"

"Huh?" Gohan said, changing back to normal, "Oh sorry, habit. Whenever I yell I power up. It's kind of hard to stop sometimes."

"Oh! That happens to me sometimes to," Goku said, "That's why I hate going to scary movies."

"Dad, I'm going to be at Videls house this evening. She wants to do something, and it has to be at her house for some reason."

"Oh!" Goku exclaimed, "I got yah! Just don't tell your mother! She'll flip!"

"Um Okay," Gohan said.

"We'll be at the opera with Bulma and Vegeta, so this place will be empty too if you need it," Goku said, sending his son an overly exaggerated wink.

"Right," Gohan said, still not getting it, and going to his room to change.

_Chichi would never let Gohan do this! _Goku thought, _but I know Gohan's old enough for it! I can't wait to see Hercules face when he can't find his belt!_

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Videl stood in front of the full-length mirror, looking herself over. _I look like Erasa! _She thought. To get Gohan to notice her a little more in a sexual kind of way, she had dressed in clothes that she never would have worn in public; a red tank top that showed off a significant amount of cleavage and mid-drift, cut off jean shorts that could hardly be considered shorts and sandals, for easy removal.

_There is no way he'll not see this! _She thought, turning in the mirror, _and I have to admit, Vegeta's aerobics classes really have helped my butt!_

The doorbell rang, and Videl opened the door.

"That was fast!" Gohan said, "I must have been still ringing the doorbell as you answered!"

"That's the way it works in most movies and shows," Videl said, pulling him in and shutting the door, "So, Gohan, What do you thing of my new clothes?"

"They…uh…" Gohan didn't get a chance to answer because Videl tackled him to the couch.

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_I can't believe this! _Gohan thought, _this is what she meant! It was her idea! And she's dressed like that and I'm dressed… Aw who cares how I'm dressed!_ Gohan had let Videl get him and pin him on the tan leather couch, and she knew what she was doing far better then Gohan. _My sexual life has been limited to grouping Lime!_

Videl started to nibble on Gohan's ear and all memories of Lime disappeared, and when she ran her hands under his shirt he couldn't even remember his own name. She sat up a little and looked into his eyes, "I just want you to know that this is my first time, and I'm going to make it memorable."

"I have every intention of doing just that," Gohan said, "I'll make sure you-"

"Ms. Videl!" Someone shouted from the doorway.

Gohan sat up so fast; Videl fell to the floor with a thump and a groan.

She stood up, "What are you doing here, Mr. Pointless-foreign-cliché-butler guy? Everyone is supposed to be gone!"

"I happen to be cleaning!" With that, the pointless man pulled on a pink apron over his tux and used a feather duster to polish the trophies.

"Come on Gohan," Videl whispered, "Let's go someplace else."

Gohan allowed himself to be dragged behind the fuming girl, and only stopped for a second when he passed the butler, "You know Swiffer works better…"

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Videl flew behind the half Saiyan, wondering where he could be leading her. She couldn't tell which direction they were going in, because they were flying over water with no land markers.

"Hey, Gohan?" She asked, "Where are we going?"

"You'll see!" He said, sounding a little strained.

"You're lost, aren't you?" Videl said.

"No!" Gohan exclaimed. _Yes, _he thought. It wasn't his fault! It's not like he had a built in compass in his head to tell him where he was going.

"Yes you are!" Videl exclaimed, "We've passed by that same wave three times!"

Gohan looked back at her with an expression on his face clearly saying, _what the hell?_

"So it's a lame example!" She shouted, "But you're still lost!"

"Look!" Gohan pointed, "There is the island right their!"

They landed on the small, deserted island and walked a few feet on the sand. A few minutes later they were lying beside a small waterfall that led out into the ocean, rolling in the sand. Videl stopped and looked up into Gohan's eyes.

"I just want you to know that this is my first time, and I'm going to make it memorable." She repeated to the hero.

"I have every intention of doing just that," Gohan said, "I'll make sure you-"

"Excuse me?" a deep gravely voice said behind them, "I'm trying to meditate here."

The two teens jumped up and turned to see Piccolo in his floating meditative state, eyes closed, looking slightly annoyed.

"What are you doing here?" Gohan said, "You never use this island any more!"

"Every since Dende took over the lookout and the thousand mile band came into effect, it's been the only refuge I can find."

Gohan was saved from responding by a steady beat playing in the distance. Piccolo paled and opened his eyes for the first time, "No!"

A marching band was rounding the corner of the beach, the leader looking around and then pointing at Piccolo. The bands beat picked up pace as they ran to catch the Namek.

"Noooo!" Piccolo yelled flying off as fast as possible. The band, unable to fly, stopped beside the two teens and started to play for them instead. Gohan and Videl took off.

"Let's go to my house!" Gohan yelled over the wind, "My parents have gone to the opera with Bulma and Vegeta!"

"Sounds good!" Videl yelled back, then thought for a second, "Vegeta's at the opera?"

"Yea…" Gohan got it a second later and laughed all the way to his house.

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Vegeta stood in the middle of the ruined stage at the theater, holding a man by the neck of his shirt and aiming his hand at a woman in a steel bra.

"One more F sharp and I'll blast you all to kingdom come!" he yelled, then turned to the unfortunate man he had a grip on, "And you! Get the hell out of those tights!"

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Gohan and Videl landed in the 36257348275643767-mountain district, and Gohan walked into the Son household. By now night had fallen and the stars were out, giving the land a soft light just enough to see by. Gohan grabbed a blanket and a couple of pillows and they left for the lake.

Gohan had always admired the lake, and came here often as a kid. _And now I'm going to become a man by it!_ He spread the blanket by the shore and gently lay Videl down beside it, careful not to bump her head on any rocks.

"I just want you to know that this is my first time, and I'm going to make it memorable." She said, a little rushed, just to get it over with.

"I have every intention of doing just that," Gohan said, "I'll make sure you-"

"Gohan?"

They looked up, more annoyed then surprised, to see Goten standing beside the blanket.

"What are you doing to Videl?" The seven year old asked, "Oh! Are you two wrestling? I love to wrestle! Videl! Videl! Tag team!"

Goten reached over and slapped Videls hand, then jumped the teenage Saiyan, throwing him into the ground and landing on top of him.

"Oh no you don't!" the kid yelled, "I'm not gonna let you lose so easily! Take that!"

Goten raised Gohan in the air and threw him back to the ground again, making a crater Videl just managed to jump away from. The child half Saiyan then grabbed his shocked older sibling by the hand and started to swing him into the air, finally letting him go and chucking him into a mountain.

"Yea!" Goten celebrated, "Goten one; Gohan zero!"

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Videl flew along side her boyfriend with a mix of shame and humor on her face.

"I thought you were stronger then Goten."

"I am!" he yelled a little defensively, "The damn kid just took me by surprise!" He reached up and touched his cheek, a little tender from his match with the sugar high kid, "Listen, I want this, you want this, lets just find a spot and do it like crazed animals!"

Videl looked over at him. _So much for innocent and naive! _They landed, Gohan doing a complete ki check of the area. No one was around for two hundred miles. Good.

"I just want you to know that this is my first time, and I'm going to make it memorable." She said in a complete monotone.

"I have every intention of doing just that, blah blah," Gohan said, "I'll make sure you-" He stopped and looked around.

"What?"

"Nothing, I just expected to get interrupted again," he shrugged and turned back to his girlfriend, "but I guess we really get to do it this time!"

He leaned in and placed his mouth on her red lips, she ran her hands up and down his back, electing a moan of pleasure from the Saiyan. He leaned back and pulled off his shirt, the muscles gleaming in the midnight light. He leaned in once more.

"And now my dear," he said, reaching a hand up the back of her shirt, "Why don't we-"

Kapow! The tall teen was struck by lightning.

"That's right!" Dende yelled, "No sex in this pg rated fic!"

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Yea, I'm back. Just a short one to get me started again, I've been having a lot of stress lately and it doesn't make writing easy. But I'm better now! So I'll keep going until I reach seven million stories! (Approxamatly how many half finished stories I have on my computer.)


	68. Gay Cell

All along the country road, cars ran to a reluctant stop to avoid colliding into the passenger train barreling by. People left their cars and began shaking their fists at the locomotive, urging it to go faster with vile words.

"Come on!" one man in a blue sedan yelled, "Move it! Cell could be right behind us!"

"Yea!" Someone else added in, leaning to the side to be seen past a purple convertible, "We don't want to die!"

The curses and screams continued to fly, but the train could not move any faster on the track even if it had heard them. The man in the sedan tapped the roof of his car in impatience, looking between the passenger cars at the country spreading out behind the train. _Freedom! _He could see the trees and the green grass. _But what's that? _He couldn't tell much from between the cars, but a dark smudge was now blocking the view. Within a second, the man figured it out just before the train came to an end.

"Where is everyone going?" Cell asked, looking at the fear frozen people in their ridiculous machines, "I know! I'll go with you!"

"Sure! Hop in!" A man said.

This threw Cell for a loop. He expected them to go running off, and he could chase them down and kill them off, but he didn't think anyone would be serious about his offer.

"I've got plenty of room!" A door opened in the long line of cars and Cell felt himself walking towards it, out of curiosity or some other mystical force, he would never know.

"Am I to assume you are offering me a ride?" The oversized grasshopper asked the man.

"Thure am! Just hop in!" The man looked over his sunglasses at the android and smiled, "Boy, you're a big one! Good thing my convertible has plenty of leg room!"

Cell looked up and down the car. He had never been much on colors, but this one didn't suit him at all. It looked too cheerful, and reminded him too much of Trunk's hair. The android sighed and sat down in the car, thinking this might be good for a laugh.

"Now, I mutht admit," The man said, tugging on the collar of his leopard print jacket, "I've never picked up a hitch hiker before, but theeing ath I'm out for a little clubbing after a long day of work, I figured why not?"

Cell, his arms crossed, looked side long at the man. _He didn't hear my announcement? What does he do? Live in a cave?_

"I love clubbing," he continued, "its tho much better then going home. You wouldn't believe it, but I actually live in a cave!"

_What the heck is wrong with his voice? _Cell thought. His memory banks contained a warning about people who talked with a lisp, but he couldn't detect any sort of major energy from the man, so he couldn't be a threat.

"It's very nice in the summer," The man said, "Well, here we are." The man turned to his newly acquired passenger, "Oh, but Honey, we are going to have to get you some new clothes, and a manicure! Capes and black nails are so last fall."

The man got out of the car, leaving a flabbergasted Cell behind. _Honey? _The door opened and suddenly Cell was dragged out of the car.

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The man dragged him into a store and set Cell down on a chair.

"Hey boys!" he yelled out, "We have a newbie!"

All of the men in the store turned around and waved with the tips of their fingers, "Hi!" They said in unison, running their voices up and down the scale.

_I'm getting a back feeling about this! _Cell thought, _they are all acting a little to weird, and there's not a female in sight!_

Suddenly Cell had a bundle of clothes land in his lap. "Dressing room is over there cutie," a clerk said, dragging Cell to his feet and shoving his towards a door, "We would let you get changed out here, but the laws have changed."

"But… I'm…" Cell felt he was rapidly loosing control of the situation.

"No 'buts' unless its yours! Now move it!" The clerk slapped Cell on the ass to emphasize his words.

Cell quickly ran to the door, hoping to avoid getting touched like that ever again. He locked the door and looked at the clothes: leather, pink, zebra stripes, and rainbows. _Who are these people?_

Cell walked back into the store, throwing the clothes on the ground.

"I swear," the clerk was saying, "his butts and firm as steel!" The crowd around the clerk gave a shudder and a slight squeal, and the clerk noticed that Cell wasn't wearing the clothing. "Now mithter!" he said, his lisp coming out, "If you need help with those clothes, I will be happy to dress you!"

"Oh!" Someone else said, "And me!"

"And me!"

"No!" Cell yelled and slammed the door to the changing booth again. He looked down at the clothes and realized the only way he was going to get them off his back was to try them on.

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Cell walked out of the booth wearing a pair of leather pants and a silk purple shirt. _Purple! I hate this color! _The crowd of weird men looked at him and all sighed dreamily.

"Back off boy's," the man from the convertible said, "He's mine!"

The crowd drooped and walked back to whatever it was they were doing before. The man from the convertible walked up to Cell and grabbed his hand, pulling him along the street until they came to a different building.

_What is with these people? Didn't they hear my announcement that I am going to destroy the planet?_

"I swear," The man was saying, "This town has been so boring since the governor put a ban on TV. He kept telling us it rotted the mind and the body. He really isn't one to talk. Here we are!"

Cell looked up at the sign just before the man pulled him in. _A bar?_

He was pulled into a sea of purple, zebra stripes, and leopard print, and there wasn't a single female in sight. The man who had started this whole mess pulled the android to a table full of, you guessed it, men.

"Hello, boys," he said, "I'd like for you to meet my hunky date!"

_Date!_

"Ohhhh!" one man exclaimed, "You found a good looker who's not taken and not straight? I'm so envious!"

"He's not so special," one man said in a voice that made it seem like Cell really was special, "I've got my hunk of meat right here!" He wrapped his arms around a skinny man in a button up shirt and tie.

"But look at my mans biceps!" The man next to Cell said, "Go ahead, Honey, Show him your arms!"

Cell was about to refuse when he saw something out of the corner of his eye. _That looks like… _"Here," he said distractedly as he tensed one arm. The crowd squealed.

He walked away while they talked about the size of his arm, and approached a table near the center of the room. _I was right! _"Good afternoon, Mirai Trunks, Frieza, King Cold."

The three men at the table froze and looked up at the android. "Uh. Hi Cell," King Cold gasped out.

"Uh, Guys!" Trunks said, sounding a little exasperated, "Do you, uh, notice anything weird about this, uh, bar?"

"Uh, Yea!" Frieza chimed in, getting the drift, "There are only guy's here! Yea! Dudes! Only, uh, dudes!"

"Yea!" Trunks said, "And here I was hoping to, uh, land a hot… chick! Yea! A chick!"

"What are you talking about?" King Cold said, "We're here to-" He was cut off as Trunks kicked him in the shin.

"Yea! Haha, chicks!" Frieza said, trying to cover up his fathers' mistake, "I want a hot woman, with, uhhhhh, large… breasts?" The last part was said in a questioning tone as he looked to the other two for confirmation. He got a hesitant nod from Trunks, "Yea! Breasts!"

"But what we're looking for isn't here!" King Cold exclaimed, suddenly catching on, "so we should leave?"

"Of course! What type of bar doesn't have hot, uh, girls!" Frieza said, looking like he was mentally apologizing to the bar.

"Yea!" Trunks said, "Lets, uh, go find some women!"

They all sat for a second, drumming their fingers on the table and glancing around nervously, and then bolted for the door.

Cell shook his head over the others antics, then walked towards the door. _Forget trying to terrorize the people until the tournament, I'm just going to stay in the ring, where there aren't any weird people!_

Thus the saga continued as we all remember it, except when Trunks came to the arena, his face far redder then normal. Cell only grinned, and made sure to taunt him through the whole fight. Also Cell wore a purple shirt with a raindow on the back, saying, "We will not be silenced!"

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Sorry. I'm trying to write more, but I just can't get in the right mood anymore. But picturing Cell being dragged around by a gay man was just the motivation I needed to get this one done. I'm also able to watch Saiyan/Namek/Frieza saga now, so I'll be getting a few stories about that out as well.

As a side note, I wanted to point something out. I'm referring to movie five, 'Coolers revenge', where Goku fought Freiza's brother, Cooler. It seemed Goku lacked the anger he needed to transform, even thought Cooler threatened to blow up the planet fifty million times, until Cooler killed a bird. Goku told the bird it didn't deserve to die, then restored it to life while transforming.

First off, Goku was back on Earth, so it was after the Trunks saga, and he should have been able to transform at will. But the bird thing really ticks me off. You see, at the start of the movie, Goku is training on Kami Island, and throwing Kamehameha's into the water. So the thing that ticks me off about the bird, is that he was killing countless fish in the water while just showing off to Master Roshi. What makes him any different then Cooler? Just a thought.


	69. Horoscope

These are real horoscopes I pulled off the web.

Aries

3/21-4/19  
_You may find yourself in a financial bind. Driving too fast or double parking will result in difficulties with officials._

"But Piccolo and I were just having a friendly race! We didn't mean to wreck the driving school! Don't sue us!"

Taurus

4/20-5/20

_Side-step encounters with moody types, especially in business. You and a co-worker may be on opposing wavelengths, but you will still make headway on the job._

Bulma sighed, regretting the day she hired Vegeta to work at Capsule Corporation.

Gemini

5/21-6/21

_Get involved in fitness programs that will bring you in contact with new friends. Travel will be on your mind._

Vegeta sensed Goku just before he landed outside the Gravity Chamber, and then he quickly flew out the window, to a place where their weren't any Kakarots.

Cancer

6/22-7/22

_Your high energy will help you through this rather hectic day. Do things with your children and avoid situations that make you feel as if you've neglected the ones you love. If they want help that's great, but if they try to take credit for your work, you will have to set them straight._

Goku glanced at the horoscope and then headed out for the Cell games.

Leo

7/23-8/22

_Today, declare your independence from a bad habit. All you need is willpower._

Vegeta grabbed his hand and restrained it from reaching any further, "Must…not…eat…cake!"

Virgo

8/23-9/22

_There may be surprises on today's menu, but you'll enjoy it. They may even be a continuation of yesterday's festivities_

"Leftovers?" Goku asked.

"Yes, Dear."

"We actually had leftovers?"

Libra

9/23-10/22

_Now it's just you against them. You knew it would come down to this eventually._

_Aw crap, _Goku thought as he faced Frieza, Cell, Buu, Broli, Android 13-17, and Cooler.

Scorpio

10/23-11/21

_You're letting your emotions get the better of you. Chill out, already!_

"First my best friend Krillian, and now Piccolo! I'll get you, Frieza you heartless monster! AUURRRGGGHHH!"

Sagittarius

11/22-12/21

_There's no reason to stand around in the rain. Bring an umbrella next time._

Dende looked at the newspaper. _Huh? It never rains on the lookout!_

Capricorn

12/22-1/19

_This is no time for unilateral action. You need allies in this battle._

"Vegeta?"

"No, Kakarot."

Aquarius

1/20-2/18

_This isn't a life-or-death decision. So make up your mind, already._

"Cookie or cake! Just decide, Goku!"

Pisces

2/19-3/20

_The Moon is doing a lot more than lighting up the sky. It's inspiring you to either finish a project or tend to a health issue._

"Vegeta! I didn't mean to hit you! Come on! You have a tail and I don't! It's no fair to transform!"

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Came to mind as I was reading a horoscope, it fit Piccolo perfectly.

-Brad


	70. A Knew Hope

The spaceship landed on Namek, and three Saiyans, one Namekian, and three humans emerged. Kakarot smiled. He had always liked Namek; he never got to enjoy it much though, because every time he came here he ended up in a huge battle. But this time, they were here for a much-needed vacation, this time they would not need to fight. Yeah right.

"Hey dad?" Gohan asked, "I was going to ask you this in the six months it took to arrive here, but why isn't Vegeta here?"

"You know him," Kakarot said, "He doesn't need a vacation. 'I have to get stronger then you, so you just wait until you come back!' he said."

"Oh!" Gohan exclaimed, "I guess he's not one for a vacation, huh?"

"No, father just doesn't like to do anything but train," Mairi Trunks said, "It's really not that mentally healthy, but it makes him stronger all right."

"And... Why are you with us? We defeated the androids, like, eight years ago. You really aren't needed anymore." Gohan stated.

"Well! I need vacations too!" Trunks yelled defensively, "Do you think it's easy to be this gorgeous!"

All present sweat dropped and backed away from the demi-Saiyan.

"Yea, sure!" Yhamcha said, "I know how it feels, I have the same problem. AHHH! Please don't hurt me! I'm just a pathetic weakling, who just gets in the way and wastes senzu beans! But I can take on any enemies with a power level under three! I'm at least good for that!"

The other z-warriors stopped their advance to end his pathetic life, and Tien looked at the others and shrugged, "He's got a point." The rest of them all reluctantly back off.

"Well, we're here!" Krillian stated the obvious, "Now what?"

"I want to go see Morri," Piccolo announced.

"Alright," Kakarot said, "Since I'm the strongest, I'm going to take us to the beach. Meet us there when you're done."

They all flew off to their destinations (Kakarots group only had to fly, like, three feet since the whole planet is just a bunch of small islands.) Kakarot spread out a beach towel, put on some cool shades, and lay down to get some sun. Krillian, Gohan, Trunks, and Yhamcha all went swimming, and Tien sat around, pissed that I didn't place Choatzu in the story. (Mainly because he has a long, complicated to spell, name.)

A shadow fell over the beach and Kakarot stirred in his half asleep state, "Gohan, it must be an eclipse or something. Would you mind blasting the moon away so I can get some sun?"

"That's not the moon, dad" Gohan said, staring at the sky with a look of dread on his face, "It's a space station!"

Kakarot look up into the sky to see a large mass floating above the planet.

"But it can't be!" Kakarot yelled, "We blew it up!"

"It's the Big Ghetti Star!" Krillian exclaimed.

"Oh shit!" Yhamcha said, "I can't be at a big battle! I'll get my ass seriously kicked!"

"Calm yourself," Piccolo said, landing nearby.

"It's Yhamcha," Trunks said, "You can just tell him to shut up and no one will care."

At this point, the one fan Yhamcha had in the universe showed up and slapped Trunks just enough for him to notice. Trunks vaporized her, and then turned back to Piccolo.

"Okay, **now **no one cares,"

"Good. Yhamcha, shut up." Piccolo said, "Alright. They won't make the same mistake of letting us inside the complex this time, so we're going to have to attack it from the outside. This means a lot of flying, so we need to give each other call signs to make it easier to keep in touch."

"Maybe I'm just weird," Krillian started, "But why don't we just use our names?"

"Because this is so much cooler," Piccolo said, "I'll be green leader, for obvious reasons. Tien, and Krillian, you'll be on my flight. Goku, choose a color."

"Uhhh... Red!"

"Why red?" Gohan asked.

"Because that's the color of my hair when I'm a super Saiyan!" He concluded.

"Uh-huh..." Piccolo said, "Well, whatever turns you on big guy. Gohan, and Trunks, you'll be on his team."

"Don't you get the feeling these flights are a little lob sided," Krillian whispered to Tien.

"Hey!" Yhamcha said indignantly, "I'm not even on a flight!"

"That's because you'll just die in the first five seconds of the fight!" Piccolo retorted.

"Oh yea..."

"Okay," Piccolo continued, "I'll be green one. Tien, Green two. Krillian, Green three. Yhamcha, neon pink four. Goku, red five. Gohan, red six, and Trunks, red seven. Does anyone have any idea how to take this thing down?"

"Oh yea!" Kakarot said, "When Vegeta and I exited the Ghetti Star before it blew up, I noticed that it was heavily shielded, but one man should be able to penetrate the outer defense. Cooler does not consider a single fighter to be much of a threat, or he'd have a tighter defense. Now, analysis of the surface has demonstrated a weakness in the battle station. The approach will not be easy. You are required to maneuver straight down a trench, skimming the surface to a certain point. The target is only two meters wide. It is a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port. The shaft leads directly to the reactor system. A precise hit will start a chain reactor, which should destroy the system. The shaft is ray shielded, so you have to use ki blasts. Only a precise hit will destroy the system."

"You got all this just by looking at it before it blew up?" Gohan asked.

"Hu-do-what? I'm sorry, I kind of spaced out. All I remember was assigning team colors. I'm blue, right?"

"Okay… We'll, Goku's plan is the only one we have, so that's the one we'll use. Green group will go first, and if we fail, red will go next. Any questions?" Piccolo asked.

Everyone raised their hands.

"Good! Let's go!"

The fighters took off and headed towards space. They didn't need to breath or anything.

_Goku, the force will be with you. _Kakarot smacked the side of his head. _Must have just imagined it._

"All fighters report in," Piccolo said, sounding very dramatic.

"Green three, standing by."

"Red seven, standing by."

"Green two, standing by."

"Red six, standing by."

"Red five, standing by."

"Neon pink four, standing by."

"Lock power levels in attack levels," Piccolo commanded, "We're passing through the magnetic field, hold tight. Put your barriers up, double front."

"Look at the size of that thing," Trunks said in awe.

"Cut the chatter, red seven," Piccolo disciplined, "Accelerate to attack speed."

All of the warriors' boosted there speeds to make the lasers firing up at them have a harder time hitting them.

"This is it boys," Kakarot said, excitement bleeding into his voice.

"Red leader this is green leader, we're heading for the target shaft now," Piccolo said.

"We're in position," Gohan called back, "We're going to cut across the axis and try to draw there fire."

Kakarot, Gohan, Trunks, and Yhamcha all dove in at the monstrous station, flying away from green group to keep the gunners from targeting them. Lasers flashed all around them, but so far, none of them had been hit.

"Heavy fire boss, twenty three degree's,"

"I see it, stay low!"

"This is red five, I'm going in," Kakarot dove at the station and let loose a barrage of ki blasts, each one taking out a small chunk of the Ghetti Star, but it was not nearly enough.

"What's with all the dramatics," Krillian whispered to Piccolo.

"To hell if I know,"

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"Goku, pull up! Are you alright?"

"I got a little cook but I'm okay,"

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Inside, a small robot strutted up to Meta Cooler.

"We count seven human fighters, my lord. But they are so small they are evading our turbo lasers," it said.

"We'll have to fight them man to robot. Get the robots to the launch pad," Metal Cooler walked away. _Dude, that was such a cool thing to say. But of course I would say it. I'm Cooler!_

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"Watch yourself, there's a lot of fire coming from the right side of that deflection tower," Krillian warned the rest.

"How the hell do you know it's a deflection tower!" Gohan yelled.

"I'm on it!" Trunks said.

"I'm going in," Gohan said, _Man, that sound so cool! _"Cover me Trunks."

"I'm right with you red six."

They dove in and blew the tower to hell.

"I got a problem here," Yhamcha said.

"What else is new," Trunks rolled his eyes.

"Eject!" Kakarot yelled.

"I can hold it!"

"Pull up!"

"Goku! Shut up!" Trunks yelled, "Yhamcha! Take your hands off the steering yoke and you'll be fine!"

"Oh, really? Gosh I never kne…" Yhamcha crashed into the Ghetti Star. And everyone cheered.

_Goku, trust your feelings. _The voice was back; Kakarot slapped the side of his head again, and then found the problem.

"You okay, Goku?" Trunks asked.

"Yea, I just forgot to take off my headphones," The Saiyan pulled off his Walkman and threw it at the Ghetti Star, "Yeah! Take that! Hahahahaha! Well, I think I just took care of it all!"

Saiyans, humans, Nameks, and Ghetti Stars, all sweat dropped.

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"Squad leaders, we've picked up a new group of signals. Enemy fighters heading your way," Bulma said, putting as much authority into her voice as possible.

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T_his is getting out of hand_, Krillian thought.

"My scopes negative, I don't see anything!" Kakarot said.

"Pick up your visual scanning, here they come."

The robots roared down, making a hell of a racket for being in the middle of space. They were in such a perfect formation that the Guinu Force roller over in their graves.

"Watch out, you've got one on your tail!"

The robot dropped in behind the fighter and started to fire off blasts at his feet.

"I'm hit!" Yagirobe yelled.

Yagirobe fell from the sky and crashed into the Ghetti Star.

"How did he get here," Tien asked Krillian.

"To hell if I know. I just know that someone had to die there, and I'm glad Brad didn't choose me," Krillian responded.

"Good point."

"You've picked one up, Trunks, watch it!"

"I can't see it!" Trunks yelled, looking straight in front without bothering to look at the robot right behind him.

"I'll be right there!" Kakarot yelled, and dove in. Waiting until the robot was just about to finish off Trunks for effect, Kakarot blew him out of the sky.

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Meta Cooler walked down the corridors until he found two robots.

"Several fighters have broken off of the main group. Come with me!"

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"Watch you back, Goku. Watch your back!"

The robot fired a hundred little blasts at Kakarot, and one of the managed to strike home.

"I'm hit, but not bad. Sen-zu-de-two see what you can do," Kakarot pulled out a small green bean and swallowed it, "Hang on back there."

Gohan, flying in tandem, turned to stare at his father, wondering if the others had been right, and he was indeed, insane.

"I can't shake him!"

"I'm on him Goku, hold on!" Trunks yelled.

Kakarot evaded the blasts, and started hammering his fists together, "Blast it Biggs, where are you!"

"Biggs?" Gohan asked, "His name is Trunks!"

Gohan decided he had put up with enough insanity. Opening his fist, he aimed back and blasted the robot apart.

"Thanks Wedge!" Kakarot said, and flew away from his, very, very, confused son.

"Red leader, this is Green leader, we're starting our attack run," Piccolo said, and dived for the target shaft.

"Hey, Piccolo?" Tien cautiously asked, "We could've started our attack run, like, ten minutes ago. Why didn't we?"

"Hey, I just follow the script."

As soon as they dove into the shaft, turbo lasers started to redouble there efforts to shot them down, and Meta Cooler flew out to get the annoyances attacking his station.

"Stay in attack formation," he said, adjusting an imaginary control knob in front of him.

Piccolo flew down the shaft with all the speed he could muster, looking straight ahead. He reached to his side and danced his fingers around the air, making beeping noises as he did so, "The exhaust port is marked and locked in!" He said, "Switch power to front deflector screens!"

"What screens?" Tien asked.

"How many guns do you think, Gold three?"

"I'd say about twenty guns," Krillian said, "some one the surface, some on the tower." He nudged Tien, "This is so cool!"

"What is?" Tien asked.

"Well, because I have lines, I'm actually going to survive more then six seconds into the fight!"

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Morri stood around his tactical computer, looking at the screen with a bunch of other nameless Nameks surrounding him.

"Ghetti Star in range in five minutes," The computer said, "You may have noticed the only reason I'm in this story is to increase the dramatic effect and show the desperation of the situation."

"Shut up," Morri said.

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Piccolo flew down the shaft, dodging the ever present lasers, then danced his fingers to the side again, "Switching to targeting computer," he said, holding one hand over his right eye, "Computers locked, getting a signal."

As suddenly as they had begun, the guns stopped, leaving the trench in eerie silence. Tien looked up from his conversation with Krillian.

"So I think Phantom Menace sucked because… Hey, what's wrong?"

"The guns! They've stopped!"

"Stabilize your rear deflectors," Krillian said, "Watch for enemy fighters."

Tien reached to the side, then looked, then looked all around him, "Dammit! What deflectors?"

"They're coming in! Three marks at two ten!" Krillian said.

"Two ten, two ten." Tien said, looking around, "Where the hell is two ten!"

Three fighters dropped into the shaft in a free fall behind Krillian and Tien, pulling up to settle in behind the two fighters.

"I'll take them myself," Metal Cooler said, "Cover me!"

The two nameless robots nodded and gave an enthusiastic, "Yes sir!"

Metal Cooler held up both hands, and looking down at the targeting computer, waiting for a lock. He made a few beeping noises, increasing the frequency of the beeps and then let out a constant tone as he fired.

Tien suddenly blew up in a fiery display of special effects as Krillian scooted away.

Piccolo looked back at the scene, watching Gold Two blow up, and then he turned forward.

Krillian, of course, panics, "I can't maneuver!"

"Stay on target," Piccolo said, the Ghetti Star racing by him as he tried to increase his speed.

"We're to close!"

"Close to what?"

"Loosen up!" Piccolo shrugged, wondering how to loosen up, when Krillian suddenly burst into flame.

"Green one to Red five," Piccolo said, "Lost Tiree lost Dutch."

"I copy, Orange one!" Kakarot said, "How are Jabba and Boba Fett?"

"They came from behind…" Without even being hit, Piccolo suddenly spun out of control and smashed into the Ghetti Stars surface.

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"Three minutes and counting," The computer in front of Morri said, "Oh! It's getting closer! Are you in suspense yet? Are ya? Are ya!"

"Shut up," Morri sighed.

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"Biggs, Wedge, let's close it up. We're going in. We're going in full throttle," Kakarot said, looking at the other fighters beside him who didn't respond, "Hello! Wedge, Biggs! Wake up!"

"Oh, sorry." Gohan said, following his father.

"My name is Wedge?" Trunks asked, "Great. I've been reduced to an engineering term!"

"Lukarot, at that speed will you be able to pull up in time?"

"It will be just like beggars canyon back home." Kakarot said.

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In the 439-mountain district, several beggars walked up and down a narrow canyon, holding out metal cups and letting out false moans of pain.

"This is so stupid!" one beggar said, "No one else but us beggars live here! There's no one to beg from!"

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"Well stay back far enough to cover you," Trunks said, holding onto an imaginary flight yoke with white knuckles.

"My scope shows the tower, but I can't see the exhaust port! Are you sure the computer can hit it?" Gohan asked his father.

"Oh yea!" Kakarot said, booting up his laptop, "This baby can do anything! I can rip DVD's, check my mail, and even go to websites where women don't wear clothes! Now increase speed full throttle!"

"What about that tower?"

"You worry about those fighters, I'll worry about the tower!" Kakarot looked around nervously, "Oh! The tower! The tower! Where is it?" Had he not been flying, he would have been dancing from foot to foot.

The laser fire continued to explode around the man in orange (M.I.O.), and the fighter slipped on a cool pair of orange shades to accompany the acronym. One blast came in close and nicked Kakarot across the shoulder, burning the obnoxiously colored fabric away.

"Artoo! That, that stabilizer has broken loose again! See if you can't lock it down!"

Gohan, staring at his father in amazement, watched as a trash can like droid suddenly appeared on his fathers shoulder and started to repair the damage. _That does it; I need to stop sleeping by the cleaning solutions again._

Metal Cooler suddenly drops in behind Gohan and beeped a fair approximation of a targeting computer and fired on his unfortunate victim.

"I'm hit!" Gohan yelled, making some explosion noises in between words, "I can't stay with you!" _Hell, might as well join them in this whole thing._

"Get clear Go-Wedge! You cant' do any more good back their!" Kakarot yelled to his damaged wingman.

From under his helmet, Gohan looked stricken as he pulled away, "Sorry!"

"Let him go," Metal Cooler said, "Stay on the leader."

The three metal fighters zoomed in on Trunks, while the teenage half Saiyan turned around and looked at the enemies, "I happen to know this great bar where we could sit down and 'talk' this out, if you know what I mean."

Cooler quickly vaporized him and turned away, shuddering at the thought.

Kakarot flew on, staring straight ahead while tears flowed from his face and fell in his wake. _He owed me ten bucks…_

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Morri looked down at the computer just as it spoke up again, "Thirty seconds and counting." The computer gave out a little computer sigh, "Do you think if I say some bigger numbers they won't shot until I get to zero?"

Morri glared at the computer, "If you don't get killed when the planet explodes, I will come back and kill you myself."

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"I'm on the leader," Metal Cooler said.

"Hey!" Kakarot yelled, "Get off me!"

"Sorry," Metal Cooler said and crawled off the Saiyans back.

The three ships race down the trench, Cooler trying to score a hit on the fleeing Saiyan, but having no real luck. Kakarot held up his hand over his right eye and made some beeping noises. The target was close!

"Use the force, Lukarot!" Kakarot looked up and started to bang his head in an attempt to clear the voices, and then covered his eye again, "Let go Lukarot."

Kakarot looked around, wondering what the heck he was supposed to let go of. "Trust me."

"The ki is strong with this one," Metal Cooler muttered, twisting his ear for a control knob.

Kakarot removed his hand and set his face in determination.

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"His computers off. Lukarot, you've switched off your targeting computer, what's wrong?"

Morri picked up a book titled, "demolishing computers for dummies."

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"Nothing!" Kakarot yelled, "I'm all right!"

_I wouldn't go as far as to say that… _The author thought.

Steel Cooler fired and the little droid on Kakarots back blew up.

"I've lost R2-D28314HF749FNBF3229484T475GHVCAKSJH5025243Y5NRE!" Kakarot yelled in despair, "I only knew him for like, five seconds, but he was my only friend!"

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"The Ghetti Star has cleared the planet!" The computer said, "The Ghetti star has cleared the planet! Oh what a cruel world! I'm too young to die! I can see my life flashing before my eyes!"

"Where the hell is the volume control!" Morri yelled, looking all around the computer.

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"Rebel Base, in range," The much calmer computer in the Ghetti star said.

"You may fire when ready," said King Cold? (I'm running out of people here!)

"Commence primary ignition," a droid said, pressing a small button.

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The three fighters careen after Kakarot in precise formation and Cooler finally takes aim at Kakarot again. He lets loose a volley of shots, just as his wingman blows up. The robot looks up, "What!"

"Do I have to say it?" Vegeta asks me.

_Yes, you do._

"But why? It sounds so dorky!"

_It's in the damn script I downloaded! You have to!_

Vegeta sighed, "Fine. Yahoo," he finished with a complete lack of enthusiasm.

"Look out!" Coolers wingman yelled, and tapped Cooler slightly, sending him flying into space and the wingman into the wall.

"You're all clear you stupid ass," Vegeta said, "now blew this thing up so I can go home."

_That's not your line…_

"Shut up!"

Kakarot stood over the exhaust port and held his hands together, "Kamehameha!" he yelled, firing the blast down the port.

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Some nameless robot pulled a lever while a computerized voice said behind him, "Standing by."

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Gohan, Kakarot and a bored Vegeta all flew away from the space station, and just managed to get out of the way before it blew up into a billion pieces.

"Mediocre shot, Kakarot," Vegeta said, "That was one lucky shot."

"Remember," the voice said, "The ki will be with you. Always."

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I typed in the last of the words and sat back, admirering my work. "There," I said, "It's over. I've already sent it into FF dot net, and there's nothing you can do about it," I turned to the other occupant of the room, who was tied up and gagged, "and you lived through it. Don't give me that look! You even said I could write on of these, and I did. So now it's over. If I untie you, do you promise not to smite me?"

Tied and gagged, Dende could only nod.

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I have been working on this one, on and off, for six months. I did really download the script, and tried to follow it as closely as possible. This one really wasn't meant for anyone else's enjoyment, but I've always wanted to write this. And now it is late. I must sleep.


	71. Falling

"Dad?" Gohan asked his father, "How much further?"

"It's not far, Gohan," Goku said, walking ahead of his son on the narrow mountain pass, "It should be jus-"

Rocks suddenly slide out from under the Saiyans foot, causing him to fall down the steep cliff. Vegeta, Krillian, and Gohan all walked forward and looked down at the falling form.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh! Help! Help! I'm falling! Ohhhhh! I'm going to die! I'll never get the chance to tell android sixteen I secretly loved him! Help! Help! The ground is coming up very fast! Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Suddenly his cries stopped, "Oh look! A pretty bird!" Then started back up again, "A bird that's coming at my face! Ahhhhh!" **bam!** "Oh! It hit me in the face! Ow! I'm having a Fabio moment! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! The ground!" Vegeta checked his watch, "The ground is coming up fast! Let's see, at a rate of nine miles per hour per second, and I've been falling for 45 sec- Aw screw it! It's still going to hurt!" Krillian nudged the pre-teen Gohan and pulled out a deck of cards. Vegeta walked to a near by tree and leaned against it, reading a comic book. "The ground! The ground! Help! My life is passing before my eyes! It looks like a food store commercial! I'll never get to eat again! AHHHHHHHHH! If no one will save me, at least throw me a burger so I can eat before I die! Help! Ahhhhh! Ahhhhhhhhh! I'll never be remembered! I never did anything of value! I'm going to die a lonely, old, man!"

Krillian sighed and looked up from the card game. "So, when do you think he'll remember he can fly?"

"He won't," Vegeta said, flipping a page, "Anyone want to make a bet out of it?"

"No bet," Krillian said, and turned back to his game.

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Hehe!


	72. Vegeta's missing

I sat down on the over stuffed leather couch in the middle of the Gold's Gym lobby, taking a quick break from work in between clients. The couch was so comfortable I could sleep on it. The phone rang.

"Paige!" I yelled, "Phone!" No answer. The phone continued to ring, and if there was one thing in the world I couldn't stand, it was the sound of a phone. I got up at the third ring and vaulted the front desk, landing on the other side and grabbing the phone in the same motion.

"ThankyouforcallingGold'sGymThisisBradhowmayIhelpyou?" I said the familiar phrase.

"Hello Brad," A voice said from the other line, "do you know who this is?"

"Morpheus?" I asked, turning away from the lobby and lowering my voice.

"No, you moron! It's Goku!" I rolled my eyes and stood up from a hunch I hadn't realized I was standing in.

"What do you want?"

"If you want to know, meet me under the bridge at midnight," The line went dead.

I hung up the phone and shook my head; there were three separate bridges in Bangor.

The phone rung again and I picked it up again.

"Hello Brad," a voice said, "Do you know who this is?"

"Very funny, Kakarot," I said, "Nice Morpheus impression, but it still needs a little work." I hung up the phone and walked away.

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Morpheus hung up the phone and turned to Neo, "Who's Kakarot?"

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I tossed and turned in my sleep, not feeling right for some reason. It was one o'clock in the morning and only three hours until I had to wake up. _What's wrong? I'm friggin exhausted, just fall asleep already! _Suddenly, blinding light surrounded me on all sides, and I sat up, struggling to see. And then my world was upside down, literally.

"I said meet me under the bridge!" Goku said, holding me up by my ankle.

"Put me down!" I yelled, "You never said which bridge!"

"The singing bridge!" He yelled back.

"That's on the other side of the state!" I growled, shaking my foot, trying to get loose.

"It is? Then what bridge was I hiding under?"

"_Put me down or I swear I'll rip your face off!"_

"Oh, sorry," The Saiyan dropped me on my bed.

"Now, what the heck is so important to pull me out of bed at midnight?" I asked with barely constrained anger.

"Well, first, it's technically morning," he said, "but we have a serious situation here!"

"What?" I moaned, falling back on the bed without any interest.

"Vegeta's gone missing! And I can't beat any of the villains without him softening them up for me first!" Goku said, grabbing a banana out of my fruit bowl.

"So?" I said, taking the banana out of his hand and placing it back in the bowl, "just use your little powers to sense his spirit."

"That's the thing!" Goku exclaimed, grabbing the banana again, "Nobody can sense him anywhere! Not even in space."

"Kakarot!" I yelled, grabbing the banana once more and placing it back in the bowl, "He's a grown Saiyan, I'm sure he's fine."

"No! I can tell he's not!" Goku said, "And we need your help, and I'll sing until you help me out!" Goku took in a deep breath and bellowed out at the top of his lunges, "The bear necessities."

After the second verse I knew there was no way I was going to get to sleep tonight. _And I thought Krillian couldn't sing!_ "Alright!" I yelled, "Just let me get dressed."

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The apartment was empty; Goku and I had left minutes ago, searching for a Saiyan Prince.

Just when this scene seemed to be rather pointless, Goku popped into the kitchen and grabbed a banana out of the bowl and crammed it into his mouth. He stuck his tongue out at whoever happened to be watching him, then placed two fingers on his forehead and disappeared.

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"So, where do we start?" I asked, glancing around the street, looking for anyone who seemed out of place. I lived in a high crime part of town, and even though the rent was cheap and the place was nice, it still didn't stop me from making sure no one was going to try anything.

"I don't know," he said, "I was hoping you could tell us."

"Well, where was he last seen?"

"I think he was last in his gravity room," Goku said, holding his chin in thought.

"Well," I said, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Let's go."

"Right!"

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Even though it may seem really cool and convenient, Instantaneous Movement is not a good experience. At first you feel like you are in two pieces at once, then it feels like you are in one piece, but stretched out over miles and miles of distance, then it all comes back together like a rubber band being released. It's all in all quite disorienting.

"Bulma?" Goku called out, "Funny, I could have sworn I felt her somewhere."

"Uh, Kakarot?" I asked.

"What's up?" He said turning to look down at me, "And when did you get so short? Oh!"

The Saiyan quickly jumped down from atop Bulma's head and landed beside me, "Sorry Bulma," he said, "I guess I honed in a little too close."

Bulma, who was now trying to get the boot marks out of her hair, simply smiled and nodded, used to his mistakes.

"It's okay," she remarked, rubbing the last of the dirt out of her hair, "I'm kind of used to your mistakes."

"That's what I just said," I mumbled.

"And who are you?" Bulma said, "Brown hair that's not spiky or weird, eyes that have pupils, athletic build that's not unrealistic, a normal human. You're not a cartoon!"

"Of course I'm not," I said, "I'm from the real world. I actually write about you guys often."

"Really?" Bulma asked, a bit surprised, "Then I have a question for you. Is my cooking really that bad?"

"Actually, that seems to be a FF dot net thing," I said, wondering when I could go back to bed, "Trunks, in movie thirteen, said you were a really good cook."

"Ha!" she exclaimed, grabbing a device from the counter top, "I knew it! If you'll excuse me, I need to go to the real world and kick some ass." She set the flat device on the ground, stepped on it and vanished.

"Is she always like this?" I turned to Goku, who was in a device that was playing chopsticks.

"Yea, but we get used to it," he said, emerging from the device, "Let's got to the GR and see if there are any clues."

We left the room, walking towards the GR, and I swore I heard a voice that sounded a lot like Kakarots coming from the other compartment of the device he had played with.

"Hello?"

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The gravity room didn't seem to offer any clues, other then the fact that cleaning the GR wasn't on Vegeta's daily routine.

"It stinks in here!" I said, "Doesn't he ever clean this thing."

"Only once when Bulma made him," Goku said, "but I popped in on him while he was doing it, and he never has since. It's funny, because he actually looked good in the pink apron."

I walked to the control panel and switched it on. Nothing except the log, and it only said Vegeta had been training in eight hundred times gravity. _Not bad, _I thought, _Okay, I couldn't do any better, so I guess that's great. What's this?_

On the top of the panel a folded piece of paper lay, looking like it had been set there for future use. "Kakarot?" I said, and he came over. I picked up the paper and opened it. The message was simple. _Vegeta- you suck! Sighed Anonymous._

"Well, obviously this 'anonymous,' has an issue with Vegeta!" Goku exclaimed, "Let's hunt him down."

"It's not a name, it means basically anyone," I said.

"Brilliant!" Goku said, suddenly appearing with a plaid hat and pipe, "Well done Watson!"

"No, I'm Sherlock, you're Watson. Got it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Now, I'd like to find out where this note came from. Let's head back to the house and see if we can find any more clues."

Goku walked to the door and stepped out, looking back at me.

"Coming?"

"In a minute," I said.

Goku left, and I grinned. Hitting a button on the control panel, I brought the gravity up to three times normal. Suddenly weighing 525 pounds, I struggled to remain standing, only my training kept me from collapsing and breaking my bones. I turned the gravity off. _There. _I thought, _Three times gravity down, three hundred and ninety-seven to go. Then I can become a super Saiyan. Except I'm not Saiyan. And I'm only writing a story. Reality sucks!_

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"So all we need to do is find out who this letter came from, right?"

"Yes, Kakarot. Except that may not be easy. It could have come from anyone in the world. Since I know I didn't do it and I'm suspecting you didn't either, that leaves about six billion people left in the world to question."

"So, who do we start with?"

I smacked my forehead and muttered something about this guy surviving past puberty. I looked around the campus of Capsule Corporation, looking for any type of clue, but not having any luck.

"Kakarot? When you last spoke to Vegeta, what did he say?"

"Hmm. The last thing he said to me was, 'Go to hell, Kakarot, and get out of my way before I blow up your beloved planet.' Okay, so where is Vegeta?"

"He didn't say anything that might lead to a clue about the note?"

"Well, he did say that someone had jumped the fence, put a note in the GR and then emptied out the fridge."

"Good! That means that the perpetrator must be local, else he would not have hand delivered it! And as for… Kakarot? Did you deliver this note?"

"Gaa! How did you know it was me?" Goku exclaimed.

"Well, the whole fridge thing kind of set me off," I said, looking the Saiyan in the eyes, "Do you know where Vegeta is?"

"No! Honest! I just left the note there to see him get mad! He's so funny when he's mad. His hair gets all frizzy. Those veins of his go nuts. You should really piss him off sometimes!"

"No thanks. I prefer to live."

Great, so now we were down to square one. "Let's go see the others and see what they know."

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Goku and I snapped back into existence near a small house in the suburbs. Goku knocked on the door while I glanced at the mailbox. _Yhamcha?_

"Hey Goku!" Yhamcha said to the Saiyan, "Hello, man who likes to make my life miserable."

"Good morning, Yhamcha!" Goku said.

"Go to hell, weakling," I said, "We're looking for Vegeta. Have you-"

"VEGETA!" Yhamcha yelled, "Oh shit! I've got to hide!" With that, the twerp ran and hid under his bed.

"I told you it was pointless to ask him," I said, "Let's go see Krillian."

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"Nope, sorry guy's" Krillian said, "But the last time I saw Vegeta was last June when he was going nuts in a watch store. Something about the 'beeps.'"

"Oh," I said, "Is Eighteen around?"

"I am," The robot said behind me.

"Do you know where Vegeta could be?"

"Vegeta will always be someplace where he can beat up on people he doesn't like," She said.

"That doesn't narrow it down," I said to the metallic bombshell, "Lets go Kakarot."

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"Vegeta?" Hercule said, "Yea, I know what happened to him. He came over here and wanted to fight. So I pounded the skinny twerp to death! Mwahahahaha!"

Goku and I glanced at each other and then at Hercule. _I wonder… _I thought. I walked up to the world champ and lightly touched his shoulder.

"OWWWW!" he screamed, clutching his arm, "What'd you have to go and do that! Now I'll never be able to use that arm again! Ohhh, the pain!"

"Let's go Kakarot," I muttered.

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"Nope, sorry," Dende said, throwing another lightning bolt at the ground, "I haven't seen him anywhere."

"Can't you use your god-like powers to find him?" I asked.

"Oh! Sure, that's easy!" The not-quite-a-god closed his eyes and hummed a little.

While he was busy, I glanced around the landing. Piccolo was meditating beside a row of potted plants, while Mr. Popo was watering said plants. He walked down the row, spraying the water and singing a little tune. As I watched he got to the end of the line and accidentally watered Piccolo. The Namek glared at him.

"Sorry!" Mr. Popo cowered, "It's just that you never move and you're green. You look like a plant sometimes!"

This apparently satisfied Piccolo, who went back to meditating soaking wet.

Dende opened his eyes, "Wait a second."

The Namek walked over to a tree on the side of the landing and looked inside the pot it was growing in. "Get out!" he yelled, "I'm not going to show you how to be a god again, so stop spying on me!"

Vegeta crawled out of the pot with some leaves and dirt in his hair. "Fine!" he said, and walked towards us, "He's no fun."

Goku was snickering, "You've got dirt in your hair!"

"Oh shut up Kakarot!" he yelled, "At least in the Japanese version of the show, my voice isn't done by a _girl_!"

"What? That's not true!" Goku yelled, "See, I'll prove it! Hee? Kusuri o utte ite mo desu ka…" The voice was most defiantly a girl. "Ahh! It can't be! No! A girl. This is life shattering…"

I gave Vegeta a thumbs up, "Good job!"

"It was about time he knew the truth." The Prince said.

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Okay, Goku returned me to my apartment. He's still kind of depressed about the whole voice thing, but it's true! (Take that, Kakarot lovers!) I'll have another story up real soon, because it's almost finished. Oh. The whole mailing list thing. Send e-mail to my address, because ff dot net takes out the domains and stuff. Reality at Gwi dot net. (Or just look in my earlier chapters.)

Oh. The Japanese thing Goku said was, "Really? Even when they sell drugs?"


	73. Driving

Vegeta walked out of the shower, toweling off his unruly hair. It had been such an intense session that even he thought he stunk. _Who would have thought that day would arrive?_

He tossed the damp towel into a corner of the bedroom and made his way to the couch, where he turned around and fell onto his back. "Aaaahhhhhhhh-shit."

Bulma stood over the prone Saiyan with a casual look on her face. This meant that anything was up besides something casual.

"So Vegeta," She said, and this was the final alarm that let Vegeta know something was up. She had used his name. "Did you hear that Goku went out and earned his drivers license just for Chichi?"

"Of course," The prince said, sitting up and twisting around to face his wife right side up, "That happened about ten years ago, if I'm not mistaken."

"Eleven, but I'll let it slide," She smirked, enjoying the fact that she had been able to correct the prince, "Well, I was just thinking about it and-"

"No," Vegeta interrupted.

"Oh come on!" she pleaded, rounding the couch, "Please?"

"No! I am not getting a drivers license when I can simply fly!"

"Fine," she said, pouting, "You know what else I heard?"

"What?" Vegeta sighed, to tired to argue.

"That when Goku got his license, Chichi started to have sex with him twice a night."

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_Why do I always do this? _Vegeta thought to himself as he stood outside the driving school, _that woman knows to many of my weak points. Food, sex…Food…More sex. Dammit! I need to stop being so dependant on these things! Especially the woman. I need to find a way to stop getting her to wear those damn 'clothes' to bed! Most of all that one black one with the red bow on the front that comes off with the flick of a wrist…_

Vegeta was startled to find he had an audience. A man, who looked like death had overlooked him several times, stood hunched and weezened before the Prince. _He must be a hundred!_

The man was talking, "I found it rather strange that the woman requested the same driving instructor as Son Goku, but I figured he turned out alright, so she must want you to do the same!" The man looked at Vegeta, "Well, come here, girl. I won't bite."

"I'm a man!" Vegeta snarled out, deepening his voice just in case.

"Oh! Sorry. I can't see as well as I used to. Well, let's get started."

Vegeta rounded to the drivers' side and sat down. _What's with this contraption? I've only flown spaceships! What the… Where's the hyper-drive lever? _Vegeta looked over and noticed the old man seemed to be having problems with his door; he was too weak to open it. The Saiyan snarled and flung the door open from the inside, throwing the old man back.

"Whoo!" The man said, getting up, "I guess I don't know my own strength." He felt his arms and attempted a poise no body builder would ever try.

"Get in the damn car!" Vegeta yelled after this continued for twenty more seconds.

"Oh! Sorry." The old man stepped in, "Now my lady-"

"Male!"

"Sorry. Place the car in first and lightly press down on the gaaaaaaaahhHHHH!"

The car flew down the driveway, swatting aside other cars, students, and a UFO on its way. Finally, Vegeta let up on the gas and rolled to a stop.

"Did you like that old man?"

The man was clutching his chest and pulled out a device with the words, "Beat-o-matic" printed on the side. He pressed it over his chest and a shock ran through his body.

"Whew! That was close." He looked around, "Not bad! You made it into the parking space without even being told!" Vegeta scowled, "Now lets work on city driving. To the left is a course we've set up to simulate a city. Please take us gently to thhhaaaAAAAAAAAA!"

Vegeta slammed his foot down on the gas again, enjoying the old fools screams for help. He pulled into the street in between two other students and peeled out down the road.

"Speed limit! Speed limit!" The old man was shouting, "Only 25 miles per hour!"

"What!" Vegeta yelled, "You expect me, the prince of all Saiyans, to limit myself! Do you think that by limiting myself these other people will be able to surpass me? Is that your game! Well, I don't think so! I'm not going to let anyone slow me down!"

The old man didn't answer as he began to press his device against his chest once more.

Suddenly, without warning, a huge black Cadillac SUV pulled in behind Vegeta. The sunroof opened and a man dressed all in white with white hair and white skin stood up and started shooting machine gun fire at Vegeta's car. Vegeta was about to blast them away, when the driver, who looked like the shooters twin, pulled on his leg and showed the shooter what appeared to be a script. The shooter started shouting and pointing, and the SUV took off after a girl in black leather on a road bike.

Vegeta slowed down and let the old man catch his breath. "It's a good thing you drive so fast!" The old man said, "Those weird things could have smoked us!"

_There is no pissing this man off! _Vegeta thought, _I go fast and he's pleased, even though I'm breaking the law! Well, I'll show him!_ Vegeta slowed down to the speed limit and continued to crawl along.

When Vegeta wasn't looking, the old man smiled to himself. _Reverse psychology. Works every time._

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"Why is this freak following me," Vegeta yelled, "Doesn't he know this is my road!"

"He's just moving with the flow of traffic," the instructor said, "now why don't you pull onto the highway here. The highway is a place where you can go faster and not have to stop."

Vegeta looked at the man, "Why didn't we go there before! I've been putting up with this slow speed for too long!"

Vegeta pulled onto the on ramp and brought the car up to 130 kilometers per hour. _Much better_. He drove down the lane, for once content, as his instructor fiddled with the radio. He looked up as Vegeta asked a question.

"What's up with this moron," he said, "He's going to slow."

"That's alright," the old man said, "that's what the other lane is for. Just pull to the left and pass his there."

Vegeta began to pull the vehicle left, but after a flurry of horns and squealing brakes, found himself behind the slow driver again.

"Next time look to make sure no one else is in the lane," the instructor said.

Vegeta waited patiently (About two seconds) and then moved his car to the left lane. As he passed the slow car, he noticed the maker of the vehicle. _Ford? _Suddenly a rock spun up from under Vegeta's tire and tapped the windshield of the other car. The car blew up spectacularly.

Vegeta glanced in the rearview mirror at the flames and rubble and turned to the old man.

"It's alright," he said, "the people who drive that brand take the risk every time they get on the road. Poor souls. Here's our exit, just pull over and slow down for the ramp."

"What!" Vegeta yelled, "I'm not getting off the highway for that lesser road! I'm skipping that exit and claiming this road for me!" He reached down to the radio, "And I'm not listening to this country crap either!"

Vegeta passed a second car that was going way too slow, and glanced to the right at the driver. _Piccolo?_

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Vegeta walked up to the driving school the next day and noticed his instructor was missing. His new instructor filled him in.

"He had a mental collapse last night," she said, "He kept running down the street saying something about a "saying prince trying to kill him." We have no idea what happened."

Vegeta hid his grin as he climbed into the car, shaking off his hair from the rain that had swept in from the south. He pulled the car out of the spot and said to his instructor, "Where to?" Seconds later he pulled back into the parking spot and waited for the instructor to get into the car this time. _Humans are so slow!_

"You must have forgotten me!" the woman said, "how shameful. Do I need to make sure you never forget me again?"

Vegeta glanced at the woman who was making eyes at him and licking her lips. _No thanks. _He turned his attention back to the road and squinted. The windshield was covered in rain.

"Just flick the switch on the right side of the drivers wheel and turn on the wiper blades; they'll help you see."

"I don't need them!" Vegeta exclaimed, "I can see just fine!"

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Vegeta put the car in reverse and backed away from the telephone pole he had just hit. "I saw it," he said without looking at his passenger, "I just chose to hit it."

"Mm-Hmm," she said, "Do you want to go out on a date?"

_She didn't even notice, _Vegeta thought and flicked the windshield wipers on. He pulled on to the road and continued.

"That's a stop sign," the woman said, "that means you must stop and make sure no one is coming on the other road."

"What!" Vegeta yelled, "I'm not stopping! Everyone should be stopping for me! I am the prince of all Saiyans! I will not let anyone bring me down!"

A flurry of horns, screeching tires, and a befuddled Piccolo, and they were through the intersection.

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"Well," the instructor said, "since you've been here, you've broken every single driving law three times, at least, wreaked five cars, killed seventeen people, but they all came back to life somehow, and made a man so pissed he grew antennas and turned green."

"So do I get my license?" Vegeta asked.

"Normally, I would never give one to you. But, for a little tip, I could." She raised her eyebrows, and the meaning of the tip was clear to everyone in a seventeen-mile radius.

"Print it up and I'll give you that tip," Vegeta said, raising his own eyebrows.

She printed up the license in record time and handed it to the Saiyan, then closed her eyes and puckered up her lips. Vegeta leaned forward. Her mouth trembled. Then Vegeta whispered, "Don't trade a cow for magic beans."

The instructor opened her eyes and saw the prince walking away. Then she understood. "Not _that _type of tip!"

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Bulma greeted Chichi at the front door and the two woman exchanged hugs.

"So I heard the news," Chichi said when they got settled in the living room, "Vegeta got his license?"

"Yes he did," Bulma said, "But he's not very good at it."

"So? What are you going to do about it?"

"I've already solved it," Bulma said and stood up, "I'll show you."

The two women walked into a garage and Bulma pointed to a vehicle.

"That?" Chichi exclaimed.

"Yep," Bulma patted the huge monster truck she had bought, "The best feature is on the front bumper.

Chichi walked to the front and saw tons of torn clothing tied to the front bumper.

Bulma was speaking, "Between the size of the truck and the clothing, he can fairly breeze through a town. Who the hell would walk in front of him?"

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It was a bit rushed, but I've always wanted to do this one! Have a good weekend!


	74. Three Bears

"Goku" I wrote down on my computer. My cell phone rang and I scrambled to see who it was, leaving my computer alone.

Goku sat down in our imaginations, surrounded by a pure white background.

"The idiot summons me for a story and then just leaves me in the middle of nowhere!" he complained, "Well, if he's not going to write the story, then I am!"

He stood up and thought up a scene. Crashing down behind him, Gotens room appeared. Goku smiled to himself, and then thought of someone else.

"Come on Goten," he muttered, "I know how to make a good story with you and… Oh! What's this?"

A piece of paper had fallen onto the foot of Gotens bed and Goku picked it up to see what it said.

" 'Goku,'" he read, " 'Goten is spending the night a Capsule Corporation, and it's too late for me to make him come here. Find someone else to make a story with. –God.' Whoa! Talk about notes from high places! Well, if I can't use Goten, I'll use Gohan!"

Gohan suddenly appeared in Gotens bed. He was far to tall for it, and his legs hung off the end of the bed, but the teenager looked like he was more confused about his new location then the bed fitting right. He quickly grabbed the blanket and used it to wipe the lipstick off his face, and then placed it across his chest to his the lip marks there as well. _I was making out with Videl! Why did I have to get chosen! And why the Hell am I in Gotens bed?_

"Good!" Goku said, "Now I have someone else to work with! What should we do? I've got it! You're a stand in for Goten, and I was about to read him a story, so I'll read you a story!"

Gohan groaned. He would much rather be with Videl.

Goku grabbed the first book he could find and sat down on the bed, crushing Gohan's legs and stopping his effort to escape.

"Quit whimpering Gohan. You'll love this story. It's called, 'Goldie Locks and the three bears.'

"Once upon a time there was a girl named Goldie Locks who was walk-" Goku stopped, pulled out a pen, and wrote something in the book.

"Once upon a time there was a little Super Saiyan." Vegeta suddenly found himself in the middle of the woods with a dress on and in the Super Saiyan power up. "He was walking through the woods one day to get to the market."

A shopping list, basket, and a few dollars appeared in Vegeta's hand. _Why the hell did that idiot choose me! Number 18 would be perfect for this part, but he had to choose me!_

"While the Little Super Saiyan walked through," Scribble, scribble, "Destroyed the woods, there were three bears just getting ready to eat. There was a Momma Bear, a father bear, and a baby bear." Scribble, Scribble, "A Frieza Bear, a Cell Bear, and a Kid Buu Bear! All of them tasted there porridge and all held onto there burning tongues.

"This porridge is to hot!" Cell bear said, "Let us go for a walk while we wait for it to cool down." So they all left to talk a walk in the woods- Scribble, scribble- to destroy the galaxy.

Gohan knew this story would be an example for when the physiatrist asked where he started to go wrong.

"At this point, little Super Saiyan walked up to the cottage, and instead of destroying it, went inside. He was hungry and saw the porridge.

"This porridge is too hot!" he said, tasting the Cell porridge.

"This porridge is to cold!" He said, tasting Freiza's porridge.

"This porridge is just right!" And he ate all the Buu's porridge. -Scribble- then, because Vegeta's pretty smart, he mixed both Cell's and Freiza's porridge together and then they became the perfect temperature and he ate them as well. Then he cleaned out the fridge, emptied the cupboards, and gnawed on a table leg.

He was so full after that, so he wanted to sit down. He sat down on the fathers –scribble- Cell's chair and found it was too hard. He tried Freiza's chair but found it was too soft, and then tried Buu's chair, but –scribble- because he had gained so much friggin weight from eating all of that, broke the chair like a twig.

Vegeta grumbled as he stood up from the chairs rubble. _I resent that!_

The Little Super Saiyan then decided that he didn't like the other chairs either, so he blew them up. Then he was tired so he went upstairs and found three beds. The first bed was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second bed was too soft, so he set it on fire, and the third bed was just right, so he lay down and took a nap.

Meanwhile, the three bears-scribble- villains returned to find the kitchen destroyed, but for some stupid reason, all they cared about was there porridge.

"Someone's eaten in my porridge!" Cell yelled, "Wait, they were only supposed to taste it…"

"Someone's eaten my porridge!" Frieza yelled, "And I resent that I'm never able to play a man in a scene."

"Someone eat Buu food!" Buu said, "me not able to speak good English!"

They trekked further in the house and saw that all their chairs had been destroyed.

"Someone's been-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Goku said, skipping that whole speech.

Then the bears went upstairs and found their beds, except for Cell, because his was thrown out the window.

"Someone's been in my bed!" Frieza said.

"Where the hell is my bed?" Cell asked.

"Someone in Buu bed!"

They all gathered round and saw the sleeping Saiyan in Buu's bed, and all wore fierce expressions as they woke him up.

The little Super Saiyan chopped all their heads off and then went back to sleep.

"Their!" Goku said, "That was a good story. Okay, Goten, sleep well!"

Gohan lay in the bed as Goku shut off the lights and realized that Goten was going to need therapy later in life.


	75. Produce!

"Produce," Majin Buu said, standing on the lookout, glaring down at the ones who had come out to stop him. "Produce!"

"Produce what?" Yhamcha asked.

"Ask him!" Krillian said.

"What? No, you ask him!"

"You're the one who wants to know!"

"Produce!" Majin Buu yelled, his fury causing his ki to raise.

"Alright!" Piccolo said, "Here!"

Suddenly the Namek manifested a ton of fruits and vegetables at the foot of the Majin, and the pink blob grinned.

"Ahhhh, produce. Also known as fruits and vegetables. Thank you, know I can go back in that ball and never do mischief again." He picked up his fruits and vegetables and left.

Piccolo stood there with one hand covering his eyes, "This saga is so stupid."

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Did any one else think Majin Buu really wanted fruits and vegetables for a second when he said that? I fell victim to the double meaning in the words.


	76. Gohan's Birthday

Gohan went down the stairs with a smile on his face, for only one reason. It was his birthday.

_It hasn't been too bad a year, aside from Buu. Videl and I are closer then ever, dad's back, and even Vegeta seems to have warmed up. Of course, his warming up still puts him at sub zero._

"Good morning Gohan!" His family, all up already, chimed in, "Happy Birthday!"

"Thanks guys!" He said, and went around giving hugs. He was a little surprised to see Videl there, "When did you get here?"

"Early, I wanted to make sure I got here before you woke up, but I ended up stopping for breakfast because I could hear you snoring all the way in Satan City."

"Har har," He muttered, and sat down at the breakfast table.

"Presents before food!" Goku yelled, and handed him a present, "This is from Goten!"

Gohan smiled as he opened the small box and looked at the object inside, "Uh… Thanks bro… How did you know?"

"No problem!" Goten beamed.

Videl leaned over to Gohan, "What is it?" she whispered.

"I have no idea," he whispered back, "Just be thankful it wasn't once alive."

"This is from me," Chichi said, handing him a large box.

Gohan opened it to find a learning center that could be worn on the back, "Thanks mom," he said with more enthusiasm then he felt.

"Now you can study while you fly!"

_I'm surprised she isn't making me study while I train!_

"This is from me," Videl said.

"A cell phone?"

"Yes, _so next time you die you can let me know you're not really dead_!"

Gohan backed away from the enraged woman and looked to his dad for help. He just grinned and shrugged.

"You can't win son," he said and handed him his own gift.

Gohan opened it and read the title of the book, "How to catch a Potara earring that is thrown to you by your father who is about to be killed by Buu, in under thirty days," he said, completely deadpan, "I don't know what to say."

"You'd better say something!" Goku said, "Do you know how long it took me to find a book with that title?"

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Hey guy's, I'm back! (At least untill I don't write anymore) I've got a few more in the works, (Some that are already finished) so stay tuned for some more.

Also, I've been off the site for a while and need to catch up. Does anyone know of some good Gohan/Videl romance stories? (Also any other good stories out there.) I'll see you again soon!


	77. Goku Vs Cell!

Goku stood in the middle of the ring facing off against Cell. The fight had just gone into full swing and both fighters had brought their power to the maximum. The Earth vibrated with the energy being unleashed on its surface, the whole galaxy turned to face the blue orb; everyone held his or her breath.

"What a stupid introduction to a humor story," Vegeta said; making sure his face was mean looking.

Cell attacked, almost pushing Goku out of the ring, then the two took to the air where Cell stopped fighting.

"You almost fell out of the ring!" He said, "If you had, I would have been declared the winner of our little match. Yadda, yadda, yadda. You might want to tell your friends to move."

"Hey!" Goku yelled, turning towards the other fighters, "Everyone except Hercule! Get away from the ring!"

Cell blew the ring up, killing Hercule in the process. Then the two landed, and Cell spoke. "Is this any better? I've always wanted to go for the more natural look. Maybe a Jade Rug or two wouldn't hurt."

"You're gay, right?" Goku asked.

"No!"

"Yes you are!" Trunks yelled, "I saw you in a gay bar when I was with Frieza and King Cold!"

"And why were you in that gay bar?" Cell yelled back.

Trunks was silent for a moment, "I withdraw my objections!"

"So the whole world can be our ring?" Goku asked.

"Yes. The winner will be decided by dieing or giving up." Cell said.

They both assumed fighting stances, and were about to go back at it when suddenly a ring broke the silence. Cell reached behind him and pulled out a phone.

"Yes? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It's kind of yellow hair that stands up on end. Thirty-four? Okay. Overnight delivery? Cool. See ya." Cell hung up and looked at all the people staring at him, "What! I'm Cell! It would make sense that I have a _cell _phone!"

"That was the lamest pun ever," Piccolo muttered.

Goku and Cell went back at it. Goku jumped back and held his hands behind him, charging up his world famous attack.

"Kamehameha!"

Cell held a hand out in front of him and flicked the beam away with his pinky, then placed two fingers to his forehead.

"Special beam cannon!"

Goku tilted his head and blocked the beam with a lock of his hair, then held both hands over his head.

"Spirit Bomb!"

Cell moved his head and then blocked the bomb with an eyelash.

"Mesenko-ha!"

Goku suddenly stopped, looking around on his body for something weaker then an eyelash.

"Ummmm…" then he burped, sending the blast flying.

Cell snapped his fingers. "I can't really beat that. Okay, you get to pumble me without retaliation for the next half hour."

"Sweet!" Goku said and started to beat the green guy. After about five minutes, Goku slowed down.

"What is it?" Cell asked.

"I need to…uh…I need to go to the bathroom."

"Yes, the memories I downloaded from you said you would need to at this time. Alright, take a quick break."

"Woo-hoo!" Goku dropped to the ground and hid behind a stomach high rock. As the steam rose, his face grew relieved.

Piccolo stood in disbelief. "I guess I never really thought about having a three hour fight without a bathroom break would be tough. What about being thirsty and stuff?"

"I don't need water!" Vegeta yelled, "I am a Saiyan! I can go ten years without taking a sip!"

"I'll give you ten bucks if you do," Piccolo said.

"You're on!"

Cell landed beside Goku and there was a zipping noise, and a second column of steam joined the first. Cell grinned at Goku, "When nature calls you must answer."

Goku grinned and finished his business, then looked down at Cells hip region.

"Mine's bigger."

Cell looked up. This was a challenge he couldn't refuse. "Trunks! Get over here!" The teen walked up. "You're the judge."

"Ummm," he said, comparing the two, "Sorry Goku, He wins."

"Yes!" Cell said, "I _am_ perfect!"

"Why did I have to judge?" Trunks muttered he walked away.

Cell turned and punched Goku to the other side of the planet, then flew after the super duper Saiyan.

Goku landing on the ground and looked up just in time to see Cell barreling down on him. Evading at the last second, he jumped over a fence and suddenly found himself in the middle of a fair. He dodged around the grounds and looked back to see the green monster hot on his tail.

Goku turned to face forward again, and almost rammed into a man in front of him. Grabbing hold of a bar, he was about to jump it when a voice broke over the amplifier, "No jumping the railing!"

Goku turned back, looking at the man, and turned around to run out of the queue line, but found a large man behind him. He was trapped!

Cell caught up with Goku and found the Saiyan hiding in a line for a ride. _Stupid Saiyan, _he thought, _he thinks he's well hidden, but that hair gives him away!_

Cell marched up to the back of the line and grabbed the first person he came to and threw him aside, making his way towards Goku.

"Hey!" the kid on the microphone said, "Cut that out! You will wait your turn! Or you won't be able to ride the ride!"

Cell, slightly embarrassed at having been yelled at, shrunk back and waited in line.

Goku turned around and stuck out his tongue at the green being and Cell retaliated by throwing a small energy blast.

"Hey!" the voice said again, "No energy attacks in my line! That'stwo strikes! One more and I'm kicking you out of the park!"

Once more, Goku turned and stuck his tongue out, and Cell gritted his teeth together. Having a brilliant idea, the monster waited until the man running the ride turned away and then shot a spit ball at Goku's neck.

Goku turned around to glare at Cell, but the being was glancing away and trying his best to look innocent. Goku turned back around and scribbled something on a piece of paper, then handed it to the man behind him.

"Pass it down to the green guy," he said, and the paper was passed down until it got to Cell.

Cell opened it to find a picture drawn of a crude Cell kissing Vegeta, while another picture of Goku walked away, holding a girl with the caption, 'your momma' over her.

Cell was seething mad when they finally got to the front of the line, and the boy let them in. Goku immediately ran and grabbed a red bumper car, just beating Cell to it, which then decided to grab a black one. Then, the battle that would go down in history as the famous bumper car war started.

Cell rammed Goku at a stunning three miles per hour and forced Goku into a boy who began to cry. Cell backed up for another shot, but Goku moved back just in time and the green being rammed into a railing. Goku pushed back and Cells bumper car hit a girl's car, which was immediately stuck between two parked cars, and she started to cry for help.

A boy was about to jump the railing and help her, when the microphone kid grabbed him and pulled him back. "You can't go in there! It's to dangerous!"

"I'm not going to just sit around and watch her die!"

"Nooo!" The microphone kid yelled, as he was forced to watch his friend get trampled by the slow moving rubber cars. "He didn't stand a chance!"

"It's too much!" Someone yelled, "the humanity!"

Goku pounded Cell and was immediately shoved back by the green beings car. And then Goku was stuck. Cell had managed to push him into a wall and pin him in place, and now there was no hope!

Cell grinned, an evil grin, as he gunned the gas to keep the Saiyan in place. Try as he might, Goku couldn't budge, he was really done for! The he had an idea.

"Bumper Car, Kaioken!" The bumper car suddenly glowed red, and pushed back Cells car with the force of one of those shopping wheel chairs you find in super markets.

"No!" Cell yelled, and tried to make his own car more powerful, without any luck. "I am perfect! I will not lose!"

People ran screaming from the fair, the power of this ridiculous battle making them flee the scene in terror. One man, finally reaching a safe spot, turned to another man. "You saved my ass back there," he said.

"I did it only because I couldn't save my wife." He grunted, "Damn you!" he yelled, shaking his fist at the bumper cars.

Goku and Cell continued the showdown, each pressing the gas for all their might, and then suddenly, the cheesy music stopped, and the cars stopped moving. The timer on the ride had ended, and they needed to get off so others could ride.

The walked out the exit and shuffled their feet.

"Well," Goku said.

"Yea," Cell said, both looking at their shoes.

"That was kind of stupid," Goku said.

"Uh, yea, yea. I think we kind of blew that out of proportion."

"Yea." They stood in silence. "So, should we get back to the match?"

"I guess."

"Or we could try the water cannons!"

"Yea!" Cell yelled, and they both ran off to the next game.

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"What the H.F.I.L!" Gohan yelled, "They're at a fair?"

Piccolo suddenly came out of nowhere and smacked Gohan in the back of the head.

"Hell! The word is hell! FUNamation only made up that stupid thing to keep swears from entering the show! So never, ever use it! They just removed the bottom part of the 'E' and the first 'L' from the ogre's shirts! The damn word in Hell! If I hear one more little shit head say H.F.I.L, I'm going to ripe their head off!" Piccolo yelled.

Gohan silently shrank back, "What the hell's your problem?"

"Thank you!" Piccolo said, breathing hard from his out burst.

"It's okay," Tien said to Piccolo, "Take a deep breath. Been holding that one in for a while, huh?"

"You have no idea." Piccolo muttered.

"I've had enough!" Vegeta yelled, watching Goku and Cell shoot each other with water guns. He began to charge up, his arms and legs spread apart as he began his famous attack. Smashing his hands in front of him, he continued to charge as the beam began to take shape.

"Fiiiiiinnnnnnnnaaaaaalllllllll Flush! I mean flash! Dammit!"

The beam shot out and stopped underneath Cell, who looked down and realized he was under attack.

The beam began to flatten out into a large disc, and then it began to swirl, looking for all the world like a huge toilet had just been flushed. Cell, with a final scream of dismay, was sucked into the whirlpool and never seen again.

"I did it! I did it!" Vegeta yelled, "I finally beat-" Suddenly he was smacked in the face with a shot of water.

He whipped of his face and saw Goku pointing a dripping water gun in his direction. "What?" The Earth grown Saiyan asked, "I still had some water left, and I didn't want to waste it!"

"I'm going to kill you!" Vegeta yelled, and was about to charge the taller Saiyan, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Piccolo smiling and holding out a hand. "What do you want?" The Saiyan prince asked.

"I believe some of that water entered your mouth."

"Dammit!" Vegeta yelled, and handed Piccolo ten bucks, "Never bet against a Namek!"

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Oh, man. Like I've said, I don't laugh much as I write these, but that bumper car scene... Man. Hey! Two years anniversery for the 'DBZ Short Stories!' Yeah! (No one even got me a cake though!)

This was one I've been wanting to finish for a while, and I just thought of two more I want to do, so I'll be back with a new one next week! I'm shooting for one hundred stories! Yeah!


	78. Android point five, the terrible

Goku landed at the sight nine miles south west of south city and stood waiting. His bare chest glistened in the light; his body was ripped, his muscles bulging. _Oh yea, I look good._

An hour passed, and no androids showed up. Growing impatient, he started to pace, and when he turned around, he noticed a huge sign had been erected in the city. He could read it from here, it said, "Haha! I can't believe you idiots fell for that! Androids! Really! Yea, I'm from the future, right! I hope you morons had fun these last three years! Sighed, Mirai Trunks."

Goku's jaw dropped to the ground. _What the hell?_

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Goku woke up, seeing that he still had three hours left till the morning he was supposed to fight the androids. _Man, what a dream! I've got to stop eating my own cooking!_

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Goku, Gohan and Piccolo flew low over the ground, heading to the soon to be famous spot where they would fight the androids.

Suddenly, Piccolo rammed into a singing guy in white a girl in blue, who were on a flying carpet.

"Ow!" Aladdin said, "This whole new world sucks!"

"Moving on," Piccolo said, growing tired of the random crap I enter in my stories.

They all landed at the meeting sight, with Yhamcha, Tien, Choatzu, Krillian, Bulma and Yagirobe, and waited for the end of the world to come.

Goku stood beside Piccolo and the two conversed about the upcoming events.

"What do you think they'll be like?" Goku asked.

"Tall, purple, with horns and ski masks." Piccolo said.

"Oh, cool! Even if they aren't like that, we totally need a villain like that to fight next!"

"We may not-"

"EeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Suddenly, out of nowhere, a conductor for a marching band came out of nowhere and tackled Piccolo to the ground.

Pinning the Nameks arms behind him, the conductor quickly turned around and yelled, "I've got him! Quickly, before he escapes! I can't hold him for long!"

With everyone looking on, the Thousand Mile Marching band tromped around the corner, playing as loudly as possible "You're a grand old flag."

"No! NO!" Piccolo yelled, struggling against the conductors grip.

"Why are they playing that song?" Gohan asked no one in particular, "It's American, and we're Japanese!"

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Vegeta, hidden from the others behind a rock, was practicing how he would make his entrance into the fight.

"_No_body kills Kakarot… No, no. Nobody kills Kakarot while _I'm…_ No… Nobody _kills_… Hmm."

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The marching band continued to play, when the city behind them blew up.

"We're omega!" The conductor yelled, "Until next time!" He yelled at Piccolo, and then they all ran away, the tempo of the song matching their running feet.

"What the hell was that about?" Goku asked.

"Just Brad making my life miserable…" Piccolo muttered as he got up.

They all took off into the city, following the sounds of screaming. A huge blast caught their attention and they landed to confront their foe, which turned out to be a pair of legs.

"Who are you?" Yhamcha asked.

"I am android .5!" The robot, somehow without a mouth, said.

".5?" Goku asked.

"Yea, I was supposed to be the legs of android 1, but he didn't want me because I looked, 'too fat'. As if! So since I'm only half an android, I'm android .5! Fear me!"

"So, you're just a pair of legs."

"Yea, I wasn't really thought out very well."

The android suddenly attacked by kicking Goku in the shin. "Haha! How do you like that?"

Goku, rubbing his shin, said, "As a villain, I think you suck."

"So what lame way do we defeat him this time, Brad?" Piccolo asked the sky.

I've got it all figured out! I said, Didn't you read the weather report?

"Yea, partly cloudy with a chance of rain," Piccolo replied.

The rain started at that very instant, and the android seemed to suddenly have a hard time moving.

"Oil! Oil! Oiiiiill…" he stopped.

"So our enemy rusted to death?" Goku asked.

He _is_ an android! I said.

"That really is lame…"

Vegeta burst out of the building next to them. Sticking his hands on his hips and pushing out his chest, he bellowed, "Nobody kills Kakarot while I'm around, Detroit has reserved that pleasure for me!" He stopped. "Destiny! I meant to say destiny!"

"He's already dead." Goku said, drooping.

"Crap!"

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I have had the idea for android .5 for years, but just now desided to write about him. Also, that whole thing with Aladdin was writen on a post it note on my desk for the last two years. I really need to start using idea's when I come up with them!

Man, chapter 100 is coming up sometimes soon! The pressure is building!

Let me know what you guys think of the stories! I love to hear the feed back you guys give!


	79. Real Names

As Vegeta walked out of the Gravity Chamber, he felt the familiar ki's of the Sons, and he headed towards the kitchen where they were.

"Hey Vegeta!" Goku called out from where he sat at the kitchen table.

"Hey Goku," Vegeta responded.

The world stopped in its tracks. Everyone in the universe collectively gasped and turned towards the Capsule Corp. building. _Had Vegeta just used Goku's Earth name?_

"Hello Chichi," The Saiyan Prince continued, "Good morning Gohan, Goten. How are you Bulma? What's up Trunks?"

This was too much. Vegeta was using the names of everyone, and was being polite! What strange power could cause this? Some could not handle the stress, and Chichi fainted dead away.

Vegeta walked back out of the kitchen, paused in the hallway, and then peaked back around the corner at the mayhem he had caused. _That aught to cause them a few years of psychiatric help. Take that!_

Justifiably satisfied that he had done some major brain damage to the ones that annoyed him, he walked back to the Gravity Chamber.

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Credit for this one goes to Kedo! He reveiwed and made the suggestion, and I figured it would be a good one for a quick story! Congrats Kedo! Have a cyber candy. (I have no idea what those are, but I've seen people use them, so I've given one out.) And if you didn't notice, this is a DOUBLE UPDATE! Holy crap! At least they're quick!


	80. Who's cooking?

Bulma sat next to her husband, flipping through the channels and looking for anything that would be suitable to watch. Goku was lounged on a recliner next to the couple, and was also watching with a bored air. A cooking show came on, and Bulma perked up a bit.

"Just what I need! I need to get some new recipes under my belt, and I know you guys wouldn't pass up a chance to see some really god food!" she said.

"You bet!" Goku exclaimed and leaned forward.

Vegeta on the other hand, looked at the screen with suspicion. _Why does that set look so familiar?_

Bulma turned up the volume, and then Vegeta recognized precisely what set that was.

"Turn it off!" He yelled, and lunged for the remote, but he was too late.

On the TV screen, Vegeta walked on stage, pulled out a large pot, and put on a chefs hat.

"Welcome to cooking for Saiyans. In today's episode, we'll cook a delightful elephant for an appetizer, and then sauté a blue whale for the main course. And for those of you who are going to tell me I can't cook them because they're endangered, don't even try, because I've vaporized any government figures who'll try to stop me. We're also going to work on a wonderful centerpiece for the table. Now, let's move over to the warehouse sized oven to get started."

A tall Saiyan and a blue haired scientist turned slowly and stared at Vegeta, who was trying to sink into the couch cushions.

"Those bastards said they wouldn't air the show in this area," he muttered.

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This was already in another story as a flashback (A story not yet finished) but I figured it would be a good quick one. I've been looking through some of my old stories, and I think it might be time for me to go back and clean them up some, you know, grammer wise. Like in 'Infinity plus one' the punch line was ruined because ff dot net won't let you write in a plus sign symbol. Plus I simply have bad grammer. So if you notice some spelling mistakes, please let me know! See ya!


	81. My computer is dead

I am so sorry everyone, but my computer has died on me, and it may be a few months until I can get it working again. Obviously I won't be updating any time soon, but I can still get my e-mail, so please don't stop sending my reviews or suggestions! I'll be back online as soon as humanly possible, so I'll see you soon!


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